Can't control anxiety... and thank you

[Bluebll]

Firstly, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who replied to my first post about my current fear of using the London underground and terrorism . I only checked my account yesterday and saw so many kind responses and I can't express how appreciative I am that strangers have taken the time to do that!! So I'm sorry for not replying at the time - I really didn't expect to have any more responses!

I've really struggled this week and am getting so frustrated and perplexed that I can't get over this - plus I feel my husband's patience is fading :weep:

I can't seem to get over the fact that I'm putting my life at risk by being in London all day everyday/getting tubes when the news keeps talking about how an attack is 'imminent' and I just can't seem to find a way to get over this. We're in the process of buying a house and should exchange next month, but my anxiety is so high that I can't even think about it because I'm convinced I will be involved in something awful. I feel sick with fear.

I'm working from home today due to the strikes but I'm already thinking about tomorrow. Wondering whether I should walk the 40 minutes to work from the overground because it's safer, not wanting to change my journey by a minute because that could be the one time something happens etc etc. Yawn, yawn. And then, I conclude I'll walk but remember that I have to go past Buckingham Palace and wonder if that's even more risky - I wondered whether I could actually run through that bit of my journey to minimise my time in a 'hotspot'. Re-reading this it's actually quite funny if it wasn't so sad and causing me so much anxiety.

I think the deep down fear is clearly dying, being alone and not being able to spend the rest of my life with my husband. Bizarrely, if he travelled in with me, I think I'd be fine.

Can anyone offer any advice on how you get over something like this? Sorry to sound so pathetic and self-centred.

[Oosh]

Your body has to be there but your mind doesn't. Have you ever gone somewhere and been so preoccupied with something else that you can't remember a single thing about the journey ?

Show yourself you have control over what you choose to focus on and how you choose to see it. It's an opportunity to prove this to yourself and increase your confidence in your ability to do this.

I think right now might just be the SAFEST time ? There's a suggestion for you.
What terrorist would try anything when EVERYBODY is watching EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE. Common sense tells me they wait until guards are down or people are looking elsewhere.

Tell yourself it's safe. Now give yourself the challenge of carrying out the journey without thinking about it because you were so engrossed in something else. Close your eyes, put yourself somewhere else, with some headphones on maybe.

And catch yourself playing out disastrous movies in your head. See different, more positive outcomes.

It's not pathetic. If that's how you see it, that would be how anyone would feel.
But if seeing it that way makes you terrified, there's no point, see it differently and feel differently. Challenge the negative way you see it.

[Bluebll]

Thanks so much for your reply. That's really good advice and it's frustrating that up until about a month or so ago, I could nearly do that. However, I genuinely feel I have to be alert now and so even my rationale brain is telling me I should be on guard, I should be nervous.

This morning I noticed several plain-clothed police at the station barriers with walkie talkies and I spent the whole day feeling completely sick. I couldn't stop thinking about my journey home all day - I had a very embarrassing moment where a candidate I was interviewing with another colleague asked 'Is that the same question you asked a minute ago?' (I was obsessing even whilst interviewing and so preoccupied I asked someone the same question twice!).

Every day I set off in the morning I'm convinced I'm never going to see my husband again :weep: I have never had anxiety this bad before and think my only option is to quit my job in town.

[sial72]

Hi
First of all, you do not sound pathetic and self centered.
It's funny what you say about re-reading it and it could almost be funny because as I was reading it I was laughing remembering once when I made 3 friends get off a train to Manchester because I was convinced there were terrorists on the train, I started telling my friends...look at him, look at that bag, look at what he's reading...in the end I made them so paranoid that even they wanted to get off.
Anyway, my advice, or not advice really, just what I do... I think that while I'm worrying about things like that maybe a plantpot will drop on my head and kill me.
What I mean is that we can't control everything in life, even giving up your job doesn't guarantee that nothing will ever happen to you.
I have had health anxiety over the years and now I am really ill but with something that had never crossed my mind...do you get what I am saying?
I know it is scary, but we can't spend our life avoiding everything in case of what might happen.
I hope I am not sounding too harsh, I am saying this to myself as much as I am to you xxx

[Bluebll]

Ah - thank you! Yes, I know exactly what you mean about the fact there are far more mundane things that are probably far more of a danger to me!

I think it's just this horrible sense of feeling uneasy and heightened security everywhere I look in London which just makes me want get out of there asap. Even if it's a small risk, why put myself in that position I think.... albeit very sad and pathetic!

I'm very sorry to hear you're not well and really hope you're better soon - when something 'real' does happen, it puts anxiety into perspective :hugs:

[happydylbob]

Hello Bluebell
I have always had a thing about terrorists and I know exactly how you feel and cant imagine what it must be like to face it daily. At one point in my life I thought I would never visit London again through fear, however I did and in the past few years I have been a number of times. A few weeks ago we went for the weekend and I had my 9 year old daughter with me it was very busy in the underground stations and my daughter got a bit upset, she said mummy why are all of these policemen around and got very unnerved by their presence so I told her the truth they are there to keep us safe and that is what these wonderful people do on a daily basis I believe there is so much work that goes on behind the scenes and I know it is easy to let panic get the better of us but maybe try thinking how you would reassure someone else.
Hope this helps a little hope your move goes ok

[Cherrytree12]

Hi Blubll,

sorry to hear you are suffering so badly. I had similar fears a few years ago when they said the world was going to end on NYE. I got myself in such a state things that it was all the end and that myself and my loved ones would all be gone forever. That whole Holiday period, I didn't enjoy myself because I was scared but it reach midnight on NYE and everything was OK. I know your situation is different by a long shot as you are having to deal with this every day of your life. Is there anyway that you could speak to your husband on the phone whilst you are commuting? Or anyone at all, just so you don't feel so alone and you will be focused on something else other than what's going on in your own head? Or is there a work colleague that you could perhaps do the commute with?

Has this only occurred since the recent terror threats or is it an ongoing thing? Perhaps listening to music or even a comedian in headphones would help as it will just focus your mind elsewhere?