View Full Version : intense fear of going blind
Hello, my health anxiety started in 2013 I was convinced I had an incurable stomach disease lost a ton of weight and convinced I was eventually going to have to be tube fed. I recovered and everything seemed fine.
Now I am completely obsessed with my eyes, I have a lazy eye and thought how awful would it be if something happened to my good eye. I have seen 2 opthalmologists who have both said my eyes are fine. I have stopped eating, I look in the mirror constantly to see if I can spot redness. I am contemplating going to A&E now because I have eye pain. If it's not a glaucoma attack it's retinal detachment. I haven't slept properly in days because I worry that when I wake up I'll be blind. I'm scared something awful is happening and I'm not doing anything about my inevitable blindness. I have become a member of various online blind groups and have even looked into getting a dog for the blind. I have blurry vision which came on suddenly and the docs are scratching their heads because they have found no evidence of any disease. I am that irrational I would welcome an incurable brain tumour and death over going blind.
I think you need to consider therapy for this, as I'm sure you're aware, this is not normal.
All I can do is tell you that there's no reason whatsoever to fear just all of sudden going blind. The human body just doesn't work like that.
These groups you're joining and the idea of getting a guide dog, all you're doing there is reaffirming your subconcious mind into thinking that you are either blind already or will be very soon. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if this is why you're sensing blurry vision. Your body has a wonderful way of acting out what your brain tells it.
It's the brain/body connection. A good example of this is things you salivating when you see food that looks good, or your stomach churning when you get nervous. The salivation is only supposed to happen when you're actually eating food to aid digestion, but because you see this food and imagine how good it would be to eat, your body starts to respond as if you are actually eating it.
This blurry vision really could be the same. You're constantly telling yourself you're at risk of blindness, even to the point of joining organisations specifically designed for blind people, and your body is responding to your thoughts.
MyNameIsTerry
04-07-15, 12:57
I second everything Gary says.
Did you know that Somatoform Disorder, which you are very likely going to have one of, can mimic physical issues? There are known cases that have had all sorts of neurological tests to then be passed to a psychologist and treated for the anxiety disorder that have caused a situation to be mimicked.
Your anxiety seems severe if you are joining groups and planning for it.
The best possible thing you can do for yourself right now is visit your GP as soon as you can amd talk to him/her about your concerns. They will help you access the people you need to recover because you do not need to live your life like this.
Your last comment, I can fully understand. When my anxiety has been severe I have said similiar things to myself and its not because you really want something physically bad to happen to you, its just sheer desperation because you want the current situation to end.
Thanks Gary, I know it's irrational and completely not normal. I have tried medication, CBT and hypnotherapy, nothing works. I am completely obsessed, it's glorious sunshine where I am and I'm scared to go out in case I damage my retinas. I am also at a greater risk of retinal detachment because I'm long sighted. I'm scared to have children just in case I won't be able to see them. I've stopped driving, I am just an empty shell. If I lost my good eye I would be functionally blind, it terrifies me!
See your GP. You really can't go on like this, it's irrational in the extreme. The human eye has evolved over millions of years to operate and survive in all kinds of conditions. The eye is a fascinating organ and it really is a miracle of nature. To think simply going out in sunlight will damage your retinas is of course, irrational.
Granted, staring intently at the sun won't do your eyes any favours, and sunglasses will give them some rest from the strain of brighter light. You will not damage your eyes by going out into the sun, in fact, keeping them under lock and key will do them worse.
Thanks Gary, I just can't help thinking everything is a medical emergency. I'm constantly consumed with thoughts of "what ifs". I am able to give other health anxiety sufferers advice, yet I can't take it myself. There's so many things that can damage your sight and it really scares me. I just want to be normal and do things that normal people do.
You can do all the normal things normal people do. You just need some help to get your brain to recognise that - and stop from focusing on all those irrational "what ifs".
Your case does sound fairly extreme. I really would definitely start thinking about some therapy and also focus on some simple positive steps that you can take first. Steps that you really could take with just a very small amount of self discipline. For example, stopping yourself from participating in online communities for the blind. Whilst I realise you feel you want to join those communities, you could easily stop yourself from you doing that with just the smallest amount of will power. That kind of activity is doing absolutely NOTHING for you at this point, other than fueling and validating your anxiety and providing you with an ever growing list of things you will convince yourself is happening to you when it isn't.
Our eyes are precious, it is true. But it is also true that they are highly adaptive and surprisingly resilient and for the vast majority of people - yourself included - only common sense care is needed (for example a good pair of sun glasses).
Thanks Frenchy, you are right it is really extreme. Everyone is getting fed up of my constant need for reassurance. I know I'm wasting my life, I have tried to concentrate on overcoming the health anxiety. But I just feel compelled to Google blinding conditions. If I could I would see an optometrist everyday, but then the thought of seeing them terrifies me because they will say something is wrong. It's a constant battle, I have even started to measure my eyes because I'm certain one is a lot larger than the other. My GP thinks CBT won't help and I need intense therapy from a psychologist. However, that will take a while, I know people who have been weighting 8 months!! I have just recently found out that I passed my degree with flying colours and I am due to graduate in September. People are telling me to concentrate on getting grad jobs, but I can't even leave the house!! I follow my mum around everywhere and ask her the same questions 100x a day. Sometimes I think it would be better for everyone if I wasn't here. I've become a burden already and I'm not even blind yet.
worrywart29
04-07-15, 16:21
Let's say hypothetically you are going blind, would you want to think later on about how you could have enjoyed your vision while you had it? The fact that you are so scared of losing your vision, should prompt you to want to see as much as you can, and do as much as you can while you are able to do so. You are of course not going blind but I can't see a person that really believe they are going blind wasting the time they have left with their sight. Reverse the negative and use your fear as a way to get out and enjoy life.
I did read this, good posts. I had both cataract replaced. Till then I continued to live my life even though I could hardly see. Life didn't end, it was only the thought that was a problem. I was a hazard on the road though LOL.
countrygirl
04-07-15, 17:04
I am partially sighted. I was born with severe congenital short sightedness and as a consequence of complications in my 40's have ended up as above. Because of my eye condition I know an awful lot about eyes and have an awful lot of experience of huge amount of eye problems. I know exactly what is a red flag symptom in eyes etc etc.
If only reassurance would help you, from my knowledge you really really have almost nothing to worry about with your eyes, you are much much more likely to get run over by a bus in the next 20 years than you are to lose your sight. Think of this - you could worry as you are doing ruining your life for next 5 or 10 years with no reason and then get run over by a bus! Not meaning to sound harsh here just trying to inject a bit of straight thinking.
I had to stop driving 8 years ago, cannot see peoples faces from more than a few feet away, cannot read signs for trains/buses etc and cannot find things in shops that are not right in front of me BUT I have adapted and am very very thankful for the sight I have and in my case there is a very real possibility that in the future I could go blind, it scares me witless but while I have what sight i have I am living my life.
Theoretically they can operate on me at some point to remove the gel from my eyes and replace with artificial and remove cataracts but there is a huge risk of causing total blindness so I wait until I have nothing to lose. I am at huge risk of retinal detachment but I don't do anything like rollercoasters that might cause it. I have retinal bleeds but they have always healed themselves and hopefully will continue to do so.
Please please please seek further help, you know your fear is totally irrational xx
I think I too have a congenital condition though. I developed strabismus when I was 2 and had an operation. I now have a lazy right eye and have astigmatisms in both eyes. I never ever worried about my sight until 4 weeks ago. You must think I'm ridiculous country girl. I'm sorry, I just panic.
I have become a member of various online blind groups and have even looked into getting a dog for the blind.
I second what everyone is saying and I implore you to disengage from those forums. You're not blind nor is there any evidence to show it's actually happening. It's also very disrespectful to those who actually are blind or have real conditions that are causing them to lose their vision.
Positive thoughts
I didn't mean to be disrespectful that wasn't my intention. I do have eye issues, I'm not someone who is fearful of going blind with 20/20 vision.
Who is that aimed at Davit?
I should not have posted that. But fishman's post is negative and undoes all the positive, but I'm wrong, he has a right to his opinion even if I don't agree. I'm sorry, I'll remove it.
countrygirl
04-07-15, 18:35
Please believe I do not think you are being ridiculous or disrepectful, I was trying to show you how irrational health anxiety is, I understand totally where you are coming from and I was trying to make you see sense or more logical way of thinking.
I know you don't have perfect vision but then not may do but from what you have said you are not a greater risk than a huge percentage of the population and I wanted you to focus! on the bit about ruining your life worrying unecessarily.
I assume you have been thoroughly checked out by eye consultant and have discussed all the theoretical risks from you exisiting condition? If not then please ask your Dr to refer you so you can do this as this might just convince you that you have no need to worry. If you have already done this then you need to concentrate on seeking treatment for the health anxiety instead. Have you tried hynotherapy or read a book called the Chimp Paradox by Prof Steve Peters as this explains how the primitive part of our brains is the cause of anxiety etc and what to do about it.
I can fully understand why others may think I am absolutely ridiculous. I have seen 2 eye specialists, who both said there was no possibility of me going blind unless I got some eye disease, neurological disease, or through trauma. I have tried all sorts of therapy, CBT AND even went for a session of hypnotherapy yesterday. I was scared to close my eyes. I think people down play this condition. It is absolutely hell on earth for me. I can't eat, sleep and have stopped driving. I don't want to go out anywhere. People have tried to be harsh and say that I am wasting NHS resources on the constant A&E visits. Any little change i think is a medical emergency.
countrygirl
04-07-15, 21:48
Oh you poor thing, I honestly don't think that anyone who does not suffer health anxiety can have any idea what it is like. Its a mental illness just like any other and I am sure no one would make nasty comments to someone suffering from severe depression say but they make fun of anyone with health anxiety.
Glad you have been thoroughly checked out eye wise. Have you tried any of the drugs on offer like mitrazapine that is good for anxiety or citralopam ( spelling may not be right!) as some people get good results with these when all talking therapies have failed.
I want to reiterate that there's nothing you've posted that indicates this is even a possibility. By your own admission you realize this is not rational. I don't know what anyone could say in this medium besides seeking professional help that would quell your fears.
I realize you didn't intentionally join blindness forums to disrespect anyone but nonetheless, please refrain from doing so. It only feeds the dragon and as I said, it's disrespectful to those suffering the reality of blindness. If anything, your actions must make you realize the depth and severity of your situation and point you to finding solutions.
It's my opinion that this is something a mental health professional needs to help you with as no amount of reassurance from a forum will truly do so.
I wish you peace...
Positive thoughts
I am getting worried, it's like I notice new things everyday. When I look at white writing on a black tv screen in the dark I see like a ghosting image on top. I also get this with digital alarm clocks. I never had any of this a few weeks ago. Can these things just come on all of a sudden?
I am getting worried, it's like I notice new things everyday. When I look at white writing on a black tv screen in the dark I see like a ghosting image on top. I also get this with digital alarm clocks. I never had any of this a few weeks ago. Can these things just come on all of a sudden?
You did have that before, you just didn't notice it. That is what anxiety does!
It is absolutely and completely normal for extremely high contrast images (like bright white letters on a black background or illuminated numbers on a digital alarm clock) to cause ghosting the way you describe. Your eyes are just reacting normally to an area of bright light. The ghosting happens because when your eyes move subtly (even just a tiny fraction) it takes the nerves a few seconds to adjust to the fact that the previous bright light that was hitting them has gone or moved, which can be interpreted by the brain as light still hitting those nerves.
In fact there are a huge number of "optical illusion" pictures with high contrast black/white imagery that I see flying around the internet and facebook all the time that leverage that exact phenomena to create weird and wonderful visual tricks. Those tricks wouldn't really exist if that phenomena only occurred in a few people with failing eyesight would they. Because, you know, that wouldn't really be cool or funny....
I even get ghosting or "halo" effects if I stare intently for long enough at a person speaking on stage sometimes, if the ambient light is a certain way.
All normal. It's just that you are just becoming hyper aware of these things, that's all.
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