mnaha
07-07-15, 01:11
I am 60 and very seldom in my life have I been sick. In recent years I was hospitalized twice with tachycardia and found to be dehydrated and electrolytes screwed up.This usually comes on with a strep throat. Other than these episodes I never had to go to the doctor.
Now at my age although I have lost weight to a normal bmi and my blood sugar levels are good and blood pressure have been good. My last checkup my doctor said I was healthy but I am tired of going to the doctor every month.
I wake everyday thinking about that im just waiting to die. I feel as though my life is at the end and im just waiting for the hammer to drop that I could have heart attack ,stroke or cancer or anything happen at any moment.
It seems everything that I read all diseases kick in in your 60's and that sooner or later something is going to get you. I am frightened most of the time thinking this and that worrying that something is going to happen. I don't want to live this way ,it isn't living. I worry about dying and worry about what is and what is not. I read about people that believe in an afterlife and then I read what people say that don't believe and then I read about what others don't know whether is or not.
Then I wonder... do I really want to have an afterlife? I mean it could get boring and then if you are reincarnated and don't remember do I really want to just keep coming back over and over again. Deep in my heart I feel there is nothing after this life. I think that you are born you live and you die and that we are nothing but an accident and that we shouldn't even be here but we are. It feels like a cruel joke.
I wish I could feel comfort in somthing but I don't know matter what I read and guess I am just a miserable person. It is so sad ,at one time I was young and strong and vibrant now im just an old person just slipping away ... how cruel life is..just feeling sad and in dispair and frightened about everything sorry, just needed to vent.
Now at my age although I have lost weight to a normal bmi and my blood sugar levels are good and blood pressure have been good. My last checkup my doctor said I was healthy but I am tired of going to the doctor every month.
I wake everyday thinking about that im just waiting to die. I feel as though my life is at the end and im just waiting for the hammer to drop that I could have heart attack ,stroke or cancer or anything happen at any moment.
It seems everything that I read all diseases kick in in your 60's and that sooner or later something is going to get you. I am frightened most of the time thinking this and that worrying that something is going to happen. I don't want to live this way ,it isn't living. I worry about dying and worry about what is and what is not. I read about people that believe in an afterlife and then I read what people say that don't believe and then I read about what others don't know whether is or not.
Then I wonder... do I really want to have an afterlife? I mean it could get boring and then if you are reincarnated and don't remember do I really want to just keep coming back over and over again. Deep in my heart I feel there is nothing after this life. I think that you are born you live and you die and that we are nothing but an accident and that we shouldn't even be here but we are. It feels like a cruel joke.
I wish I could feel comfort in somthing but I don't know matter what I read and guess I am just a miserable person. It is so sad ,at one time I was young and strong and vibrant now im just an old person just slipping away ... how cruel life is..just feeling sad and in dispair and frightened about everything sorry, just needed to vent.