mezzaninedoor
02-07-15, 20:46
have been living with anxiety and depression for years now, at least 15 but if early 'stress' was mis diagnosed and was anxiety and depression then possibly 25 years.
I'm so fearful at this time as Im in another descent which I battled, I tried to stay at work but it was awful as I felt I couldn't analyse of make decisions. My fear is that where as episodes were 4 years apart and then 2 years apart Im now 51 and only last year a lengthy episode ruined my 50th birthday. With medication and support I made it back to work BUT I then had a dip I worked through in January and now I find myself feeling 'lost','broken','useless','fearful' basically very scared.
Im on medication, Im trying to use the tools of mindfulness and CBT but its frustrating as at the moment it does not feel like its gettng better. When I talk to folks who are supportive I find myself saying 'I Dont Know', i just dont know.
Theres lots of advice, lots of support BUT that doesnt mean its making the difference I want.
This time around I have also subscribed to 'Happify' app but even though I can read the science, understand the science associated I just feel parylsed.
I need my job, my jobs not even the hardest job in the world, I just think I cant do it, I think Im useless and everyone tells me im great and respected but i dont feel that way.
Its first world problems, Im not fleeing persecution, Im not a Nepal survivor, Im beating myself up thaT I have privileges and I just dont measure up.
I cant see where this all ends up at the moment
I dont want to spead my last working years up and down with these episodes, hate my head
I'm so fearful at this time as Im in another descent which I battled, I tried to stay at work but it was awful as I felt I couldn't analyse of make decisions. My fear is that where as episodes were 4 years apart and then 2 years apart Im now 51 and only last year a lengthy episode ruined my 50th birthday. With medication and support I made it back to work BUT I then had a dip I worked through in January and now I find myself feeling 'lost','broken','useless','fearful' basically very scared.
Im on medication, Im trying to use the tools of mindfulness and CBT but its frustrating as at the moment it does not feel like its gettng better. When I talk to folks who are supportive I find myself saying 'I Dont Know', i just dont know.
Theres lots of advice, lots of support BUT that doesnt mean its making the difference I want.
This time around I have also subscribed to 'Happify' app but even though I can read the science, understand the science associated I just feel parylsed.
I need my job, my jobs not even the hardest job in the world, I just think I cant do it, I think Im useless and everyone tells me im great and respected but i dont feel that way.
Its first world problems, Im not fleeing persecution, Im not a Nepal survivor, Im beating myself up thaT I have privileges and I just dont measure up.
I cant see where this all ends up at the moment
I dont want to spead my last working years up and down with these episodes, hate my head