Travelling

[lavender123]

Hi there everybody, I booked at long weekend break to a beach about 60 miles from where I live, I haven't had a lholiday for a long time, years in fact because if diffrent things and my fear if travelling on the motorway, I thought I would have a trial run last week to see how I am, and I couldn't do it as soon as I hit the motorway, I panicked and wanted to get off , so I have had to cancel my holiday again,I don't drive so I am in the passenger seat, I feel such a failure again, I know I could have gone to the doctors for a sedative, but then I worry about getting home,and how I am going to be on holiday, I am always trying but now I know I can't do it, I feel so low.

[gregcool]

Hi lavender..well my advice would have been to stick with the driving and not give into the fear,that only makes it harder in the future..i spent time away last week for 6 nights ..it was about 70 miles away.i also have motoway phobias and bridges and tunnels and wide open spaces.its hampered me for years and stoped me enjoying my life..well last week i drove to gatwick airport collected 16 people in a mini bus.took them 40 miles away.and each day i had to drive them around different areas not knowing if there would be bridges or tunnels.i stuck with it and made it through the week.on the last day i had to drop them in london,and couldnt avoid driving over flyovers and bridges...but i forced myself and went through the fear factor..then come home..as i sot hear now,i feel i could do it all again easy this time....dont let your fear fool you....good luck.its a shame yiu have missed a wonderful holiday..

[Mart0310]

Hi Lavender,

Ive also shared this experience, it makes life very limiting, but remember we are only limited by our thoughts, nothing more.

For me, breaking the trip down into stages was the trick. 'I'll go to x point and see how I feel', 'I'll go to Y point and see how I go' and so on. before I knew it I was there!

As a passenger, you have the luxury of distraction, a book, laptop, crossword, tablet. A cup of tea in a travel mug, in fact anything that makes you feel more grounded. Sitting in the back may also help :) Is Motorway the only option? could you go via A Roads / B Roads? Do you have a couple of friends/family members who you could call for a chat whilst you are travelling? you would be amazed what this does to anxiety levels from peak to base in just a few minutes ;)

You will get there, remember just a couple of things - Anxiety/Panic will never keep rising, it reaches a high point and drops, you've dealt with that a million times Im guessing? Its no different on a journey, despite what we tell ourselves, it may possibly peak, but it WILL fall again. The Drive is 60 miles, so at a maximum Its One hour and 30 minutes I guess? How many times have you coped with Anxiety at a higher level for that length of time? many Im sure, you coped then, you can cope now!

The very worst case scenario is that part way there you will have to come home - I told myself that a good few times, but I never needed to ;)

To give you hope, I now own a caravan on site, which I visit every weekend, and as much as possible during summer. This from someone who was adamant he couldnt travel.

There is always a solution Lavender, Try it, you may just surprise yourself ;)

[lavender123]

Thanks for the replies yes I know what you are saying and very good advice, I went for this trail run with my husband who isn't very well, at the time I thought I would take the bull by the horns and do it, I get these little bouts of courage now and again, but as I got on the a.12 at collier row towards the 127 to southend my courage went, and yes I had my claire weekes cd ready and my rescue remedy on hand, what you were saying about going a distance and then doing it slow, my husband don't understand and say I have to do 60 on the motor way, if I had my own caravan maybe I could do it as I know I could get use to it,or maybe if a member of my family were needing me I would thrive to get there if you know what I mean. I really want to see the sea.after sitting here for years...

[Mart0310]

I totally understand Ive been there too! Well done for at attempting it, you made a decision to try, you made it to the A12 look on that as an achievement.

Have a think about what you told yourself at that point, what made you turn round? You didnt lose your courage, a panicky thought won out. Probably something like If I go any further Im going to get really panicky and its a long way home? it wont settle before I get home? Try to think what that thought was, and reason it out. Remember its the thought that made you turn around, not the situation or the location.

I also think having the Claire Weeks and Rescue remedy to hand might not be useful, its almost telling yourself you will be anxious and going to need those things. The idea being to drag your thoughts into the here and now rather than something anxiety related. You are the expert where your anxiety is concerned .. What stops you feeling anxious? talking to someone on the phone, using a laptop? reading? all those things can be done in the car :)


Dont look upon the last attempt as a failure, look upon it as something to build on, you got so far before the panicky thought won out, try again, see how far you go this time ;) Maybe it would be helpful to sit your husband down and explain that the pressure of all or nothing is setting you up for a fail, and that small steps are the most likely way of sucess.

[lavender123]

Thanks mart. At least you see things . Yes I know by bringing all my panic helpers with me, ie. rescue remedy etc is only making things more important , get the meaning, when I am on roads with shops either side, . I am not too bad, it's wide open spaces . Motor ways thst go on and on,where you cannot stop,it's being trapped in the passenger seat,in a car . If you know what I mean,you say what thoughts do I think , I think I don't want to be here, yes I have sat my husband down to explain, but I think he tries but doesn't understand, I never used to be like this . I never liked going on the fast line anyway, I will try short journeys, again. Thanks it's complicated, this anxiery /panic disorder is very hard, to manage .

[Mart0310]

Hi Lavender,

I totally understand, everything you have said, I have experienced too. Particularly the 'trapped panic' thats good old adrenalin kicking in and telling our bodies we need to run.

You are right, its a complicated chain of thoughts, sometimes we just need to break down the chain of thoughts. You say your thought was " I dont want to be here" ... If you were to say that out loud in situ, the natural response question would be 'Why Not' ? How would you respond? Because it feels trapped? Thinking that through a little more, in a car on the open road, you are in reality, less trapped than in any other situation you are likely to face.

The point where you say "I dont want to be here" is the point where you have reached out and hit the panic button, there will have been a chain of thoughts (which you may not have noticed) leading up to the point of hitting that button. Have a think about what they are.

The first one might have been "I know I will feel panicky on the Motorway" this in turn would push your anxiety up a little, the sensations reinforce the statement. Its really important to try to identify the early anxious thinking to prevent it reaching the panic button stage. "I know I will feel panicky on the motorway" could be replaced with a rational argument "I will feel onl y feel panicky on the motorway if I think this way" at that point distract yourself with a physical task - phone call, laptop, word search etc

Grabbing the anxious thinking much earlier than panic point makes it much easier to rationlise ;)

Try also sitting in the back, Ive no idea why, but somehow it seems to help ;)

Think how amazing you will feel when you get to the beach ;) focus on the end goal as much as you can ;)

[sial72]

Hi Lavender
Don't beat yourself over this, I understand exactly how you feel 100%, I have cancelled things in the past and then felt so bad, so useless...but you are not, you are just trying your best. Have you read Claire Weekes' books? She explains how we face things the wrong way, testing ourselves. I founds her knowledge extremely useful and there is a chapter about going on holiday.
I totally recommend xxx

[Davit]

This is agoraphobia and the cure is simple but long to explain it is in one of the Starred threads in the panic forums. It does work, I'm so sure of it I will eat my socks if it doesn't

[lavender123]

Hi what some advice. I am considering going on a coach trip to walton on the naze from romford on the 27th july this year, and I am very nervous but all east I can sit in the isle and not see the roads , anyway I don't know wether to go, please help me I know it's my decision , do you think somewhere nearer would be better, or am I pushing myself too much. Please let me know what you all think as I haven't booked yet.

[simonlacree]

Thoughts. I think i can't go out the door and i can't

[blue moon]

HI Simon.......:winks::D

[Mart0310]

Hi what some advice. I am considering going on a coach trip to walton on the naze from romford on the 27th july this year, and I am very nervous but all east I can sit in the isle and not see the roads , anyway I don't know wether to go, please help me I know it's my decision , do you think somewhere nearer would be better, or am I pushing myself too much. Please let me know what you all think as I haven't booked yet.

Still pushing yourself forward I see :yesyes:

I guess it depends firstly on your panic triggers, if your only concern is the roads, and an isle seat would reassuring then anxiety isnt really a question for you. Logically, You have to ask yourself whats the best and worst that can happen? the worst is that you will spend a few hours feeling uncomfortably anxious, horrible but not dangerous and definitely achievable, come on we're all experts in coping with these feelings for hours at a time! The best that could happen is that you will go, be totally distracted by this exciting experience, have the time of your life with little or no anxiety as you did with the church morning.

Try a pro's and cons list, it may help you decide :winks:

[lavender123]

Thanks I haven't exactly booked yet, as my family keep saying that it will be too much for me, it's that I can make plans and keep letting myself down , wondering if I am doing right or wrong, I wish I could feel more positive,