can't take it anymore

[hazmatz]

I feel like I'm on the verge of a psychotic break or something. I haven't been getting good sleep, I am having chest pain and weird heart issues but can't afford to go to a doctor because I'm living paycheck to paycheck.

And I'm only 19. I can barely afford this apartment and I work 40 hours a week...I just feel like there are so many things to worry about in life, and it is all so overwhelming. I feel unwell in general, both physically and mentally. I don't want medication. I've tried meditating but find myself getting very frustrated and giving up easily.

The only thing that helps is physical hobbies like skateboarding and snowboarding, however, they seem to trigger my strange undiagnosed heart issues that appear even when I'm not anxious, nervous.

I've also been getting some bad headaches with disturbing visual distortions. In all my 19 years until now, I maybe had 5 headaches total. I never EVER used to get headaches and now I find myself getting several per week.

What's going on with me? :( the chest pains kept me up until 7am last night and now I have to go in for a 8.5 hour shift in half an hour...surely something's gotta give soon.

[Oosh]

Hey relax. Don't let yourself get worked up. You can get tenser and tenser and more and more worried, all sorts of suggestions running wild through your head. Recognise it and unwind. Reverse out of that path and take a moment to just relax.

All those thoughts, pretty panicked hey ? All very anxiety heavy, convincing yourself things are near disaster, near breaking point. Can you see how unbalanced that all is ?

Try and calm yourself down with some calming, reassuring self talk. Make that part of your mind a little bit louder and more dominant. Relax and get your confidence back.

You sound like you are doing really well holding down a full time job. That's not easy. It's hard to relax and get a grip of the torrent of garbage going through your head when you are always busy.
Your own apartment at 19 is really good going.

Kick the legs out from underneath some of those beliefs. You are NOT about to have some sort of psychotic episode and your heart isn't weak and feeble and moments away from failing. Your heart is incredibly strong and YOU are much stronger than you think, going through what you're going through and continuing to hold down a full time job.

The snow boarding/skateboarding sounds like a fantastic idea. Don't let anxieties steal them from you. They get your blood pumping which pumps out the stress hormones (very healthy and good for your heart), they make your heart STRONGER and you may even be able to lose yourself and achieve a state of flow and escape the stress in life for a while. It is an incredibly good idea.

If your head fills up with worries, write them down one by one with the aim to find calm. Don't indulge the anxiety, write to look for what calms you down.

Chest pains are just anxiety symptoms because you are stressed out.
Visual disturbance is also down to stress.
There are lots of uncomfortable physical anxiety symptoms like those but they clear up when you can learn to relax and get in a good place on a consistent basis. Just see them as a stone in your shoe for now. You're going to be ok.

Just try and build a stable base for now.
Good nutrition, in case that's contributing to your general anxiety levels.
Stop worrying about symptoms now and prioritise good sleep.
Gather your thoughts and calm yourself through writing.
Each work day completed is a big achievement. Pile them on top of one another into a little mountain of productivity. Stand back, look at the growing mountain of achievement and give yourself a pat on the back.
Have a problem solving attitude if you hate your job and want more.
Prioritise time to enjoy those hobbies and enjoy those health benefits.

Don't let anxiety convince you you're on any sort of edge, you're not. Calm yourself down and turn this around bit by bit.

Things move in a calmer, more positive direction from here. Small successes then gather momentum and you'll find yourself in a better place.