Can't let go of mistake

[dancerja]

So I work in a clothing store, and a girl I know from college and her boyfriend came in. I don't know her personally, but I knew her name. The boyfriend had an interesting tattoo of bugs bunny on his neck, and I was obviously taken back by it. I said something to a co worker about it, and I guess we laughed about it obviously not thinking they would hear us. The girl came up to me and asked what was so funny about his tattoo, and I said that I was just wondering if it was real or not, etc and walked away. The girl posted a status about my store saying we were all rude, and that we are lucky they didn't tell the manager. Now the anxious person in me has been completely on edge all day. I feel really bad about what happened, I never meant to be rude, and I am so worried that I will get fired now. The girl posted a status about us on Facebook basically putting us all down, and actually naming me. People are telling her to call the store, and smack me, or beat me up and my anxiety is out of this world. The thing is, I also have OCD, so when I make a mistake or feel bad about something I CANNOT let it go. I feel shaky and weak and regretful. I don't know how to feel better or what to do. I even apologized on Facebook but she wasn't very forgiving. I've been compulsively checking her Facebook status because of all the comments. I feel like I might have a break down, and when I told my boyfriend about it he said that I should feel bad about talking about them, which didn't make me feel better at all. I don't know what to do, please help me.

[Davit]

You are dwelling on your action and not realizing they did the very same only worse by spreading it public, what is their justification for being *******s which is what they are, and vindictive, Face book is full of people that want to hear themselves bark. Don't let them turn you into them. You did nothing wrong. I wonder what statement he is making with bugs bunny. Your boyfriend didn't support you? That isn't right. Everyone makes comments some time and sometimes they get heard. So what.

[sial72]

Do you think it would be worth speaking to her face to face? Although what you did might not have beem right I find all this business of beating up very over the top.

[dancerja]

your comment did help me. I am trying not to dwell, obviously I shouldn't have said anything, but I wasn't thinking about it at the time. The girl is pregnant at 18, with a two year old at home as well, so maybe she is just angry at the world.

[sial72]

In that case maybe she should be concentrating on other things :doh:

[Rinzai]

It puzzles me why the guy would have a Bugs Bunny tattoo on his neck where everyone can see it and not think that anyone would make a comment on it. Surely such a tattoo like this is open to this kind of response, so without a doubt you wouldn't be the first to make a joke about it. Your boyfriend was wrong to point out that you should feel bad about it. It's not your fault and you did what most people would do if they saw someone with a tattoo like that. The girl was clearly being immature, hence why she chooses not to forgive you. Facebook is a haven for those who like to present themselves as victims because of the kind of response they get from their friends. I see a lot of people post stuff on Facebook that they've been offended or hurt when in actual fact it turns out it was over a misunderstanding because those kind of posts attract attention and 'likes'. It is trolling behaviour. I take it she didn't mention on Facebook WHY she thought you were rude. I don't think she would have the nerve to say that the staff commented on her boyfriend's Bugs Bunny tattoo or else she might not get the kind of response she wants.

Seriously, it does not sound like something you would lose your job over.
I have had similar experiences with costumers which terrified me at thinking I would lose my job, but some costumers can be over-sensitive or just simply looking to pick a argument. Not only this but also some costumers say they are going to make a complaint, but they don't actually end up doing it as they do it to scare you.

You know within yourself that it was a misunderstanding and that you meant no offence. You know within yourself that you weren't being rude and as long as you remember that, then there is no cause for worry. Do your best to resist checking on Facebook as it would be feeding your anxiety (please be gentle with yourself) and leave them to build their over-dramatic puppetshow which would only make them more foolish when you consider that you meant no offence.

I recommend that you mention your concern to your supervisor or manager (if you think they are understanding enough). You have a witness anyway in your co-worker so ask for their support. I find that it may clear the air a bit and at least they are prepared to defend you just in case the girl suddenly returns to complain about you, which I probably doubt.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think the fact she automatically assumed you were making a remark about his tattoo means there is some insecurity there about it or it has happened before.

People won't like what I say next but bare with it, the reality has to be addressed.

As someone who has been a manager, I would expect staff to conduct themselves with professionalism at all times. Especially with customers. The reasonable part of me expects issues to arise between staff from time to time but not really with customers unless a customer is angry and pushes their buttons as some people may react.

However, the level of the issue is quite small and other than apologise to the customer and reprimand you, there is nothing else to do.

You have to realise that it looks bad from the other angle. Customers have the consumer right to then review or spread what they believe, within reason, to other potential consumers. I don't agree with all the trashing on FB and without even seeing it I can imagine how it would go but this can happen and does. Companies are well used to it.

The responses advising violence are just one of the many issues with social media like FB & Twitter. These companies don't care and until the governments & police crack down on them once and for all, they will continue raking in money off the backs of horrible trolls. I suspect the US is far ahead of us in the UK as your FBI have always been inter policing the internet whereas our police force are woeful and its taking landmark cases to boot them up the ar5e into doing anything!

That aside, you need to rationalise this. You made a mistake and whilst you didn't intend to be offensive, it was taken that way. Its done and its a lesson learned. Your manager won't fire you over something like that, its a very minor issue of conduct and not a gross misconduct issue. The same applies to your coworker but you have been the target as she knows you but your manager would have to look at both of you if a complaint was raised unless the girl and you kept her out of it.

Threatening violence on social media should be a police matter. So, if she stirs things up or makes threats I would suggest you seek advice from the police. You should also be entitled to complain to FB and hopefully they will take down such messages.

You've apologised to her and that takes courage and you could get flamed by people. Thats a good action, although not exactly necessary given how the situation has escalated online as many people would feel too intimidated. You can't really do anymore now but I would strongly advise you to take copies (and this isn't great as you want to be putting this behind you) just incase there is a complaint because these would be taken into account normally as it shows you have apologised and will show them what type of person is making this complaint. Not all managers may agree on that one though and may not consider them but it might be best to be safe on that issue.

Try to accept that its done, you've tried to rectify it and what you are feeling is a normal set of emotions that are just being blown out of proportion by an anxiety disorder. I know its hard to stop looking at her FB page but you do need to get away from this activity as it is feeding your anxiety everytime you look. Take some time away from the screen and try to relax yourself or occupy your mind with other tasks and it will fade.

I'm sorry that this is a post containing negatives but I want to be truthful so that you can rationalise away the catastrophizing you are doing by reducing the issue back down to its real size and I don't think its appropriate to say nothing was wrong.

Honestly, would I find a bugs bunny tattoo is a bit daft? Yes. Would I be laughing about it after he left the store? Probably have a chuckle as its a bit strange. People have allsorts of strange tattoos and they have to be prepared to be judged because of them. Thats not right but its how society is. If we were talking a 230lb bodybuilder skinhead then I certainly would think it amusing as you expect something a bit more butch...but thats stereotypes for you, I guess and I shouldn't judge but its hard to be non judgemental 24/7, especially with a minor thing.