Self Worth on the Floor!

[Mart0310]

For me Anxiety in the mornings is the worst, its the time I dont like being alone, absolutely hate it!

My wife has to attend an appointment today, I had planned to stay with my parents. Yesterday my mum came down with a stomach bug, which causes an obvious problem!

My wifes reaction was either you will have to stay with whatever friend is available, go to your parents regardless or sit outside in the car with high anxiety.

I know my anxiety is a pain in the butt for others at the moment but, It just feels like nobody actually cares what it does to me, heres your options - let your friends see you at your most vulnerable, risk picking up a stomach bug or have 30 minute public anxiety high alone in the car!

Maybe Im being oversensitive I dunno, but it just feels like my feelings (setting aside anxiety) jut dont count for anything, not valid :weep:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Morning Mart,

This is when that terrible word tends to crop up in our minds isn't it? Burden.

We really really don't want to feel like we restrict others just as much as we don't want to be going through this and just want to be better.

Sometimes though its like tha fates conspire and we are left with hard choices, none of which we would choose. Best of a bad situation.

You know in your mind that if your wife could be there, she would be, but something has come up and she feels she needs to do this appointment so it must be something important?

Its not being oversensitive, its feeling fear. We really don't want anymore of it and it can cause us to avoid lots of things. But sometimes we get stuck like this and have to decide what is best. Anyone who is scared wants help, thats just a basic of the fight or flight, but its always going to be hard for others to see inside that when they haven't been through it. So, we also have to make allowances it we can to help them out too, although it can be extremely hard for us to do.

Can you tell yourself that whichever of these options you choose, you are doing it for the right reasons? Something positive, like supporting your wife? (not that you alreadydon't, of course, its just something to try to fight it with)

[Mart0310]

Morning Terry,

Wise words as always! thank you!

Its not really the situation that bothers me so much, Its 30 minutes of anxiety, lets face it we have all experienced worse.

I think its more about the burden, and being made painfully aware that my anxiety is inconvenient to others. Its hard!

[Justanutter]

Morning Mart. Sorry to hear you are feeling bad at the moment. Mornings are always the worst for anxiety sufferers and as I think Terry has said in a previous post, it's something to do with the cortisol in our bodies affecting us at this particular time of the day.

If I were you, I would plump for the 30 mins in the car option. Can you take a book to take your mind of it or play a CD while you are waiting for your wife? 30 mins will soon pass if you are reading. Do some deep breathing as well as it will definitely help the anxiety calm down.

Hope it goes okay today, whatever you decide to do.

Take care.

[Sunflower2]

I'd also go for the 30 minutes of anxiety! You might even surprise yourself and not feel as anxious as you're expecting to. Think of it as an opportunity to broaden your comfort zone.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yes, it is. When I used to go to the charity walk-in groups, this was one that was discussed a fair bit. Two of us there live with our parents and we discussed how we don't like to add to their stresses and how they should be relaxing at that time of life. So, I can understand how it feels. I worry about the fact they are seeing me going through this, the strain it puts on them and even whether this could be the last they see of me and I don't want it to be like that!

Some things we have to apply some acceptance to. For instance, I'm 39 now, never been married and have no kids. I'm running out of time for that now and at times this gets me down. I try to accept it for what it is because I can't change it, only try to recover and hopefully find I have the time left. If I don't then I will have to face that and accept that life went a certain way and it isn't meant to be. It will get me down though.

So, I think when we practice things like acceptance, we have a whole load of practical scenarios that we also have to apply it to. One of them is how we do restrict the lives of others around us. BUT we also have to balance this because we didn't ask to be this way and we would give anything to have the lives we want for ourselves and our families - so we haven't intentionally set out to be a burden (I dislike that word!).

They end up practising this from the other side of the fence. They have to make some allowances for us. BUT lets balance it again. If you were in an accident and couldn't walk and your wife, GF or partner had to do things for you, how would you feel? I'm sure you would go through those low period where you feel a burden. It would be more socially acceptable of course with it being a physical disability, as mental heath issues are not recognised on the same level but you could easily apply that accident scenario to something that causes mental trauma or damage that means more help is needed to get through the day. Yes, it would be hard and would take some time for both people to adjust to a new way of living but they love each other so would find their way and also find how to live the live they want. Maybe we aren't so dissimiliar? Perhaps we fit more into that adjustment period until we are recovering enough to be able to do more with and for our partners?

So, are we perceiving this more negatively than we should?

Your wife obviously loves you, she's still there. At times its going to cause some rows because of how intrusive anxiety is on the relationship and the things you would be doing together if you could. I guess talking to each other, understanding each others current challenges and trying to help each other is what is going to help (along with recovery)

[Mart0310]

You're absolutely right Terry, this is more about my thinking than it is anything else. I guess what I feel a lot this time is shame, which is odd because I nver felt it last time around.

Im shamed by my own incapabilities at the moment. Being at home with my wife is part of our normal routine, we jointly own a business, so we literally spend most of our time together, asking for help outside of us reminds me how dependent I am right now, it also forces me to admit this to other people. and I guess that where the self worth thing comes from.

I know it wont be forever, I know Anxiety gets better, right now Im just feeling a little powerless I guess.

Weirdly facing the 30 minutes wsnt the forefront, it was how I felt about my options for dealing with it if that makes sense.

As for Marriage and kids, you still have plenty of time Terry! my brother didnt start his family till late 40s ;)

[Anna1707]

You should not feel ashamed, never for something you don't have control on.

There will be times in life (and life always has its way of showing us how we were wrong at the time) when your wife and your parents will depend on you. You'll be their only rock to hold on to, when times gets tough. Even if that doesn't happen, if there is unconditional emotion and support, you should never feel like a burden.

30 minutes is such a short period of time. It almost took me 30 minutes to write this reply to your thread and make sure everything's written correctly which I'm sure I failed miserably. You can do a few things while waiting for your wife to come back. Distract yourself in the most bizzare way by cleaning the interior of your car, bring a wet dust wipe with you and clean all of the plastic interior surfaces you can get hold on to, without leaving the car.

Sometimes I do that while I wait for my bf, although I dont have any problems with being outside or in public even when I'm nervous. But you can sure try it. It's weird enough to make you stop thinking for a while. And it has a good purpose.

Stay strong :)

[Mart0310]

Thanks for your reply Anna. The last time I went through Anxiety, my parents and my wife supported me more than I could ever have expected. After my recovery, I never expected to feel like this again, somehow If feels wrong to expect them to go through this with me again.

[Anna1707]

Your parents has nothing, nothing more important, more valuable, more loved than you. It's their purpose in this life to be there for you every time you need them. Your wife.. if she loves you and I can see that she does, she took you, she chose you, in sickness and in health. Someday you'll be her help, that is how this life works.

So do not even for one second, suffer the stress of thinking - I'm being someone's burden. Think about how much they all want you to feel good again. Because they love you so much. And tell them all that. Don't be affraid to hug your loved ones and tell them how grateful you are. Tell them how much it all means to you. They already know, but still.. you know how it is :)

And again - you are not a burden to your family. That is a non-existent problem to stress about. So, abort, abort! :) try to move to a better place in your mind and convince yourself that you are just loved. Millions of people have never even felt what it means or how it feels when someone helps you through your bad times. You are so blessed, so hang on that like a magic medicine.

Best wishes :)

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thanks Mart, I appreciate that mate. I think for me a big part of this concern is because my parents in are in their mid seventies and I wouldn't want to deprive them of grandchildren because of this. This is a thought that can really get me down as my mum loves kids and has worked in nurseries & schools most of her life. She used to be a fully trained Nursery Nurse (back in the days when they were trained at the nurses colleges)

I have had a relapse like you and what I have found is that it brings a load of new thoughts with it. You start to shift from the thoughts about recovery (which dominated the first period, "can I recover, is there a cure, etc") to thoughts about whether this is going to keep coming back and will I be losing X years every so many years of my life. The burden issue is stronger the longer it goes on even from the first period but certainly creeps in more in the relapses as you feel guilty for not staying well.

I think what we have to remember is that this type of thinking, while negative, is normal in these disorders. We need to prevent it taking over and stop it going forward but we shouldn't feel bad about experiencing it. Its not like someone with a broken leg doesn't moan about the pain & lack of movement but if they keep complaining people get sick of that and its not healthy.

[Mart0310]

The one thing I took from last time around is that you cannot rush recovery, no matter how many deadlines you give yourself. Learning to trust that its Ok not to worry, trusting that its ok to be ok takes time.

Sounds to me as if you have placed an awful amount of pressure on yourself, to get recovered. get married, have kids. Thats a heavy workload! Whist Im sure your mum would love grandchildren, Im sure she would rather you were happy.

Obviously if its something you want for yourself then thats a different ball game altogether! Although I met my other half long before Anxiety, we actually got married and had a baby whilst I was going through possibly the worst of it (either that or the pressure of those two life changes caused my anxiety to rise!) it is possible to move on with your life inspite of anxiety, and for me, having a little one helped, I was forced to drag myself out of my own thinking, there was a little un that needed their daddy :D

You will get there mate, but make sure its for you not to please others :)

[Justanutter]

Morning - had a really bad night with my anxiety - OH away (not that he's any support) and had been to see my Mum who had just lost a friend to a sudden heart attack (my current HA fear...) so couldn't sleep when I got home....anyway blah blah...was just browsing through old threads last night (as there aren't that many new ones at the moment, despite what Nicola says) and the below really resonated with me. So, despite sitting here at work in a state, I am going to try to do this as I am so sick of myself and this anxiety. I too feel like a burden, especially to my Mum as she gets so upset when I am like this and so I feel I have to put a face on it all the time. My family are also sick of me so I guess it's back to fighting this alone again with just the usual CBT panacea - that's all on offer I'm afraid.

Can't remember who it was posted by....think it was Oosh...here goes...

I've said it lots of times on here and it probably sounds simplistic but a powerful weapon against it is just to forget.

You can start the process of getting better when you look away from it.

Ever had an answer come to you when you forget about it ? But when you wrack your brains over it it never comes. Sometimes success comes when you look away from things.

Progress for me was observing one day that I'd forgotten for longer and was functioning/flowing more in my day. Literally the thoughts on anxiety, depression, who that meant I was, fears, worries, the rumination, had been forgotten. A new default had been created. A non-anxious default and now the danger was those days when I remembered. So I recognised that forgetting was useful to me so I tried my best to break up and forget the reminder of my anxiety/depression and go off down a different thought path instead. Part of me would look over my shoulder, like checking your car wing mirror, to see the reappearance pass further behind me into the distance. That was success. It came, I didn't grab hold of it, it's gone.

It's a paradox. It feels natural to focus your attention on problems. Your anxiety and depression is a gigantic perceived problem. But focusing on THAT particular problem just creates an anxious/depressed state and you just get trapped.

You look away from it. Don't let it back in. Recognise if you keep looking away from it, one day, you observe that you are standing outside of it with a head full of different external things and that you'd been in different states. The numbness has fallen away and free from it you've felt different emotions. Observing yourself feeling different emotions and being things you value, your self image, self esteem, confidence improves and your beliefs change.

The thoughts aren't a danger. They're not a powerful inescapable cloud that swallows you up and renders you powerless. They are simply a direction of thought. It's so easy, when one arrives, to CHOOSE to go down that path and explore. Then you get a head full of fear, anxiety, low mood, negative meaning and that path just goes round and round.

You just don't go down the path. DROWN the thought/image/memory out so it doesn't stand a chance and then take your thoughts in a different direction. Don't let that first anxious/depressive thought complete. Shush it before that first sentence has even completed so it didn't form or make sense.
Shush it before it has a chance to change your mood. Then ruin it. Jumble it up with a different thought or some nonsense to muddle what it would have tried to say. Make it look foolish. Ruin it so it was ineffective and not heard.


You have to have that other place to put your thoughts, interests, enjoyments , things that make you feel positive and that everything is ok. Put your focus back there and stay there.

The anxious/depressive thoughts aren't a danger to lie in the back of your mind. They are just thoughts to dodge. Dodge them, forget them, they've gone. By not keeping hold of them, they've GONE.

Become expert at forgetting them and dodging them when one flies by.
They have no real meaning other than they are anxieties that try to sidetrack you and waste all of your time. "No thanks. More interesting, enjoyable, productive things to be doing. From now on I'll navigate through and around them and stay outside of all of that nonsense."

[MyNameIsTerry]

My family are also sick of me so I guess it's back to fighting this alone again with just the usual CBT panacea - that's all on offer I'm afraid.


You are not alone, that's what this place is for :hugs:

I rarely talk about my problems with my family. They are good about it but they don't know what to say or do unless it's more a practical thing. My dad had 2 years with depression at my age and fully recovered so he understands positive & negative thinking and back in his day it was only pills (over 40 years ago). But anxiety brings some different issues such as my OCD and issues with obsession so its hard to talk about issues like that.

Your family might be more positive when they see you recovering as they may feel more comfortable about it. I wish this current situation wasn't the case for you though.

[Justanutter]

Thanks Terry. I wish it wasn't the case for you either. I read your earlier comments about your wish to have a family yourself one day and it made me sad but like one of the other posters said, you've still got time yet so don't ever give up that dream. We never know who's waiting for us round the corner, especially when you're not really looking. My elder son isn't a Dad yet and he's nearly 40 but he has now met a nice girl and hopes to be a Dad at some point but obviously, would have preferred it to be a good few years ago. A lot of people these days don't meet their life partner until they are older and to be honest, I think it is better that way as the relationship seems to last that way.

[lindy lou 2]

Mart you are making me feel a little better, just reading that you have recovered before, as I don't feel at the moment that recovery will ever happen !
I too feel as though I am a burden to everyone, & this week is the pits as I am only scheduled for a social outing on fri, I am on my own most of the time, & feeling very lonely, in fact I am trying to decorate & failing pretty miserably ! Anxiety has such a hold on me all day every day.
Terry, I got married for the second time at 39, that was 22 years ago, I don't have kids, wish I had now, but too late.
My husbands father was 57 when he was born ! & he lived long enough , 91, to see us happpily married for 5 years, so you never know. Sorry 20 years ago, making myself older than I am, we lived together for 2 years first. Now I feel such a burden, sorry, know you don't like that word, that is why I am trying to decorate, but making a pigs ear of it ! I have to keep stopping & talking things out on here, can't ring anybody as they all have their own lives & problems.
They just cannot understand anxiety & panic, we all do though because we are living it.

[pulisa]

Terry, your comments made me feel sad too. I'm sure your parents aren't just waiting for grandchildren from you-you are putting too much pressure on yourself? They just want you to feel better-you could have many children and be as miserable as hell

I've never expected to get any support from my family. This way I'm never disappointed. I feel so guilty that I have passed on my anxiety/OCD gene to my autistic daughter and no-one will be able to convince me otherwise.

I think we all expect too much from our families. I've felt stronger by "going it alone". I know that this isn't the "approved" way forward but I just can't bear the lack of understanding so I prefer to shut up about my issues and cut myself off.

[Mart0310]

Mart you are making me feel a little better, just reading that you have recovered before, as I don't feel at the moment that recovery will ever happen !

Lindy I promise you its possible, I had anxiety for 10 years before I went to Counselling, it was about as disabling as it could be for me. I couldnt socialise, drive, work etc. I begun to accept Anxiety was a disability, almost the same as if something were phsysically wrong with me. Somhow that was acceptable to me for a long while! Once I got into counselling, I very gradually (at a pace I could cope with) started to unravel years of anxious thinking, once that happened the effects begin to snowball and before you know it, Anxiety was at the bottom of the hill and I was at the top!

My recovery was based on Talking, and task based activities - small easy ones to start and gradually building up confidence to the bigger stuff, one day I suddenly realised that I hadnt had an anxious thought in months! Thats when my counselling ended!

My recovery was strong, and I honestly believe had I not had those vision problems in February then I wouldnt be on this site now. The Vision problems naturally scared the hell out of me, and I experience the same tolerable level of worry and panic that most would in that situation. It was a while before all the worrying stuff was tested, so the worry was prolonged. This in turn reminded me of how I felt previously and before I knew it I was in an anxiety cycle again. It was 8 weeks before I could get an appointment with my counsellor so the whole thing had time to snowball again.

Despite everything I was still able to keep some control over the anxiety, it didnt reach the depths it did before, Im not feeling great, the panic I experience now is nowhere near what it was last time around but its still an awful feeling, as is the sense of being powerless and vulnerable, howver I am making progess again, and I know without question this is a blip and I will beat it again, Im more frustrated than anything, not again!!

You will beat this, you have a great attitude. Remember Anxiety is only negative thoughts, nothing more nothing less .. every physical sensation we experince is a direct result of those thoughts. Its a hard habit to break, but recovery is entirely possible.

Think for a moment how you feel when you are completely distracted? something exciting happens .. in those moments anxiety vanishes, you dont feel it beause you dont create it ;) The problem is we are drawn back to anxious thinking becuase it feels safe ad familiar (Bizarrely!) trusting and reminding yourself that its ok not to think this way is a useful tool. Even if only for a minute each day to start with.

When I felt the need to talk and nobody was around I often used bubble mapping, its a way of getting thoughts out of my head and applying logical reason to them. Its a great tool

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=bubble+mapping&biw=1227&bih=569&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAWoVChMIx6OqyNjdxgIVxrIUCh0RIAAm#imgr c=eweSJvYdvXajSM%3A

[lindy lou 2]

Thanks Mart, was it private councelling ? I have only had a short course of cbt on the nhs, I don't think she was very good at all, she just kept telling me to try & go out on my own, she did not go into anxiety causes// cures at all. I have spoken to my husband about private councelling, but we really cannot afford it at the moment. He says I need to do it on my own, find my bhudda ! But I don't know how ! What is bubble mapping please ?

[Mart0310]

Yes, I used a private counsellor, NHS tend to be short blocks which are rushed and never quite enough. At the time I wasnt working either, So I totally understand how meeting the costs can be difficult, but for me it was worth every penny, it was an investment that got me back to work!

Personally, I dont think its possible to find your Bhudda when you dont feel supported, we all need guidance at times.

Take a look at the link in my previous post re bubble mapping, does it help?

[lindy lou 2]

I have sent for a self help book called " one more thing " by Rick Hanson hoping that can help. I am so scared I am getting seriously agoraphobic, especially as I have been on my own all week.
A friend is supposed to be taking me out for a coffee tom, hope she doesn't let me down !

[pulisa]

Don't think that she will let you down, Lindy. If she has to change her arrangements with you there will be a reason.

I don't know about bubble mapping but bubble wrap popping has always been a good anti-anxiety trick for me!:D

[lindy lou 2]

Fraid not Mart, am I thick, I just didn't understand it, is it something to distract your thoughts, associating different words to different things ?
Terry, you have not been replying to any of my posts, I hope I have not said anything to offend you ?

---------- Post added at 09:28 ---------- Previous post was at 09:19 ----------

Thanks Pulisa, that can be good fun, shame I don't have any. I will text my friend later , she is someone I have only recently met, check we are still on for tomorrow.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Don't think that she will let you down, Lindy. If she has to change her arrangements with you there will be a reason.

I don't know about bubble mapping but bubble wrap popping has always been a good anti-anxiety trick for me!:D

You want one of these...



http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/reddwarf/images/5/56/Tension_sheet.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120118212404



:yesyes:

[Mart0310]

The most helpful book I ever read was 'feel the fear and do it anyway' Susan Jeffers :winks:

Bubble Mapping is a way of getting thoughts out of your head and applying of apply logic to them.

Starting with the focused worry, you write this down, draw a circle around it, with lines off to related thought also in circles and so on. Its a brilliant way to visualise your worry, and very calming! its similar to talking out a problem with a friend ;)

[MyNameIsTerry]

Terry, you have not been replying to any of my posts, I hope I have not said anything to offend you ?

Of course you haven't. :hugs:I haven't typed up a response on this thread yet.

[lindy lou 2]

Thanks Mart I will try it, also will make a note of that book.
Terry so glad I havn't upset you, I am just having such a bad week I am scared I have said something wrong, all part of the anxiety I guess.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thanks Mart, Lindy, Pulia & Justanutter, I really appreciate your kind words.

My parents have never said anything, its just somethig I think about. My brother is nearing 50 with no kids so I guess it gets me thinking about this side of the family not carrying on and how I know my mum would love it. Its something that I easily brush aside when I'm not really low (which is much less common thesedays since the Omega 3 supplements :yesyes:)

I think its all part of the same issue of feeling like life has been on hold. I worked & worked to build up the finances for things and then all this happened and I didn't want to chance moving forward and ending up skint later.

You have my admiration for doing those things despite having anxiety.

Lindy - thats ok, I think many of us can remember having that. It just means you are a caring person and anxiety will use that against you at times but its better to be like that than not care.

[lindy lou 2]

I don't know Terry, I sometimes wish I was an uncaring person they seem to sail through life, or, somebody too dense to be able to think,therefore not feel scared. I am so scared today, I feel like I am losing my mind, have just had a dismal telephone conversation with my husband, he is at his wits end with me, he even said he doesn't think I will ever get better. I wish I could take omega fish oil, but it upsets my stomach, has it really made a big difference ?

[Mart0310]

Lindy, I went through ten years of anxiety and recovered, believe me when I say if I can do it you can too.

Your husband sounds frustrated, bearing in my mind our partners suffer alongside us, it's hard for them! Very hard!

Remember anxiety is a habitual thought process, nothing more? Nothing less, it's nit an incurable disease. Habits can be broken, thoughts changed with the right support and guidance. I really feel counselling is the best way forward. Have you thought about apply for pips/dla - if you were awarded this would help with those costs

[lindy lou 2]

Yes Mart, it is difficult for them too, I know.
I was getting dla at the lower rate, I have recently been awarded it at the enhanced rate, which is a big help, I am seriously considering therapy/councelling. First of all I am going to read this self help book and see if it makes sense to me, it is all about changing thoughts. Thanks for your support, despite what my husband said I think I must be able to get over this, like you did, you inspire me. Got the bloody painting done after all, I sometimes get so mad at being written off by people, it makes me determined to do something, thanks again.

[Justanutter]

Lindylou - looks like we've both been having a really bad day :weep:. Glad you got your painting done though - well done you! :yesyes:

[Jay9287]

Hey I use to get like this with my mum, still do to a certain degree. I'm dreading her going away for a week abroad in sept. The feeling of been unable to be alone just in case.... It's the build up in our minds that actually gets us in such a state. I read some where as well its not the person, place or situation it's your anxiety which is very true. I think everyone fears that they won't be in control. Truth of the matter is everyone is in control of there selves but it is extremely hard to believe that when we have such negative thoughts and feelings! Personally I would tell al your friends and family just so you have the support network there plus it might just relieve the feeling a bit so if you are struggling you know people are around.

:)

[Mart0310]

Lindy, if you can find a way to fund it, try it. It genuinely was the best thing I ever did for myself. Please research your chosen counsellor well though.

The irony is that you are so close to recovery. Your positive attitude, your determination and your willingness to expose yourself to anxiety provoking situations were all a million miles away from where I was when I started counselling, it took me a good while to reach the point you are at now. You have done so much of the work already.

Dont ever believe anyone that suggests you cant recover, you can and you will ;) and dont let anyone write you off ... Anxiety is just a part of you, you have far more than one dimension, You may have anxiety, but you are also determined, friendly, positive, optimistic ... See? Anxiety isnt the whole you, its just a small part, by its nature we focus on the bits that are not perfect, in our case anxiety!

Well done for getting the painting finished, did completing it bring your anxiety down?




Yes Mart, it is difficult for them too, I know.
I was getting dla at the lower rate, I have recently been awarded it at the enhanced rate, which is a big help, I am seriously considering therapy/councelling. First of all I am going to read this self help book and see if it makes sense to me, it is all about changing thoughts. Thanks for your support, despite what my husband said I think I must be able to get over this, like you did, you inspire me. Got the bloody painting done after all, I sometimes get so mad at being written off by people, it makes me determined to do something, thanks again.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I don't know Terry, I sometimes wish I was an uncaring person they seem to sail through life, or, somebody too dense to be able to think,therefore not feel scared. I am so scared today, I feel like I am losing my mind, have just had a dismal telephone conversation with my husband, he is at his wits end with me, he even said he doesn't think I will ever get better. I wish I could take omega fish oil, but it upsets my stomach, has it really made a big difference ?

I know what you mean. Many people live their lives in blissful ignorance. I guess this is something many people with all sorts of mental & physical conditions would think at some point.

Your husband probably feels powerless to help you, it can be frustrating and he is probably annoyed with himself too that he can't help and is snapping. BUT it is possible, and he knows that from his own experiences. He just needs to get his thinking back on track. For a start, when you joined you weren't even doing the things you are now so that is progress. Its all small steps. :hugs:

Yeah, the Omega 3 has helped. Its done nothing with the anxiety but I have felt my mood much more stable on it. Before using it I was having mood swings when my anxiety "blips" came which was about every 7-10 days. I would be in tears some days walking the streets if it went on longer than usual. I don't get like that anymore. I stopped at Xmas for 3 weeks and my mood went bad again and upon starting it lifted again. I know Ollie said he found it helped him and he felt worse for stopping so it does seem to help some of us.

Doesn't it upset stomachs more when not taken with food? It doesn't seem to bother me but I was spoonfed it for many years as a child by my mum. Good old fashioned remedies again, eh?!

---------- Post added at 07:03 ---------- Previous post was at 07:00 ----------

Just to add to what Mart said, Lindy, MIND & Rethink offer therapy too. In some areas they provide it for the GP referrals as well.

Another option is Anxiety UK. If you become a member you can access a sliding scale of various therapies through their network and these will do it remotely too, unlike the NHS. You just have to pat about £30 a year for a membership. The prices & therapies available are on their membership page.

[pulisa]

I don't know Terry, I sometimes wish I was an uncaring person they seem to sail through life, or, somebody too dense to be able to think,therefore not feel scared. I am so scared today, I feel like I am losing my mind, have just had a dismal telephone conversation with my husband, he is at his wits end with me, he even said he doesn't think I will ever get better. I wish I could take omega fish oil, but it upsets my stomach, has it really made a big difference ?

Lindy, I think you're very frightened that you will lose your husband but his attitude to your condition is far from supportive. It may not suit him that you are suffering from anxiety and he may feel powerless to stop the anxiety but that is no excuse for putting you down. I'm sure if the situation was reversed then the very last thing you would be saying was that he would never get better.

Pleasing him may not be helping you?

[lindy lou 2]

Thanks you 3, yes Mart I did feel better for getting it done! Still got 2nd coat to go at yet, you are right I am better than I was, and I have to believe things will get better.
Terry, I am tempted to try the omega 3 again, I have found Apple Cider Vinegar helps with acid, so I may be able to take it now, what brand & strength do you take ?
My husband is frustrated because he says he likes to fix things & he cannot fix me ! But Pulisa is right maybe trying to please him is not helping me, will try to please myself more.
I am off for that coffee this morning, so hopefully a bit of relief from lonliness today.

[MyNameIsTerry]

He's a "doing" kind of person then. They get frustrated when something seems unfixable and it ends up getting thrown against the wall sometimes! He needs to practice some acceptance here. He needs to also remember that it could make you feel worse or put you under extra pressure. He should concentrate on the thought that you getting better in X years and having the rest of your lives happy together is better than no happiness at all.

On the Omega, I'm cost conscious with not working so I havd a good look around and found (bizarrely!) that Tesco's own brand in liquid form was the highest strength for the lowest cost. I can't get it right now as they seem to be out of stock in my area so I'm switching to Seven Seas for a bit as its about the same strength just for another £1.60 a bottle (Tesco is £3 a bottle which is very cheap).

After doing some reading on here and via Dr Natural Google (:D) I found some studies saying 1000mg+ of EPA or DHA (can't remember which it was) was found possibly helpful in depression. So, I thought its worth a try because if nothing else, its healthy for brain function in general, heart, etc. I also did some reading about how too much Omega 6 when compared to Omega 3 can cause anxiety symptoms.

The Tesco ones give about 800mg+ per dose which seemed a good first try.

Have a look at Oosh's "Fish Oils" thread which has some more information on.

Just start small and se if you can tolerate it. The liquids are proper high strength, the majority of the capsules say high strength but the EPA/DHA values are far too low.

[Mart0310]

Remember Anxiety is not forever!

[lindy lou 2]

Thanks Terry, I wish my husband would do some research on anxiety, so that he can understand it better, I keep asking him to. He likes to know how things work, so he should be looking in to how to deal with someone suffering from it, maybe it would help him to help me.
And thanks Mart for the encouragement, I keep telling myself that, it will not last forever, it can't , otherwise I would throw in the towel ! I have been out today , just got back, Liz & her friend Helen took me to a riverside cafe, they had full breakfasts & I had toast ! I find it soo difficult to eat, but better than nothing !
I will research the fish oil then Terry, do you just take it by the spoonful ?

---------- Post added at 14:40 ---------- Previous post was at 14:38 ----------

By the way Mart , how did you go on with the 14th, when your wife had the appointment ?

[pulisa]

Your husband has no control over your anxiety, Lindy and that's what frustrates him and makes him short tempered with you. He also could be frightened by the whole anxiety scenario? He's used to being able to fix things.

Doesn't matter what you ate or didn't eat today-you did really well!

[lindy lou 2]

Thanks Pulisa, I have had a word tonight, told him that the weekend stresses me out, in case I cannot manage to go out with him, I don't want him to argue with me, he has promised that it will not happen, so that takes a bit of pressure off.
Terry is right exactly, when he remarked that he is a doer, that is certainly correct. He says to me, "well, if you want to do, whatever, just do it " He just cannot understand that it is difficult to just do things when shaking with anxiety. I am glad I managed today, but it has left me exhausted, so I am going to have an early night & just tell myself , I will deal with tomorrow when it comes x.

[pulisa]

He's got no concept of what you are going through so will be dismissive unless you explain things to him which you have done this evening.

Don't panic when you wake up tomorrow morning-you've had a chat with him about going out and he's said that he won't put pressure on you. Remind him of this if things get tricky? (I'm sure they won't and you'll have a much better Saturday)

[MyNameIsTerry]

I will research the fish oil then Terry, do you just take it by the spoonful ?

Yes, I do. You can use capsules or liquid but only the liquid had some ones that were strong enough for my needs.