I fear I'm having a nervous breakdown

[GingerFish]

Hi I know the title sounds melodramatic but I really do feel like I have reached the end of my tether. I have GAD, PD and agoraphobia. I went from being housebound to having mostly good days with a few blips here and there.

In the last week alone I've had to go to the dentist, that may not seem like a big deal but when you have agoraphobia, its a nightmare, my friend came up for a few days so I had to go out the house constantly and swallow down all my panic and anxiety, I had my first migraine aura which terrified me in a way I can't describe and then to top it all off, my papa got admitted to hospital. It literally feels like its been one thing after another the last week.

I'm having constant panic attacks and I mean the bad ones. The ones that have you fear for your life even though you know you can't die or anything. I constantly feel spaced out and on the verge of crying, screaming or breaking down and worst of all, I'm terrified about going out again so fear my agoraphobia is going to come back full swing.

I took a massive panic attack last night and promised myself that if I survived it ( I knew I would but you know how you feel during an attack) that I wouldn't let this bad phase get to me and I would kick Anxiety's butt again but here I am in tears, feeling at breaking point. I've felt like this before but since it was a while ago, I feel like I don't kmow how to get out of it.

I'm sorry for a long post and I'm sorry if I have used the wrong wording and its nor a breakdown or anything, I'm just so drained

[agnes]

Dear Gingerfish, my heart goes out to you because I know well the place you're in and it's not a good place to be. But you'll get through it, we always do. It sounds as if you've had a lot to deal with recently and, as Claire Weekes says, we become sensitised to the slightest thing. I've been in and out of panic/anxiety mode for a while now and it has really brought me down and my thoughts have been like yours. I've been trying to shine a light on some of anxious thoughts and ask myself if they're helping me or not. Sometimes I can let go of them, at other times not. But it can help. Another way is to try to sit with the thoughts and feelings, which I've found quite helpful (well, when I can bear to stay with them, lol). They don't get any worse and eventually fade.

Are you taking any meds? Or is there any counselling available in your area? Or do you prefer to get through with neither?

I hope it helps, just a little, to know that you're not alone with this.

[GingerFish]

Thanks for your reply. I really do feel alone in all of this :(

I'm not on any meds. I tried a few and they made me feel suicidal so I haven't went near them since. I used to go to private counselling but had to stop as it was expensive. I used to get self help through the NHS but only got 4 sessions. I'm going to my GP to discuss what options I have.

[agnes]

Yes, I know, it's a very isolating experience. It's as if everyone else is getting on with their lives and you're stuck with these horrible feelings that are difficult to describe.

I find it helps when I can momentarily stop and see a gap in my thinking. It literally is only a moment but it gives some relief. And I notice that there is always a gap when I seek it out.

I'm feeling a bit jittery at the moment and I'm going to try and sit with my feelings/thoughts awhile. At least it stops me trying to run away from the way I feel

[GingerFish]

Just called my mum and she has asked me to come over and see her kittens. Going to force myself to go no matter how panicky I might feel. I went out in the car (as a passenger as I can't drive) yesterday and I panicked like hell the entire time. It was like being outside for the first time after being housebound.

[lindy lou 2]

Hi, I am feeling the same today, so you are not on your own, even though it feels like it, every time ! We all feel like the only one, especially when we see others getting on with life, I sometimes feel like I have lost myself & will never get me back. But only on Friday, I had a totally calm day, first in ages. I am making myself cook a late dinner, have put some ABBA on to play while I do it. Go & see the kittens, bet they will cheer you up, how could they not ! Just try &remember better days you have had, I am trying to, but remember, you are not on your own with this. It is horrible while it happens, but we all get some times of relief. Xxx.

[GingerFish]

I went over to see the kittens. For the first five mins I was out, I felt awful. So panicky and felt like something awful was going to happen and when I reached my mum's I broke down telling her how I felt and she was very supportive and I said I will probably just stay for five mins but ended up staying for 40! Seeing the kittens deffo helped. We then went for a drive for 15 mins. Just got back home and my anxiety has returned. Its weird that I felt better outside than I do in my own flat. Going to see if a bath helps. I do feel like a weight has been lifted a bit though as yesterday I was panicky the entire time I was out whereas today I managed to calm down and enjoy it.

[Soulcatcher71]

Sometimes I've found that even after going out of my 'safe zone', and finally ridding myself of my panic - I come back home where I should feel totally comfortable, and my mind kicks back in and tries to initiate another attack.
I think it may just be a habit thing, but sucks either way.
Hope you're feeling better :)

[agnes]

GingerFish, I think it was good that you broke down and told your mum how you were feeling. I think that, sometimes, it really helps to let go to someone you love and trust. I hope the bath helps.

[GingerFish]

Feeling a bit better thanks. Still not 100% though but deffo better than earlier. Just wish I could click my fingers and anxiety and the horrible spacy feelings would just disappear but that's too good to be true!

---------- Post added at 20:20 ---------- Previous post was at 18:20 ----------

Feeling like crap again. My papa was meant to be released tomorrow but his heart rate is too low and they can't get it to rise so he will be kept in for no one knows how long now. Could be an extra few days, a week. Stress levels rising again :(

[Sam123]

Take a look at <removed>

its a good read hope I was helpful and remember that you are not alone.
Wasn't you banned the other day under another account name 'moreorless' for spamming? You have just rejoined today with a different name :doh:

[GingerFish]

Thanks for your replies everyone. I managed out today without taking no panic attacks whereas yesterday I was in a constant state of panic while I was out so hopefully I'm on the right track back again.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I am on the same boat as you, I have been battling anxiety and panic attacks since I was about 14, so almost 10 years! Sometimes I think it would be best to just give up and die but I know its not the correct answer. It has been almost a month since my last panic attack and I used to have them almost every day!

There are a few exercises you can use to help control the panic and anxiety, they have helped out tremendously for me. They do not cure you by any means but it does help.

Take a look at <removed>

its a good read :) hope I was helpful and remember that you are not alone.

Hello Snoopy Drew,

Back to sell your products again are you?

How many times have you been banned for it now? 6 times?

No doubt we will see you back again with another username soon given your lack of morals. Trying to take advantage of the vulnerable for the price of $59.99.

:busted::nicked: & :finger:

[GingerFish]

My papa is coming home from hospital today. Hoping that brings my stress levels back down again. Already feel like a bit of a weight has been lifted already.

[GingerFish]

Thanks everyone for your replies, they have really helped me. I went to my GP today and he said he doesn't think I am having a breakdown or anything, just a bad stressful time as I've had a lot on my plate lately. He offered me meds but I refused and he has referred me back to the mental health team. Don't know who I will see, probably a mental health nurse and then see where that goes.

I managed to get out for a little again today. Still panicked at the start and felt better the longer I was out but was still on edge. Back home now and feel a lot better than I did earlier.

[GingerFish]

I decided to make a challenge chart. I made one when I was housebound a few years ago. Its a chart with all the things I am scared to do such as going out in the car, go to town etc. Made it two days ago and I've already ticked a lot off. I aim to do each thing ten times in the space of a month so I can see it get easier and easier as I grade how hard it is each time I do it.

I went into town today to see about new glasses and done all the talking in Specsavers. Usually I try and get my mum to do it (yes, I know that is bad at 23) and then I went over to see the cats. I panicked like hell and cried in the car but I done it.

I was like this after I had my first panic attack outside and when I had my first attack of vertigo and fell from it outside so I suppose me having that migraine aura outside last week is the same thing and I had to build myself up from those times and got through it. I suppose this time is no different.

Thanks again everyone for your replies and I wish you all well

[GingerFish]

Happy to report I am finally back on the mend again. The dark cloud I had over me has lifted and when I get a panic attack now, I can mostly tell it to leave or just accept it whereas a week or 2 ago, I was on the phone to NHS24 nearly whenever I felt the slightest bit of panic. I have also been going out more and went into shops myself which is something I couldn't do for weeks after a setback in the past.

I went to the doctor yesterday and he was brilliant. He confirmed its just a setback and I am not going crazy or anything, I knew I wasn't but it helps when a doc tells you you are fine! He also reassured me that I am getting better from it and that all the stress lately has caused it.

[Raven86]

hey I am not sure if this will help but I went to a team called iapt for counseling u can get referred from your gp I am not sure if they work in your area but worth looking up they were great and got me from being stuck in my house to getting back to work hope this has helped take care and get better soon if that's a thing with anxiety problems :)

[GingerFish]

hey I am not sure if this will help but I went to a team called iapt for counseling u can get referred from your gp I am not sure if they work in your area but worth looking up they were great and got me from being stuck in my house to getting back to work hope this has helped take care and get better soon if that's a thing with anxiety problems :)

Thanks I'll look into it :) I am about 95% better now but its good having resources to turn to if I ever find myself in this rut again.

[Zim]

hey I am not sure if this will help but I went to a team called iapt for counseling u can get referred from your gp I am not sure if they work in your area but worth looking up they were great and got me from being stuck in my house to getting back to work hope this has helped take care and get better soon if that's a thing with anxiety problems :)

I know you said you're a lot better now and that's great. Well done but I have to second this, Ginger. :yesyes:

I'm currently seeing an IAPT worker at the moment and in a way, just having somebody you can openly talk to about issues without the fear of judgment, helps. Not to mention, they have effective suggestions for how to combat the anxiety, especially in terms of keeping yourself active and busy. It involves quite a bit of homework on your part but that also gives you something to do.

They are effectively a middle ground between a psychiatrist and a CBT therapist. I'm making use of the IAPT meetings while on the waiting list for CBT and I'm already noticing a difference.

Good luck Ginger. :)

[sial72]

Hi there, you mention Claire Weekes on your messages. Amazon has got her audio download for free at the mo, I have got it on my phone and listen to it when you are ok so that it all sinks in and then you can listen to it when nervous and it is very soothing.
Also, I refuse to take medication (for various reasons) but my accupuncturist recommended a tincture to take in water called Composor05 Valerian Complex, I have taken looooads of benzos in the past so I thought this wouldn't do anything...it is fantastic!!
I don't know if this is available in the Uk, I live in Spain, if it isn't there might be an equivalent...xxx

[GingerFish]

Hi there, you mention Claire Weekes on your messages. Amazon has got her audio download for free at the mo, I have got it on my phone and listen to it when you are ok so that it all sinks in and then you can listen to it when nervous and it is very soothing.
Also, I refuse to take medication (for various reasons) but my accupuncturist recommended a tincture to take in water called Composor05 Valerian Complex, I have taken looooads of benzos in the past so I thought this wouldn't do anything...it is fantastic!!
I don't know if this is available in the Uk, I live in Spain, if it isn't there might be an equivalent...xxx

Yeah I have her books and her audio messages. They work wonders! I had read some of her stuff in the past but never fully grasped the accepting part which is like 99% of what the work is when getting over panic attacks. I have thrown myself into her books and audio messages since getting this setback and tbh, I felt cured almost after reading the first page! I still haven't learned to fully accept but getting there, 90% I would say. Ever since reading her stuff recently I have been able to go to town, Glasgow, go on buses etc which I couldn't even do before this setback so I can't recommend her highly enough.

Her work is the only stuff on anxiety I have read that seems to click. I love how she explains what all the symptoms means and why we shouldn't fear them but she also gives off a caring Granny vibe as well in her audio messages and videos :yesyes: