56degree
14-06-15, 05:05
Hi.
I have been lurking around this forum for a little while but this is my first post. I have used it on a number of occasions to look for similar stories to mine, but I thought I would post mine to see if others have had similar problems.
Here goes.
I realise now that I have had anxiety for the last five years or so. Mainly anxious/intrusive/negative thoughts about my career or money worries. But, with the exception of a few really rough spells it never caused me too much grief.
I am 37 years old, have a successful and interesting job, just about own my own house and have a family to be proud of.
But last year, my father became very ill. He had bladder cancer a few years earlier and had his bladder removed. But they didn't end up getting all of it and it spread to his kidneys and bowel and killed him. I was his live in carer for the last two months. As his carer, I had to help out with the stoma bags he needed to catch his pee. This was always awkward and got nastier as he got sicker.
Prior to that, I had avoided hospitals and all serious medical things almost without exception - those being when my own children were born. Otherwise I hate them. Up to that point, I had been to see a doctor maybe five times in the preceding 20 years. Never really had reasons to.
Dad was only 67 when he died. I became worried and anxious about me dying at such an early age or maybe even earlier. I told myself I would have all the tests and really look after myself so I could have a good full life.
Then, I began to experience abdominal pain of a night. I immediately leapt to the conclusion - bowel cancer and probably a kidney problem
thrown in. The pains got worse. You probably know what the source of the pain was, and why the pain got worse the more I thought about it, but I didn't then. I had no idea anxiety could actually cause physical problems. Was I sure about to learn a lesson.
I saw a doctor and the first thing he did was test my urine with a dipstick. He said there was protein in there. Was I a diabetic? No, I didn't think so...The response was 'Oh. We better send this to the lab'.
Got home and straight on to google. New self diagnosis. Polycystic Kidney Disease. The sort of things nightmares are made of, with the worst part being you have a 50 percent chance of passing it on to your kids. Sheer terror for three days.
Doctor rang me up and said the urinalysis was normal. I later clarified with him that the dipsticks aren't always accurate and the lab test is much more so. Nonetheless, the prospect of kidney disease still terrifies me the most. I have had three other dipstick urinalyses and a blood test since then and all normal, despite my urine being bubbly a lot of the time. A new doctor explained to me that this is not abnormal among middle aged men if there is no protein. But I still can't look at my pee. Thankfully I live in Australia and have my own backyard so going to the toilet outside is always an option at home. I have a urinal at work.
Anyway, over the last eight months or so, I have had the following symptoms: Abdominal pain, nausea, headaches, IBS, reflux, numbness, joint pain, nerve twitches, shaking hands and more that I have forgotten. Oh, that's right, brain fog and forgetfulness too. Though the symptoms have faded off in intensity to a large degree, I have not had a symptom free day in the last eight months. The weird thing is, as soon as one recedes, another crops up.
One of the worst things is frequent urination, because it again stokes my fear of kidney problems. I challenge you to not urinate all the time when all you can do is think about your urine.
This has been an absolute horror show for someone who was always fit and healthy before. I have had CBT which has helped a lot and every month is better than the last. I am by no means back to where I was before and I am not sure if I ever will be. But I am trying.
Anyway, would love to hear from anyone who has had the patience to read all this diatribe and would be willing to share any similar experiences with me. Particularly how they might have got over their worst fears regarding a particular serious illness.
Thanks
Jay
I have been lurking around this forum for a little while but this is my first post. I have used it on a number of occasions to look for similar stories to mine, but I thought I would post mine to see if others have had similar problems.
Here goes.
I realise now that I have had anxiety for the last five years or so. Mainly anxious/intrusive/negative thoughts about my career or money worries. But, with the exception of a few really rough spells it never caused me too much grief.
I am 37 years old, have a successful and interesting job, just about own my own house and have a family to be proud of.
But last year, my father became very ill. He had bladder cancer a few years earlier and had his bladder removed. But they didn't end up getting all of it and it spread to his kidneys and bowel and killed him. I was his live in carer for the last two months. As his carer, I had to help out with the stoma bags he needed to catch his pee. This was always awkward and got nastier as he got sicker.
Prior to that, I had avoided hospitals and all serious medical things almost without exception - those being when my own children were born. Otherwise I hate them. Up to that point, I had been to see a doctor maybe five times in the preceding 20 years. Never really had reasons to.
Dad was only 67 when he died. I became worried and anxious about me dying at such an early age or maybe even earlier. I told myself I would have all the tests and really look after myself so I could have a good full life.
Then, I began to experience abdominal pain of a night. I immediately leapt to the conclusion - bowel cancer and probably a kidney problem
thrown in. The pains got worse. You probably know what the source of the pain was, and why the pain got worse the more I thought about it, but I didn't then. I had no idea anxiety could actually cause physical problems. Was I sure about to learn a lesson.
I saw a doctor and the first thing he did was test my urine with a dipstick. He said there was protein in there. Was I a diabetic? No, I didn't think so...The response was 'Oh. We better send this to the lab'.
Got home and straight on to google. New self diagnosis. Polycystic Kidney Disease. The sort of things nightmares are made of, with the worst part being you have a 50 percent chance of passing it on to your kids. Sheer terror for three days.
Doctor rang me up and said the urinalysis was normal. I later clarified with him that the dipsticks aren't always accurate and the lab test is much more so. Nonetheless, the prospect of kidney disease still terrifies me the most. I have had three other dipstick urinalyses and a blood test since then and all normal, despite my urine being bubbly a lot of the time. A new doctor explained to me that this is not abnormal among middle aged men if there is no protein. But I still can't look at my pee. Thankfully I live in Australia and have my own backyard so going to the toilet outside is always an option at home. I have a urinal at work.
Anyway, over the last eight months or so, I have had the following symptoms: Abdominal pain, nausea, headaches, IBS, reflux, numbness, joint pain, nerve twitches, shaking hands and more that I have forgotten. Oh, that's right, brain fog and forgetfulness too. Though the symptoms have faded off in intensity to a large degree, I have not had a symptom free day in the last eight months. The weird thing is, as soon as one recedes, another crops up.
One of the worst things is frequent urination, because it again stokes my fear of kidney problems. I challenge you to not urinate all the time when all you can do is think about your urine.
This has been an absolute horror show for someone who was always fit and healthy before. I have had CBT which has helped a lot and every month is better than the last. I am by no means back to where I was before and I am not sure if I ever will be. But I am trying.
Anyway, would love to hear from anyone who has had the patience to read all this diatribe and would be willing to share any similar experiences with me. Particularly how they might have got over their worst fears regarding a particular serious illness.
Thanks
Jay