From normal to anxiety

[Ollie28]

Can anyone remember if they felt the transition from feeling before they come in to the illness of anxiety? From feeling normal to how they feel daily now,

Was there a trigger or any sudden noticeable changes?


I'm still trying to understand if what happened to me was normal for "anxiety" sufferers or if I suffered something that no one can relate to.

The moment I started suffering with my problems I physically felt it happen and I felt the change - for me I was fine one second going about my business one evening then as quick as you can click your fingers my body trembled I felt a click on my head and my perception instantly changed it was as if the room and surrounding things stepped back as if I couldn't take it in like I was on the wrong side of my own self and mind - I've been stuck like this 24/7 nearly 2 years as a lot of you may of seen my desperate posts for help as I'm constantly suffering severe head and nerve pains and as its left me I'm chronically suffering from awarness connection and cognitive disfunction.
I've now had to leave my career as a gas enginneer and we've lost our home - I'm suffering from severe mental fatigue and anything and everything courses head tending crushing burning pains.
The pressure is that intense I can open my jaw to crackle my ears it sounds like broken glass grinding together.

Anyways hope your all doing better than I am abd just wondered if anyone can relate to how my body changed and what I experienced the night my life changed.

Thanks xx

[MyNameIsTerry]

When mine happened I felt it like a switch clicking in my head. I was rushing to work as normal and under the usual stress that I had coped with for many years. I sat at my desk and all of a sudden everything seemed loud yet I couldn't make out what people were saying, then I started to feel sick and legged it to the toilets.

I tried to re-enter the main office, got back to my desk and it started again. Then I couldn't get back in the main office and within another hour I was struggling to get back into the building.

Thats where it all started for me. It did deteriorate a lot and things got worse, new symptoms appeared, etc over the next 6 months. More things changed later as my thinking became more obsessive & negative.

I thought it all happened to me on that day. But...once I learned more about all of this I started to look at how things were going in the year up to this day. This showed me that there were warning signs that I had missed e.g. insomnia on my 2 week holiday months before, being sick after drinking my normal volumes when I got home once and then being sick again in the morning before work on the day it happened. I was under a ton of pressure working 2 major projects side-by-side when I should have been on one of them only because both needed 100% of my time and I was getting buried under it all. I had also started to work more at home and my social side was suffering for it. I was starting to feel worse physically too and had neglected exercise.

Basically, burnout.

So, can you look at the time leading up to this and identify any possible building pressures? It can be subtle and we think we are managing as normal, but maybe we are not?

[Poppy Girl]

Yep I can also pinpoint the time when my anxiety started. I had had a routine and very straightforward op to remove my gallbladder, had had 4 weeks off work, a nice relaxing Christmas and was looking forward to getting back to normal when suddenly this little voice in my head said "Hold on, you had gallstones that you didn't know about, what if something else is wrong inside you like a tumour growing?" That was the exact minute the anxiety was switched on. I physically felt the changes immediately - heart started racing, hands shaking, stomach and chest pains. It didn't get gradually worse it just hit me straight away all in one go.
Like Terry, I thought it had come on out of nowhere but looking back now I can see that it was a build up of stress over the previous couple of years - suffering with the gallstones, living on edge all the time as I never knew when the pain was going to strike, stress at work, studying and taking exams for work as well and family issues in the background. As my doctor and Terry have both said since - mental overload. My doctor gave me a great analogy. She said the mind is like a bucket filling with steadily dripping water. It's slow to fill but eventually it will overflow and it's the same with your mind - it can only take so much before it just can't take any more and the result is anxiety or depression.
I think the thing now is for you to try not to look back and focus too much on how and why you have the anxiety but look to the future and focus on recovery because no matter how bad you feel you CAN get better.
I did have counselling and CBT, I'm currently still on medication (Venlafaxine ) and will be for the forseeable future. However, what really helped me was the book At Last A Life by Paul David who suffered from anxiety himself for a long time. I found the fact that the book was written by someone who had actually experienced what anxiety really feels like much easier to relate to than books by doctors.
Of course, what works for one person may not work for someone else and this is just my experience but who knows? Don't give up - recovery may be closer than you think. Be patient with and nice to yourself. You deserve it. :hugs:

[Sunflower2]

Like Terry, I had warning signs but I remember my first panic attack which still terrifies me today. I was studying architecture and was stressed out every day. I couldn't sleep well, I was scared all the time, I couldn't eat properly and my boyfriend was living abroad. I became obsessed with little things and my friends thought I had become weird and withdrawn.

Then, I failed my architecture degree. I drove on a dual carriageway at that weekend and got hot, panicky and thought I was going to be sick on the dual carriageway that I couldn't get off of soon enough. That was over 2 years ago now.

And from that day onwards anxiety has pretty much ruled my life. (I did pass that degree, get another degree since and have a full time job.. Boyfriend came home, I force myself out driving and have had a LOT of therapy) So just because you have anxiety, it does not have to dictate your life. It makes you feel alone and like utter rubbish, like your body is no longer acting normally at all, and it makes no sense. But keep doing the things you used to enjoy even if you don't, because one day you will again.

Take each day as it comes, I find if I plan too far in advance I panic and feel guilty about not feeling able to do anything I want or need to do. I wish I could believe I could be cured for good but it's more realistic to learn to manage it so it no longer affects your life to such a great extent. That's my goal anyway.

[Davit]

Ditto

[Ollie28]

My life has always been one big rush especially the last 5 years as I changed employer started working further afield and taking on harder more physically demanding work - my routine daily would be dropy little girl off at school 8.45, be worrying about getting up to work before hand and how much work I had to get trough that day. As soon as I let go of her hand and seen her in to her class room I would be pacing back to my work can drive 30 - 60 miles sat in traffic, get to work then basically physically do a 2 man job (installing stone fireplaces and has fires) on my own twice a day in two different properties then drive back home later on. I can remember many of times getting home and being so mentally and physically drained I would just shower and go straight to bed I was that emotionally drained. Some nights my body would be burning and my hands would be full of blisters I was that physically hurting and drained! I kept doing like this for 5 years solid. I just didn't want to be out of a job. I can think back and see times when ild experience strong bodily sensations, episodes of strange behaviour and things at the time I just didn't really pay attention too or know what they was.
For example one evening on my wife's bday I booked us a table at the busy Chinese, we sat down and I started to suddenly feel intense feelings of fear cold over me I just couldn't relax I felt like everyone was watching me I started swetting but the sensation I felt I had never felt before I had to rush to the toilet and looked in the mirror telling myself I'm ok - I also noticed on social events I just couldn't relax I felt shaky ild swet I started to feel uncomfortable in people's company it was only when I was on my own would I relax. I started just rather staying in of a weekend ordering take away as a comfort. I know I mentally and physically was over working my body in work I just didn't even have the thought about the psychological impact it was having on my body I just kept going. I was becoming miserable, quiet, tired, I can remember leaving the home most mornings with a belly full of butterfly's it was uncontrollable and I can remember asking myself why am I so worried all the time and ild go through everything happening in my life but never come up with a answer now I know it was just fear of nothing. I use to rush around in work I never took my time or stopped for lunch basically because I didn't get time to
I had so much work to get through on my own ild be anxious and worried all day everyday rushing around like a idiot! My employer knew aswell how hard they was pushing me I had words a couple of times but the pressure and work kept coming! So I was already on my way.......

Last year my wife decided she no longer wanted to be with me - 16 years together, married for 6, baby boy at the time and a little 7 year old girl, a month until Christmas, 5* holiday booked and paid for for the following may and I just couldn't deal with it!!!!! My family are my security my life I couldn't mentally or emotionally deal with it, then I find out someone else was involved I had been lied too - I went off the rails big time I was a mental emotional mess!! Battered the boxing twice a day I had so much anger and frustration and emotion in me.
I was like a bull in a china shop! - my wife had me like a yoyo and because of my state I let her but I was just a mess running around full of cortisol and adrenaline and still going to work every day through this.
After 3-4 months solid of hell we finally got back together, I was happy I slowed down at the gym my body I'm guessing started to calm back then BANG that happeded to me above! I've been suffering since. My boy is now nearly 3 I feel like I don't know him because I can't take anything in. My little girl is asking where has her dad gone and my wife is trying to help get me back to some form of normality but it's not happening I'm just stuck broken.

I've lost a lot of my cognition and feelings, I feel about 30% the person I use to be most days. Once was a outgoing person. Pretty intelligent, fit all my life and a hard working proud honest dad - everything I've ever done was always in the interest of my family. Everday I try to keep some pride but it feels like I'm running underwater and getting no where. Everday I just feel like I'm stuck

---------- Post added at 17:11 ---------- Previous post was at 16:50 ----------

The pains are terrible - I have nerve pains all through my body in to my head, breathing problems, head pains like I've never experienced and chronically feeling detatched and not able to connect or take anything in. My heads chronically tense and being crushed. The hardest part is my cognition - I can deal with pain I just want my cognition back and my body and perception to feel like I have all my life - I wake ever morning and all day feeling like I have no mind power or awarness and very minimal cognition. It's so so so frustrating I've lost my life and everything I planned for our future I can't do anything in this state even a trip to the local park is a painful disaster. I get back and not feel aware where I've just been unless someone asks me - as if my concious mind isn't connected to my sub concious - I just feel flat and tense and gone

[jake1234]

I thought it all happened to me on that day. But...once I learned more about all of this I started to look at how things were going in the year up to this day. This showed me that there were warning signs that I had missed e.g. insomnia on my 2 week holiday months before, being sick after drinking my normal volumes when I got home once and then being sick again in the morning before work on the day it happened. I was under a ton of pressure working 2 major projects side-by-side when I should have been on one of them only because both needed 100% of my time and I was getting buried under it all. I had also started to work more at home and my social side was suffering for it. I was starting to feel worse physically too and had neglected exercise.

Basically, burnout.


Same here. I thought it was one day, but going through therapy made me realize it was a very slow buildup.

1. Job was incredibly stressful - averaging 50 hours a week.
2. Home finances were (and still are) a disaster. I was working 50 hours just to make ends meet, there was no play money. I was FORCED to work OT due to needing the $$$. Don't get me wrong, work loved that I would work extra, but still....anything less than 50 hours and we were in trouble.
3. Home life was becoming bad. Non stop issues between the wife and I were causing a lot of rift - after nearly 30 years together, there was the possibility of a split. Also, an adult child had to move back home.

I started having the occasional PA or GAD, and I had always worked thru it before with either a benzo or some journaling. However, the PA's were more frequent and the GAD started lingering - then depression - then the holidays - it got pretty bad, so I finally started therapy and have been in it ever since. It took me probably YEARS to get to that point, so my brain will need time to heal thru therapy and relaxation.

1. Cut down my workload - which helps, but doesn't help with the $$$, however,
2. Worked out a new budget that allows me to only work 40 hours now, so I have more free time at home to do fun stuff
3. Constant communication with the wife, discussing our relationship at length and becoming closer.

I'm still a work in progress, but I think in the long run I'll be ok.