Now She Is Saying Its My Fault..

[looking4answers]

Its funny for many weeks I have been trying to fight the feelings of anxiety and get on with my life.I alway wonder why my wife doesnt make passes at me and this has been a sore spot with me long before I got anxiety .I have talked to her straight ,tried to reason with her,told her it made me feel bad about myself and why she just refused to make me feel like im desirable..Actually to tell you the truth this may have started my depression anxiety .. or at least contributed to it..We moved way out in the middle of nowhere with no one and she acted like this with me.Ok I started feeling better and working at being ok ..Lately I have been trying to be more like my old self and been flirting with her a little here and there and ask her why she didnt do that with me..same old story..it doesnt enter her mind.. Ok..then I ask her why and she said oh I thought about it but you have had anxiety and depression so thats why I havent .I said thats a lie i have been asking you this for a year or more prior to my anxiety and it might have contributed to my depression ,she flew into a rage and said it was my fault because I was depressed and anxious.Its a lie because we have been at this for over a year talking about it..Im just feeling down here because im trying and want to get better and this would help but she doesnt care enough to make me feel better about myself ..I dont know what to do ..its making me slip back into anxiety and depression more..and well its just not fair..

PRAYER FOR FREEDOM FROM SUFFERING

May all beings everywhere plagued
with sufferings of body and mind
quickly be freed from their illnesses.
May those frightened cease to be afraid,
and may those bound be free.
May the powerless find power,
and may people think of befriending each other.
May those who find themselves in trackless, fearful wilderness--
the children, the aged, the unprotected--
be guarded by beneficent celestials,
and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood.

[amberbear]

i titally understand where you are coming from, my partner never made me feel special infact he was happy just to prode along each day , i sat my partner down and told him exactly how i felt about the panic attacks etc, i made him listen, and i did this on mant occasions, i then took him to the doctors with me and the doctor explained what was going on with me , i now have a totally different man , if you love your wife stick at it , it took me five years good luck

[happyone]

I can feel for you. I also feel for your partner.
My partner lives with me, my depression and my variable moods. He doesn't know what is the right thing to do and was once brutally honest and said that it was not particularly attractive me putting myself down all the time.
I think when we don't love or like ourselves very much, we send out vibes and other people around us can feel a bit like that too.
I am not in the slightest bit interested in the physical side of my relationship at the mo and have not been for a long time. I thankfully have a very patient partner. But it did get to me that he wasn't making passes at me. I told him so and he tried and I knocked him back!
There is no easy solution. It is a hard fact that partners find living with depression and anx really difficult.
I know I sometimes look to my partner to make me feel better and I think it is his fault that he is not. But he is not a mind reader and I can't make him someone he is not.
I am sure your partner does love and care for you, and yes there may be mis communication somewhere. We all go through the rocky times sometimes. But reading between the lines, I think she may just not know what is the right thing to do.
Why not take the initiatve. Be a bit more direct than flirty? Suggest an early night, let her know you do still have the same feelings? It doesn't matter which one of you gets the ball rolling. Above all, talk at a calm time, calmly, not accuse each other as that doesn't do anything for anyone.
On saying all that, I am not the best example, I belong to the 'give advice but don't act upon it myself school!'
With time, I'm sure it can get back to normal.
Happyone
x

"Today is the day before tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day." wisdom of my daughter!

[looking4answers]

Well maybe I was premature in my writing here,although this has been going on a long time I found today a different day ..Maybe its all me..I wrote this and was distraught because of lack of self esteem.She made and effort and tried today and to tell you the truth it wasn't like I remembered at all.Maybe it just really doesn't matter anymore about what is and what is not.Although she made the advances things just aren't what they feel they should be anymore.I suppose it was just one more thing to be depressed about and I shouldnt even have mentioned it..Just wanted everyone to know she made an effort today and too tell you the truth im not sure it even helps anymore...Thanks for responding and take care..

PRAYER FOR FREEDOM FROM SUFFERING

May all beings everywhere plagued
with sufferings of body and mind
quickly be freed from their illnesses.
May those frightened cease to be afraid,
and may those bound be free.
May the powerless find power,
and may people think of befriending each other.
May those who find themselves in trackless, fearful wilderness--
the children, the aged, the unprotected--
be guarded by beneficent celestials,
and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood.

[groovygranny]

Hi there!

Anxiety and depression can mess with every aspect of life. It changes us and we either go with the changes and take back control - or we can hold on to past feelings and expectations and not make any progress.

What I'm really trying to say is maybe you and your wife need to rediscover each other - almost as if you have just met again.

Take time to get to know one another again, listen to each other and try not to base what is present on what is past.

Communication really is the order of the day - so keep all lines open!.........and I hope you both enjoy the voyage!

lotsa luv to you both

GG [:P]

xx



'There are no such things as strangers; just friends we haven't made yet!'

[looking4answers]

Thanks everyone it seems to be getting better.. I appreciate your advice and your perspective on what I posted. I hope that it keeps getting better but I get worried sometimes ..It the first time since we married that I have really ever questioned just who I married.. But maybe she feels the same as well.We will make it somehow I suppose.. thanks again

PRAYER FOR FREEDOM FROM SUFFERING

May all beings everywhere plagued
with sufferings of body and mind
quickly be freed from their illnesses.
May those frightened cease to be afraid,
and may those bound be free.
May the powerless find power,
and may people think of befriending each other.
May those who find themselves in trackless, fearful wilderness--
the children, the aged, the unprotected--
be guarded by beneficent celestials,
and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood.