Feel Like This Is The End Of The Line And Waiting For Something To Happen

[mnaha]

I am 60 and very seldom in my life have I been sick. In recent years I was hospitalized twice with tachycardia and found to be dehydrated and electrolytes screwed up.This usually comes on with a strep throat. Other than these episodes I never had to go to the doctor.

Now at my age although I have lost weight to a normal bmi and my blood sugar levels are good and blood pressure have been good. My last checkup my doctor said I was healthy but I am tired of going to the doctor every month.

I wake everyday thinking about that im just waiting to die. I feel as though my life is at the end and im just waiting for the hammer to drop that I could have heart attack ,stroke or cancer or anything happen at any moment.

It seems everything that I read all diseases kick in in your 60's and that sooner or later something is going to get you. I am frightened most of the time thinking this and that worrying that something is going to happen. I don't want to live this way ,it isn't living. I worry about dying and worry about what is and what is not. I read about people that believe in an afterlife and then I read what people say that don't believe and then I read about what others don't know whether is or not.

Then I wonder... do I really want to have an afterlife? I mean it could get boring and then if you are reincarnated and don't remember do I really want to just keep coming back over and over again. Deep in my heart I feel there is nothing after this life. I think that you are born you live and you die and that we are nothing but an accident and that we shouldn't even be here but we are. It feels like a cruel joke.

I wish I could feel comfort in somthing but I don't know matter what I read and guess I am just a miserable person. It is so sad ,at one time I was young and strong and vibrant now im just an old person just slipping away ... how cruel life is..just feeling sad and in dispair and frightened about everything sorry, just needed to vent.

[Dogloverlyn]

Hi
Sorry you feel so low and do sympathise. I find this site really helps me by reading other peoples experiences and feelings. You are not alone! I am 53 year old female. I have suffered anxiety/depression for the last 13 years but only really diagnosed 5 years ago as I kept putting up with the awful feelings inside my head for so long until I collapsed due to a severe panic attack and then hospitalised for a week. I had a kidney infection, which is what indirectly caused the panic spiral out of control (I had a pain in my side which I refused to seek medical advice on for 18 months). Like you I have been reasonably healthy (apart from this anxiety thing in my head), I have two lovely grandsons, two healthy sons and a fantastic partner who is actually very sympathetic and caring but still I feel this awful dread every morning, feel loss of control, woozy, floaty, sadness, fearful and very frightened that something awful is going to happen. I just don't want to live like this any more. I overthink everything and worry constantly. What if, all the time. I find it very difficult to concentrate and often lose my way when I am talking, forget what I am talking about due to confusion. I try now to accept this is me, I don't have cancer, I don't have heart or other horrid illnesses, how lucky am I, if this is the only thing I have compared to what other people have to put up with. I know its not much but try and smile, talk to people, laugh, (even if just on here), share your feelings and you will realise a lot of people suffer - but simply don't show it. Try changing your diet, walking (with or without a dog), keep busy, its hard when you feel so low but it helps me. Good luck and hope you are feeling happier soon.