Does anyone else make plans all the time...

[Munki]

It's this habit I have, this feeling of needing to connect with people all the time.

I've started making a lot more social plans for my hubby and I and he gets so annoyed, he just wants him and I to do lovely things together. The likes of Facebook makes me feel like I need a big social circle even though I don't love going out very often. it's fun now and again, but I'm finding I'm making too many arrangements and cancelling as I realise it's either too expensive or just something we don't want to do.

Then I have the guilt of cancelling...For example, my best friend (old best friend) lives a charmed life down South. She is extremely materialistic, doesn't believe in depression etc. Basically, the opposite of me in every way, more so since she gpt married. She's become very hardened. Anyway, she pushes for plans and, consequently, I've cancelled 5 times. I feel terrible about it though all of the reasons were actually 100% genuine (work, illness etc) and shes okay. But why do I make these plans when I clearly have nothing in common with her anymore..

Anyway, we're due to go to see friends an hour away this Sat and hubby is dreading it, mainly due to working stupid long hours. I'm going to cancel as we've done loads for these guys and never cancelled before.

I need to stop doing this, making arrangements. Why the hell do I do it?

It makes me so miserable but I don't want to end up friendless...

[ricardo]

I find this a rather strange post,and please do not be offended.

it is always difficult for both parties in a long term relationship to find a true balance.

Us anxiety/depressive people can be a real strain on our relationship with our partners and they need their own space as well as caring for us.

I personally find that to pre plan things can have pros and cons, but having a limited amount of company (in numbers) can be very therapautic.

You appear to have a number of friends and if they are real friends, materialistic things shouldn't be an obstacle.

As I said earlier think of the whole situation including your husband's position and talk things through.

I don't really think you have an anxiety issue it is more depression, but I maybe totally wrong.

[Munki]

Not at all offended. However, I don't see how it's strange?

Hubby and I talk openly about these things. I am 'arranger' and he asks me to lay off the arranging a bit. We've both lived and partied hard. We had a lovely balance previously but since last Summer I've suddenly had a burst of making lots of plans. He misses the 'us' time.

I just get confused and lost as to how we (generic) should love our lives. Facebook doesn't help, telling us to be more popular.

Why do you say depressed?

[ricardo]

Sorry

You mentioned that your best friend" doesn't believe in depression, the opposite of me"
so I made an assumption.

I am in the minority with regards to Facebook as I can't believe some of the photos mature people put up which are absolutely no interest to anyone, like a photo of their lunch :)
However Facebook is so vast I am sure it has many good points, but this thread is about you.

I will stand back and let others reply xx

[sial72]

It's funny about Facebook. It always seems as if people are permanently having a fantastic time...socializing...travelling...
I have a friend who posts everything on Facebook, if she take a picture of when she farts she would post it ;-)
Anyway, one day whe went for a day out that was ok, but looking at her pics you would think it was amazing.
She is not the happiest or most popular person in the world but from her Facebook you would think she was, so...

[ricardo]

It's funny about Facebook. It always seems as if people are permanently having a fantastic time...socializing...travelling...
I have a friend who posts everything on Facebook, if she take a picture of when she farts she would post it ;-)
Anyway, one day whe went for a day out that was ok, but looking at her pics you would think it was amazing.
She is not the happiest or most popular person in the world but from her Facebook you would think she was, so...


Couldn't agree more. I know plenty of so called responsible people who post with photo, what they have for lunch nearly every day and make sure they tell their friends by again showing photos of all their wonderful holidays.I would call it an addiction.

Facebook does have a serious side the more you delve into it.

[stay_gold]

Facebook is a mess. I feel like it is making our society apathetic and that is just said. Why do you care so much?

I don't think you have a hugely bad problem there, I think you just wanna feel 'normal' and hey; we all do. Or maybe connect to the 'old' you before any of this anxiety/depression stuff happened, which again is something that we all do.