How do I stop constantly worrying about recovering from anxiety/depression?

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Let me explain, I spend 90% of my time constantly over analysing and worrying if im ever going to feel good/normal again and how im ever going to recover from anxiety and depression. Even if I feel slightly better for half an hour I don't seem to be able to just accept that im feeling ok, as I know I still have anxiety and depression and I still need to be working on myself so I can rid myself of it. Can anyone else relate to this?

My issues started with panic attacks and health anxiety and while I do still worry about my health to some degree, that has calmed down a lot and most of my time is spent worrying about having anxiety and depression itself and beating myself up about it and just trying to find some hope to hold onto that I will eventually recover. Im more worrying about feeling ill and anxious and depressed rather than worrying a specific medical issue etc. Im worrying that having depression and anxiety for longer and longer is just making me more ill mentally and will eventually take its tole physically. Its like I HAVE TO GET BETTER and am obsessed with it. I cant just enjoy 10 mins where I feel ok because the depression is still hanging over me and I still need to "get better".

Anyone feel similar to this and anyone have any advice as to how to stop this constant overthinking and constant wishing to feel normal/better/well. I know wishing to feel good means im determined to get better but at the same time it works against me because it means im constantly stressed about getting better and cant just accept things how they are.

[Oosh]

I've said it lots of times on here and it probably sounds simplistic but a powerful weapon against it is just to forget.

You can start the process of getting better when you look away from it.

Ever had an answer come to you when you forget about it ? But when you wrack your brains over it it never comes. Sometimes success comes when you look away from things.

Progress for me was observing one day that I'd forgotten for longer and was functioning/flowing more in my day. Literally the thoughts on anxiety, depression, who that meant I was, fears, worries, the rumination, had been forgotten. A new default had been created. A non-anxious default and now the danger was those days when I remembered. So I recognised that forgetting was useful to me so I tried my best to break up and forget the reminder of my anxiety/depression and go off down a different thought path instead. Part of me would look over my shoulder, like checking your car wing mirror, to see the reappearance pass further behind me into the distance. That was success. It came, I didn't grab hold of it, it's gone.

It's a paradox. It feels natural to focus your attention on problems. Your anxiety and depression is a gigantic perceived problem. But focusing on THAT particular problem just creates an anxious/depressed state and you just get trapped.

You look away from it. Don't let it back in. Recognise if you keep looking away from it, one day, you observe that you are standing outside of it with a head full of different external things and that you'd been in different states. The numbness has fallen away and free from it you've felt different emotions. Observing yourself feeling different emotions and being things you value, your self image, self esteem, confidence improves and your beliefs change.

The thoughts aren't a danger. They're not a powerful inescapable cloud that swallows you up and renders you powerless. They are simply a direction of thought. It's so easy, when one arrives, to CHOOSE to go down that path and explore. Then you get a head full of fear, anxiety, low mood, negative meaning and that path just goes round and round.

You just don't go down the path. DROWN the thought/image/memory out so it doesn't stand a chance and then take your thoughts in a different direction. Don't let that first anxious/depressive thought complete. Shush it before that first sentence has even completed so it didn't form or make sense.
Shush it before it has a chance to change your mood. Then ruin it. Jumble it up with a different thought or some nonsense to muddle what it would have tried to say. Make it look foolish. Ruin it so it was ineffective and not heard.


You have to have that other place to put your thoughts, interests, enjoyments , things that make you feel positive and that everything is ok. Put your focus back there and stay there.

The anxious/depressive thoughts aren't a danger to lie in the back of your mind. They are just thoughts to dodge. Dodge them, forget them, they've gone. By not keeping hold of them, they've GONE.

Become expert at forgetting them and dodging them when one flies by.
They have no real meaning other than they are anxieties that try to sidetrack you and waste all of your time. "No thanks. More interesting, enjoyable, productive things to be doing. From now on I'll navigate through and around them and stay outside of all of that nonsense."

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Thanks for you great response Oosh.

Its funny you mentioned the "forgetting" approach because I would say that is what I was using for about 2 years up until about 6 months ago. I think that approach can be really affective and may even cure many people in the long run but at the same time I think if you have deeper issues and underlying/subconscious reasons for why you got anxiety/depression in the first place then I don't know if it is actually possible to forget about it.

I had my nervous breakdown about 3 years ago leading to anxiety and depression and over that period I have tried various different approaches to getting better; the first 8/9 months was the usual anti-depressants, CBT etc etc, this didnt really help but I guess it took me from rock bottom to just above rock bottom. I then went down a similar route to the one you talked about. I decided right im not going to let this stuff affect my life, im just going to accept anything it throws at me and just accept the feelings/symptoms and gradually move away from it and forget it. I did this for about 2 years, I started working again, started going out a bit more and getting some near normality in my life, I was still plaqued with symptoms like headaches and feeling weak/ill/dizzy on a lot of days but these faded a bit over time. I did have short periods where I felt like I was forgetting the anxiety and I had mastered not letting it influence large parts of my life. But it was always there, even if I chose not to think about it or go down the thought path, it was still there, so maybe I didn't fully forget and I don't know if I ever could. I could force myself through but I still had underlying depression and anxiety and my life was not good. It was better than letting all the thoughts consume me thats for sure but it was still not at all nice.

This is where I come to the conclusion that unless I sort out whatever underling issues I have then I will never be free of anxiety/depression and this horrible mind state. If I can get to the bottom of these issues through therapy or whatever it is and heal myself emotionally and then go about the forgetting route again then I think it would work. I know healing yourself emotionally sounds far fetched but it is possible.

I am at a stage where I am trying to be more open to my emotions, I am trying to work through things with a counsellor and trying to work through issues or traumas I may have had at a younger age which have probably led to my anxious depressed adult state, I have suppressed emotions for most of my life and this may be one of the reasons I currently have anxiety. Of course, basic over analysing and habitual thinking, ruminating, negative thinking are a large part of anxiety and depression but in a lot of cases and I think with mine there are deeper causes that need to be sorted out.

So really I am trying to find a medium level which is very hard. I am trying to work through my underlying issues and be more open to my emotions and how I feel but at the same time I need to get a hold on these anxious thoughts and obsessive thoughts about getting better as to much thinking about them doesnt help, it just stresses me out even more and keeps me depressed and anxious. So basically, I am trying to open up to my feelings but control my anxious thoughts at the same time, sounds silly I know lol.

I know part of the process to getting better is going through these things and experiencing these emotions, sometimes experiencing them and thinking about them does more harm then good though so I need to try and keep on a more steady level.

I guess the question is how do I work on getting better and working out my issues without constantly obsessing about getting better every second of every day?

Thanks again for your reply and any thoughts would be appreciated.

[Oosh]

I do know exactly what you're talking about. I have a different life to yours and that has created a sort of different internal map to yours. Things mean different things to me than they do to you. Success to me is different to what it is to you because of who I am.

I have a difficult past that I have to now forget. And the above is how I stop myself from being trapped by that style of thinking again. But there are lots of other elements that contribute to me feeling like "everything is ok".

How I am and who I am with others and liking myself and feeling liked, valued and accepted, being comfortable with who I am. Achieving those things that trigger those reward systems. Making peace with any longstanding issues that affected my self image and who I am. I've had to work on liking myself and changing beliefs about who I was.

I've have to give myself reasons every morning "why it's ok". That's for the real life anxieties I have like work place anxiety and occupational self esteem and all the other real day to day worries we wake up to.
I aim on waking up knowing everything is ok. My day/life isn't scary. If I do this and this it'll be ok. Then I can enjoy this.

And what has become important too is the emotional rewards I get from other people. It goes a long way to creating emotional health I think. Those small relationships in your day that stop you feeling alone and allow you to feel liked, accepted and to like yourself and to feel secure.

All of that has built up a sort of internal frame in me over time. A frame that wasn't previously there. Now I have that under my feet. And all of it makes up who I am and how I feel in any given moment. I feel it making up elements of my successful, desirable mood.
My confidence, self esteem and mood is based on it.
If I feel like plummeting I have those various reasons to not plummet.

I can remember not being well and it can all disappear in an instant when I remember. But that lot above has created a new, stable personality in my mind. All of it had to be built.

What I'm trying to say I think is you're right, you don't just forget on its own. You need to create a new healthier emotional environment to forget and escape to. That's then the new you. You fix things and improve things and create things were there were things missing. You become someone else as a result, you change.

You need to look at YOUR internal map at what needs improving, fixing, creating, removing, building etc and were things are missing.


It's very much an effort on multiple fronts to create an improved emotional environment.

Then when you are doing a lot better and observing things are improving and those old habits make an appearance, shush them and remember the ingredients of your new improved emotional environment.

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Thanks Oosh, what you say makes complete sense and I agree with your approach. It is hard work and a long continuous process but is worth it. Glad to hear you have managed to put in place such a good structure that keeps you steady.

I just feel I need to deal with some things from my past as well and actual grow up and change as a person through therapy as I don't feel im quite ready to rebuild my life just yet, if I manage to do that then I will rebuild my life and put in place a structure like you mentioned. I just dont want to jump the gun and go straight back to trying to forget my anxiety's when im not in a strong enough place to prevent myself breaking down again.

[Oosh]

No I completely understand what you're saying.

I also managed to throw my internal map at you hoping something would fit but didn't really answer your question.

"How do you work through your issues and get better without obsessing about getting better every second of every day ? "

I use perspectives for most things. It's how I navigate past something I find difficult. You talked about the subconscious before and things in there needing fixing. To me, the subconscious has always been like this thing watching in the background. It's not a threat but it watches how things are going and it takes the underlying messages it derives from what it sees and that's where it tends to trigger the mood reaction.

"How do you work through your issues and get better without obsessing about getting better every second of every day. "

If the ideal message you're trying to give yourself is that
"I'm ok. I'm happy in everything that I am. I trust that I and everything is going to be ok" (triggering positive mood reaction) , the above (your question) instead sends the underlying message "I'm not ok. I must try hard to be ok". But the mood reaction that triggers is one more of stress, anguish, frustration.

I'd start with trying and ultimately to accept that I'm ok. Whatever I'm feeling is right for who I am and where I've been. The me I want to be is there already and I trust and like it but I need to remove any obstacles that are blocking that me from coming out fully. (I'm ok) (a lowering of anxiety, anguish and a lifting of depressed mood)

I don't know who you are or what these early incidents you are talking about are but if you feel they are what you are carrying around they are possibly what's leading you to send negative messages to yourself.

Repressed emotionally.
Evidence you possess the full spectrum of emotions.
I'd remember times where I was touched in different ways by movies or whatever. I'd remember laughing and enjoying humour and all the times I felt emotional. So I could undo the belief that I wasn't in touch with or didn't possess the ability to feel my emotions. (I DO feel my emotions. Look at the evidence that I DO feel all of these wonderful things) (a lowering of anxiety, anguish and a lifting of depressed mood) (more emotions)

I'm mostly shooting in the dark to be honest because I don't know you. :)

My biggest breakthroughs came when I could change those messages to my subconscious and change my beliefs about me and the world around me.

Change doesn't have to be slow. It can happen quick because those messages/beliefs/realisations can change in a second.

Keep us updated on how you're getting on.

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Thanks again Oosh, sorry for the late reply

[MrAndy]

have you read paul davids book ? ,I was and still am the same as you to some extent but the book really helped me make sense of things
Coming on here doesnt really help me with my anxiety so I put a time limit when I am on which seems to have helped with my anxiety obsession as well

[GingerFish]

I feel the exact same! I've been in a bad set back for the last few weeks because my papa was ill and my stress was through the roof so my panics and depression came back. I was so impatient and was doing everything I could to feel better again and worried that I wouldn't feel better again and the second I did start coming around again and feeling 'normal' again, I started to panic more! I think maybe I was worried that the happiness and normality wouldn't last forever or maybe my mind was playing tricks on me and I wasn't actually getting better, I was going to get worse.