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All,
You will all have witnessed recent confrontations and conflict on the forum. This came to a head this afternoon.
Due to a serious breach of the NMP terms and conditions, and the forum rules, a recent member and prolific poster is no longer a member of NMP. The admin team does not take such action lightly it and recognises that members suffer with various mental illnesses and that the site is here to support members with these. This can sometimes lead to confrontations which we assess on a case by case basis. Action is often taken privately which other members will not be aware of.
However, the team also has a responsibility to ensure that other members are not detrimentally affected by other members' posts and, as such, has taken action in this case due to potentially damaging and hurtful comments.
I hope we have your understanding and support in this action. We wish the ex-member well in his researches.
The admin team's decision is final and a line has now been drawn under this to allow us to continue doing what we do best, supporting and looking out for each other.
The NMP admin team.
Total support on this action, it had to be done.
Thank you so much for your work and for such a fantastic site which is a big help to so many of us xxx
I hope the ex-member gets the help he has shown himself so desperately to need. I'm sure his online friends will give him that support.
For the future wellbeing of NMP this had to happen.
Ît is good to see that people are now çoming back.I have missed them:D
MyNameIsTerry
07-07-15, 05:48
I don't think things are quite so simple. A lot has happened and to think it will just all go back to the way it was (whatever that is) is naive in my opinion.
Rather than naïve, I'd like to think that our members are positive and ready to move on after a difficult few weeks with some heated exchanges from many quarters. I welcome the sentiment and I'm looking forward with some optimism.
Take care everyone and have a lovely day.
Pip x
MyNameIsTerry
07-07-15, 06:17
I appreciate what your saying, Pipkin, but I think some people may need some time to understand where they go from here. There are issues of trust that developed throughout this period and some may find themselves questioning who they need to be wary of. I count myself in that list.
I'm sure members are positive, but not all of them as can be seen on the forum. Some people have lost some friendships due to all this so they are bound to feel upset for a while.
I agree, Terry. It's not as simple as that and we can't all dismiss it and "move on". Some serious matters have arisen as a result of this case and we can't all just promise to be "positive" from now on.
Also many people have been treated like naughty children whereas now all will be able to see just why we were so keen to highlight the true nature of what was happening when someone with profound problems was causing such major upheaval on NMP.
MyNameIsTerry
07-07-15, 08:07
I'm not sure how this will progress, maybe people will be giving others, whoever anyone is in this, a wide birth for a while.
Its not my wish to make work for the admins here, merely to say that not everyone was in agreement over all this so spare a thought for some that will now likely drift away, it was there NMP too. Some people have been collateral damage and I feel that is getting missed somehow.
In my opinion it very much is. However the general consensus appears to be to move on as a line has been drawn on the matter.
Warm wishes to you, Terry. You have always given so much to NMP and it really can't be easy for you yet you continue to help others.
---------- Post added at 09:02 ---------- Previous post was at 08:25 ----------
I also wanted to add that for many NMP goes on as usual and they will probably not have a clue- fortunately- as to what has been going on over the last few weeks and more.
For those of us who chose to get involved-and there is always a log off option-there is a lot to take in and digest and believe. Some long term members have had no moral option other than to leave NMP and this is disappointing, to say the least.
MyNameIsTerry
07-07-15, 09:19
Not just long term members either, some newer members have gone. They won't all announce it so its hard to tell.
You're right there! Many people have just been posting as usual. Thats the fractured nature of NMP, a lot of the HA guys & girls don't seem to post elsewhere for some reason so they probably don't know & don't care, but many seem to be newer anyway thesedays with a lot of the long termers heading for the new Facebook group. Ricardo asked me for the address the night before so I would imagine he has gone there as he was missing people he knew from before.
Its very quiet on here now so time will tell.
Thanks, I appreciate it. You too despite your many challenges!
Not just long term members either, some newer members have gone. They won't all announce it so its hard to tell.
You're right there! Many people have just been posting as usual. Thats the fractured nature of NMP, a lot of the HA guys & girls don't seem to post elsewhere for some reason so they probably don't know & don't care, but many seem to be newer anyway thesedays with a lot of the long termers heading for the new Facebook group. Ricardo asked me for the address the night before so I would imagine he has gone there as he was missing people he knew from before.
Its very quiet on here now so time will tell.
Thanks, I appreciate it. You too despite your many challenges!
Facebook group??
I didn't know there was one.
MyNameIsTerry
07-07-15, 09:45
Facebook group??
I didn't know there was one.
Yeah Phill, CPE1978 set it up a while back for HA. Its where a lot of people have gone I think. I guess FMP will know more as he was good friends with Chris so I would imagine he pops in there too.
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=165781
He did mention how many people where on there but I can't recall now. I'll have a look in a minute and add it.
I don't know who went but some HA board regulars seemed to disappear about the same time. I know IStillBelieve joined as she said goodbye to me.
EDIT: 160 members on 15/3 per his update. A couple of admins in place too.
There is also this one https://www.facebook.com/groups/7078088709/ with 3200 members
I prefer the forum format though
MyNameIsTerry
07-07-15, 09:54
Yeah, same here. I'm not on Facebook, I really don't want people who I worked with 10 years ago wanting to "friend" me to get their count up! :D My employer had a contract with FB for monitoring anyway and several people were sacked for moaning about the company so I just never bothered with it.
Forums are better anyway for me, anyone can read things and find reassurance in what others are going through. I was a watcher on & off and that helped me.
I'm not on Facebook as it doesn't appeal to me either.
I'm sorry to hear that other members have drifted away but I'm not surprised. There is always going to be the potential for this type of situation given the nature of our issues and we are just a bunch of usernames communicating in the cyberworld. We don't know each other. We can only guess and use gut instinct.
Is it OK to reflect on things in a sensitive way? Just as a way to "move forward" and try to prevent this from happening again?
As one of the people who posted very sparingly on those threads, I was well aware of them but due to the continuous and repetitive nature, chose to distance myself from them for my own wellbeing. I am sure some of the other people who didn't respond but get kept posting as usual were doing that too.
That's what I tend to do when drama flares up here. Like you said, Pulisa, we can always log off and cool off for a bit.
nomorepanic
07-07-15, 12:53
To be honest this "drama" is nothing compared to some of the stuff the admins have been through in the past.
We have had the police involved in a few incidents and me and Emmz were sent hate mail and objects in the post to our home addresses!
I really don't see that this compares to that.
If members have left over it then it is their choice to come back or not. There are loads of support sites like this on the Internet I am sure and it is just a matter or finding one that suits.
I have had some hurtful things said to me over the past week or so but I am going to move on from it as it is not worth getting stressed and ill over just words from people that have never even met me and are just venting in anger at me because I run the site.
we are just a bunch of usernames communicating in the cyberworld. We don't know each other.
This is truth. It's truly not to diminish the connections, friendships or real caring nature of those behind the usernames and thumbnails but it's true. On some forums and boards, depending on the subject matter, real life meet ups and gatherings take it beyond the realm of the digital world and make it more "real". Again, it's not to diminish anything, it's just fact. The fact is, one click of the little "x" on the browser window and it all goes away.
I was well aware of the drama taking place. I received several PMs asking for opinions and to help/intervene but felt it best to refrain from doing so. It was a wise thing to do as it didn't concern me, but then I've always been that way concerning forums. I've learned the hard way that sometimes, who people are in real life is far different than the persona they portray in the cyber world. Anyone that has used on-line dating can attest to that :roflmao: Again, not to say there are some gems out there (I met my wife on an on-line dating forum) but the line about kissing a lot of frogs applies. I could tell you some war stories! :ohmy:
It's sad that the situation took place but the truth is there will be those that come and go and NMP will continue to go on as long as the owners of the domain keep it going.
Positive thoughts
venusbluejeans
07-07-15, 13:37
To be honest this "drama" is nothing compared to some of the stuff the admins have been through in the past.
We have had the police involved in a few incidents and me and Emmz were sent hate mail and objects in the post to our home addresses!
I really don't see that this compares to that.
Totally agree, this one is a storm in a teacup compared to other things we have come across as admins... I think it is now 3 times I have had to call the police about NMP, and there has been a few full on hate campaigns on facebook!
Rather scary having to go and make a statement about it all in a police interview room and having the police come to your house!!
We do try to keep these things away from the open forum as obvioulsy it is a forum for anxiety and sufferers and don't want to cause too much alarm but I can tell you it is very anxiety and panic causing!
This is truth. It's truly not to diminish the connections, friendships or real caring nature of those behind the usernames and thumbnails but it's true. On some forums and boards, depending on the subject matter, real life meet ups and gatherings take it beyond the realm of the digital world and make it more "real". Again, it's not to diminish anything, it's just fact. The fact is, one click of the little "x" on the browser window and it all goes away.
I was well aware of the drama taking place. I received several PMs asking for opinions and to help/intervene but felt it best to refrain from doing so. It was a wise thing to do as it didn't concern me, but then I've always been that way concerning forums. I've learned the hard way that sometimes, who people are in real life is far different than the persona they portray in the cyber world. Anyone that has used on-line dating can attest to that :roflmao: Again, not to say there are some gems out there (I met my wife on an on-line dating forum) but the line about kissing a lot of frogs applies. I could tell you some war stories! :ohmy:
It's sad that the situation took place but the truth is there will be those that come and go and NMP will continue to go on as long as the owners of the domain keep it going.
Positive thoughts
Of course it will and this site means different things to different people. We can make the website disappear by just logging off whereas "real life" problems cannot be eliminated by the "click of a switch", obviously.
We don't know what will go on to happen in "real life" with those affected and we aren't responsible for them or for how they choose to behave but even so this hasn't been pleasant. I'm sorry to hear of previous distressing personal attacks-there are some very disturbed people out there and moderating any mental health website must be an onerous task and one not to be taken lightly.
I'm not surprised that people asked for your opinions, FMP. You have been through one hell of a lot yet continue to help people by offering sensible and heartfelt advice which is straight to the point and really hits home. You are the Voice of Reason around here!
Wow yesterday was a day to forget and I supposed although I felt I was the main person being targeted I lost my cool and said a few things I shouldn't have, and again without going over everything again, my frustration got the better of me.
You have to remember that I have just recently had a heart attack which has had a direct baring on my mood and anxiety, and stress levels were easily sent through the roof.
Thanks to all the admin at NMP for letting me reverse my decision so quickly,and support from many members, but I thought it would be better to say all this now rather than let it linger on, despite still hurting, I already feel better.
I have duplicated this comment on my original thread but wanted as many as possible to see it. Thanks.
__________________
I'm very pleased to see you back, Ricardo! I'm so glad you're feeling better too.
To be honest this "drama" is nothing compared to some of the stuff the admins have been through in the past.
We have had the police involved in a few incidents and me and Emmz were sent hate mail and objects in the post to our home addresses!
I really don't see that this compares to that.
I'm so shocked by this!! Why would anyone send you hate mail? And to your home address? Sickening!
And what Nic and Emma aren't telling you is that it got worse than that. I won't divulge the details but suffice it to say, some of the things they received in the post and some messages to their home addresses would be enough to rattle even the bravest member. They both dealt with it very well and they're still here which is more than a lot of people would have been.
Trust me, as admins we're all here to help you and we have your best interests at heart but it's far from easy at times and we deal with things the best way we can. And very importantly, we may not always be able to tell you some things that go on behind the scenes for reasons of confidentiality and some of the actions we take, but we will always tell you the truth. You never need to question that.
This isn't us fishing for compliments although many of you have posted lovely messages of support and they are much appreciated. It's mainly to tell you that we are here, watching the forums and will always do what we can to make this a supportive, welcoming and inclusive forum which is why we have to be absolutely certain before we take formal action against any member. If we took punitive action against all members who are suffering severely from anxiety and post inappropriate comments now and again, there are many active members here today who would have wrongly been excluded from the site.
I hope you all have a lovely evening
Pip
If we took punitive action against all members who are suffering severely from anxiety and post inappropriate comments now and again, there are many active members here today who would have wrongly been excluded from the site.
Pip
Couldn't agree more Pip.
I haven't been on the site much recently so have just really caught up with all this and pleased to see there is peace in the camp again :) I hate to see any upsets.
Good to have you back with us Ricardo :) Sorry to hear about your heart attack, my husband has had 2 and it is tough to deal with :(
To all admin, I have seen some of the things you have had to cope with in this past and I just want to say that I for one really appreciate all the time that you put into running the site especially as you all have your own battles and struggles to deal with.
Time for some group hugs I think :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:
venusbluejeans
07-07-15, 22:06
I'm so shocked by this!! Why would anyone send you hate mail? And to your home address? Sickening!
Loooong story that one..... not a nice one but suffice to say an ex member(s) with a grudge
Thank you all for your kind words Annie :) xx
Lovely to see you came back Ronny.:hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
07-07-15, 22:51
I'm not on Facebook as it doesn't appeal to me either.
I'm sorry to hear that other members have drifted away but I'm not surprised. There is always going to be the potential for this type of situation given the nature of our issues and we are just a bunch of usernames communicating in the cyberworld. We don't know each other. We can only guess and use gut instinct.
Is it OK to reflect on things in a sensitive way? Just as a way to "move forward" and try to prevent this from happening again?
Its just forums, its only escalation that can be prevented. People will always fall out until the day that the robots take over.
I don't know otherwise. People will move on in various ways, without discussion & reconciliation, that's all it can be. Since that's unlikely for all in a forum setting, as opposed to a controlled group one, it's individual to each person but it can be a thinking time.
Man, I would love to know what they sent in the mail just out of morbid curiosity...people on the Internet can be insane sometimes. I think not talking to people face-to-face gives certain people courage, I mean to overstep boundaries that they would not IRL.
MyNameIsTerry
08-07-15, 05:26
Man, I would love to know what they sent in the mail just out of morbid curiosity...people on the Internet can be insane sometimes. I think not talking to people face-to-face gives certain people courage, I mean to overstep boundaries that they would not IRL.
Yeah, keyboard warriors. Twitter & Facebook are bad places for them as the companies are not interested at all. At least in forums you have a management team and its less likely to be about profit. Its easy millions of miles away, you know you can't get a physical confrontation.
I can remember when MoneySupermarket took over MoneySavingExpert. A lot of members were unhappy with that since it was supposed to be an independent forum & review site. Tight admin though for a massive forum. Loads of big arguments on the debating board though but The Arms was a very lighthearted place and with there being so many members it meant that posts were thick & fast and the majority good natured.
Cruelty to dolphins?
---------- Post added at 17:05 ---------- Previous post was at 17:04 ----------
Politically incorrect ice cream flavour?
pulisa, I knew you`d see it all wrong - I found the dolphin on rhyl beach already dead, and I`d finished the ice cream so used the blowhole as a handy cone holder.
no cruelty at all, and it cost me nearly £90 to post it so again, I`m pretty sure its all a simple misunderstanding.
just off to my laboratory to superglue a traffic cone onto a shire horses head - instant unicorn! :ohmy:
Try no more nails - it works much better in my experience. A white mane also adds to the effect but don't try household bleach. It all fell out and the poor thing ended up looking like a bald Sarah Jessica Parker...
now THAT is what I want from my moderators! when I saw my post had been answered by you Pip I thought `oh christ have I badly misjudged something again?`
Nope!
love it, you`ve spurred me on to greater things, now if I can just sellotape this cats legs properly Im sure I can make a hairy sea horse out of it....
just in case the RSPCA are reading this, the only thing I`ve ever done regarding pet modification is get my border collie a set of those false smiley teeth chew toy, it absolutely broke me up but I swear if she could have spoken she`d have just gone `n*bhead` and walked off. :D
I'm not surprised......Dentures are so last year and who wants to look like Rylan Clarke* anyway
*You may be too old to know who he is:winks:
You need a good hiding!:D
venusbluejeans
08-07-15, 23:29
love it, you`ve spurred me on to greater things, now if I can just sellotape this cats legs properly Im sure I can make a hairy sea horse out of it....
Nooooooooo you can do what you want to the other animals (kidding)...... but leave the puss cats out of it.
THat being said you can send me a package full of cute kittens next time and I won't complain :)
Ps.... I do hope the Dolphin you sent us was tuna friendly!!:whistles:
venusbluejeans
09-07-15, 00:03
By the way Paul we managed to revive the dolphin, re-porpoise the ice cream cone as a horn and released it into the wild of the coast of Skegness as a Unidolphin....
we also named him Bob!!
excuse the poor puns lol
http://i592.photobucket.com/albums/tt6/emma_ward1/jumping-dolphins-sea_zpslmcg8vrs.jpg
You need a good hiding!:D
The trouble is that I have heard threw the grapevine that he would enjoy it :ohmy:
Yes, I had thought that he should change his username to Mr Whippy?
I love what you did to pic Emmz.....lol:D
I have had a good laugh.Feeling a little sad tonight this has helped,thanks xx
I'm pleased that you got that comment out of your system before I settled down to my tea.
---------- Post added at 20:49 ---------- Previous post was at 17:20 ----------
Ah, what would we all do without a bit of humour in our lives.....
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