View Full Version : A polite request from me :)
venusbluejeans
18-07-15, 23:50
Heya all,
Flicking through the forum recently I have noticed that people have been deleting posts with reasons such as ‘sorted’ or ‘seen a doctor’ these are mostly in the Health anxiety forum.
From my point of view it would be nice to know how your problem was sorted or what the Dr has said about your problem, to show the other members that there was nothing to worry about and that there was a simple explanation then if they search for their problem and find your thread then they could be reassured that someone has had their sorted and so can they
So put simply what I am saying is please don’t be in a hurry to delete your posts when you have solved your problem, please update your thread telling us how you solved it and what the outcome of your drs appointment was etc because this could be of great help to other members.
Many thanks
Emmz
Frankie123
19-07-15, 03:54
Absolutely agree with you. People say they are worried because they are going for tests or awaiting results and you never seem to hear what the outcome was for these people. It is very frustrating.
In principal you are right Emmz but say the outcome of going to the doctor was alarming, there are many people who would prefer to delete their post rather than raise the anxiety of others with similar symptoms.
I don't think there is a right or a wrong way in this instance.
I would say that people who join NMP with a headline thread pleading for help and more or less demanding a response, and don't get it, often then write kindly delete my account, which I find rather annoying, but then I always wear my heart on my sleeve :)
I've seen that too Emmz.
IMO, the reason you see this is because it's exactly what the responses reflect. 99.9% of the time, the reason for the symptoms is nothing sinister and anxiety related. Most responses in these type of threads say it's anxiety but the OP is "convinced" otherwise of something sinister. The end result is nothing physically wrong other than anxiety related issues. IMO, admitting that the replies were correct would cause some level of embarrassment to the OP.
It's that embarrassment that prompts the deletion. I agree it would be beneficial to follow through but getting folks to do so may be an issue.
There are several ongoing threads that illustrate what I'm saying (one with 20+ pages currently is an excellent example). And most often, even when the result of a doctor's visit is a diagnosis of something benign and treatable with therapy and OTC remedies, the OP is not convinced or moves on to another symptom and fear.
Positive thoughts
Yep, that's how hypochondria works, FMP. :weep:
As an HA sufferer myself I have to say respectfully that I think this board unintentionally encourages HA. I know it's a hugely emotive subject and it's very difficult to strike the right balance re empathy v enabling.
MyNameIsTerry
19-07-15, 09:24
As an HA sufferer myself I have to say respectfully that I think this board unintentionally encourages HA. I know it's a hugely emotive subject and it's very difficult to strike the right balance re empathy v enabling.
:sofa:
How do you see it improved?
:D
It's an impossible task as it would involve intensive moderation and that's just not practical.
I think the comparing of/ outdoing of symptoms could be looked at. Changing the focus of the OP's original post to other symptoms suffered by another?
Just a few "starters for 10"?
MyNameIsTerry
19-07-15, 09:57
Perhaps its worth seeing what other forums do?
I've always seen the HA board as its own forum. This is because there are not many people I see posting elsewhere, not counting Symptoms for obvious reasons. This has led me to assume the majority miss out on the more positive sides of NMP like Top Tips, Success Stories, etc. I guess because of the volume its going to be more noticeable but perhaps the same can be seen on some of the others, its just harder to tell as there are far less people on them e.g. OCD.
So, do people in fact need more coaxing to the positives? Or are they actually reading them? Are people on here even afraid to look around incase they find triggers in the process?
Maybe thats wrong, its just something I've alwasy wondered about.
Terry
Why do you think that generally people with mental illness (I don't like that phrase) seem to post more on the HA forum than anywhere else.
Surely there must be a link in the brain between health and and anxiety and depression.
Many people who have overcome their anxiety illness are "success stories" but most just leave and some come back and say that they don't have a need for NMP anymore, which quite frankly doesn't help anyone on here.
MyNameIsTerry
19-07-15, 10:23
Terry
Why do you think that generally people with mental illness (I don't like that phrase) seem to post more on the HA forum than anywhere else.
Surely there must be a link in the brain between health and and anxiety and depression.
Many people who have overcome their anxiety illness are "success stories" but most just leave and some come back and say that they don't have a need for NMP anymore, which quite frankly doesn't help anyone on here.
Ricardo,
Quite simply I would say NMP is a site more for HA. It's the busiest board and some barely move at all like Phobias, OCD, etc. (There don't seem to be many people with OCD here but I came because I have GAD & OCD and I guess someone with OCD alone might join OCD UK or OCD Action instead)
But if you mean in relation to what I posted above, its been an observation of mine well back into last year. I just don't see many usernames who post on the HA board posting elsewhere. Whether that means they still read the other boards, I don't know, it just seems strange since I would expect the opposite based on volume.
Some people can be seen all across NMP, but I can't say I see that many. I just wonder whether that is an indicator that the HA board is where people stay?
Terry
But they might well read the other sections but only feel that they can post about what affects them most .
If you look at the Forum page sometimes there might be 40 + members on line and 2500+ guests also looking at various threads.
I have GAD and OCD ( a very special case which I have never publically mentioned) and am beginning to think since my H A that I am not actually agrophobic it's just all wrapped up in GAD as my anxiety is with me wherever I am.
MyNameIsTerry
19-07-15, 10:56
Ricardo,
Thats a possibility. But thats the same for everyone yet the volume of HA posting is higher so I would think you would see more HA people on positive boards. I know I've seen this for new members and people that have been on here years.
So, I don't know whether it is an indicator of anything.
Another observation has been how threads are posted in HA when there are boards for those questions. Whilst people post in the wrong places all over NMP at times, I've also wondered whether this backs up my observation so that they feel HA is the best place for them to post because its where they know they will be talking to people who understand the most. If thats the case, it makes me feel like they may lose out on other areas of NMP. For instance, someone posting about medication. The disorder is less relevant and the response will be greater on the meds boards.
If people aren't moving around then they will be missing out. Since the issue of the HA board being more about issues has come up a few times since I've been here, and most of those people have moved on now, it made me wonder whether if it is a place that people read without using the more positive boards, does it mean more positive threads are needed on the HA board to balance it out?
Just throwing an outsiders observation into the mix.
---------- Post added at 10:56 ---------- Previous post was at 10:44 ----------
I have GAD and OCD ( a very special case which I have never publically mentioned) and am beginning to think since my H A that I am not actually agrophobic it's just all wrapped up in GAD as my anxiety is with me wherever I am.
That's a good point. GAD can be the diagnosis for some as opposed to Somatoform Disorders.
Some of the threads I've seen are OCD issues about health. With some this could still fall back into the true HA but some of the contamination of fear of mental illness threads don't show additional forms of anxiety that would more likely make them HA.
So, I guess that means a bit of a skew from the other boards too.
I'll be totally honest and admit that I come here when I'm worried about something and need reassurance from like minded people who may have gone through the same thing I am and found out that it turned out to be nothing serious at all.
But when I am not worrying about something, the thought of coming onto this board actually makes me anxious for a couple of reasons.
1) when I have my anxiety under control, I try and avoid anything that reminds me of it
2) I NEVER google symptoms because I know what will come up. But unfortunately I've come on here and witnessed people posting excerpts from google results in their threads that has a couple of times sent me into a full blown panic about something and has really made me angry. I think there should be a policy where no one is allowed to post anything from google search results or something like that. This is often made me very wary about entering some threads here.
Despite this, there are times (like now) where I'm a little concerned about something I'm experiencing, however not in panic mode, so I'm on this forum, and I'm not only here for myself, but also trying to contribute to some threads to help others which I wish I could do a lot more.
nomorepanic
19-07-15, 12:19
I used to spend a lot of time moving threads from the HA forum to a more relevant one. You will see when I have moved a thread as I post on it to say I have moved it.
I am not on here as much now so don't move many posts but I am sure the other admins move some as well. Members seem to post in the HA forum as they see it is the busiest so assume they will get a response faster if they post in there.
I really want people to see the forum as a whole and read threads in other sub-forums and reply to people in those other sub-forums and not just read the ones in the HA forum. I am not saying everyone does this but I think quite a few do.
I do not want NMP to become a HA forum - I want it to encompass all aspects of panic, anxiety etc.
Terry
Unless you totally redesign the site I can't honestly see things changing.
Nic or any of the other admin often state that new members should look around the site as there is a huge amount of godd info about various forms of anxiety etc yet they don't and then jump in and ask a desperate question, when the answer is actually there in black and white.
More complex and personal questions are a different thing all together and people should/could get comfort that they are not alone with their particular symptoms when others respond saying they suffer in the same way.
Also nearly every day someone submits a thread in the wrong place and there again perhaps that could be simlified.
Sometimes too much info in a thousand plus threads is not such a good thing.
---------- Post added at 12:19 ---------- Previous post was at 12:19 ----------
snap Nic :hugs:
Rennie1989
19-07-15, 13:32
Ricardo - you only have to look at the number of views next to the forums and see the number of active threads in the HA forum to see that it is, by far, the most popular.
I think it's a good idea to post what the outcome is. Because if the vast majority were 'Doctor says it's anxiety' or 'Symptoms went away' this will serve as a reminder to everyone that anxiety can cause what feels like sinister symptoms. If a short comment could be added in the title that will help people see at a glance.
From a rational point of view most of the threads in this forum are exactly the same: cancer fear, muscle twitches, some rare disease, other anxiety symptoms. The problem is that people believe that their symptoms, whether if it's been posted a thousand times before, are unique and need attention ASAP. You can say 'Look at this thread' or 'Read this article' but members want their own unique response. I can't see this problem ever going.
I think what can be improved quite easily are the following:
- Members replying to their threads. If we have taken the time to reply then they should take the time to acknowledge it.
- Not posting vague titles like 'Freaking out' or 'Help me' but instead a brief description of the problem, like 'Concerning mole' for example.
- No attacking of members if the replies are not what they wanted to hear or if the OP is not accepting replies.
I think you need a general chat forum. Sometimes when I come here it is because I am feeling anxious but I will read a thread because certain people whose posts I enjoy reading are posting on it. I might be feeling a bit down and just interacting with other people here and sometimes having a joke with them lifts my spirits and takes my mind off what I am worrying about. In regards to my other reasons for coming here I have to echo everything that Kayes said. I know there is a chat room but it is not the same as a general chat thread where other topics are being discussed. I guess there is the concern that most people would not venture away from the general chat forum but I don't think that would happen. There are tons of lurkers. Having a general chat forum discussing general topics might bring them out of the shadows and they might start posting. Once they get used to posting in that forum they might feel confident to post on the other forums. eople might hang around the general chat forum but I think they would be checking in on the other forums at the same time. In regards to people removing threads and posts. I would just make the process take longer.
I can't argue with you Rennie but we are all individuals and all react in a different way.
My doctor told me last week that about half the patients he sees have anxiety related problems and as GP's they aren't fully equipped to deal with this apart from prescribing pills or referrals, usually for CBT.
Even if people on here do reply and the doctors say it's just anxiety, does that really pacify the person.
I have myself sometimes rushed to the doctor most probably just to get reassurance and come out of the surgery feeling better,yet within hours or the very next day I start to have doubts and over analise what the doctor said or what did he actually mean.
I suppose it depends on the gravity of ones illness.
Many people on here work full or part time involving travel be it by car or transport whilst at the same time have anxiety or depression and are taking medication , whilst many are literally housebound, so it would be reasonable to accept that we all think differently.
feelthelove
19-07-15, 13:59
I have deleted a few of my posts because i feel embarrassed if they go unanswered as i feel i am making a fool of myself .
I often post in a panic then when nobody replies i think well i'm still alive so might as well delete it the panic has gone now .
I don't read the HA much as i would get the illness mentioned .
I think you need a general chat forum. Sometimes when I come here it is because I am feeling anxious but I will read a thread because certain people whose posts I enjoy reading are posting on it. I might be feeling a bit down and just interacting with other people here and sometimes having a joke with them lifts my spirits and takes my mind off what I am worrying about. In regards to my other reasons for coming here I have to echo everything that Kayes said. I know there is a chat room but it is not the same as a general chat thread where other topics are being discussed. I guess there is the concern that most people would not venture away from the general chat forum but I don't think that would happen. There are tons of lurkers. Having a general chat forum discussing general topics might bring them out of the shadows and they might start posting. Once they get used to posting in that forum they might feel confident to post on the other forums. eople might hang around the general chat forum but I think they would be checking in on the other forums at the same time. In regards to people removing threads and posts. I would just make the process take longer.
We have had in the past a general chat thread where one could post practically anything and I totally agree a good joke or having a good sense of humour can lift ones spirits, even if it was for a short time.
There are people who only ever went into The Chat Room and not the main Forum and visa versa but the Quiz Night used to be great as most people got out of their shells and we generally had a great time and a good laugh.
What happened to the general chat thread Ricardo?
Rennie1989
19-07-15, 14:28
There is a Misc. thread, which you can discuss about anything.
The lengthy controversial thread to which Fishmanpa originally referred to has now been deleted by the OP due to the "abuse" received.
The problem here is that this "abuse" was all about helping the OP to face proven facts and not to enable her to continue with her HA thought patterns.
MyNameIsTerry
19-07-15, 23:41
The lengthy controversial thread to which Fishmanpa originally referred to has now been deleted by the OP due to the "abuse" received.
The problem here is that this "abuse" was all about helping the OP to face proven facts and not to enable her to continue with her HA thought patterns.
I have seen several previous ones deleted for the same reasons. I think Admin should be addressing any such issues because after a while they can also change to questioning the OP's validity, something which Rennie addressed in an earlier post, and which is bound to cause conflict.
---------- Post added at 23:41 ---------- Previous post was at 23:38 ----------
There is a Misc. thread, which you can discuss about anything.
And a Misc board where very few people seem to post. So, there are facilities for people to have more general discussions, perhaps even more issues about larger topics? There have been some general chats on the humour board and some fun & laughs.
nomorepanic
20-07-15, 00:44
I have seen several previous ones deleted for the same reasons. I think Admin should be addressing any such issues because after a while they can also change to questioning the OP's validity, something which Rennie addressed in an earlier post, and which is bound to cause conflict..
What do you think admin should be doing?
MyNameIsTerry
20-07-15, 01:57
What do you think admin should be doing?
Some of threads that have ended in arguments are obviously breaches of forum rules. Where there are persistent rule breaks I would think addressing the parties involved is required or it just keeps happening.
I have to say that I don't see threads ending in arguments. I see threads that start off with members giving advice which is either ignored, denied or barely acknowledged by the person who started the thread. After a certain amount of time that gets frustrating and people start to run out of patience. Easy to say just don't respond anymore but we are all human. When you go to the trouble of trying to give advice and support, giving up your time to think about and type out your posts the frustration of wasting that time is bound t o come out in your posts eventually. As for questioning the sincerity or credibility of certain people then all I can say is that this is the Health Anxiety forum not the Suckers forum and some people need to have their credibility questioned. There is such a thing as posting etiquette and it applies to HA sufferers who start threads and not just those who respond to them. In the most abusive thread that I have seen on here it was the thread starter who was doing the abusing.
---------- Post added at 18:32 ---------- Previous post was at 18:22 ----------
I have to say to you Terry that I admire your patience. I see you giving well thought out advice and when it is completely ignored you remain patient and give more well thought out advice. That's admirable but it is also you. It isn't me and it clearly isn't some other people on this forum. However, all of those latter people start out giving the same sort of well thought out advice that you do. So their intentions, your intentions and my intentions are all equally honourable. We just react differently when we get pushed to our limit.
---------- Post added at 18:37 ---------- Previous post was at 18:32 ----------
And that is human nature and its a good thing.
If one is refering to the 20 page thread, where was the abuse. Many people initially offered suggestions of help which was totally ignored time and time again by the thread starter and I think in the end many got annoyed that they had spent time answering this person but no notice was taken whatsoever.
I don't see where abuse came into it, or am I missing something.
You can please some of the people some of the time but you can't please all of the people all of the time.
MyNameIsTerry
20-07-15, 10:26
I get what you mean, swajj. I feel like that too sometimes.
It probably seems frustrating with some of the OCD threads too on the HA board. For instance, some themes can seen to be about what could be termed absurd. In OCD circles, they are not but they could be seen as very trivial outisde of that. These can keep popping up from time to time from the same OP where a slight change about the theme is posted.
Absolutely, as Rennie said, respectful behaviour applies to all. Issues should be addressed with transparency. Its not a matter of someone getting frustrated being the only person who could be subject to this, it equally applies to the OP as well. Frustration seems likely given people can be posting in all sorts of difficult states so you have to forgive it too and this can just be where someone tries to calm it down.
If the thread you mean was the "dhead" one, it was someone elses thread hijacked I believe. As you quite rightly said such things should be addressed, but not just that comment as there was more going on.
Some of threads that have ended in arguments are obviously breaches of forum rules. Where there are persistent rule breaks I would think addressing the parties involved is required or it just keeps happening.
Terry when you consider how many posts go up on a daily basis on NMP very few actually end up as arguments.
I know we had a rather unpleasant time on here a few weeks back but generally I think we have moved on.
I don't think there is a compromise solution that fits everyone, so why change anything.
I think I know a little about how you think Terry. As I said you have incredible patience. No doubt you get frustrated too but you never go down the road of sarcasm and cynicism. Other people with less patience than yourself do (including me). It would be a boring world if we were all the same.
---------- Post added at 19:07 ---------- Previous post was at 19:05 ----------
Ricardo I'm talking about the threads started by crazymum. In one of those threads she spat out some vile comments aimed at Gary. And Ricardo I agree with everything you just said.
MyNameIsTerry
20-07-15, 11:01
Terry when you consider how many posts go up on a daily basis on NMP very few actually end up as arguments.
I know we had a rather unpleasant time on here a few weeks back but generally I think we have moved on.
I don't think there is a compromise solution that fits everyone, so why change anything.
I wasn't suggesting change, I would expect they already should be doing it as other forums do otherwise why bother even having forum rules? :shrug:
Very few do end up that way, but do they need to? Do people just leave or stop posting?
The situation a few weeks ago was a very different one so not really what I was thinking in this thread.
---------- Post added at 11:01 ---------- Previous post was at 10:53 ----------
I think I know a little about how you think Terry. As I said you have incredible patience. No doubt you get frustrated too but you never go down the road of sarcasm and cynicism. Other people with less patience than yourself do (including me). It would be a boring world if we were all the same.
---------- Post added at 19:07 ---------- Previous post was at 19:05 ----------
Ricardo I'm talking about the threads started by crazymum. In one of those threads she spat out some vile comments aimed at Gary. And Ricardo I agree with everything you just said.
She called Gary a "Dhead" :blush: (sorry Gary) on a thread after a dispute but that thread was raised by another member and I recall crazymum was responding to that member before the situation that started that up. The member who started that thread is someone I often speak to and he wasn't involved in any of that so ended up raising a new thread elsewhere to let that one die off. He normally posts on Panic, Symptoms or GAD.
Thanks, I appreciate it. I just take a step back thesedays. I used to be on a non health forum where there was a lot of argument and I look at it now and think you just end feeling worse for it. Sarcasm & cynicism was like food & water at my last job :roflmao:
I'm sometimes guilty of thinking that there are some wind-up merchants on NMP who enjoy getting attention and frustrating people who are trying to help them. I suppose this is to be expected with online forums and we just have to deal with it.
venusbluejeans
20-07-15, 11:47
I have to say that I don't think the threads that end up in arguments are from people who break the rules.
Arguments on here mainly occur when people get frustrated, mostly when it doesn't appear that the other member is listening or taking note of what people are saying.
The internet is very black and white, you either take things one way or another and sometimes that means missunderstang what the other person is trying to say. It is very difficult to read people when you can't see or hear them..
Completerly aggree that a little recognition goes a long way
venusbluejeans
20-07-15, 11:49
Please can we not make this thread personal though as that really isn't in the spirit of NMP
MyNameIsTerry
20-07-15, 11:57
Sorry, but I have to disagree with you there Venus and swajj gave a very good example. Thats hardly in the spirit of people posting with respect. Of course, not all do and vast majority won't, but some do and we've been seeing them.
I don't think this thread is going to be personal in any way, there is no need for it, but people have chosen to raise a few issues and we are discussing them. Discussion seems a good way to get a better understanding of different views but we can't address one side without the other unless we bias it and thats going to be unfair to someone.
venusbluejeans
20-07-15, 12:02
I don't think this thread is going to be personal in any way, there is no need for it,
By personal I mean naming the people involved in previous altercations and what they said etc
MyNameIsTerry
20-07-15, 12:32
By personal I mean naming the people involved in previous altercations and what they said etc
Fair enough. I will take it that you also mean inference too since many could know who is being spoken of.
Oh I don't mind, I know I'm a d-head. :roflmao:
When you have a forum based around this subject, it's an absolute minefield. You have a mix of people who want to give advice, either based on previous experience or on knowledge gained out of interest. You also have scared people, which can be a mixture within itself. Scared people who are in a panic, scared people who really are scared but trying to be brave, scared people who walk an everyday tightrope on the verge of falling at the merest suggestion of what makes them scared etc etc.
When all of that clashes, the outcome can be very very messy. The panic sufferer sparks off the tightrope walker with incessant posting, the brave one doesn't feel so brave anymore and the person giving advice gets fu#%ing angry because their well intentioned responses are being ignored. That combined makes for angry responses and arguments.
How do you fix it? You don't. You accept the fact that in an emotionally charged environment such as this, shit happens. Admin may close threads and issue warnings etc, but it's never going to change the fact that we're all human, we all have our issues and we all have our breaking points.
Frankly, people should stop being so precious over it and move on. Arguments happen, disagreements happen, feelings get hurt and people get offended. That's just life, surely?
Richard1960
20-07-15, 13:09
I have to say that I don't think the threads that end up in arguments are from people who break the rules.
Arguments on here mainly occur when people get frustrated, mostly when it doesn't appear that the other member is listening or taking note of what people are saying.
The internet is very black and white, you either take things one way or another and sometimes that means missunderstang what the other person is trying to say. It is very difficult to read people when you can't see or hear them..
Completerly aggree that a little recognition goes a long way
Yes agree with you on that point you can only get the point the other person is making through words and unless you read them right there can be problems if giving advice on a forum i usually tip toe around especially on here.
As without seeing the other person or hearing them its hard to know what they are really feeling.
But on a couple of occasions in the past i have PMd people my phone number when i got to know them, and that went okay,not that i am recommending people do that.
Yes tone can be a problem in chat forums but if you read enough of someone's posts you will get to know them pretty well. For instance, there are some posters who I can tell think like I do. I know that just by reading there responses. I can't name them (apparently) but I'll bet they know who they are lol. I can get a good sense of what many people on this board are like including those who are different to me. It's like reading a book. If you have good inferential skills you will be able to read between the lines. If you only have literal skills then you won't. If everyone tiptoed around the forum it would be boring. I know that NMP was created to help people but softly softly does it isn't always the best way to help people.
---------- Post added at 22:09 ---------- Previous post was at 22:05 ----------
Their not there. Btw sorry about naming you Gary but you seem to have taken it pretty well. :winks:
Well said Gary and Sajj.....(oh and everyone else so I don't offend:D)
I know I can be very abrupt in my replies. I does not mean I don't care. I means from my perspective I have been through a lot and come out the other side (most days) and therefore can give "advice". BUT its only my opinion and others have gone through far more than me and have greater knowledge about things. After 2 and half years on NMP I have learnt to ignore the HA "panic posts". Its not that I don't care its because mostly the advice is ignored and that frustrates ME! Better to leave it to those with more patience than me:noangel:
Sarah
Richard1960
20-07-15, 14:35
Well said Gary and Sajj.....(oh and everyone else so I don't offend:D)
I know I can be very abrupt in my replies. I does not mean I don't care. I means from my perspective I have been through a lot and come out the other side (most days) and therefore can give "advice". BUT its only my opinion and others have gone through far more than me and have greater knowledge about things. After 2 and half years on NMP I have learnt to ignore the HA "panic posts". Its not that I don't care its because mostly the advice is ignored and that frustrates ME! Better to leave it to those with more patience than me:noangel:
Sarah
I do not always ignore but on a few occasions i have answered the advice was not acknowledged and the posters disappeared i too get frustrated when ignored.
Do not get me wrong i can pick up on peoples language and get to know what they mean,but with many posts in HA its very hard to do because either you are ignored or not acknowledged.
I do go quite gently when posting on here but still give an honest opinion.
Unless i know people well as on a couple of occasions when i have allowed them to phone me.
venusbluejeans
20-07-15, 16:05
My personal pet peeve on here is when members post in a blind panic saying they are panicking and need someone to talk to and you take the time to reply to them straight after they have posted, but then they log out!!
I appreciate that Anxiety can make you impulsive and maybe people then regret posting and just log out but to me it is annoying and frustrating in equal measure
My personal pet peeve on here is when members post in a blind panic saying they are panicking and need someone to talk to and you take the time to reply to them straight after they have posted, but then they log out!!
I appreciate that Anxiety can make you impulsive and maybe people then regret posting and just log out but to me it is annoying and frustrating in equal measure
I have already said that Emmz :hugs::hugs::hugs:
Paul
I think you are not alone.Many times people come on pleading for help or threatening to do something and they usually get a response and as you say they then disappear without a word.
A lot of people shy away from these kind of posts,so kudos to you for at least trying to pacify this poster.
This is the trouble with the Internet, one never really knows who is at the other end of the line. A person really in distress or someone who is basically an attention seeker, and it's doubly difficult on a site like this.
Paulmoldeeside and Emmz, that has happened to many, many times.
As you know I stay up late quite a lot. And I have answered some desperate Members and waited up so that they are ok and I don't hear from them for days or sometimes at all. :shrug:
And I got in to a situation with a Member when I first joined and every night in the early hours of the morning I would have a 'Can't live any more situation', that went on for about 3 months. I could not turn my back on this person, as it is not in my nature, but thankfully it resolved it's self.
But, at the same time, I was suffering really badly myself.
It's a difficult scenario. :shrug:
Paul, it's so hard not to get "involved" when you've been through the mill and back and are just trying to help others get relief from that dreadful state you know so well...
If I were to step back a bit emotionally I would think it highly unlikely that someone in a desperate state would log on here and say that they were going to do something awful. In reality you'd just do it-no frills, no nothing.
But then you never know....and this is the hard bit.
Richard1960
20-07-15, 19:37
Paul, it's so hard not to get "involved" when you've been through the mill and back and are just trying to help others get relief from that dreadful state you know so well...
If I were to step back a bit emotionally I would think it highly unlikely that someone in a desperate state would log on here and say that they were going to do something awful. In reality you'd just do it-no frills, no nothing.
But then you never know....and this is the hard bit.
It is i agree but through my own counselling i have been taught to take a step back myself and think and i always remember that when giving advice or at least try to,yes its hard to step back very hard and sometimes you can't.
My own thing is depression and alcohol abuse.
And in October as well as my main job i have just got one working for a charity which is going to put me on a foundation 66 course and train me up as a mentor,
for people with Drug and Alcohol problems,so i can support them face to face.
Hopefully it is a two and a half month course it will teach me other things too about offering support,whilst being able to distance yourself the interview for that was one and a half hours phew. ,
I suspect men would always prefer to expire on a full stomach.....
Richard1960
20-07-15, 20:01
I suspect men would always prefer to expire on a full stomach.....
Only if it a chinese takeaway,:noangel:
:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
There is always the potential to make a difference. Even if you're replying to someone who's just yanking your chain, there are people reading. I've had countless PM's from people who say "I don't post on the forum but I saw you replying to 'X' about.... so can I ask you about...."
It's never really a waste of time, but at the same time it's well worth telling someone you think they're at it. Even if they aren't, you can point out the fact that their behaviour is making you question their motives, so surely they can have a closer look at that behaviour and question themselves on what is giving out such a perception.
Sometimes the best way to look at yourself is through someone else's eyes, and frankly, I would rather a person disliked my effective approach than really liking me but still feeling miserable as sin after speaking to me. Even if they're angry with me, it's good to feel an emotion other than fear, it can even, hopefully, make that person say "you know what, fu## him, I'm going to prove him wrong."
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