Willtruman
18-07-15, 06:26
Warning...this might get long, as I'm up at 1:00 A.M. and rather than worry and obsess, I'm going to write it all out. Here's hoping I feel better when I'm done!
About me: 36yo M....about 30lbs overweight....have been overweight most of my life except for extreme childhood, and about 5 years in my early 20's. Don't exercise a ton (but changing that) eat pretty healthily, but splurge on weekends, and admittedly, drink more than I should (but firmly convinced I'm not an alcoholic...just a heavy social drinker-this has been agreed on by my therapist)
Ok..
So I grew up with a wonderful, loving mother who was unfortunately famous for saying things like "You have to wear your hat, or you'll catch pneumonia and end up in the hospital!" or, "Don't pop any pimples near your nose or eyes. The junk will go backwards into your system and give you a stroke." Yes. I grew up with that mother. I love her dearly, and she meant no harm, but she's what triggered this most recent, most severe bout with health anxiety. My therapist agrees.
I was a carefree kid, and a pretty normal teenager and young adult. Around my late 20's and into my early 30's, I started to think more and more about how much I ate, and how little I exercised. It started to cross my mind that at some point, this would have to stop, because I had heard stories about people as early as in their mid-40s having heart attacks, but I mostly rationalized that I was still very young, and not that overweight. I became more concerned when my mother had a heart attack when I was about 29, (she was about 58), but even that I rationalized away saying that she chain-smoked and yo-yo dieted...2 things I don't do. But there I was now, with a family history.
I became a bit more nervous about these things as I got into my mid 30s, and thank God one of my best friends is a nurse, who I'm sure I was starting to drive crazy with all these questions, but I got myself into therapy almost 3 years ago, and it was going well until late December 2013. We lost a pet suddenly, young, and and a great financial cost to us (meaning the veterinary attempts to save him cost us a small fortune). I slipped backward and became very anxious about everything. My wonderful therapist at the time worked hard with me though, and I was really starting to recover...and then March 2014 happened.
It was really a tiny occurrence, but it set my current state into motion. We were out at breakfast with my parents and my mother casually told my father, "Now your physical is on Tuesday, don't forget to tell Dr. C----- that you have those creases in your ears. Dr. Oz said that those can mean you're going to have a heart attack." And she calmly went back to her coffee.
Boom.
I went home and peeked in the mirror and sure enough, there was a faint-ish crease in my left ear. Mind blown. I panicked and spent about 3 hours on the Internet reading everything I could about this and found to my chagrin that there may be something to my mother's warning, and I got myself into a tizzy. I'm overweight, I drink more than I should, I don't exercise enough, I've got this crease. I'm a goner. Sudden Cardiac Death (SCD), here I come.
I was prompted to go to my PCP, who assured me I was probably fine, and ran a test called a CRP. This would prove it. I was supposed to run between 0-1, and anything over 3 would indicate high-risk of heart disease.
It came back at 8.7. I almost fell apart at the seams. I got in touch with my Dr., who continued to assure me that it must be something else, and he was sure my heart was fine. I was *only* about 30-40lbs. overweight, my blood sugar was fine, my cholesterol was a little high (211-but ratio of good to bad was in great shape), my BP was high at the beginning of an appointment, but sank to 110/80 by the end, and I was only 36. He recommended Fish Oil and told me to exercise more and keep up with the healthy diet. Oh, and an EKG was perfect, and the same as it had been 2 years earlier.
At my physical in the fall of 2014, it was found that my numbers were pretty much the same, but with the Fish Oil, my CRP had dropped to 6.2, so I'm keeping up with that. For piece of mind, I pressed for a Stress Test, and I passed with flying colors, along with another EKG that was perfect and the same as the previous 2. Again, told to keep up with as healthy a lifestyle as possible.
Here's the problem. I'm having problems believing all the people telling me I'm fine, as I'm sure many of you on this board also do. On a regular basis I deal with/worry about...
-feeling of skipped heartbeats
-gurgling in the chest (probably reflux)
-pressure in chest relieved by burping (also probably reflux)
-feeling of burning up, though temp is fine
-pounding, fast heart in the middle of the night when I wake up after big meal and/or alcohol
-constant need to burp
-sore left arm (explained by cat who sleeps on it all night)
-tooth pain (fixed mostly by a mouthguard at night)
-sharp, fast pains here and there in chest, mostly on left side (of course) they come and go very quickly
-occasional inability to take as deep a breath as I'd like
-head rushes when I get up or sit down quickly
And so many more!
Therapy helps, meditation helps, Claire Weekes' book is a major help, Pepcid and Ginger Ale help, friends and family are supportive, but I feel I'm not completely getting the relief from the anxiety that I need.
And then this week....a mild dizzy spell my father had, has resulted in him having triple-bypass surgery where they will also replace a valve on Monday. And an old echocardiogram from 2009 revealed that he actually had a mild heart attack he never knew about back then. The docs missed it.
So, now I'm worried that my doc is ignoring my ear crease, and high CRP and maybe someone read my stress test wrong...and i'm trying not to fall apart.
I just had a big meal and a few drinks, and woke up for a second, and when I went to roll over, my heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest! It has calmed and since I started writing this, my HR has dropped from 99 to 88, so maybe this is therapeutic in itself.
If you've read all this, thank you! If not, I don't blame you... it was long!
I've been dabbling in these boards for a couple of weeks now, and they're a big help, so I wanted to just share my story, and say THANK YOU all you brave souls for sharing your stories here!
WT
About me: 36yo M....about 30lbs overweight....have been overweight most of my life except for extreme childhood, and about 5 years in my early 20's. Don't exercise a ton (but changing that) eat pretty healthily, but splurge on weekends, and admittedly, drink more than I should (but firmly convinced I'm not an alcoholic...just a heavy social drinker-this has been agreed on by my therapist)
Ok..
So I grew up with a wonderful, loving mother who was unfortunately famous for saying things like "You have to wear your hat, or you'll catch pneumonia and end up in the hospital!" or, "Don't pop any pimples near your nose or eyes. The junk will go backwards into your system and give you a stroke." Yes. I grew up with that mother. I love her dearly, and she meant no harm, but she's what triggered this most recent, most severe bout with health anxiety. My therapist agrees.
I was a carefree kid, and a pretty normal teenager and young adult. Around my late 20's and into my early 30's, I started to think more and more about how much I ate, and how little I exercised. It started to cross my mind that at some point, this would have to stop, because I had heard stories about people as early as in their mid-40s having heart attacks, but I mostly rationalized that I was still very young, and not that overweight. I became more concerned when my mother had a heart attack when I was about 29, (she was about 58), but even that I rationalized away saying that she chain-smoked and yo-yo dieted...2 things I don't do. But there I was now, with a family history.
I became a bit more nervous about these things as I got into my mid 30s, and thank God one of my best friends is a nurse, who I'm sure I was starting to drive crazy with all these questions, but I got myself into therapy almost 3 years ago, and it was going well until late December 2013. We lost a pet suddenly, young, and and a great financial cost to us (meaning the veterinary attempts to save him cost us a small fortune). I slipped backward and became very anxious about everything. My wonderful therapist at the time worked hard with me though, and I was really starting to recover...and then March 2014 happened.
It was really a tiny occurrence, but it set my current state into motion. We were out at breakfast with my parents and my mother casually told my father, "Now your physical is on Tuesday, don't forget to tell Dr. C----- that you have those creases in your ears. Dr. Oz said that those can mean you're going to have a heart attack." And she calmly went back to her coffee.
Boom.
I went home and peeked in the mirror and sure enough, there was a faint-ish crease in my left ear. Mind blown. I panicked and spent about 3 hours on the Internet reading everything I could about this and found to my chagrin that there may be something to my mother's warning, and I got myself into a tizzy. I'm overweight, I drink more than I should, I don't exercise enough, I've got this crease. I'm a goner. Sudden Cardiac Death (SCD), here I come.
I was prompted to go to my PCP, who assured me I was probably fine, and ran a test called a CRP. This would prove it. I was supposed to run between 0-1, and anything over 3 would indicate high-risk of heart disease.
It came back at 8.7. I almost fell apart at the seams. I got in touch with my Dr., who continued to assure me that it must be something else, and he was sure my heart was fine. I was *only* about 30-40lbs. overweight, my blood sugar was fine, my cholesterol was a little high (211-but ratio of good to bad was in great shape), my BP was high at the beginning of an appointment, but sank to 110/80 by the end, and I was only 36. He recommended Fish Oil and told me to exercise more and keep up with the healthy diet. Oh, and an EKG was perfect, and the same as it had been 2 years earlier.
At my physical in the fall of 2014, it was found that my numbers were pretty much the same, but with the Fish Oil, my CRP had dropped to 6.2, so I'm keeping up with that. For piece of mind, I pressed for a Stress Test, and I passed with flying colors, along with another EKG that was perfect and the same as the previous 2. Again, told to keep up with as healthy a lifestyle as possible.
Here's the problem. I'm having problems believing all the people telling me I'm fine, as I'm sure many of you on this board also do. On a regular basis I deal with/worry about...
-feeling of skipped heartbeats
-gurgling in the chest (probably reflux)
-pressure in chest relieved by burping (also probably reflux)
-feeling of burning up, though temp is fine
-pounding, fast heart in the middle of the night when I wake up after big meal and/or alcohol
-constant need to burp
-sore left arm (explained by cat who sleeps on it all night)
-tooth pain (fixed mostly by a mouthguard at night)
-sharp, fast pains here and there in chest, mostly on left side (of course) they come and go very quickly
-occasional inability to take as deep a breath as I'd like
-head rushes when I get up or sit down quickly
And so many more!
Therapy helps, meditation helps, Claire Weekes' book is a major help, Pepcid and Ginger Ale help, friends and family are supportive, but I feel I'm not completely getting the relief from the anxiety that I need.
And then this week....a mild dizzy spell my father had, has resulted in him having triple-bypass surgery where they will also replace a valve on Monday. And an old echocardiogram from 2009 revealed that he actually had a mild heart attack he never knew about back then. The docs missed it.
So, now I'm worried that my doc is ignoring my ear crease, and high CRP and maybe someone read my stress test wrong...and i'm trying not to fall apart.
I just had a big meal and a few drinks, and woke up for a second, and when I went to roll over, my heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest! It has calmed and since I started writing this, my HR has dropped from 99 to 88, so maybe this is therapeutic in itself.
If you've read all this, thank you! If not, I don't blame you... it was long!
I've been dabbling in these boards for a couple of weeks now, and they're a big help, so I wanted to just share my story, and say THANK YOU all you brave souls for sharing your stories here!
WT