Any one share some light?

[stonecannkn]

here goes for the last 5 months i have been on what feels like a mentle health roller coaster. It all started after extreme worry and what if. i smoked like 2 draws of a canabis joint with friends. the next day thought what if i have made my self go crazy? like i know its very irrational but it was just a thought. After that i started taking panic attacks in work which freaked the hell out me. Anyway i feel like my mind is constantly worrying and searching for relief from this. Like i used to have what felt like urges to just randomly hit a stranger it freaked me out but the thought stuck this made me feel like a bad person as why would i have these thoughts. I feel like im constantly dreading everything as thoughts make me fear things like. i was going to Italy i love travelling but i feared this trip so much that couldnt enjoy it and was scared that i would freak out and be sectioned in a forign country. I always dread going to work as my thoughts in work scare me. i really dont know what to do. i have been to doctor about this and was put on 20mg citlopram but now after 6 weeks it feels like these are not working the only thing they seem to do is stop me from crying or freaking out but the thoughts still bother me. i have loads of what if like one just now is what if im like this for ever or what if this is the start of something more serious or what if me constantly trying to stop or find ways to ease anxiety is just the start of ocd compulsions. I feel suicidal but hopefully i could never kill myself as its always been against my beliefs but i feel so alone dark and diffierent. i feel like i have been pro active in trying to snap out my thinking. i joined gym still try to socialise as much as its difficult and always trying new ways to cope. i suppose my question is has anyone else been through this and came out the other end and how did you do it. I'm currently on a waiting list to see a councillor but my thoughts keep telling me that it wont help. sorry for spelling and long story


thanks

[yungblonde]

I think it's normal for someone with anxiety to feel like this. A lot of the time with my anxiety my irrational thoughts put me off doing certain things. I would and still also experience really irrational, strong anger towards stupidly trivial things. I think you have done the right thing getting a referral for counselling and I hope that you don't have to wait too long to see someone. I didn't want to wait so ended up paying privately but it has definitely helped having someone that you are completely disconnected from day to day to talk to about how you're feeling. They should hopefully give you some good ways to cope with your irrational feelings too.

Hope you start to work through some of these as it really does take over your life. If you need to talk you can always PM me :)