how can i build up my confidence?

[annnaa]

Hi! I've been suffering from social anxiety for a long time now and it's getting worse everyday. Every time i feel uncomfortable talking to someone i lose my confidence. i first thought this is who i am but i want to get better at talking to people, not caring about what others may think of me, feeling free. lately i rather just stay inside because i feel weird and awkward when i'm outside walking. i feel like everyone is looking at me with a disapproving look. sometimes i know exactly what i want (what clothes i want to wear, what i want to do in the weekend) but i just can't change myself.

So does anyone know how i can build up my confidence without any pills or medications? Are there exercises i could practice in front of the mirror? I've considered yoga, but does that really help?

Thank you x

[Oosh]

Practice focusing on what you are instead of what you're not.

Where do you feel you are weak in an interaction.
Where do you feel they're strong ?
What aren't you.
What are you.

Who are they.
Who do you feel you are.
They're probably both wrong.

I used to wish I was dead after every interaction lol. I HATED myself, everything I was and everything I wasn't. I was falling back on a default persona I hated. I was so unhappy who I was being and who I was to them. I feared interactions because it just felt like an inevitability that others wouldn't like me.

I don't feel like that anymore. I like myself more. When I enter an interaction I like who I am and so I have confidence.
I know I have the qualities I have. I respect my personality and what I'm good at and what I have to offer. I respect who I am.
I know I enjoy stuff like laughing together which makes me feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin and likely to be liked.

I think I'm a lot more comfortable with who I feel I am.

When I see others now I don't see that same judgemental person and the inevitability that they won't like me either. I see people as human like me. I probably think more about them and what they might need.

I want to feel liked and accepted. THEY want to feel liked and accepted too.
My being phobic of them in that interaction leaves them understandably feeling I am not interested in them and don't like them.
I don't want people to feel like that ! Even I can get that.
So I accept that there are some basic things I need to do to signal to them that I'm a friend and I WANT to give them that for them and for the positive feedback it will mean for me too.

I may be quieter than some, introspective, introverted etc but you can bank on me being a friend.
Smile.
Make eye contact.
Show a bit of interest in them.
Ask the odd question.
Care.
Look for things I can like and enjoy about them.

I see them get the signal I'm sending in that interaction and I see I've made a friend who knows they don't have to be weary and unsure about me.

Then over time I know it will put them further at ease by letting them get to know bits about who I am, what I like, what happened to me, how I feel, how I think.

The meaning this has for me is that I continue to show them that I'm ok. I'm not a closed book, a mystery, uninterested, anxious, closed off and private, I'm Dave and all the things Dave is. And I see them at ease and that feels one TRILLION times more rewarding to my self esteem and confidence than the safety being closed off and private brings.

It's important to feel known, accepted, liked by others. It's incredibly rewarding. We are humans and we need it. We will feel depressed and anxious when we don't. It's how we are supposed to work. It's a massive factor in emotional health.

Then confidence around others develops. You can stop being phobic of interactions because you feel who you are is likeable and likely to be accepted.

"He/she seems a bit quiet but she/he was nice and friendly to me and I like her/him. (Regardless of how shy or difficult you find it)

You can spend time alone reminding yourself of your qualities and what you are as opposed to what you're not. That can go some way to letting you see that the negative beliefs you have about yourself are not true, so you can feel some confidence in who you are to others.
But the leaps forward come in the company of other people. Seeing they are human, weak and flawed just like you. And seeing them appreciate your friendship and know you and like you.

Then when that person goes past in the car, why would you think they'd be judging you ? You realise now that they are a dad or a mum rushing from here to there, worrying about their family members, lying awake worrying about stuff at night then putting a brave face on for the world every day and wanting people to like them. They're now a person just like you. And if you were in any trouble they may stop and help. And if you worked with them and you were having a bad day they may try and make you laugh or put an arm around you.
You live in a world surrounded by potential friends and not a world full of scowling, judgemental people.

Maybe ! :shades: