Terrified & can't eat or refocus

[Autumn4]

Hi I had an endoscopy & colonoscopy a couple of days ago as I had been having gastric problems for some time. They said all looked fine but took some general biopsies. However I have had a dry throat, croaky voice,itching ear for approx 3months & have also recently developed a lump to the side of Adams apple ( all on right side). I mentioned this to the gastro consultant & he is organising a scan & ENT consultant. I am now frozen with fear & can't eat or join in with anything. I just feel sick & want to stay in bed watching tv. I have taken some diazepam & it hasn't helped much. I can only think that this is C & will be terrible. I have read a couple of stories with similar symptoms !!!! I feel as if the symptoms are getting worse & I don't know if I can cope. I am 56 & feel pathetic as others are so strong. I really need some support from people who understand.:weep:

[tmckenzie-orr]

It must be horrible you could just have a infection causing a lymph node to swell don't think the worse, but it's very easy done, and I believe it's enough to scare anybody whe u get signs off things that are related to100 things and the big horrible c, our mind thinks the worse sometimes keep us updated how it goes hopefully it's just something easy fixed try not to stress yourself

[worrywart29]

Ive had the same things. Trust me it's anxiety. One day it just up and went but while I had the symptoms I wasn't able to eat I felt horrible.

[Autumn4]

Hi thanks for replies - worrywart did you have hoarse voice & lump etc for weeks ? I am so frightened I can't eat or do anything - it's as if I'm frozen & can only feel my throat & lump etc. How can anxiety make a lump ? It concerned me more when the medics wanted to arrange scans etc.

[worrywart29]

My voice was hoarse, I had itchy ears, and I couldn't eat because it felt like a lump. If I swallowed even the smallest pill it got stuck and before that I was able to swallow huge pills with no problem. I could have sworn I had a visible lump in my throat but the doctor said my throat felt normal and there was no lumps in my throat. It turn out the lump in my throat was my perception of how my throat felt but there was no actual lump. I lost a lot of weight during this time but it seemed not long after the doctor confirmed there was no lumps I noticed that the feeling left me I didn't even realize when it left all I knew was one day it struck me that I ate an entire meal with no problem. I truly believe anxiety is causing yours as well and once the doctor confirm it you would be surprised at how fast the symptoms leave you.

[Autumn4]

The problem is more scary as the lump is visible on my neck ! The surgeon the did the the endoscopy could feel it as well. I'm v scared as it is really there. It can't be nothing I wouldn't imagine & I can only think of the worst things.

[tmckenzie-orr]

is it a swelling or a hard lump? and how big roughly ?

[Autumn4]

Well it feels like a soft swelling on the surface with something harder underneath - approx 2cm. Not sure if the harder bit is part of throat or neck or a lump.

[tmckenzie-orr]

Do you keep touching it at all? Prodding poking or anything?

[Fishmanpa]

Do you keep touching it at all? Prodding poking or anything?

I would bet my next paycheck that's the case and it doesn't help. Bottom line is nothing can be determined via the forum. The ENT will know if this is something worth pursuing. The waiting sucks (been there, done that!) but it's not cancer until they say it is.

Positive thoughts

[Autumn4]

I do check it a few times a day but I don't press hard as don't want to irritate it. I'm trying not to check as often. Had an appointment for an ultrasound scan for a weeks time. That is going to be a long wait ! I do appreciate your replies - it does help with the feeling of isolation. It is the same colour as my skin jyst for info.

[tmckenzie-orr]

We'll hopefully the week will go fast stay posting on here if it helps, i think 15% cancer 40% enlarged lymph node 40% cyst so do be positive 5% something else benign, Positive thoughts

[Autumn4]

Thank you for your support ! Today I'm trying not to check however I'm really losing it today & have had a glass of alcohol which I don't normally do. I feel sick & still can't eat which I feel is due to the anxiety. I'm like a rabbit in the headlight & can't move out. Ive tried breathing exercises & relaxation tapes. I can't go for a walk as feel v weak & woozy. Its as if I've been switched off. I don't know how to manage this & don't know if I can. Any advice would be so appreciated.

[tmckenzie-orr]

Just need to try your hardest to relax you havent been told you have cancer yet you are living that you have it and your facing your fears and living with how you are going to cope etc when you havent been told you have it a bit like you saying what am i going to spend this millions of pounds that a rich long long long lost uncle left me in a will , Try and relax take a step back and have a gladd of wine or beer or whatever you drink cook a nice roast, and relax and take each day as it comes, You havent been told you have got cancer so why punish yourself ?

[Autumn4]

Thank you for reply. I have managed to eat a little today which helps to feel more normal. The symptoms seem to get worse but I think that is partly down to being highly sensitised at the moment.It seems as if life has changed & I have walked off the path into the unknown.I must get back on track. This is quite ridiculous for a grown women to lose it before getting any test results !

[tmckenzie-orr]

It's good that you know it's silly but us health anxiety suffers do live it as if it's bad results even if we have a odd mole or something we think skin cancer I hate it hopefully we can stop the negative thoughts it's very easy helping somebody logically but when it's us all we see is doom and gloom this is why this site really helps and I hope with my cbt therapy I start on 13th of July I can kick this stupid health worrys and be happy and enjoy life as it's horribe being works up and scared , if you ever need a chat give me a pm I'm here for you and everyone

[Autumn4]

Just managed to get my scan brought forward to tomorrow. That is better than waiting until next week. Now I have to stop the terror of what might be found. Its strange how more symptoms start & how I seem to be able to notice that side of my throat all the time as if its getting worse. Anxiety really stops you in your tracks !!!!! Feeling sick.:scared15:

[tmckenzie-orr]

Thats good then the waiting time is the worse bit but once its over and ur fine it will be a relief but u need help with your anxiety because the next thing that comes along odd will cause u to have same worry symptoms and its a vicious cycle let us know how it goes

[Autumn4]

Having scan today & anxiety sky high !!

[tmckenzie-orr]

I can imagine best of luck, sure all will be fine, Message on here once you had it :) , try not to panic even tho i know its hard lol

[Old 68]

I've been following your posts with interest.
I can empathise with all your feelings of fear and anxiety.
I am the same,and am shaking at the moment,with fear of a Dental appointment tomorrow.
Please let us all know how it goes for you today.

[tmckenzie-orr]

how did it go?

[Autumn4]

Well I have had the scan & they have found a nodule on my thyroid. They have said that it looks benign however that is only with the scan. I have been told that I may need a CT scan & a needle biopsy to be sure. I t would then be monitored regularly if it is benign as it could grow. The consultant radiographer told me that he looked at all the nodes in neck & around ears etc & that they all looked normal.The results will now go to ENT consultant for the next phase. I feel that it is good news even though the scan couldn't see in behind certain areas. I so appreciate the couple of you that have shown support - it helps such a lot!

[tmckenzie-orr]

Its fantastic news, so many people have nodules on there thyroids, its very common, i told you it was nothing to worry about, All your nodes are fine which means your fine :D . now no more panicking or worrying, if u need a chat in the future message me private or on here and sure people will reply, Glad all is ok :D :D

[Autumn4]

The only thing still concerning me is that he said that he didn't think the nodule would be causing the hoarse voice that I have had for past approx 3 months.

[tmckenzie-orr]

The horseness, Can be from a number of things, even anixety, Can cause excess acid to travel upwards and cause horsness, you could have acid reflux (Gerd), Or post nasal drip, or allergys anything so many things cause horeness, You really need to get rid of the what if's and concerning things now, Or your keep thinking what if they missed something what if this and that loll, Your fine celebrate and relax and try get into a pattern of something else, it becomes a OCD where you get into a habbit of panicking about something its not good lol ,

[Autumn4]

Yes I know your right & I must not go there. I think I haven't quite come back down to earth after such high anxiety. I think it will sink in after a good nights sleep. I have eaten well tonight which says a lot !!!! So good to talk with you. How are you doing ?

[tmckenzie-orr]

That's the best thing when you are reassured and you eat proper and enjoy eating it :), it's nice talking to you too I enjoy talking it helps my own anxiety to be honest I'm not too bad atm mine is mainly obsessing and have to tell myself off and keep myself busy with work and chatting on here etc, my main anxiety at the moment is skin cancer checking moles and stuff lol, cannot wait to get rid of the obsession when start my cbt therapy on Monday 13th July, gonna stick with it this time , and iv decided to do it this way rather than with tablets as never agreed with tablets but know if cbt don't work will have to but have read good reviews on the cbt, I'm sure a good night sleep and your feel much more relaxed nothing better than a good night sleep I love my bed watching sky relaxing :) :yesyes:

[Old 68]

Logged on to see how you got on.I was thinking about you.It is good to share your anxieties with others.We all know how you felt,with our own health worries.
And,if like me, a Widow now.it does get lonely,with too much time on your own to sit and fret.Sleep well

[Autumn4]

Old 68 Thank you for thinking of me & yes it is good to share. I also understand your dental phobia - i never like going. I have broken teeth through grinding & have had to have work done. I always get worked up before I go but when i come out I always think it wasn't that bad & not worth all the anxiety. Some dentists will use Entenox which is what women breathe during labour. A dentist I used to go to (now retired) used to use it & I could have anything done quite happily. You just breathe it through your nose & it doesn't make you go to sleep but you feel slightly merry & calm. I wish I had some at home ha ha. You could ask your dentist or find one who uses it. It is v safe & most London dentists offer it. You even just get up & walk out normally after.

[Old 68]

Well,it's my turn today.Dental appointment at 3.00pm.
It's the waiting that gets to me.Wait a month for the app' then 3.00pm on the day.
I get shakier and feel more anxious as every hour passes.I'm 68 and have been through so many things in my life,Childbirth,losing Parents,and my Husband.Mother and Husband within 6 months of each other.Got through it all.Had a Stroke 6 years ago.
Now,I'm a Nervous wreck at the thought of the Dentist.Just ate a Cereal Bar,even though I had to force it down.Asked my Son to take me into Town this morning,pass a bit of time.then watch Andy Murray before my app'seems such a long day.Be glad when it's over.I'll let you know how I go.

[Old 68]

Still waiting.Heart is thumping.
About 45 minutes before I can leave for my appointment.
What a long day.Sigh.

[tmckenzie-orr]

your be fine and once its all over ur be like why was i so worried it was fine its the build up to everything thats the worst bit same as everything , things are never as bad as made out to be

[Autumn4]

Old 68 I was thinking of you today. How was your visit to the dentist ?

[Old 68]

Well,I'm home.and it wasn't as bad once I got there.One premolar needed a repair,trouble is,it had broken in February aswell,and I had visions of it falling to pieces.bit by bit.
Agree with tmckenzie-orr.
Doesn't matter what our particular concern is,the feelings we get are pretty much the same.Next thing will be my Mamogramm,no cause for concern,and no history in the family,but still get anxious about it.Silly old fool.
Thanks for caring both of you.

[Autumn4]

So pleased that it wasn't so bad once you were there. You are certainly not a 'silly old fool' !
We all have anxiety & that is why we are here. We at least understand each other & can give support. No point thinking of the mammogram as that isn't happening now & as you say no symptoms or family history. Now try to relax & do some things you enjoy - music, reading,gardening, or whatever gives you some pleasure. Always happy to chat with you.

[tmckenzie-orr]

This is so nice how we all get on here, And help each other, all different ages and sex's i am only 26 male myself, its crazy, I think my anxiety has been much better since i have been helping people on here really takes mind of things sometimes and makes you relise your not the only one,:yesyes::yesyes:

[Autumn4]

tmckenzie-orr I quite agree with you. Anxiety isn't something everybody can understand unless they have had it. Some people think its just slight nervous feeling so whats the problem! We all know how scary & all consuming that it can be & therefore we don't feel stupid chatting about it. It certainly helps knowing that so many others have the same feelings & as you say age doesn't have any relation to it. :)

[Old 68]

Trouble with me is.I have always been the strong one.Looking after Husband Children Parents.Sorting out everyones problems.Mum,who was afraid of nothing.
Difficult to admit that you're scared.
tmckenzie-orr hope you get your concerns sorted out.We'll be here for you .
Bed now.
Night.

[Old 68]

I'm feeling more calm now.Hope you are Autumn 4.
I will continue to check on you from time to time.
Raining here.

[Old 68]

Message received.I have replied,hope you get it.I'm not sure if I did it right.
Not completely Computer literate.lol