A failed mum

[lisa p]

Oh dear this has to be the worst week ever.

Yesterday was the worst I have ever felt collecting the children from school. My son was with me cos he was not well so only had to collect daughter. The panic was over whelming, I stood outside school feeling so sick and shaky, felt really tearful and worried that I wouldnt be able to ride the panic out, and stay to collect her. I did stay but this little eposide has left me emotionally and physically drained.

Last night my son was really not well and should have been taken to the emergency docs, but as this is at least a 20 min drive I didnt feel able to take him. Now this morning he is no better, my mum has had a right moan cos he has missed another day at school, and told me to get him to the docs. This is 10 mins drive, they had no appointments which means I would have to take him and sit and wait as an emergency along with about 20 others!

What sort of mother am I? - he is clearly not well and his own mum cant take him to the docs, I've had to take him to my mums and get her to take him for me.

Now I am sitting here with great fear dreading the school run again, I feel so sorry for my two children, I am lucky they do understand as does my hubby, but this has really got to me today.

Sorry to moan on.

Lisax

[sal]

Hiya Lisa

Dont be so harsh on yourself but i do understand how you are feeling. I got that bad that Sams dad had to take her to live with him for over a month and i tortured myself everyday over it but she hasnt suffered no more will you children. The most important thing is your mum has taken him to the doctors for you. There are loads of bugs going around at the moment and if its a virus the doctor wouldnt give him anything. Let us know how he is and more importantly how you are.

Sending you a big mum. You're a brill mum, but only human, remember that babe.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[belle]

Hi Lisa,

I sent the other message before reading this one. Sorry.

Let me tell you something. DO NOT feel like a bad mother. I've had to sit and watch my son go off in an ambulance (twice) while i stayed at home. That was horrible, but I KNOW if i was well, i would be there with him. I am not well, so i'm simply unable to. I'm aware there are people that would say "He's your son, you should be there no matter what", but have these people experienced panic attacks? Probably not.

I've had the same "talk" from my mother when Stinky (my son) has been poorly and had time off school, but flipping heck, if your son is still ill today he wouldn't have been going to school anyway regardless of if you managed to get him to the doctors last night or not.

I can't offer you any advice on the school run, because i'm pooping my pants about mine later too. All i can say, is that yesterday you felt awful.........BUT YOU STAYED THERE and i doubt it will be any worse than that.

Thinking about you
Sarah x

[lisa p]

Hi

Thanks for the replies, Sal and Sarah.

Mum has just phoned to say he has severe tonsillitis - and should have gone to docs yesterday. The problem is my son is 9 and getting very convincing with these illnesses, he is a great one at playing wolf! But he isnt this time, and when I collect him in a bit I will give him a big hug, as I feel so guilty.

Thanks for your useful replies.

Good luck with the school run sarah, I'll be thinking of you! If its anything like yesterday I was like a cat on a hot tin roof lol!!

Take care

lisa

[Lynnann]

Hi Lisa,

Don't beat yourself up over this, children are resilient and we can all say things with hindsight! Wasn't your mother saying before you sould have sent him to school?

There are none of us perfect and kids are great at playing wolf! At least you didn't send him to school this morning. I am sure he wouldn't want you to feel guilty although I am sure he would love hugs and icecream!

Best of luck with the school run

Lynnann

Remember tomorrow is a bright new day

[mirry]

Lisa, dont be so hard on yourself, Ive been the same as you in the past and realised that Im not a BAD mum , just a sick mum.
Some kids dont have a mum at all so hes lucky to have you for the things you can do.
In time you will find the school runs will get easier and easier, just needs lots of exposure therapy. Tonight I have to collect my daughter and her friend and now and then thru the day it crosses my mind that I may panic...... but then again I may not !

You dont know how you will be, you are drawing on past experiances and its is a habit that creeps up on us.

You will get better if you just realise your as good as any other mum out there and probally better [:O]

mirryx

[myself]

Hi
just to say that no one thinks your a failed Mum.
My wife too suffered panic / anxiety / depression for many years and our 4 children, like all children, would need to go to the doctors from time to time, she was unable to take them, so I did, after being told exactly what was wrong and what to say to doctor. After all that, and numerous other problems we faced when they were young the four of them (all virtually grown up now) love their mother to bits.
Be honest with family and friends about how you feel, let them help you when you need it. You have nothing to be ashamed of and things can get better.
take care
myself

[ceecee]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((lisa)))))))))))))))))))) )))
sending you hugs hun!
you,re not a bad mum,you,re a great mum
our children love us for all the love we give them,and at least you,re mum was on hand to help.please don,t be hard on your self,things will get better,we just have to believe that.
take care
rach x

[samc100]

Lisa - you love your kids. Therefore you have not failed as a mother.

There are many millions of kids out there who would love a mum like you.

Ok - you are stuggling on the panics and it makes you feel a little limited.

BUT that is only a teenyweeny part of their lives with you. You love them, care for them and do all you can for them. Bet you install confidence in them and give them a security that every child should have ( and many don't have).

Don't be hard on yourself. You actually did the bloody school run. Be proud and focus on the brilliant things and not the negatives.

Hugs to you lovely mum.

[Piglet]

I agree about not being ashamed to let people help you more - you're not doing any of this deliberately hun so no need to be down on yourself.

I'm sure when me and the piglets look back over their upbringing they will remember my cooking as far worse than my anxiety!! [:I]:D:D

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[KOKO23CAT]

lisa

if you were a bad mother you wouldn't care how this was affecting them. somedays me and my daughter don't leave the flat and on more than one occassion i have failed to take her to nursery. but i do love her more than anything else in the world and i would die for her. You are the same with your children and you will not always be like this.
one day at a time and believe them when they tell you they love you

koko

my life is full of catastrophies, most of which never happened

[sal]

Hi Lisa

You did your best and however bad you feel you keep pushing yourself, you havent just given in and not bothered to pick the kids up from school. Okay he has tonsilitus and i am sure now he has the medicine he will be fine in a few days. Like you say you sometimes just dont know when they are starting to pull the wool. Weve been there and done it and it carries on with our children.

At least you know he will be fine and you will be too hun.



Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[belle]

Hi Lisa...
How did you get on this afternoon?
My mother turned up just as i was going to leave, she saved me anxiety today, there is always tomorrow!!!

Sarah

[sal]

Lisa

Youre a star mate

Big hugs xxxxx


Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[trish1955]

hi i no just how your feeling my children are grown up now have 6 all in my oldest 3 daughters helped me out with my youngest three who are now 19 16 they are boys and my youngest is 13 next but when my three daughters were small i had great sisters who were always there for me if i could not go they would go for me but still always felt i was letting them down as i said when i had the three youngest ones my daughters were old enough to help and they did as they new me inside out i guess but even a short while back i asked mt two sons if they thought i was a bad mum for not going to school plays and parents evenings i did mange the odd one from time to time but they just said no we felt lucky we new you weould always be there when we got home some kids dont have that and we could always talk to you we are a very close family my daughter makes me laugh she is so up on it all and just tells teacher straight my mum can,t come she as bad panic attacks so me being this way as no efeect on her at all so dont worry your self i am sure you are a great mum
trish