natalie yog
18-07-15, 13:14
This is the first time I've ever done this sort of things so I'm sorry if I rambled on. I began having anxiety attacks when I was at school through being bullied and also attempted to take my own life. I left school at an early ages and became a recluse I was so terrified to leave the house and never left for 4 years. As the years went by I started to become obsessed with illnesses and began to read about them, watching programmes about them but the things I never everything did was visiting a doctor.
My fear of doctor's came from my Nan who has never seen a doctor, dentist or optician for over 50 years and for over 16 years I followed this rule too until now.
I had one of the worst panic attacks I can ever remembered having 6 weeks ago it started off with a palpitations that felt like an explosion inside me ( I swear I actually thought something bursting inside of me), everything went into slower motion, I went hot then cold, the ground turned into jelly and I felt like I'd sink through the floor, then my throat felt like it was closing over and I couldn't catch my breath. Now I thought like my other panic attacks this would passed in about 30 mins like the others before it. Hours past then days and weeks and since then anytime I tried to walk it felt like I was walking on a boat (this mostly seems to happen when I'm inside even at home which is meant to be my safe place).
Finally I had enough and went to my doctor's who hasn't seen me since I was younger and he put me on 40mg Propranolol twice a day for 2 weeks to help with my balance which he thought was caused by my quick pulse.
Oh but I didn't stop there I decided to battle another fear and made an appointment at the optician (my Nans Dad found out he had cancer when he had his eyes checked so this was a big deal for me) my eyesight has been bad for years everything is bleary to me. I had my eye test yesterday and the optician was a great help and listened to allow my fears. I was relieved to get the allow clear and will be getting my first pair of glasses on Tuesday.
You'd think that all of this would stop my daily anxiety, dizziness and other health fears but of course it doesn't because I my mind the professional's didn't do their job right (which I know they did) or something else has grown in me that must be making me feel like this and then there's that little voice in the back of my head telling all the ifs and buts that drives me up the wall and keeps me up at night.
Well I'm sorry for the long ramble and my bad punctuation. I hope that no one else has to experience anything that I'm going through and if you are take comfort in that you're not alone.
Natalie x
My fear of doctor's came from my Nan who has never seen a doctor, dentist or optician for over 50 years and for over 16 years I followed this rule too until now.
I had one of the worst panic attacks I can ever remembered having 6 weeks ago it started off with a palpitations that felt like an explosion inside me ( I swear I actually thought something bursting inside of me), everything went into slower motion, I went hot then cold, the ground turned into jelly and I felt like I'd sink through the floor, then my throat felt like it was closing over and I couldn't catch my breath. Now I thought like my other panic attacks this would passed in about 30 mins like the others before it. Hours past then days and weeks and since then anytime I tried to walk it felt like I was walking on a boat (this mostly seems to happen when I'm inside even at home which is meant to be my safe place).
Finally I had enough and went to my doctor's who hasn't seen me since I was younger and he put me on 40mg Propranolol twice a day for 2 weeks to help with my balance which he thought was caused by my quick pulse.
Oh but I didn't stop there I decided to battle another fear and made an appointment at the optician (my Nans Dad found out he had cancer when he had his eyes checked so this was a big deal for me) my eyesight has been bad for years everything is bleary to me. I had my eye test yesterday and the optician was a great help and listened to allow my fears. I was relieved to get the allow clear and will be getting my first pair of glasses on Tuesday.
You'd think that all of this would stop my daily anxiety, dizziness and other health fears but of course it doesn't because I my mind the professional's didn't do their job right (which I know they did) or something else has grown in me that must be making me feel like this and then there's that little voice in the back of my head telling all the ifs and buts that drives me up the wall and keeps me up at night.
Well I'm sorry for the long ramble and my bad punctuation. I hope that no one else has to experience anything that I'm going through and if you are take comfort in that you're not alone.
Natalie x