New here need some help on friendship!

[Srha]

Hi everyone

Was wondering if you could help me, this will be pretty long. This past year I have been having a terrible time with extreme anxiety and I have also been feeling depressed. I am on a waiting list at the moment for CBT therapy and I am also taking anti-depressants.

I have this friend who I have been friends with for around 10 years (we are both 19). She insisted that I open up to her about my depression and I thought seeing as we have been friends for so long I felt I could. She sadly didn't understand where I was coming from (I know this is not her fault).

She kind of made fun of my mental health problems. Everytime I would see her she would ask me questions about it kind of taking the mickey. As in ''do you still get those weird thoughts about hurting yourself?'', ''try not to hang yourself'' etc etc comments along these lines, that made me feel uncomfortable, she didn't seem particularly concerned when asking these questions. She also told her Mum and a few other friends about my issues which I wasn't too pleased about.

I distanced myself from her as I am not one for confrontation. I hadn't spoken to her in around 5 months when she text me out of the blue. This is how the conversation went... apart from the normal hello, how are you, what you been doing etc etc this is what annoyed me.

her - I still feel like you're going to hang yourself LOL

Me - That's not very funny is it?

her - LOL

Me - **** off

her - are you alright?

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive or why she has the obsession that I am going to hang myself (I'm not). I just feel like when I speak to her, she kills my vibe. She triggers me and I don't like it. I feel like friends (especially ones who you've known for as long as her) are supposed to lift you up? not bring you down?

Maybe it's my anxiety making me feel this way or maybe I am just particularly over sensitive? please tell me or please help me!

Obviously this friendship is important to me, I only have 1 other friend and I'm just wondering how I confront this situation.

[sial72]

Hi there
If this was my case I would let her now how the things she says make you feel, because sometimes people who have not been through anxiety and depression simply don't understand.
If after letting her know how you are feeling about this she carries on joking about it I would maybe consider she is not such a good friend, don't think it is your fault or that you are being over sensitive. I also agree with you that it is not very nice to tell other people.
Even though at the moment you may only have one other friend, as you get older life will bring you many new friends.
Some will prove to be good and worth looking after and treasuring and others, unfortunately not.
Take care :hugs:

[Pushthatknotaway]

People find it easier to mock than to support. Sounds like she may be concerned but not sure how to voice it and help. It can scare people. This is why I hadn't told any of my friends about my Illness. I agree talk to her and explain and if she can't get it maybe back away all together

[NuttyMummy]

At least she's acknowledging it rather than pretending you don't have those thoughts - for this alone I'd give her a chance.

[Donza7]

I think Anxiety/Depression is so hard to understand, it's not a sympton you are able to see and therefore people find it difficult to understand. Many people just don't understand how you could feel like that.
I think maybe you could explain how her 'Jokes' aren't helping and maybe try and explain a little more. I think it would be a shame to distance yourself from a friend. x

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi and welcome to NMP :welcome:

These disorders are hard to understand unless you've been through them and intrusive thoughts & self harm are difficult issues to get your head around until you read about them to get some understanding of them.

However, I don't think your friends attitude is so much one of stigma as one of a lack of maturity. Mocking your friends due to something which is hurting them is hardly mature or caring. It could be that she doesn't know what to say and mocks to try to talk but I would expect this less from women since they talk about all sorts of things us blokes won't. Even in men this type of mocking could lead to an altercation.

Telling others about such a delicate issue would also suggest a lack of maturity.

Its worth trying first though. Speak to her and why not show her articles about this stuff so that she can try to understand it? Lack of understanding breads stigma so websites like Time To Change can be useful for outsiders of these disorders. Perhaps if she sees how debilitating & disturbing these disorders can be, she might talk to you in a more caring manner.

If not, your choice might be to either put up with it, give it her back or walk away.