View Full Version : Karen Carpenter
Karen Carpenter died on 4 February 1983 from anorexia nervosa. I am feeling very sad and distraught today on the anniversary of her death.
So of you may know I have anorexia and Karen Carpenter is an idol of mine. I have spent many hours listening to her music and watching a film about her life story.
Despite her fabulous talent and the fame and fortune, she was deeply troubled beneath it all. Her one life's desire was to be loved unconditionally.
I feel a similar need for the love and acceptance she craved and never received. Anorexia appeared to be her only 'friend' :(
Tribute to a talented and tragic life:
Superstar (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsSNvv9IKYo&mode=related&search=)
(((((Karen)))))
Hi Karen, sorry you feel so distraught today.
The Karen Carpenter story was on tv last week and I watched most of the film. I found it very moving and also so sad. She was a beautiful, wonderfully talented person who was gripped by such an awful illness. Her story is so so tragic.
Anorexia certainly wasn't her friend though, it was her biggest enemy and in the end took her precious young life.
I know she is an idol of yours but please never ever aspire to your life turning out her hers did, you still have a good chance of recovery and no one deserves it more than you. Anorexia is the enemy yet enemies can be beaten. I know it's not that easy but please never give up on getting better as you can do it.
Take care,
Lisa x
Karen, I can understand why this is not a good day for you. I'm sure that if she had known you, she would have wanted you not to be sucked down the same way.
Maybe you are luckier in that you don't have to deal with all the pressures that fame and fortune bring. I just wish you had an understanding friend in your neighbourhood who could pop in for a chat each day. But for now, we can only give you a virtual holding hand on here.
Are you still going to do that online course? I think that would be great as you could focus away from your daily struggle for a bit.
Take Care,
Ray
http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers
A beautiful woman with the voice of an angel - a poignant reminder not to sucumb to this destructive problem.
You have everything to live for Karen and so much to offer - time to look forward now and not back!!
(((K)))
Love Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Sorry guys. Rationally I know everything you are saying is true but inside I feel so emotionally empty and struggle with knowing, just like Karen Carpenter, I'll never have the love and acceptance from the people I am desperate for it from most.
Lisa - If you watched the film to the end you would've seen that Karen C's illness was at least in part due to the way she felt about herself because she never felt loved or good enough for her mum.
I have been through that and no longer even want to see my mum. I know there is no chance of putting right a lifetime of rejection. But what is getting to me is that I do feel rejected by K at the moment and it is all my own fault. I worry about being rejected by Meg (although she's not given me any indication of that) but I am letting her down by not keeping promises I made.
I'm desperate to be with K or Meg and know I can't be with either. I won't be loved by either. And K is slipping away from me.
Sorry, I've said too much now [:I] but I don't see a future and anorexia and being the best at it that I can is the only way I will ever feel better about myself :(.
Karen xx
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I'll never have the love and acceptance from the people I am desperate for it from most.
Karen xx
<div align="right">Originally posted by Karen - 04 February 2007 : 13:39:17</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
You know it's one of the most contrary things in life that when we stop wanting or needing that sort of love and acceptance, it comes our way automatically.
Abit like letting go of something to get it back sort of thing (although you truly have to mean it).
I may be speaking right out of turn here, it's just looking from the sidelines of your relationship with both K and Meg all they want for you is your wellbeing, it's just how best to go about that that you differ on!!
To my mind if you managed to work to some small goals of making some new friends in the various ways suggested then your life would become richer and fuller and you wouldn't feel the need to focus your attention soley on particular relationships!
Also hun like they say 'never say never'!!! :D:D
Love Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Hi Karen,
Piglet says some wise things there mate :). I also think we need to be able to accept and love ourselves as the first step. We don't need other peoples acceptance in life as long as we are happy with ourselves as it is our opinion of ourselves that matters most. We all want to be loved of course but we also have to like/love ourselves too.
Working on self esteem, making new friends, trying to do a few more things when possible - all these things make us feel better about ourselves.
I did realise the reasons behind Karen C's illness from the film and I know that is similar to your situation. I don't know about your CBT lady but mine says it doesn't matter what made us how we are (although useful to know to move forwards on certain issues of course) but it's more important what we do about it now and how we move on. That's not to make light of your reasons for being ill of course.
Being a good anorexic is not the only way to feel better about yourself, there are lots of better ways than that and will bring you more happiness. Even something like voluntary work could help, you'll have a routine, get out, see people, make friends with other volunteers maybe, feel valued from helping others (and you're so good at helping others), have less time to think etc etc. It could open up a whole new world of opportunities. Just an example but there are many positives out there once you feel able to reach out and grab them. Being a good anorexic is not an achievement, especially if you do it so well you die - none of us want that for you and I don't think you do really either. I really do think it's possible for you to have a future without anorexia and I hope you will be able to realise that anorexia is not your friend and only takes you further away from what you really want. It does take a huge leap of faith to go in the opposite direction to what Edie says though, I do realise that but I still think you can do it, especially with the CBT to help you.
I hope some of this makes sense [:I].
Lots of love,
Lisa x
Thinking of you Karen and sending ((((((hugs))))))
I am a great fan of the carpenters too!!!!
I really hope you can make the meet next week cos I think it will do you good and remember that strangers are only friends you havent yet met!!!
Take care mate
Luv Kaz x x x:D
ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!!!!!!
Thank you all: Piglet, Lisa, Kazzie and Jess.
You all have valid points to make and I might be able to make some sensible comments had I not doped myself up to try to block out today.
Piglet - I think it is true about letting go. I cling to K and Meg too tightly and that never gets me anywhere. All they want for me is to recover and be happy but for some reason I'm determined to continue wrecking my life because I'll never have what I've always wanted. Pretty selfish really [:I].
Lisa - The relationship bit was near the end of the film but it gets to me every time. Knowing why I do what I do doesn't help me stop doing it.
I know I need to work with the CBT and make changes but sometimes I don't see any reason to recover - nothing at the other end.
Kazzie - Thanks for your message. It would be nice to meet you too.
Jess - Thanks for posting. I realise I have a lot of misconceptions and fantasies about you 'being saved' which Meg forever points out to me. I also know you have worked very hard to make the changes you have and I have great admiration for your courage and attitude. The fact you do all the 'head work' alone is truly amazing.
I don't think anything will ever stop me from wishing, hoping and yearning to be with Meg, or from believing that I could recover if I could stay with her. I know it's not possible. I know it is unfair of me to keep asking her and this is just another reason to beat myself up. I honestly believe I would get better with her, even if it is a big fantasy.
Are you going to the meet next week then? It would be nice to see you again.
Karen xx
Hi Karen......
Can we change it would be nice to meet you
into it will be nice to meet you!!!!!
Really hope you can make it!!!!!
I will look after you on the day I promise:D
Luv Kaz x
ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!!!!!!
my dad died 2day 20years ago so i do understand your grief. i also feel i understand your lack of , what shall we call it, confidence, never feeling good enough especially for your mum. i feel the same way and hav done for many years. i was abused as a young child and never told. when i did try to explain to my mum at the age of21 why i had few!!!!! problems she told me, BECAUSE I HAD NEVER TOLD OF THE ABUSE THAT MAN WAS ABLE TO ABUSE MORE CHILDREN BECAUSE OF ME.i still carry that guilt with me 20years on. i understand why i didnt tell but that doesnt stop me feeling unworthy, guilty,and always seeking other peoples approvals but never feeling good enough. u hav to love yourself 1st and that sure is difficult.i dont even like myself because of the way i am but i am working on it.i no the struggle i have and i just wanted to let u no others feel the same.wish there was magic wand for us both but least we now no were not alone.take care.
pjrobb
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">
Piglet - I think it is true about letting go. I cling to K and Meg too tightly and that never gets me anywhere. All they want for me is to recover and be happy but for some reason I'm determined to continue wrecking my life because I'll never have what I've always wanted. Pretty selfish really [:I].
Karen xx
<div align="right">Originally posted by Karen - 04 February 2007 : 19:33:27</div id="right">
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Not at all selfish I think it's something we all do - I look to my piglets for support and most of us on here do with the people close to us too. However I recognized quite some time ago that while it's a real privilege to have these special people to love in my life at the end of the day it is up to me to create my own happiness and not for them to provide it for me.
One of the reasons I want to work on the agroraphobia is so that I can create a fuller life for myself so the piglets don't feel responsible for me and can get on a do their thing - the same way I did at their age.
I too welcome the opportunities to make new friends and I count you very much as one of those new friends :D:D:D
Night mate :D
Piglet x
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Hi Karen,
Lots of wise words on here already tonight so I am going to give you another big (((hug))) and say nighty night.
Lisa x :)
Thank you all very much for taking time to reply and offer support. I thought I was probably being melodramatic letting today get to me the way it has, but I've had a fixation on Karen Carpenter for some time.
Yes, it was tragic the way she died so young and that she was so unhappy and felt so little of herself that she treated herself the way she did. But still, even with that knowledge, she is still some kind of role model for me, and I'm finding my increased weight since release from hospital difficult to deal with.
Jess - Yes I do look to others to solve my problems when I suppose the answer is within me but I can't see that. I can't take that leap of faith to believe I have it within me to get well. And so the pattern of relying on others continues. I also recognise that living and being alone so much of the time does not help me but I want the kind of relationships I'll never have.
Piglet - Such a good attitude to have and I know you will get there mate. I recognise that I want help and support in a way that doesn't exist for me - just having someone around most of the time and not living on my own would stop a lot of the losing control and self abuse. Here, alone, I give into it all too easily.
Pamella - Thank you for your message of support and I can understand how you are struggling with the anniversary of your dad's death. What your mum said to you is not true. You were the child and the victim and no way was any of it your fault. Keep reminding yourself of that.
Lisa - Thanks sis and for the PM.
I finally dropped off to sleep for a couple of hours until the effects of the laxatives woke me [xx(]. I feel emotionally and physically drained, as well as very ashamed of myself. I really don't know how to cope with this any longer. I know this cannot continue.
Karen xx
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Lisa - Thanks sis and for the PM.
<div align="right">Originally posted by Karen - 04 February 2007 : 23:17:22</div id="right">
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You're welcome :).
I hope you feel better soon and manage to get some sleep.
Lisa x [|)]
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