The Big C

[captainluke]

Hi guys,

This is my first post here. Before I begin, let me just say what a great forum this is and it has helped me a lot over recent weeks/months.

My issue is that I seem to have developed an obsession with thinking I have cancer. It all started 4 months ago when I discoved two lumps in my lower back - these were evntually diagnosed as fatty lumps which I don't dispute at all. Since then, my senses have heightened and so every little pain or discomfort has led to me brutally feeling that area for hours at a time until I find a lump, bump or anything that feels slightly out of place. So over the last few months I have felt lumps on my left rib (again, this has been diagnosed as fatty lump) but I have now recently found more. One on my left shoulder, one on my right rib, one above my my left breast area - these feel slightly different to ones that have already been diagnosed as they feel a bit firmer.

After multiple trips to my doctor, she has finally sent me for an ultrasound scan to 'put my mind at ease'. I was starting to believe everything would turn out okay but now the gland on the right hand side of my neck feels inflamed, possibly even like a lump. My question to people is that if I go looking for lumps, bumps and differences between the two halves of my body (I'm obsessed if there isn't perfect symetry between the corresponding sides of my body) then am I just finding natural differences and irregularities that have always been there or should I be worried? Can a gland on one side of the neck feel bigger than the other? And my latest one is the area between my back and armpit, on both sides, the bone feels like it has a lump on it - again is this natural and I just haven't touched myself there before OR should I be concerned?

Sorry for the essay but my family/friends are sick of my health anxiety (which I openly admit I have but this doesn't mean I can't also have something wrong with me), and I feel my doctor dismisses my concerns and they just look at me as a healthy, young (23) guy which automatially means I couldn't have anything serious to worry about health-wise. For me, it's a vicious cycle of googling, feeling and discovering which has got to the point of me being mentally exhausted all the time and being confused if I'm looking into things too much, if I'm causing irregularities by constantly feeling myself or if there is actually something to worry about.

[tmckenzie-orr]

yeah dude certainly , I can feel a lymp gland more bigger on my left than i can on my right, But its absolutely fine, Its horrible evil thing thhat sets you off then u notice and become more aware and notice every bump lump change to ur body its evil lol

[emmalj0]

I have a lump on my rib u cant see it just feel it when touched iv had it two and half years now. I was sent for ulttasounds didnt find anything. Drs have all diagnosed as fatty lump. Im still not convinced. Its horrible worrying all the time.

[captainluke]

Cheers for the replies, I'm (weirdly) glad that others are in the same position of over-analysing and never fully believing he doctor!

I have my ultrasound scan on Monday, for the last week I have been trying my best not to touch myself so I could go into the scan knowing if any part of my body was genuinely hurting or whether I was causing it by touching. Unless I think about/or touch a certain part of my body then it doesn't hurt - the big one is that when I think of my neck it automatically starts to feel big and uncomfortable like there's a mammoth lump inside. Would you guys say this is evidence of me going mad with anxiety?

Unfortunately I haven't been able to go the whole week without touching, I accidentally felt the area right next to my nipple last night and I have discovered what I think is a lump. I will get this scanned on Monday but until then I am imagining every bad scenario possible. It doesn't help that in the opposite armpit I have discovered a small lump but this might just be a lymph node. Would opposite armpit and breast area lumps be connected at all? Or is it just more likely that I'm feeling things that have always been there, or that they are simple fatty lumps?? After all, what's the odds of being diagnosed with 3 fatty lumps within a couple of months and then also discovering something more serious.

Or, alternatively, can I create lumps by prodding and poking as I swear these lumps only appear after the 100th time of feeling that particular area? Is it possible for the ultimate irony of lumps being created because of my daily lump checks or even my anxiety of them?

[tmckenzie-orr]

If you go feeling for things you will find abnormal things, and send yourself into panic mode, If you focus on a area like ur neck you will notice every ache every twitch everything and plays badly on your mind and is a vicious circle, you can get fatty lumps and cyst all over the body, some people are more inclined to get them than others, U need to stop feeling about show the ct scan people everything u need to on monday then u need to know all is ok and stop it while u still can or it will become a routine of health anxiety and ur worry about skin cancer bowel cancer lymphoma etc etc etc etc

[captainluke]

Hi guys,

Just an update after having my ultrasound today.

My GP told me to circle every area on my body in which I thought I had lumps so the doctor doing the scan would know where to look. Naturally, I woke up feeling every inch of my body doing one last thorough self examination before circling a whopping 10 areas over by chest and ribs.

The doctors started the scan and looked worried before asking me if all my lumps feel the same or different. This got me panicking until I realised they were asking because they couldn't find any. I wasn't looking to get the big lumps of my lower back scanned as I'm content with my GP's diagnosis of fatty lumps for those but after mentioning these they were then scanned too. The doctors found nothing of any significance, nothing on the ultrasound was different to 'regular and normal fat cells' meaning 'a surgeon wouldn't even know where to cut if there was actually something up with you'.

So it seems that everything is fine with me and I was quite content until I was back in my car. What if the equipment was faulty? What if they missed something? (It was a regular doctor training a student on my scan, okay so it was double the eyes on analysing my scan but could the training have got in the way?). Also, I know I have big fatty lumps in my lower back and I've read these show up on ultrasounds so why didn't they today? And if these lumps didn't show up then the smaller lumps on my chest and ribs might have gone unnoticed too.

Am I being crazy and stupid for having these doubts? Or are they valid points? My real concern is why nothing showed at all when I know I have multiple lumps in my body from big soft ones in my lower back to tiny pea shaped ones on my chest! Either I've been wrongs for all these months or the scan was wrong, I'm in a state on confusion at the moment

[worrywart29]

You had a full scan they found nothing in order to get over this obsession you have to let it go. You said you found ten lumps if every lump is cancer think about how sick you would be right now. You do not have anything wrong in regards to the lumps. If you want to break this vicious cycle you have to try to believe that or else its going to keep getting worse. Sometimes anxiety can cause our perception to be off. It may not be a lump at all but Just your perception of how you think it feel.

[ShaunRyder]

Welcome to the boards!

Yes, if you go poking and prodding you will 100% find something, I am not one to give advice as I am exactly like you and I know I shouldnt but i still do it. My GP told me if I carry on scanning my body my whole life time I would come across 100s of different types of lumps and not one of them would be bad. Our bodies are full of irregularities, infact my whole left side is different to my right, but that still does not stop me worrying! Once we get our HA under control we will soon stop scanning!

[Fishmanpa]

Hi guys,

Just an update after having my ultrasound today.

My GP told me to circle every area on my body in which I thought I had lumps so the doctor doing the scan would know where to look. Naturally, I woke up feeling every inch of my body doing one last thorough self examination before circling a whopping 10 areas over by chest and ribs.

The doctors started the scan and looked worried before asking me if all my lumps feel the same or different. This got me panicking until I realised they were asking because they couldn't find any. I wasn't looking to get the big lumps of my lower back scanned as I'm content with my GP's diagnosis of fatty lumps for those but after mentioning these they were then scanned too. The doctors found nothing of any significance, nothing on the ultrasound was different to 'regular and normal fat cells' meaning 'a surgeon wouldn't even know where to cut if there was actually something up with you'.

So it seems that everything is fine with me and I was quite content until I was back in my car. What if the equipment was faulty? What if they missed something? (It was a regular doctor training a student on my scan, okay so it was double the eyes on analysing my scan but could the training have got in the way?). Also, I know I have big fatty lumps in my lower back and I've read these show up on ultrasounds so why didn't they today? And if these lumps didn't show up then the smaller lumps on my chest and ribs might have gone unnoticed too.

Am I being crazy and stupid for having these doubts? Or are they valid points? My real concern is why nothing showed at all when I know I have multiple lumps in my body from big soft ones in my lower back to tiny pea shaped ones on my chest! Either I've been wrongs for all these months or the scan was wrong, I'm in a state on confusion at the moment


You're not crazy or stupid. You have anxiety and the dragon is telling you lies. Your reaction is text book! A trained medical professional using 10's of thousands of dollars worth of equipment gave you the all clear. Do you know how many people would jump for joy for a result like that?! I'd trust that over self doubt any day!

So now you know for sure that it was your anxiety causing your problems and fears and know for sure what you need to get help for.

Positive thoughts

[pulisa]

Am I right in thinking that your GP couldn't find any lumps but sent you off to ultrasound with a carte blanche to circle any areas where you thought there were lesions?

If I've understood this right I can understand why your anxiety is sky high. Your GP has openly fuelled your cancer phobia by sending you off for so-called reassurance. I think your GP should have stood firm and said that this was a health anxiety-not a physical-issue.

[captainluke]

Am I right in thinking that your GP couldn't find any lumps but sent you off to ultrasound with a carte blanche to circle any areas where you thought there were lesions?

If I've understood this right I can understand why your anxiety is sky high. Your GP has openly fuelled your cancer phobia by sending you off for so-called reassurance. I think your GP should have stood firm and said that this was a health anxiety-not a physical-issue.

Yeah, that's correct. I can see your point but surely the alternative of me not having a scan was worse? I do think my GP had the best intentions...
______
I will have to go see my GP in 2 weeks time to get formal confirmation of my results so I have set a task for myself which is not to go feeling for lumps during this 2 week period. If I fail, then when I see my GP I will ask for help about health anxiety, but hopefully given the good news I will succeed in stopping these symptoms of anxiety....it's nearly been 24 hours since my last lump check already.

---------- Post added at 13:44 ---------- Previous post was at 13:40 ----------


You're not crazy or stupid. You have anxiety and the dragon is telling you lies. Your reaction is text book! A trained medical professional using 10's of thousands of dollars worth of equipment gave you the all clear. Do you know how many people would jump for joy for a result like that?! I'd trust that over self doubt any day!

So now you know for sure that it was your anxiety causing your problems and fears and know for sure what you need to get help for.

Positive thoughts

This reply has helped me a lot. You're right, hundreds of people each day would pay for that result so I should be relieved and content. If I have an issue now then it has to be HA, not lumps! I have just got to put common-sense rational thinking before unsubstantiated theories of terrible diseases spurred on by Mr Google.