New and reaching out

[Jilly-Boe]

So i guess i should start with a bit about me. My name is Billy, i'm 23 and i am living with severe depression and anxiety.
I have struggled with these issues for as long as i can remember, having my first major anxiety attack when i was 12. 5 years ago i tried to take my own life. I didn't feel worth any ones times or effort and like i was a burden. Alot has happened in the 5 years since. I felt better for a long time. I felt like myself, but in the last 6 months everything seems to have gone wrong. I got out of a 5 and a half year relationship in which i was to become an adoptive parent, i had to move out of my home, i started a new job and 4 weeks ago my best friend passed who was a huge coping tool 5 years ago. I recognized that i was having thoughts and feelings that were all too familiar. So i spoke to someone and am now just starting Citalopram again. I'm currently 3 days in and trying to live a life with the facade of normality even though im being eaten up by the darkness of my anxiety and depression. A friendly voice amongst the chatter would be nice.

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya Jilly-Boe and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[sial72]

Hi there Billy
I am very sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time.
With all the things that have happened to you recently it is absolutely normal to feel how you are feeling, anybody would, so don't be afraid of your thoughts and feelings, they are normal under the circumstances.
You have got better before and you WILL do again, if you don't doubt it, it will happen!
You are taking the right steps Billy. Hang in there, you will get better.
Sending you :hugs:

[newme]

Welcome Billy
Hang in there. You have make it out of the darkness before and you make it out again. You have taken a step in the right direction by expressing your thoughts and feeling here. You are not alone. There are many here who care and we are listening.

[Jilly-Boe]

Thanks guys. It's been tough to say the least. im trying to adjust to the meds at the moment and thats hard enough. I just have zero motivation.

[Sparkle1984]

Welcome to the forums! I'm sure you'll find plenty of help and support here - I certainly have. :)

I'm sorry you've been through such a tough time in recent months. I hope you'll feel better for discussing your feelings on here. I recently restarted citalopram too and I've been finding it tough this time.

[Jilly-Boe]

Thank you. I don't remember it being this bad before. i don't know if it's because i felt so lousy before hand but this time im finding it really hard, and only 3 days in to it too. I'm struggling to keep on top of it specially as i need to continue working.

[Soulcatcher71]

Jilly-Boe, the thing that keeps me going in the dark times is the knowledge that it does get better, just as it has been better in the past too.
Try to use that to ride that bad times out :-)

[Jilly-Boe]

Hi Soulcatcher71, Thanks. I had on OK evening last night. was able to keep a fairly light mood. Got a terrible nights sleep despite being exhausted, but got up around 4 and was fairly light then too, but now finding myself dropping again. trying to push through at the moment