Bitter

[elik]

Hi,

I'm highly stressed at the moment. I feel like I have realised a lot about people this year and the downfalls to being a push over. I have had a few people belittle me in various occasions which I am now getting really angered by as it's unfair because it's like they don't have any respect for me. I'm getting really tired by it as I want to be happy and positive but this forces negativity and makes me really bitter and resentful. I'm genuinely feeling so insecure as to how to act due to how judgemental and harsh people are. I feel I can't have a voice and I'm just full of doubts about myself because I try to be this great person and get slammed down a lot of the time and if I ever try and reassert myself I get slammed down or I look like something in not which is confrontational or negative. Why do I feel these situations are forever being put on me? I'm so stressed by it. I am a serial over thinker but I hate anyone thinking negatively of me or me feeling bitter! :(

[Oosh]

I think it's good to have that side of you that gets bitter over treatment you've received. Otherwise what tells you that you don't want it anymore and pushes you to change your situation ?

It's hard to change people's perception of you once they have it. They won't let you win back respect easily.

Is there nobody in that environment who lets you be yourself ? If you don't want the confrontation maybe you could gravitate more towards them.

It would be very useful to have an ally in that environment who helps you be yourself and receive fair treatment.

In an ideal world you can surround yourself with those who like you and give you respect and not be around the others anymore. I don't know if that's possible.

[elik]

Hi,

Thanks for your response. I think that's what scares me, knowing that I have to change my situation to better it. Doesn't that show me as weak or that I'm worsening a negative situation? Obviously as my anxiety is currently very high I am not sure of my own reactions. I'm just so unsure and insecure of how to act and be 'perfect' it's so draining! I don't want to be a bitter resentful person but I can feel myself closing off :(

[Oosh]

Well maybe your response tells you that you'd feel better about yourself if you didn't walk away from these people and instead earned more respect from them.

That's a good attitude to have.

I've been involved in large groups and seen how these things can play out. People get used to you being "that". They get used to what you allow them to be and say. You get some resistance teaching them you've changed because it's obvious they'd prefer you weaker than them.

You certainly don't need to walk away. Just introduce them to the new you. Be yourself. There's no being "perfect". Just be you. Being secure is not about being what fits but being whatever the hell YOU want. YOU say that whatever the hell YOU want to say is fine. Be frank, truthful and tell it like you see it and don't be silenced. Then just be consistent.

You don't need to be aggressive or confrontational just always stand by your perspective. Tell it and stand by it. If they try to belittle it, stay calm, say no, and say it again and say why it's right and they're wrong. They mightn't like it but that's tough.

Try and find someone there to support this new you. It's a hell of a lot easier if you have, even just one person, to stand by your right to be who you are and call bull**** on any unfairness.

You can definitely do it. :yesyes:

You might start enjoying it. :yahoo:

Also I wouldn't say it was weak to walk away from the biggest culprits. People who think it's acceptable to give you little respect and belittle your opinions aren't really worth keeping around. So not giving them any more of your precious time and instead gravitating towards cooler, nicer people would sound reasonable to most people too, I'd say.

[elik]

Thanks for your response again. I completely get what you're saying. I just feel so insecure around people at the moment and that my confidence has hit rock bottom! Incredibly stressed and anxious and can't seem to calm myself!

[Oosh]

No I completely understand.

Try and focus on what's positive about you. What are your qualities. Remember times you were confident. Remember what makes you laugh.

So easy to focus only on what you're not etc. It can become your default and you just do it all of the time so need to make a real effort to see yourself in a healthier way and remember those things that make you feel confident and enjoyment.

It's all on a sliding scale. It moves up and down. It's not fixed.