Huge hiv anxiety -i believe i have it please read

[cantthinkofanickname]

Hi, I'll try to make this as logical and short as possible. I don't know if I'll succeed since I litteraly believe I'm starting to lose my mind. I'll stick to the fact in a chronological way:
Three months ago, I (male) had sex with a stranger (male). We did use a condom except for oral. After that, I got this rash on my groins which only itched at night. I looked it up online and it looks like it could be scabies. I got it checked by a doctor and he diagnosed something else, and gave me pills which didn't work and the rash didn't disappear. After I started taking the pills, all these weird rashes started showing up on my body. I don't know if they're some kind of side effect to a pill that was wrongly prescribed, or an HIV rash. What has me really scared is that I had a fever like a month after the encounter.
Two moths after the encounter, I strapped on a pair and got tested. It was negative. But I found out there is this thing called a window period, during which you will still test negative even if you're positive. Now I'm days away from the three-month mark and I'm terrified to get tested. I know I should, but what if I'm positive? My whole life would be ruined, I would lose it all. I don't know, sometimes I get so scared I can't move. I think about it 24/7, and it's totally taken over me. I can't concentrate, I can't be relaxed, and it's starting to really affect my life.I've had a history for freaking out over nothing and believing I'm sick and dying, but this time there are actual signs.
I don't know if I'm just losing my mind or if I really have this. Really weird things are happening to me. I read about a symptom, and then I find it in my body. I believe I have swollen lymph nodes, but they don't hurt and there is no bump, I just think I feel them when I really try and touch it. Today I started worrying that I might had a fever even though I felt fine, then I measured my temperature and it was just a bit high. My hands have been sweating all day I couldn't even write because the pen would slip away. I don't know if I'm going paranoid or I'm really sick. I just couldn't handle a test, I couldn't handle a positive result. Turns out I still have the guy's number. Should I call him? Does it look like I have HIV? Please answer, I'm going crazy. Sometimes I realize I might look crazy. Today I was walking around all day with a shirt around my neck like a scarf, because I didn't had one where I was at, and I'm so scared I might have a facial rash I have stopped shaving because I'm afraid I'm gonna see it. I just couldn't handle seing something like this. I'm sorry if I made this too long, I'm sure I haven't said everything I wanted to say, but I really need to hear someone's opinion.

[Frenchy]

Hi - I’m sorry you are having these issues.

I have a couple of points/questions to raise. Firstly – the encounter itself sounds like it was very low risk. Secondly, my understanding is that the HIV test is designed to detect antibodies to HIV in your blood (or saliva) rather than the HIV virus itself. So, to be clear – when you are infected with HIV, your body makes very specific antibodies to try and fight the HIV infection and it is those antibodies that the test detects. OK, so then you say you had a rash and also a fever first – but then you went to get tested, and the test was negative. Now it is true that there is sometimes a window after infection where the virus could potentially be in your body but because the viral load is so small – or the infection so recent - that no (or few) antibodies have been created to fight it yet. However, if you had this rash and fever already (which you are afraid is attributed to HIV), then I have a very hard time believing that your body would not have been producing a large number of antibodies. Both rashes and fevers are firm evidence that your body HAS identified something and that it is producing lots of antibodies to fight it off.

In other words, I don’t believe it is likely at all that your body could be experiencing rash or fever like symptoms as a result of HIV but not be producing antibodies that would show up on a HIV test.

That said, this comes with all the normal caveats that I am not a Doctor and the only way of knowing for sure is to get another test.

Regarding getting re-tested, if you were brave enough to have the first one – you can be brave again and get another one. You have the courage in you – you did it before. And there was just as much “risk” as a positive result attached to that one in as there is to this one in my view. I suspect that you are attaching more fear to this one because deep down you don’t believe you can be “lucky” twice in a row but you must not think like that. Getting a second test does not itself increase the odds that you have HIV. You have either contracted it from that encounter or you haven’t.

What is the alternative? That you ignore it and go out of your mind with anxiety? Or that you don’t get tested and it ends up that you do have HIV but you die of full blown AIDS because you were too scared to get a diagnosis and treatment?

Can you see how illogical and backwards that thinking and those scenarios are in reality?

[sial72]

Hi there
I don't have much else to add as Frenchie has offered such a good reply.
I have a friend who is HIV positive and is doing just fine on his medication.
I am in NO way suggesting that you are HIV positive, only that as Frenchie says it is always better to re-test for peace of mind.x