Traumatized after MRI and at rock bottom, cannot cope another minute

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Hi all,

I have suffered with anxiety and depression for about 3 years now, I wont bore everyone with my full story but recently I have been really really bad, anxiety sky high and probably the most depressed I have ever been. Through all this I have had a really strange pressure and detached dizzy feeling in my head, i went to see a neurologist who said he is pretty much sure its nothing sinister but agreed to give me an MRI anyway as I had had CT scan before which was clear but I still had the symptoms. Anyway I had the MRI yesterday and I literally could not have felt worse since. I am literally traumatized by the experience, being stuck in a tube with a cage around my head and being unable to move. I actually cannot get the feelings and visualization of being stuck in there out of my head. I still feel claustrophobic and trapped even though I am out of the machine now. Its as though my mind is still in there. My main fears have always been around being trapped and death and I had some experiences when I was younger that may have triggered this. Since this MRI it seems to have kicked every fear I have into overdrive. Its like all my previous traumas have now been bought up to the surface.

I am at my lowest ever. I could not stop thinking about being in this machine and was the closest I have ever been to killing myself today even though that is another fear of mine, I feel that bad that I have no other option.

I do not know what to do, I really feel I am on my last legs and this has pushed me over an edge I cannot recover from.

I don't even know why im posting because I feel like nothing and knowone can help but I guess im just trying anything and trying to keep distracted. Doctors cannot suggest anything that helps. I see a psychologist who lets me offload but I feel I get nowhere.

I am traumatized and my mind is convinced it is trapped, I cannot rationalise or get any moment of relief or take these thoughts out of my head and I cannot take this pain anymore.

[Percy99pollen]

Sounds like you have hit rock bottom. Are you taking any medication to help you through this as this may help you right now. You need to seek professional help to ease these feelings you are having. Suicude is not an option and please tell yourself this. Get yourself to an emergency department and they will arrange a psych to speak to you. You don't need to be alone now, there is help.

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Thanks Percey99pollen,

I ended up with the Crisis team and am now under the home treatment team. On sleeping tabs and tranquillisers/benzos at the moment to try and get me through. The Benzos dont even seem to really do anything, they make my body feel heavy and week and make me slightly drowsy but they really dont affect what's going on in my head. My issue isnt like panic attacks or heart racing etc. Its more a non stop/doom, fear, depression feeling and I feel trapped with no positivity of ever feeling better.

The MRI has bought up all my previous traumas and fears and put me in this non stop state of trapped doom depression and anx.

The sleeping tabs helped get me some sleep atleast last night which helped a bit and is a start.

I just don't know how to deal with these traumatic memories and fears to help me feel better. They need to be released and my therapist agrees, its just how to do it, which is a struggle. I know all we hear about anxiety is distract yourself, use coping techniques and CBT etc, but that only works short term and doesnt solve the underlying issue. It just pushes the problems further down into the subconscious. I wish I could even just use those techniques for the mean time but i cant distract myself from this feeling that is right there hanging over me, the feelings just do not shift, I accept them or distract, or sleep or anyting they are still there.

Just have to keep trying get through each hour but theres no hope to hold onto.

Anyone here have an experience with dealing with or releasing emotional/subconcious trauma? How did you manage it.

---------- Post added at 22:58 ---------- Previous post was at 19:55 ----------

I know knowone can really give me any answers but this site used to be a good place to find some support. Really doesnt seen that way anymore.

[Carnation]

I can relate to this Big-time. That's also why I have refused to have one several times. Just the thought of it sends my brain in to overdrive.
I think you were very brave to have gone through with it and obviously you are stronger than you think you are.
I have however, been in situations where it has traumatised me and haunted me day and night.
As for help and distraction.
Time is obviously the main healer.
But, I also find Meditation, keeping very, very busy and talking your feelings out in the open helps me.
My suggestion would be to come on here and chat to others that can understand how you feel and that you are not alone and you will not always feel this way.
Never feel alone or give up. There's always someone here to talk to.