View Full Version : Helping others is so easy
tmckenzie-orr
28-06-15, 17:10
Dont you guys/girls find it easy to help others and you can see and address there problems but when it comes to our own anxietys we seem to struggle and not think straight with a big dark cloud blocking us from thinking straight i definately think since i become a more active member on this site my own anxietys have got better and i feel good helping members on here and giving them advice, I do have quite good medical knowledge because of my own anxietys and reading 50 different medical books etc like a nerd haha :yahoo::unsure::yahoo::yahoo:,
Haha, love it! So true!
I am going through a bad anxiety period at the moment due to health reasons and I find, as you say, that when I am reading other people's problems and replying I'm not centered on myself and therefore feel better xx
Haha, love it! So true!
I am going through a bad anxiety period at the moment due to health reasons and I find, as you say, that when I am reading other people's problems and replying I'm not centered on myself and therefore feel better xx
Me too.Some people only want to read success stories but this illness can bite you time and time again.
I will always offer advise providing I know a little or more about a particular subject, ignoring all my own problems, but I have to be in the right frame of my mind to even attempt to respond.
Bellshill one
28-06-15, 18:33
Yeh. Its good to try and help others. It takes your mind of yourself and its good for the person your helping to get reply from post. Shows someone care x
Soulcatcher71
28-06-15, 18:34
Its probably because helping others on here only involves typing in text - helping yourself is a lot more involved!
As we all know ;-)
worrywart29
28-06-15, 19:59
Yep whenever I feel anxious I come here. After reading posts and replying, I notice Ive calmed down and feel a lot better.
MyNameIsTerry
29-06-15, 05:44
I think it helps in that way because its being used as a distraction. Its done the same for me many times.
It is easy to give others advice, because you don't have to do it. When you have to, its a whole different story but thats the same in all things in life.
But if you are giving advice you did do.
MyNameIsTerry
29-06-15, 07:07
No, I meant if you advise someone to do X but you don't do that yourself. Its easy to find information for people and it often doesn't apply to your own situation.
I understand what you mean, I think, in that its a positive thoughts process.
Yes, I agree with you up to a point. I rarely mention my own health fears on here and I probably sound like I have great control of my HA. That is true some of the time. Other times I am sitting here posting calm and logical replies whilst feeling like an absolute basket case. Are there actually people who come here who have no anxiety issues at all? If so how did they find their way here in the first place? I found this site years ago when I googled the term health anxiety. It would not have even entered my head to google that term if I didn't have HA. I don't know how many people come here for the sole purpose of giving advice. I sometimes think that Fish, Gary and Davit may be here just to advise and not because they have their own anxiety issues. Then again, I am reminded of the member Joel Hall who was training to be a doctor. I haven't seen him here for a while but one would never have thought from his posts that he was here for any other reason except to advise others. That is until one day I asked him if he found training to be a doctor made is HA worse and he replied that it had actually made his anxiety better. So you just never know.
MyNameIsTerry
30-06-15, 04:49
Wow thats interesting about that doctor, swajj. You would think the exposure would be a massive trigger and there are several NHS people on here that I've come across, some nurses. I guess in some ways he rose to the challenge and gained from it?
You would think exposure is a massive trigger, but I think the experience of the doctor trainee matches what I've read about doctors who have to deal with terminal illness. They stoically accept their fate and don't try to do any and every intervention because to them, they know all the risks and they know all the outcomes so they can comfortably choose their way to go.
I think it's the same being exposed to all the health trials and tribulations one would witness when training to be a doctor. Health anxiety I think is fundamentally fear of the unknown. With enough doctor training this unknown becomes known, so they lose any cause for anxiety.
Yes Terry I found it interesting as well. In the past I have read that many new doctors develop anxiety about their health once they start dealing with illnesses. They start to believe that they have the same illnesses. So I was surprised when Joel said that it actually helped him. I have also read about psychiatrists etc who start to develop mental health issues after they start treating people with mental health issues. If I were a doctor I think my mist regular patient would be myself. I would probably be booked out all day, tucked away in my office and examing myself. Lol
MyNameIsTerry
30-06-15, 06:43
We've got a medical student regular on here at the moment so maybe she will say how it affects her. I don't think she has HA though so perhaps not quite the same situation but its a very pressurised career path so you can understand how it can be overwhelming in general.
There is usually a period of self analysis or therapy built in therapy courses overhere (the reputable ones certainly anyway) and I've always wondered how many people drop out due to exposure of underlying anxieties or whether that stage helps them pass beyond it. Maybe someone like Rennie or Anthrokid can shed some light on it?
I've thought about working in this field in the past. Maybe a lot of us do who go through this as we feel the need to help others out of it? I've always said that if I couldn't 100% guarantee I wouldn't be affected by it, I would never risk it as I don't think it would do me or other people any good. Having said that, when I used to go to the charity walk-ins, they were staffed by volunteer coordinators who were service users themselves and often not recovered. Some of them wanted to train up to be counsellors. Maybe feeling so motivated is part of how they pass through this?
I followed a person who said there were people here I could help, I brought others with me. I thought they might get help here and a point besides mine. We were all on a very small site. My friend doesn't come here anymore. It is too stressful. We communicate by mail, or Skype. By doing cognitive restructuring she is better than 80%. She will attain a possible 100% if she stays away. There are too many triggers here too close to home. I have a thicker skin it seems and more tolerance and i'm smiling because I allowed myself to be egged on. And I still don't know what they are talking about, I supply information is all. This whole site is personal impressions except for a few rather long information posts that are condensing of even longer pages off the internet. And they are in the right forum. And they are not my impressions, they are facts you can go look up. They were supposed to get you doing that. So what is wrong with cured people being on here, You come looking for answers where there are only people that have none and what will you get? Kick off the cured and the close and what will you have?
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If you like what you do it is easier to accept the risk and the possibility. I was a faller for 14 years I expected to get killed by a tree, a few tried. When fallers get together they say "You made it, your still alive" Life expectancy is pretty short. Then they talk about the good times and glory days. Machines are replacing us but someone still has to cut down the really big trees a machine can't. You don't live long if you don't know what you are doing.
There is nothing wrong with people who have overcome anxiety continuing to come here to help other people. In fact, it is very admirable of them. I agree that it is a place which can act as a trigger for some, myself included. The main reason people come here is to seek reassurance. It is the reason I come here too. I rarely ask for help with any of my issues but I will search for threads which mention those issues and often get reassurance from the advice that was offered to the OPs of those threads. I will often offer advice if I have experienced something that someone is worried about. Rightly or wrongly I do get annoyed at some people who start thread after thread about a different illness every other day. Not because they start threads about their concerns but because they do not seem to be doing anything to address the underlying anxiety.
I sometimes think that Fish, Gary and Davit may be here just to advise and not because they have their own anxiety issues.
I've relayed this before but I found this sight due to HA sufferers posting on the cancer forums. In fact, it was the identical post here and on the sight. Just someone reassurance seeking. Unfortunately, it doesn't go over very well when you have that happening on the cancer or other illness forums. I can understand maybe one or two questions but when it becomes continual reassurance seeking it's actually disrespectful.
For me, I stayed to hopefully quell some fears about cancer and heart disease. Also, despite a bit of "scanxiety" and depression from dealing with my own health issues, I'm 99% rational concerning physical illnesses and niggles. Heck, my life is one big niggle ~lol~
I've also researched the heck out of anxiety disorder and depression as my daughter suffers from it rather severely. She's on meds and in therapy and fortunately doing great! So I have some personal insight that hopefully helps.
Personally, my feelings concerning the forum are double edged. While I think it's comforting knowing you're not alone and there's a certain cathartic benefit to writing out your thoughts and fears, I see it as a detriment to many as it can keep you focused on your fear and becomes a crutch or replacement for professional help. That's why you see those that seek help eventually fade away IMO. The reassurance seeking is detrimental to recovery and reading about other's fears can be a trigger. How many times do you see a certain fear (lymph nodes, MS, rabies etc.) become prevalent when one person posts? Next thing you know there are several others posting about it.
Ultimately, it's an individual thing. Hopefully, people will glean the positives from the forum (and there are many) and move toward healing.
Positive thoughts
To answer your question, terry, about working in the field ... I got my degree in marriage and family therapy. There was a lot of work on our own issues built into the program and we were all highly encouraged to get our own therapy. The training and field recognizes that we are all human and come with our own "stuff." The key is to learn to be aware of your "stuff" when it enters the therapy room and use supervision to work through that so it doesn't interfere with what you provide the client. Do I have people who trigger me that I work with? Of course, all therapists do. Do I have days where it's really hard to put my stuff to the side? Yup. It's about self awareness and willingness to face your stuff in order to not let it affect the work you do with somebody else.
I'm pretty introverted too, so some days I go home and literally can't talk to anybody else because I used all that energy up. But it's worth it for me. Being a therapist is just as much about working with your own parts of your personality as it is about others.
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Also just to respond to your other question - a lot of people dropped out of my program because of that. As did a lot of relationships end!! It's hard work.
Fish and Paul I truly enjoy reading your posts. We share a similar sense of humour and you often give me a giggle. I make a joke on here every now and then and usually end up feeling guilty and thinking "this is a serious place and most people aren't in the mood for joking around" but I always end up doing it again. Well they say laughter is good for the soul. :winks:
We find it easier to look at it rationally when it is other people, well of course we do. I have replied to many people on here and sincerely hope I have helped someone a little bit . I have only posted my own anxieties two or three times and have actually only once had a reply but I keep looking to see If I can help anyone else and it helps, as we have all said, to know that you are not alone. I thought I was the only 'freak' till I found this site.
There's a philosophy I have concerning people, relationships etc. that I'll share. It came from when I was dating a lot after my divorce and before meeting my now wife.
"We're all whacked. To various degrees but all the same, whacked. It's when you meet someone equally whacked that they seem normal to you."
So essentially, those that seem more together than yourself are still whacked but maybe not to the same degree as you and those that seem whacked to you are possibly a bit more whacked than you are ;)
Positive thoughts
What a fantastic attitude Paul. And for what it is worth I like mash.
MyNameIsTerry
01-07-15, 05:23
I've relayed this before but I found this sight due to HA sufferers posting on the cancer forums. In fact, it was the identical post here and on the sight. Just someone reassurance seeking. Unfortunately, it doesn't go over very well when you have that happening on the cancer or other illness forums. I can understand maybe one or two questions but when it becomes continual reassurance seeking it's actually disrespectful.
Yes, I agree. I've referred a few people to MSE about financial issues or employment before and I tell them not to go into their anxiety because they may not experience the same understanding as on here.
Even people on mild ailments websites will get annoyed at what they see as an attention seeker and tell them things that can range from helpful to spiteful.
For more serious issues, like your cancer forums, I can't see it as helpful at all. Those places must be full with scared people at various stages and I'm guessing some would be annoyed at someone with anxiety when there are people on there needing their support.
Some time ago I remember reading something on the HA article on NMP's main website and I found it to be a potential problem when it comes to this issue:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/articles/healthanxiety
5. Educate yourself
If you are truly obsessively worried about some illness, research it properly – contact the support group – there is always one – and get the booklets and ask to be put in contact with a sufferer and make the effort to speak to them and discuss your issues. Study it in depth objectively – not just surfing from site to site picking out tiny bits surrounding one or two anecdotal symptoms and making what you read fit your profile.
Perhaps that needs to be altered slightly? I really don't agree with talking to a sufferer with many ailments.
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Swajj - I know what you mean, humour can be a problem. I say the same about things like flirting which was a common thing in the forums I was used to before here (non health forums). I guess you have to gauge the other persons perception or if you know them well enough?
What you mentioned about coming here more for reassurance, is that more HA you are talking about? I guess its likely to be involved in all the disorders, but I think with some a need for information comes into it too. I didn't come here for reassurance, although its nice to get it sometimes, but I had worked my way out of the really bad stages so it could have been different back then. I was a watcher on & off for a while at some of those points and it did feel a relief to find I wasn't going mad. It put me onto looking more into my OCD initially, enough to help reduce my anxious thoughts about it, but I learned the most when I joined and started doing it a lot more on other forums and with online medical articles.
swgrl09 - thanks. I forgor about you, sorry! :doh: and Debs, Jacsta & CPE aren't on here much thesedays.
Its an interesting conversation that it would be good to see more of.
Yes Terry, HA related reassurance. I recognise that continued reassurance is not beneficial for HA in the long term. Actually it is probably detrimental in some regards. For instance, if I were to come here worried about a pain in my shoulder blade and found a thread where someone has had the same concern and asked for advice, then I would feel reassured to read that it is very likely muscular. However, if that same person had googled a list of possible dire reasons why they might have shoulder blade pain and included them in their post then it would trigger anxious thoughts in me. Put it this way, I just came here because I wanted to hear it was nothing serious but instead I now believe I am having a heart attack, something that hadn't even entered my head until I saw it here. That isn't a real example btw, it is just a scenario I'm using to make my point. Anyway that is why I say I am very selective about which threads I read. I learnt long ago not to google symptoms and if I'm avoiding doing that to keep my anxiety in check I don't need to come here and be presented with someone else's list of googled symptoms. I hope all that makes some sort of sense. I'd go back and read it but I'm starting to bore myself now. Lol
---------- Post added at 16:23 ---------- Previous post was at 16:19 ----------
Paul you should have taken some of your mash along to your next group therapy session. Lol
tmckenzie-orr
01-07-15, 07:54
That's a very good way of looking at yhings, I think this forum does help but can also be a bad trigger so it's sensible what to read and what not too it's all about triggers and then keeping anxiety locked up
Ah yes but no matter how selective you are sometimes you still get caught out. What looks like a perfectly innocent thread can suddendly go in a different direction. For example, the shoulder blade pain poster gets a half a dozen replies reassuring him or her that it is bound to be muscular. Then comes reply number 7 which goes something like this "hey I know exactly how you feel I had that pain a couple of weeks ago and I stupidly googled and found out that it could be a symptom of a stroke or lung cancer or ALS..." And the idiotic googler spews out another 3 or 4 dire diseases. I'm still learning to exit a thread before I read even the first line of those posts.
Swajj, that is accurate, Reading negatives opens Amygdala. Focusing on not wanting to read what you know is negative does the same. but reassurance is positive and Amygdala can't use that. The reassurance part of this site is good, But some times negatives have to come with a question, Best not to read what is not directly related to you or do ir with care and positive thought.
MyNameIsTerry
01-07-15, 08:34
I think you've raised an important point swajj, the difference between a subtle reinforcer - the reassurance, and the all out panic of finding a triggering thread. Both are going to be bad really.
If HA displays an obsessive/compulsive cycle like OCD, anything that reinforces is going to be bad. Usually in OCD the scary part is coming from the obsession though so that triggering issue is less likely as its probably restricted to some of the Pure O forms where Googling could reveal something that has the same impact e.g. someone with paedophilia OCD might click on an innocent link and see a child in a bathing costume and the panic about why they did that starts and kicks off a whole bunch of mental rituals. But OCD does actually reassurance as a compulsion. You can see it in Relationship OCD forms where a partner feels the need to confess (which is really the compulsion) in order to either gain reassurance from the partner or gain closure instead. I've seen it with people posting for reassurance too on the OCD board.
So, if obsession based disorders share some common ground, a reinforcer would be bad on here as its bad for OCD as it closes the loop between the obsession and the compulsion.
Its obviously different and more complex but it seems to bring the same result.
Maybe some of the ways OCD is tackled work in HA too? For instance, non judgemental thinking when obsessions come along and keeping away from strong emotional reactions when triggered? Those tend to be helpers in other anxiety disorders and it seems to make sense with HA to stop the thoughts spiralling.
So if we don't come here for reassurance then why do we come here? Yes a minority come for the sole purpose of helping others. But the majority come for advice and reassurance. So then if reassurance is a negative thing then how should we be responding to those seeking reassurance. Should we just say "go and get therapy". Come on, I haven't seen 1 person doing only that. Instead, I've seen reassurance given by every member on here. Even the most logical people.
---------- Post added at 17:33 ---------- Previous post was at 17:20 ----------
I remember telling my psyciatrist that it tortured me to watch anything on television or read anything about people dying from terminal illnesses because I felt such empathy for them. His response was that I could not allow myself to feel empathy for them as it was detrimental to my anxiety. As I have mentioned before my psych was an advocate of CBT.
MyNameIsTerry
01-07-15, 09:11
Advice makes sense. Out of concern makes sense too. Reassurance isn't always bad, it depends whether it gets attached to as cycle of behaviour, doesn't it? So, it becomes a safety behaviour just like carrying water.
http://psychology.tools/safety-behaviors-worksheet.html
Is that how reassurance makes people feel? That it has taken away anxiety?
Does it become a subtle avoidance?
Do some people make it into a healthy adaptive behaviour or are they all unhelpful safety behaviours?
It's an interesting discussion. As with most things - resources like this forum will be visited by many people who will use it in a wide variety of ways. Some positive, and in some cases arguably negative. There isn't much any of us can do to influence or control how someone that visits NMP chooses to incorporate the information and input they receive from this site in to their life, anxiety cycles or therapy.
My personal experience of this site has been more on the adaptive side of things I believe. In that, it has been extremely helpful to me to see such a variety of different posters giving their opinions and writing/explaining things in their own unique ways. “New” beliefs are often formed for me when I am given insight in to how differently other people view and interpret the same set of circumstances and I have often thought to myself "wow, yes, I hadn't thought of it like that before" - or I’ve found that a particular positive thought, idea or concept someone has shared has resonated strongly with me (or I have just really liked the way they have explained something), to the point where I have actually taken some of these new ways of looking at things and they have actually become part of my own belief system. I'm sure others have benefitted the same way as I have.
I have been suffering myself with Death Anxiety.... closely related, although not exactly identical to HA. I recently read a brilliant book called “Staring at the Sun” on the subject and I found it incredibly helpful in dealing with my issues, due to the fact that the author listed a large number of potential ways to view and deal with death anxiety and overcome fear of death. Not every idea in the book resonated with me – but just a few of them did. And this site acts in a similar way; a lot of information and a lot of new ideas coming from different people, some that “stick” and some that don’t. The complication with NMP is that some negative – as well as positive – concepts read on here may stick with some people.
Obviously I have also seen (in my time lurking) that some posters very much do seem to rely on NMP as part of their cycle or pattern of anxiety, posting a litany of different issues one after another in order to receive what they know will generally be a number of people lining up to give them a reassuring pat on the back and tell them it will be OK. And whether that is good or bad or not is somewhat subjective I think. It's certainly not addressing their anxiety at the root cause, that’s for sure ...however "coping" mechanisms like this are still a legitimate way for people to minimise or mitigate some anxiety. And this site does at least act as a bridge to direct people to possible ways of finding longer term solutions, in addition to just reassuring folks – and that itself is a good thing.
MyNameIsTerry
01-07-15, 11:32
Excellent post, Frenchy :yesyes:
I first came to nmp to find out if there were any successful medications to help or 'cure' anxiety and panic.
I am sooo sensitive to all medications, but was desperate enuf at the time to try anything with a positive review. However, what I have found, was that, in general, side effects of most ADs are horrendous and take so long to work and can even stop being effective!!!
Yes people are reassuring, and if they can give any appropriate advice on a problem, then at least one hey are acknowledging a persons for y for help.
Very interesting post Frenchy
Frenchy, I read Staring at the Sun several years ago after my mother died because my HA spiraled out of control and I also became terrified of death. It is a great read for anybody going through similar ... By Yalom, a famous existential therapist.
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