why is life so dam hard.

[mark78]

why in gods name is life so dam hard. these are the sort of questions going through my mind right now. im also asking my self what did i ever do in my life so far to be in this situation. like im feeling really out of touch with reality finding it very hard to control all the negative and intrusive thoughts racing through my mind. especially the non stop thoughts of dying and death its all makeing me feel very low and hopeless. all this on my brain isin't bad enough but me and my family are really struggling financially and to really top it off i have a 1st cousin who is over in america visiting her sister and has taking ill. like how much more dos life want to throw at me :weep:

[Sara27]

i've had thoughts like you too.. what did i do to deserve this and am i really that bad of a person someone could hurt me like that? i know how it feels when your whole world comes crashing down
i've been really inspired by people on here one in particular and it shows that you can change it and you can come back from even the most dreadful things this is what keeps me going holding that thought i am trying to do mindfulness and also littrle things that make me happy, i love to paint so i started that up again it's been a few years since i last spent time painting

[Davit]

Is that your dog.

Actually you will be surprised what you can handle, even if you don't want to. You shouldn't have to but since you can do nothing about it acceptance is the only answer.
I'm old but have good memories, they keep me going. My knees are titanium and plastic, my eyes have plastic lenses I have one leg pinned together and I don't have any teeth. Every day I hurt somewhere, sometimes bad. There are others on here that have things just as bad. Possibly worse. My point is not that you shouldn't be upset but that I invite you to see if you can find some good in your life to compensate. Even just a little. When you get old like me some days all you have is memories. What do you want to remember from now. See positive really helps with this.

[mark78]

no its not my dog just pic i put up. i do have three small dogs. as for what you have been saying i know you must right but im finding so hard to accept anyting right now when a person is feeling the way i am it can be so hard to tink positive like ive just seen some pictures of my two sisters and friends on facebook having a few drinks in ther neighbors front yard and enloying them selfs that should make me feel good but instead i feel upset because im not doing the same. how silly this must sound i know but thats how i feel right now :weep:

[Davit]

No mark that sounds normal, remember I have been there. I remember the helpless and hopeless feeling. God I would drive through town, see a friends car at the coffee shop but couldn't go in because it was crowded. I'd cry all the way home and then get real mad at myself. The self loathing was horrible. Even if I managed it I thought fine but what about next time. Thoughts like that were not doing me any good. I couldn't enjoy my success.

[mark78]

can i ask you how you deal with life now of days ???

[Davit]

I spent a life you don't want to do on medication, off because it made me sick, addicted to Ativan four years, ended up in the psych ward. Hit bottom and forced myself back up. When you have nothing but your life left to lose it is easy to fight.
I studied, and slowly learned the principles of CBT and put them into practice. A large part of it is thinking positive 24/7 even when you don't want to. It is like using a bucket with a hole in it. You are damn lucky at first to get anywhere with it but slowly the hole plugs up.
I sleep sound, I wake up happy. Even on days I hurt bad. Right now I get 4 to 6 hours sleep and it is enough. I have lots of concerns but no worries. I'm at the end of life and it doesn't bother me. I'm going to stretch it out and enjoy it.

I bet that sounds unattainable right now. There are eight threads in panic forums that tell you almost all you need to know to do CBT. Sam isn't on here or she would tell you it works, so would Panicgurl. Both doing well. Sam is amazing, a complete turn in a short period. You could read them and see if they help. Other than that you need a good therapist to guide you. If you read the success stories you will see it is always a form of cognitive restructuring just done different ways. It works.

[mark78]

thanks very much davit for taking the time to explain every ting in great detail. im fairly certain that cbt is a road i will have to go down.

---------- Post added at 23:18 ---------- Previous post was at 22:44 ----------

just a few minutes ago i started to to feel very angry at my situation and about life about every ting in general now still feeling abit angry but also feeling very low and tormented :mad::weep::scared15:

[Davit]

Just remember that although a lot of things need changing but are normal for this condition at this time. Acceptance is the first positive to get you started on the road to recovery.

[mark78]

but thats just it i just cant seem to be able to accept it right now i dont seem to have a enough control over my own mind right now to accept anyting at this time.

[Davit]

Accept you have a condition, don't accept anxiety is here. Small difference.

[MyNameIsTerry]

This is one of the stages you go through. I've been through it twice now.

Acceptance can be a very very hard thing to do. Accepting yout anxiety so that you can overcome it is a very big leap and doesn't work for many people because other methods do. You don't aim for that at this stage, you want to come to terms with it first before pushing that angle to see if it works.

Use acceptance to agree that you have a mental health condition, an anxiety disorder, all these symptoms, intrusive & negative thoughts, etc. Use it to accept that life right now is bad and thats just how it is. The more you fight it, the more your mind is going to spend its time fighting between what your subconscious is saying one minute, your conscious the next and your body at other times. It is what it is.

Thats what we do. Then we look towards how we move forward and this part can take some time before you feel movement so don't be put off if progress seems slow or even no existent at first. Its different for all of us on this.

Otherwise you end up with a lot of infighting and issues with ambivalence.

Trying to understand about your condition is a good start. Thinking about what has brought you to this is a good start. These are positives. Research. But thoughts about why you and how can anyone get out of this are negatives. They can't be helped at first but CBT and other methods can help to teach you what to do to change this.

I noticed Sara mentioned Mindfulness. Follow my link in my signature (as well as reading Davit's threads) as there are loads of free resources and even full 8 week courses in there.

I had intrusive thoughts and Mindfulness got me past them. It will teach you how to control your thoughts and not to judge them so they pass quicker. Its a life skill. Its not a religious thing either because despite it originating from a school of Buddhism, it is distillation meant for personal improvement and does not include the deep introspection of its derivative form. Therapist recommend it and NICE have added it to their guidelines for recurrent depression.