Seeing my counsellor - what to say?

[Insomniac]

I've had 5 sessions with my counsellor now. I find it hard because she unsettles me when I arrive by not speaking apart from saying hello. She waits for me to speak and I find myself doing so to fill the silence. I know listening is her job, and once I'm going I'm ok. It just takes me a while to get talking about the serious stuff.

So here's the dilemma....

I have discussed self-esteem, self-help for panic, and my meds. Near the end of last week's session I told her I was assaulted when I was 13. But I don't know whether my self-esteem came first, or my problems came after the assault.

basically, i don't want to talk about it, because it disturbs me. And makes me feel guilty because I didn't stop him. But I feel that the fact I don't want to shows me I really need to deal with it because I never have. I know this is a tough one, and I hope it doesn't upset anyone else. But I could do with some advice please. Do you think I should get into it and talk about this with her? Or leave well alone? [:P]


Lisa.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

[normalwisdom]

It seems that you do need to talk about it I am not in your position and I am sorry if this doesn't help ....but she is there to listen so use her!

Please do talk about it as you do seem to need to.

Take care



Steph

[kellym]

i felt similar when i went to see a councellor, the first session i felt better just because i was letting all my feelings out but after that he was trying to delve into my past which i know has no reason for my problems now, but obviously this does affect you as you have mentioned it to her, it will be difficult at first but the councellor should be able to help you.
when i first went to see my councellor he said before we started that i needed to feel comfortable with him and trust him, do you feel this way about your councellor?

[Insomniac]

Thanks Steph and Kelly. I suppose I do trust her. Its just that its hard just starting again wherever we left from week before and getting into the tough emotional stuff straight away.

The thought of talking about it scares me. But you're probably right, I need to know I am not to blame if nothing else. But what if she says I am...? sorry for being stupid



Lisa.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

[normalwisdom]

Ok I know you will say its her "job" but she won't say you are to blame...of course you are not and I am sure you know that deep down, please just talk to her she will help.

Steph

[Insomniac]

From your reply before I wondered if I had upset you by posting about it and was feeling guilty/worried. Only trouble with messaging you can't tell tone of voice.... my paranoia is working well. [:P]

Thanks for your reply again steph. [^] I'll try.


Lisa.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

[normalwisdom]

Oh you haven't upset me...takes a lot:D Just hope you get it sorted

Steph

[kellym]

Hi Lisa, she could never say you are to blame as this is simply not true.
i hope it works out well for you.
Take Care
Kelly.

[davidthegnome]

You know I've had similar issues with counsellors in the past. When I was a boy (13-14) my mom practically had to drag me to go see them.

In the past few years I've come to accept that they really are there to help though. I brought up an issue with my counsellor today that I almost never talk about, a memory from my childhood that I have always felt a tremendous amount of guilt about. I won't go into detail about it except to say I told a bad lie that could have had some major consequences. Though as it turns out the consequences didn't really come to be.

Anyway, as I was talking about it I started feeling really uncomfortable and guilty. I kept watching his facial expressions to see how or if he was judging me in any way. It was strange, because up until now I thought I had dealt with that memory and put it completely behind me. Realizing I still feel guilt and discomfort associated with it has made me reconsider. It could be one of my core issues, perhaps is the core issue behind my PTSD.

But my therapist was very good about it. He helped me see the situation in a way I generally don't look at it. I'm glad I told him, even though by the time I finished getting out the story I had to go and he didn't have much time to comment. Next week we'll probably go into that some more.

That said, my advice to you is to share it if you feel you can trust your counsellor. Just talking about your experience and way it made you feel can some times really feel like getting a load off your chest. It can be hard to talk about, I know, but talking about is almost always beneficial. Either by having another person understand and not judge you in a harsh way, or by having another's perspective on the issue. The opinions or advice of your Counsellor may be of great help in this.

I think the guilt you're still feeling about it shows that it's probably a big issue for you and that you could benefit greatly by getting it out in the open. I know stuff like that can be hard to face, but once you do it tends to become easier and perhaps other things will become easier as well.

I really can relate to the situation you're in in many ways. I hope all goes well for you, you'll be in my prayers.


Good luck and god bless you,

David

[ksmith]

It is difficult when these counsellors deliberately leave gaping silences but they do this because they know that most adults cannot withstand it and therefore 'talk'. I find it can be quite embarrassing and wonder if you did withstand the silence would they then have to talk or would you have to have the session in complete silence!! lol

I also know what you mean about have to get down to the 'meat and potatotes' quickly as you have to build a rapport before you get to the main issues. It sort of creates an artificial atmosphere and environment. Still, I suppose they only have a limited amount of time to see each patient.

If I was you, I would 'go with the flow'. If you feel like divulging issues then do so but don't feel 'forced' to. Go with your gut feeling. Hope it all goes well.

Kay x

[Insomniac]

Hi everyone. Sorry about my delayed reply.

I did talk to my counsellor about it. She asked me some questions which made me feel I should have reported it, feeling responsible for possible harm to others by this person. But she did reassure me that I am not to blame at all. I guess its good to hear someone else say that. It was an anxious week, which I am glad to say I coped with quite well considering that the thought of talking about it made me think about it more. These bad things stay buried, and while it helps you survive, its not always a good thing.

She has advised me to write a letter as if I am writing to him but never to be posted, telling him how he angry I am with him, and the negative effect he had on my life. I am thinking about it, though I don't feel that angry any more. It does still affect me a bit, but I feel I am past the anger. The letter never to be posted sounds like a possibility though.

Thanks for your support. :D


Lisa.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.