friends!!!!

[ceecee]

hi
just needed to vent i think!!!
i have fallen out with who i thought was a really good friend!
i told her about my anxiety(which is a really big thing for me as not many people know)anyway first she was really supportive but then she started saying some really nasty things,(she even said in front of my daughter last week at swimming that i am skin and bone and that i look terrible!!!!)shes also said may more horrible things so i decided that in order to make myself better i would ignore her texts.
anyway yesterday after she kept txtin me i phoned her to explain why i hadn,t been replying to her.
anyway she started ranting and then put the phone down on me!!!!!!1
she then sent a txt saying that she has never said anything like that and that is all in my head,just like my anxiety!!!!!!!
i just feel so down as i thought she was a really good friend(how wrong could i have been!!!!)i have got lots of friends but to make things worse her hubby and mine are really good friends,but even her hubby said he knows what shes like but even after all she said i feel guilty!!!WHY!!!!!!!!!!!I THINK PEOPLE WITH ANXIETY ALWAYS WORRY EVEN WHEN THEY,VE DONE NOTHING WRONG!!!1
SORRY TO GO ON !!!!
i,d be grateful for any advice
take care
rach x

[Loonie]

It sounds to me like she's a bit jealous of you.
You can rise above this. People say horrible things to others to make themselves feel better. As far as I'm concerned, if that's how they feel better, I pity them.
Even though your hubbies are friends shouldn't make you feel bad. You are strong and obviously more powerfull than you thought.
If you want to still speak to her then it makes you the much better person.
It is dificult when lifes hard enough and I wouldn't blame you if you never had anything to do with her especially saying these things infront of your daughter. I'd be angry too.
It just goes to show your sensitivity and care that this has bothered you so much.

It's not enough to say "I tried!" You must try and try again.

[ceecee]

thanks loonie i appreciate thar.i just wish i wasn,t sooooo sensitive sometimes!
take care
rach x

[Ma Larkin]

I'm sure she'll calm down Rach. Sometimes those we think care about us cannot handle anxiety too well. They try and reach us from all angles i.e. insulting us by saying we look crap, too thin, etc., shouting at us, accusing us of it all being in our head. If she's a true friend then she'll come round. Maybe she's just so worried about you because she doesn't really know how to help.

Les, xx

[belle]

Hi Rach..
Completely understand.
I had what i thought was a "good friend". She's been there since i was 14, was my bridesmaid and my son's godmother, but last September i found out that her and a male friend of hers were reading my blog and laughing at me behind my back, calling me things like "freak" and saying i'd "lost the plot". This devestated me. It was like losing a limb when our friendship ended, but hey, if she see's me in that way, then she is NO friend.

All i can suggest is give it some time, let things calm down and then approach her again.

I hope you sort this out...

Sarah x

[Elle]

Rach
There's nothing worse than being made fun of. I used to get that a lot at school. I was sensitive and introspective and I stood out as different which obviously didn't go down well. But I learned from these knocks although, yes, I am still a sensitive soul.

Until recently I used to post on a local forum. I live in a small town and a local forum is an incredibly useful thing to have. You hear the local news and gossip. But, of course, other topics get discussed and, fool that I am, I wear my heart on my sleeve and say it like it is. One topic got around to views on life after death and ghosts. I had a lot to say since I know someone who regularly sees spirits and the subject fascinates me. Guess what the reaction was? People were rude to me and told me that what I was talking was a load of bovine excrement! I had the definite feeling that I wasn't wanted or appreciated on that forum and so I stopped posting.

Glancing at it today, I see that arguments are abounding and tempers are running high. They still squabble without me. You know what, some people can be so negative. They just can't see the good in other people and they can be very intolerant. Sadly, this isn't going to change but I choose to not communicate with these people any more. They don't deserve me!

Hope things work out for you!

Elle

[Melina]

Hi rach, Im really sensitive too, I worry and over analyse too. you may have anxiety but it sounds to me like shes the one with the real issues! I have realised through experiencing bullying in the workplace that it really is the bullies or those with a nasty tongue that have alot of issues, those who are loud and brash often are covering up their insecurities and gain their 'power' by making others feel like crap

[ceecee]

hi
thank you all for replying.shes sent me about 20 really abusive txts today,and the last few have been really nasty,i,m trying soooo hard not to let it get to me put think i,m going to flip in a minute!!!!!
the best thing about it is is that she has problems too but i would never have thrown them up in her face!!!!!
i,m just wish i,d never told her about my anxiety in the first place
take care all and thanks again
rach x

[Evie]

Hi Rach
Woh your friend sounds het up. I think what the two of you need to do is meet face to face and have a proper heart to heart about how you are both feeling because something seems to have gone badly awry here and for no obvious reason. No kids, no husbands, just the two of you. Go and meet in a park (says she when it's the end of January), somewhere neutral but where you feel you can really speak your minds without fear of being embarrassed about being overheard by strangers.

Texts and phones are fine for communicating information but are REALLY cr*p for communicating emotion. You need to be face to face with someone to read in their face whether they're angry, sad, hurt, scared or just being downright abusive and I can't believe that you can have been soooo wrong for sooo long. You've got to consider it might be a big dreadful misunderstanding that's grown from some tiny misapprehension. A new girl at our work once got really scared and worried about an email from our boss that responded to her meeting request with the reply "what about please?" She was really worried that she hadn't phrased her own e-mail politely enough (he was the director) until I pointed out that he was famously hopeless at typing and had simply missed out the comma. It ought to have read "what about, please?" which of course had an entirely different meaning. If I hadn't explained this to her the two of them would have got off on a really bad footing and all because of a missing comma.

Show her you value what you have and that you're worried about her. That might shame her into letting it all out properly and at the very least you will know that you gave it your best shot. Wait a couple of days though, just to give your head time to clear. If she still acts like this, steer as clear as you can and hope that she sorts herself out soon. She definitely sounds like she has issues.

Friendships can be very one-sided at times, and we each keep them for different reasons. I have a very long-standing friendship (30 years) with someone who is so riddled through with self-doubt and self-loathing that I have to ration my time with her very carefully or I come away with all my own fears unshared and all of hers on my shoulders as well, mainly because her paranoia is such that she can't take on and share any of my fears and worries without turning them in on herself and placing herself in my shoes and worrying about how she would cope if it happened to her...and suddenly I find we're talking about her again.

When my father died I found myself comforting her because she broke down at the thought of how she'd cope with her own father dying, and how could she be so selfish to be going on like this when I'd just really, really lost mine? These were all her own words, not mine, and I just didn't know what to say. I tried to comfort her as best I could but my grief was bleeding so hard inside and it just struck me as so wrong that this should be happening and part of me really began to resent her but I didn't want to hurt her further by saying that so I've just had to be really careful since then and if I'm really really hurting over something I try to spend time with one of my other friends first to restore a little equilibrium...a little like making sure you have a good breakfast before a long day's hike. I am terribly terribly lucky with my friends and have two or three who are really good at sharing and helping one another equally, so I don't grudge this one friend. I love her dearly and desperately want to see her happy, but I just feel so impotent when it comes to helping because it has to come from within herself. She has trodden the thin line between anorexia and bulimia since we were about sixteen and I just try and give her as much support as I can, but in short, happy bursts that don't leave me feeling drained and empty. I had time off work with a nervous breakdown a couple of years ago so have to be protective of my own wellbeing, but I would so love to see her happy and at home in her own skin and personality ins

[ceecee]

thanks evie
i too would like to meet face to face but she won,t even pick up her phone,instead choosing to send horrible text s!i too have lots of good friends,but they don,t know about my anxiety!i certainly wouldn,t tell them now,not after this experience!!!!!
take care and thanks again
rach x

[Elle]

Rach
But you're telling us about your experiences and we are lending a sympathetic ear. Don't give up on the whole world just because of this incident. At some point or other most of us will have experienced something like this and survived to tell the tale - and learn from it too. Clearly this has upset you but it does not have to upset you for ever more. Perhaps you should just let go and move on especially since this person does not seem to want to know you.

If you really, really value her friendship then try to smooth things over. So, do you? That's what you have to ask yourself.

Elle

[Piglet]

I always try to go by the old adage of treating someone the way you would wish to be treated yourself. I don't think this friend is really being a friend at the moment and I think it might be best to not respond to her.

We learn as we go along who we can trust and who we can't. A good friend does not use your anxiety against you to suit their own purposes or arguments in the future.

It can be for some people that focussing on your issues stops them facing some of their own and it rather suits them to play the dominate part in a friendship.

If you consider yourself to be a good and loyal friend then expect no less from your friends either!!

Love Piglet :)

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[ceecee]

hi
thanks elle and piglet
i haven,t heard anymore from her and have been visiting other friends today so i feel better now
the sad thing is is that she hasn,t got any friends and is always falling out with her mum and sisters but i just thought it was them and not her!!!!!
i,ve realised that i don,t need friends like her in my life,i,m coping with enough at the mo
thanks guys for all your support
you really are a great bunch
take care
rach x