Loubee1000
23-06-15, 22:41
Hi everyone, it's comforting to read all your posts and know i am not alone.
Where to begin...I've suffered with health anxiety since i was old enough to know people die. First i would worry that my mum would die and leave me by myself other times it was me dying and no one could convince me other wise. My first panic attack was when i was 5 and i had a hair stuck in my throat.... I would also have to do certain tasks or my family would die. :wacko:
I never had any form of treatment and over the years these thoughts were put to the back of my mind and i just got on with living.
I fell pregnant at 16 with twin girls, and apart from raised stress levels and tiredness life was fine. Five years later i had another baby, a boy. Life was great until a little after he turned one and got really poorly, i called the doctor out on several occasions over a week and he was getting worse, he wouldnt move, play etc and would just sleep or cry and the doctor just prescribed antibiotics as he thought he had an infection in his throat. Any way it turned out the infection was actually in a lymph node in his neck and he got really poorly really fast and we were taken by ambulance to a specialist childrens hospital as he needed an opperation immediately or he would die. After the opperation my son was sitting up playing again within a few hours. Although i thought i was the most worrying thing i had ever been through i coped and was glad he was better. In the next day or two i noticed his pupils were different sized and his eyelid on one side was droopy so we saw the eye specialist who said the nerves must have been damaged during the opperation. It didnt affect his vision and wasnt too dramatic so again just glad he was alive...to cut a very long story short due to complications in surgery my son has a pseudo-anuerysm under his jaw bone, his carotid artery doesnt function as it should due to this but other vessels have expanded to accomodate blood flow, he's got complete nerve damage in one side of his tongue and throat, his throat muscles dont push food down properly so he can either silently choke or breathe in fluid and is at risk of lung damage/infection/pnemonia. He gets regular throat infections and his temperature sky rockets with no warning. He couldnt talk (so people could understand except me) until he was 5, he has constant tests and check ups which im grateful for but i am still so angry that all this has happened to him, and now i have no trust in doctors.
Since all this and coping through all the new diagnosis' my son has had over the past 6 years my health anxiety is here to stay it seems. For a while i would panic that i was dying and no one could make me see things differently because i did not believe them. My panic manifests as a racing heart, feeling sick, dizzyness, feeling drunk almost...when your eyes move around but takes a few extra seconds for the information to process, feeling like something very bad is going to happen, shooting pains in different places and the compulsion to run away.
Every pain, ache, tingle, stiffness sends my mind into panic that something is seriously wrong. Then i panic that im going to die and my kids will be motherless, my poorly lad wont have any one that truly knows what to do to help him and fight for what he needs....(And although i know i shouldnt, i google)
My anxiety isnt just limited to me though, if my kids are poorly (which to be fair kids are quite regularly) i panic and think the worst, my partner can usually re-assure me but if not i rush them to the doctor.
I've been to the doctor who prescribed an adrenaline blocker, viepax ( i was horrendously sick after taking, not much good for someone with health anxiety :unsure: ) and given me a number to ring for councelling. I want my logical brain back now.
As im typing this my son has a throat infection and antibiotics again and my youngest daughter (4th/last child) had a weird moment where her leg was weak earlier and she couldnt weight bare for a few minutes, she's been favouring her other leg a bit since but nothing dramatic and no pain so she's probably bumped or twisted it, google thinks its leukemia :scared15: .... i have a doctors appointment on monday for her.
Anyway......going to go and see if i can sleep tonight, sorry for the rambling although it felt good to say/write it all down. :wacko:
Where to begin...I've suffered with health anxiety since i was old enough to know people die. First i would worry that my mum would die and leave me by myself other times it was me dying and no one could convince me other wise. My first panic attack was when i was 5 and i had a hair stuck in my throat.... I would also have to do certain tasks or my family would die. :wacko:
I never had any form of treatment and over the years these thoughts were put to the back of my mind and i just got on with living.
I fell pregnant at 16 with twin girls, and apart from raised stress levels and tiredness life was fine. Five years later i had another baby, a boy. Life was great until a little after he turned one and got really poorly, i called the doctor out on several occasions over a week and he was getting worse, he wouldnt move, play etc and would just sleep or cry and the doctor just prescribed antibiotics as he thought he had an infection in his throat. Any way it turned out the infection was actually in a lymph node in his neck and he got really poorly really fast and we were taken by ambulance to a specialist childrens hospital as he needed an opperation immediately or he would die. After the opperation my son was sitting up playing again within a few hours. Although i thought i was the most worrying thing i had ever been through i coped and was glad he was better. In the next day or two i noticed his pupils were different sized and his eyelid on one side was droopy so we saw the eye specialist who said the nerves must have been damaged during the opperation. It didnt affect his vision and wasnt too dramatic so again just glad he was alive...to cut a very long story short due to complications in surgery my son has a pseudo-anuerysm under his jaw bone, his carotid artery doesnt function as it should due to this but other vessels have expanded to accomodate blood flow, he's got complete nerve damage in one side of his tongue and throat, his throat muscles dont push food down properly so he can either silently choke or breathe in fluid and is at risk of lung damage/infection/pnemonia. He gets regular throat infections and his temperature sky rockets with no warning. He couldnt talk (so people could understand except me) until he was 5, he has constant tests and check ups which im grateful for but i am still so angry that all this has happened to him, and now i have no trust in doctors.
Since all this and coping through all the new diagnosis' my son has had over the past 6 years my health anxiety is here to stay it seems. For a while i would panic that i was dying and no one could make me see things differently because i did not believe them. My panic manifests as a racing heart, feeling sick, dizzyness, feeling drunk almost...when your eyes move around but takes a few extra seconds for the information to process, feeling like something very bad is going to happen, shooting pains in different places and the compulsion to run away.
Every pain, ache, tingle, stiffness sends my mind into panic that something is seriously wrong. Then i panic that im going to die and my kids will be motherless, my poorly lad wont have any one that truly knows what to do to help him and fight for what he needs....(And although i know i shouldnt, i google)
My anxiety isnt just limited to me though, if my kids are poorly (which to be fair kids are quite regularly) i panic and think the worst, my partner can usually re-assure me but if not i rush them to the doctor.
I've been to the doctor who prescribed an adrenaline blocker, viepax ( i was horrendously sick after taking, not much good for someone with health anxiety :unsure: ) and given me a number to ring for councelling. I want my logical brain back now.
As im typing this my son has a throat infection and antibiotics again and my youngest daughter (4th/last child) had a weird moment where her leg was weak earlier and she couldnt weight bare for a few minutes, she's been favouring her other leg a bit since but nothing dramatic and no pain so she's probably bumped or twisted it, google thinks its leukemia :scared15: .... i have a doctors appointment on monday for her.
Anyway......going to go and see if i can sleep tonight, sorry for the rambling although it felt good to say/write it all down. :wacko: