View Full Version : Going back to work
Merlinssister
10-09-04, 10:30
Okay. Theoretically I should be going back to work for 3 afternoons next week. I say theoretically because despite a supporting doctor's statement my HR dept are arguing that if I'm coming back i should be full time. I've told them it's slow and steady or not at all for the immediate future.
Anyhow, I'm coping really well if I'm by myself or with my other half/friends I trust. But am really worried about keeping it together at work, where I've got to put this professional persona on and won't have the flexibility to take time out if I have a freak out (I'm a careers adviser so my day is pretty much run by appointments). Anybody got any advice? I've got my homeopathic medicines, which she says I can take every 5 mins if I need to, and my oils, all of which really help. But I don't know how I'm meant to cope mentally.
hello there,
I'm sure that going back to work seems quite daunting to you. I had the same problem when it was time to go back to uni. I was terrified. However, after a couple of days have passed and then a week or two, it will slowly become your normal routine and it will feel like you've always done it. Good luck!!
Sarah :D
I agree entirely that returning part time is preferable than straight back full time . I hope they honour that .
These days with 'duty of care' so prevelant it would be hard for them not to.
Good luck
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
wanted to wish you all the best for returning to work.
i was in a similar position some years ago, and it was kind of weird to go back, but i kept with it and after 2-3 weeks started to feel abit more "normal" with it.
as for coping mechanisms, you say you use oils? cos i find lavender very helpful. and right now i find breathing exercesise very helpful. i think mentally if you sort of tell yourself that "i will be ok" whenever you start to feel weird it helps. i find visualising something nice helps, right now i visualise branches of blossom in the wind and it helps.
i think starting off part time is good, hope it goes well for you :)
oshun
i think mentally if you sort of tell yourself that "i will be ok" whenever you start to feel weird it helps
I spent months telling myself : 'I am absolutely fine' dozens of times a day even though I felt awful and slowly in reality I became fine.
Meg
Merlinssister
10-09-04, 13:58
Thanks guys. That's really helped. I mean, I know I've got lots of techniques to help myself, I've just got to accept, and explain to others, that I may be back but I can't go at full pelt, and may not be able to for some time. They'll just have to accept it. It's just so hard to take care of yourself when you spend your day taking care of other people. I just feel like I'm letting them all down. I know if it was the other way around I would be telling them that if they don't take care of themselves they won't be able to take care of anyone else...
Had my worse panic attack in a shop for a couple of weeks this morning, and I know it's because I'm worrying about everything. Can only take it one step at a time, and remember my affirmations etc. :)
One step at a time sounds like a great way to start.
I think you have to stick to your guns about the slow and steady return to work. If your doctor's statement backs you up. Then they have no option but to do as he says.
Once you get in the swing of things, it will be just like you've never been away.
You have to tell yourself that you are going to be okay.
Everything is okay.
Everything will stay okay.
When you go back to work, make sure you have everything you need.
I have a "panic pack" ( which is slowly getting smaller.) which has everything I may need should I start to panic.
Try to remain positive.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
Hi hon
One step at a time. You take it at your own pace, no one can fault you for that.
Mentally you have thought you are ready to go back so give it a go and dont let people talk you out of it.
I know pressure you feel going back to work and it is hard but if you manage it you will be a lot more confident and if you dont, you havent lost anything, apart from the fact you werent ready.
Trying is the most important factor here and you are doing that. I know it will be hard and your anxiety will be through the roof but you are giving it your best shot, and you only deserve praise for that.
Good luck and will be thinking of you and remember only do the hours you can handle everyone is entitled to a back to work programme.
Take care hon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Merlinssister
12-09-04, 11:05
Thanks Stimpy. Yep, have my panic pack at the ready. Just trying to work out how to fit anything else in my bag. ;)
And Sal, thanks for your words. That's what I keep telling myself, but other people swing from one extreme of advice to another. *sigh*. Doesn't make it any easier. So your words were particularly helpful.
Merlinssister
13-09-04, 09:04
Okay. I have to leave in about 3 and a half hours. Feeling pretty anxious and tired, though I slept better than I thought I would. Just worrying about having a panic attack when I get there, or not being able to concentrate.
*deep breath*
Just got to take it a step at a time, and if it doesn't work, then at least I've tried.
Presuming they're letting me go back...
hope your 1st day back went ok....
all the best, oshun
Hi
So how was your first day.
I know just how you feel. I found going back to work really hard but with time it gets better and you learn that you can cope even if you feel terrible.
Use all the army of techniques that you have and remember that you an get through this.
I went back part time and found it a great help
Jules
I hope your first day back at work has been okay.
Briary
Caz Fab Pants
13-09-04, 15:12
Think what Meg said is very true, if you say something to yourself enough you will eventually start to acknowledge and believe it. I know its hard to do because often you find your inner voice argueing that you're not ok and everything isn't fine. However, you can always tell yourself it is ONLY a panic attack, nothing more. It WILL pass, you CAN cope, everything WILL be fine if you just give yourself a few minutes, a drink, deep breaths etc.
Hope work went ok.
Caroline :)
x
Merlinssister
13-09-04, 19:41
Thanks for all your supprt, guys. It's really helped. Only had a couple of bad patches. On the train I blasted them away with some music, and in the office with some distraction, so did much better than I thought I would, and colleagues were really kind and understanding.
Here's to tomorrow afternoon, and then a day off followed by Thursday afternoon. I can do this. :)
Brilliant MS ,
Good for you for managing to overcome the difficult bits so well.
Hi Hon
Well done to you, you achieved what you set out to do and you deserve praise and so much encouragement for that.
You know yourself you had every opportunity to bottle out and hide but you didnt, you stayed the time needed and coped even if it was hard.
One down and i am sure the rest will go just aswell. Adjust to been back at work in your own time but remember you got through today, however hard it was, so mentally and physically you have gained strength. You felt ready to do it and you judged it right.
Well done, was thinking of you and so pleased you did so well.
Keep us posted.
Love Sal xxxxx
see, you did it!
brilliant :)
oshun
Merlinssister
14-09-04, 19:06
Hi guys. Thanks for your kind words. Today was actually tougher than yesterday. Partly because my period is due and I've got some serious pre-menstrual pain, and hence feeling pretty miserable, and I actually had to interact on a professional level with other people today. Just had this overwhelming sense of anxiety that I wouldn't cope with the work and that people would ask me to do lots of things I couldn't cope with.
But I kept it together, and was even strict with myself and went home after the meeting (as I wanted to) and not to the office, even though it had finished earlier than expected, and I have work I need to do. Day off tomorrow so am really looking forward to that. Lots of me time!
Now if only I can get our Sky digibox to work properly...
MS
Merlinssister
15-09-04, 09:06
Hi guys,
Have worken up really miserable this morning. Just feeling very down and wondering why I pushed myself to go back. I don't feel ready to be doing the job again and every moment felt painful there, even though I kept it under control.
Part of the problem may be that I didn't get enough sleep last night. My other half woke me about one o'clock having a night terror (he keeps having dreams people are watching him) and I couldn't get back to sleep for ages afterwards. Loads of work stuff went spinning through my mind, particularly some of the problem students I've got to deal with, as well as all the parents who think I've got magical wands to wave tos olve all their problems with their children. I comforted myself with trying to work out if I could afford to go part time, which I could if I could pick up a little bit of other work, but I know my other half isn't keen on me doing that. He'd rather I just get another job, starting afresh, and maybe for more money (*rolls eyes*). Besides who would give a job to someone who's just had 5 weeks off with anxiety and depression and isn't past it yet??
I just feel under so much pressure to cope, and I don't feel like I am. Trying to stay positive, but not feeling it today. :(
Hi MS ,
PMT always makes anxiety worse so do stick it out till thats over and see how you feel then.
It would be easier if you had a bit of time back form sick first before looking for a new job but its not fully essential .There are all sorts of reasons you can use.
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
Hi there
Sorry to hear you're not feeling to good today but I think you've highlighted some of the reasons why - PMT, lack of sleep - not good for the old anxiety levels particularly at this stressful time for you. You are doing really well and have every reason to be proud of yourself. Hopefully things will settle down for you once you've got a few more days out the way. What makes it even harder for you is that you've been off quite a while and its always hard to go back to work after a break. See how it goes hey? Maybe the part-time thing could be an option for you if you feel its too much too soon just now?
Best wishes, love Jo xxx
Merlinssister
15-09-04, 14:33
Thanks guys.
Am currently feeling much better. Have been to my exercise class so have both endorphins and chocolate in my system now. Not a bad combination. :) Was a bit anxious in class as felt a bit dizzy occasionally but took some deep breaths and sniffed my geranium on my tissue and got through fine. I must be one of the few people who prefer floor exercises at the moment, because at least I can't fall over then.*not that I have at any other times MS reminds head*
I've just got to work really hard not to take work on too heavily at the moment and take the time I need. Unfortuantely it's our busiest time coming up, and it's hard not to get swept away in the current. I think my mood has been helped by the fact that I've been thinking through some more options for my part time work. I don't really want to leave at the moment, but I do want some more flexibility in my life, and a bit more control over my work. So am going to explore them. At least I will feel a bit more in charge then, always good for the stress levels!
Hi
Sounds as you have coped really well so far and however hard and uncomfortable you felt you moved forward.
I am pleased you know your boundaries though and dont over do it before you are ready. Going back to work is a big step and i really believe you arent a 100% better when you first go back to work as we are not back into the routine of our life before the illness hit us.
Things can only improve and you have done so well hon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Merlinssister
19-09-04, 11:22
Am having really mixed feelings today. Am feeling a lot more human this week in many ways, yet in some ways my mood is lower than it has been since the beginning of my time off in the summer. It makes me question the point of trying to get better. I mean, I know there is no logic to that, yet when every day you get up, pick yourself up, push yourself through the day and not feel better at the end of the day, you can't help wondering. I keep telling myself about how well I felt on holiday and how I've been well before, but today it feels like there will never be an end to feeling like this.
We all get these feelings that you have and question what is the point. But the biggest point is that you are getting there, you have felt good about yourself and it will come round again.
Dont forget what you have achieved this last week and it will take it out of you. But you have done really well and are getting yourself back on track. We all have our bad days but hopefully they become less as the time moves on.
Try and have a nice relaxing day and pamper yourself.
Love Sal xxxxx
Merlinssister
19-09-04, 18:32
Thanks sal. As usual I'm better now the afternoon is here. Mornings are the hardest for me when all the panicky thoughts just coalesce into an almighty AAAAGH! :)
Have tried to remain positive and put in more support mechanisms. Even simple things like having a small cd player to take to work seems to have lifted my mood.
Keep on battling, eh?
I returned to work last year after 3 months off after a particularly nasty bout of anxiety and depression. It was tough, so I know how you feel. I'm a teacher and you cant just leave and have 5 minutes to your self!!! But after a while it didn't seem such hard work any more and actually helped. I began to focus on other things instead of myself all day. Ive been back 2 weeks now after the summer holiday and although that was tough to begin with i did it and i keep reminding myself about that. Getting through each day is hard enough but to work as well is a big achievement. Be proud of yourself, you haven't given in. Hang in there and it will improve.
TC
mabel (caroline)
Merlinssister
19-09-04, 21:36
Thanks mabel. Hearing that from someone else in education really helps. I haven't been in school yet and I know there is a risk it will be all out frantic when I do. I know that's when I'll have to be at my strongest in terms of resisting work etc. :)
Congrats on getting back to work so successfully. At least I can juggle my day around. As a teacher you don't have that freedom so I'm really impressed.
Hi Hon
You have done really well and i know how hard it was for me to go back to work. The night before i felt worse than i had felt in months but i knew it was down to the anxiety of going back to something i wasnt sure i wa ready for.
You have done really well and it does take time to get back into that routine again.
If you need to talk email me ok hon, i am here for you if you need me.
Love Sal xxxxx
Merlinssister
20-09-04, 09:10
Thanks sal. That means a lot.:D
Merlinssister
20-09-04, 19:56
I have actually had quite a good afternoon at work. Not perfect, but I felt okay and managed to deal with a teacher and some students without freaking and only started to get tired and dizzy towards the end of the day. Having the CD player there really helped, as did talking to one of my colleagues about what she's going through.
Bigger test on Wednesday as I've got to go into a classroom. But am going to take my oils, homeopathy tablets and water and see how we go. :)
Glad to hear your afternoon went ok - fingers crossed for Wednesday, I'll be thinking of you hon.
Love Jo xxx
nomorepanic
20-09-04, 20:09
Hey great news - so pleased for you!
Good luck for Wednesday too ok?
Nicola
Merlinssister
22-09-04, 07:46
Not the best start to the day Icould have hoped for. Have had chronic stomach cramps since about 11pm. Don't know why, don't care why. All I know is that this morning is now not just about the anxiety but also the lack of sleep. Keep telling myself I don't have to rush, and that by 12.30pm I can be back in my car and coming home. But it's not the same as feeling rested and well prepared. *sigh* Sometimes this anxiety thing sucks. :(
Merlinssister
25-09-04, 10:53
Stomach upset has passed and have survived two days in school. Actually enjoyed some of it. Even managed to do one lesson without taking one of my rescue remedy things and only a sniff of my oils. Yay me!
My main concern now is finding the money to continue with my counselling. I'm nearly out of freebies but I'm not sure if I can afford to continue, though I feel I want to. Can make some cuts in places, but still couldn't afford to go more than once a month. Not sure if that will be any use. Still, am going to talk to the counsellor next week and see what she says.
The cramps are a natural part of naxiety , its extra HCl being produced and the muscles tightening up .
Glad you made it through your days and enjoyed it !!
Let us know what your counsellor advises.
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Merlinssister
25-09-04, 17:29
Thanks Meg. Useful info as always. I think one of the hardest things with anxiety is understanding how you may not be consciously anxious but your body is one step ahead of you and informs you of the fact in plenty of time. Wish it would communicate in another manner. :)
nomorepanic
25-09-04, 18:14
Hi MS
Bad news about the counselling isn't it. They should allow us to get as much treatment as we want to but instead you have to pay for it yourself once they discharge you.
I was lucky cos they told me I could stay as long as I wanted to and I did it every week for about 9 months before I discharged myself. Different story nowadays isn't it?
Pleased to hear that school went ok.
Nicola
Hi Merlin
Pleased you are doing well.
Must be hard when you know you are going to have to pay for it, never experienced that and can imagine how i would feel if i had to.
Like you i couldnt afford it but then its our health so that is added pressure.
I hope you can make it a bit easier for yourself.
Pleased you enjoyed yourself at work, you have done so well.
Love Sal xxxxx
Merlinssister
26-09-04, 09:21
Hi nic and sal,
Thanks for your support. Yeah the counselling's a bummer. The advantage of having depression last time at university was I got all my treatment free. I don't mind paying a bit, but the charge per hour is quite expensive (though not as expensive as what my friend in London is charged!).
I could go on the NHS waiting list but that's 9 months long, and I don't think that I would be high priority. Though I understand that. Once a month may be useful, just worried we'd spend the whole session constantly catching up on things! Anyway, not going to worry about it until next week.
MS
Hi
If you can only afford it monthly you should give it a go and i am sure the counsellor will have experience to quickly revamp where you left of and move on to how you are feeling when you are with her.
I would still advise you to put your name down for counselling on the NHS you never know it could be shorter than 9 months or if it isnt when it comes around you could take full advantage of it and start weekly sessions and by then hopefully you will have started to overcome and understand how you are.
Seeing a counsellor monthly can start to build the foundations whilst you wait to see if you get one on the NHS.
Hope work goes ok.
Take care.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi MS
What a shame about your counselling, but I agree with Sal that its worth going on the NHS list. It might sound a long way off but who knows, you might get in earlier? In the meantime, have a chat to your counsellor about the best way forward - I'm sure he or she will be able to help you find a solution, even if it does mean only one session per month for now.
Its such a pain that the only treatment readily available for for panic, anxiety and depression is pharmacotherapy, no doubt because its the cheapest option. Don't get me wrong, there's a place for it, but my personal view is that counselling, CBT and alternative therapies should be made available through GPs, perhaps integrating the services of such practitioners into doctor's surgeries. Oh well, until such day as that may happen ....
Glad to hear that you're coping well and even managed to enjoy school a little :D
Best wishes, Jo xx
Merlinssister
26-09-04, 19:59
Thanks sal and jo. I agree with all that you said jo. It's very frustrating that the talking treatments aren't as easily available as the pharmocological ones, even though they are as important. And am thinking about referral to the counselling service, might still want it in 9 months. The irony is that if I'd been in this situation this time last year I wouldn't have had a problem because there was a counsellor attached to the surgery. Since then the doctor has given the surgery up because of his own ill health and it's run by the PCT. Got rid of all his initiatives, like an inhouse reflexologist etc. It's a real shame.
Anyway, first complete day in tomorrow. Was looking forward to it (keen to get the paperwork sorted out!) but feeling a bit nervous. Still I'm sure I'll be okay. :)
Hiya Merlin
Yes, definately a shame about the councelling but I do agree with Sal, going once a month is definately better than not at all and get yourself on the NHS waiting list as soon as possible, it might come round before you know it!!
really good luck for your first complete day in tomorrow, im sure you will do great hon.
take care
Love Sarah
xx
Merlinssister
27-09-04, 19:57
Thanks Sarah.
Today went well,. Only got tired and anxious towards the end of the day, and considering I had been up since 6am after a bad night's sleep, not bad. And as you all said, every time I go in I feel that little bit better. When I started this thread I didn't beleive I would, but now my confidence is just growing. Thanks for all your support, guys. :D
Thats the way - slow and steady .
Well done !
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Pleased today went ok for you.
You are doing really well and hope you take the most out of the counselling, if only to start it off like i said at end of day what benefit you get is what counts.
Love Sal xxxxx
Merlinssister
29-09-04, 18:49
Thanks guys. Today wasn't so good. Woke up tired and cranky and it didn't really improve. Got really anxious in one meeting, but managed to distract myself out of it.
Have the option of not going in tomorrow afternoon, so am going to see how I feel.
**Got really anxious in one meeting, but managed to distract myself out of it.**
Brilliant news .. Keep doing what you're doing !!
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Hi mate
Got anxious but managed you managed to distract yourself which is the way forward. You have done really well. Hard as it has been for you you have kept trying and overcome problems as they have arised.
Well done you.
Love Sal xxxxx
Merlinssister
30-09-04, 08:11
Thanks Meg and Sal. Have decided against going in today. The thought of doing a whole day tomorrow on top seems a bit much. So going to rest today instead.
Hiya MS
Well done on achieving so much this week - hey, can you tell me how you managed to talk yourself out of feeling anxious? Wish I has mastered that technique!
Hope your full day goes ok - enjoy your weekend hon.
Best wishes, Jo x
Merlinssister
01-10-04, 07:14
Hey jo. Thanks for the good wishes.
In the meeting I did the usual 'it's just the anxiety talking' bit, plus the sniffing of oils. And then I just tried to focus on what the teacher and parent were discussing, so after a while, I wasn't thinking about being anxious I was thinking about what they were talking about. Don't always manage it, but this time it worked. :)
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