View Full Version : When support is most needed
I wanted to raise a concern regarding support given to members who have a diagnosed health issue.
A short while ago a member was diagnosed with breast cancer. Sadly she received very little support and has not been online for a while. She was very frightened but also very brave.
I thought it a shame that she couldn't have had the same support as people who fear a major illness. I think that with the sheer volume of posts on the HA board it is inevitable that cases like this lady's can be overlooked to a certain extent.
I think that people can back off from diagnosed illnesses because they are terrified of becoming ill themselves but maybe there are other reasons?
Are diagnosed and frightened members afraid of posting on the HA board in case they alarm those anticipating a diagnosis?
I wanted to raise a concern regarding support given to members who have a diagnosed health issue.
A short while ago a member was diagnosed with breast cancer. Sadly she received very little support and has not been online for a while. She was very frightened but also very brave.
I thought it a shame that she couldn't have had the same support as people who fear a major illness. I think that with the sheer volume of posts on the HA board it is inevitable that cases like this lady's can be overlooked to a certain extent.
I think that people can back off from diagnosed illnesses because they are terrified of becoming ill themselves but maybe there are other reasons?
Are diagnosed and frightened members afraid of posting on the HA board in case they alarm those anticipating a diagnosis?
Great question/topic. I have been very wary not to talk in detail about my specific health condition. It's a heart condition which would be a trigger for many and I didn't want to make anyone take to google to check their own symptoms. It is a real concern I think, at least it has been for me.
In some ways I do think it is challenging for people with genuine diagnosed conditions to coexist with HA suffers... or at least, I think it requires a degree of awareness and sensitivity... When I first came here and zero'd in on the HA forum, I did quickly realise that it wasn't text book HA that I had in the way that many on the forum have.
I think alot of the problem is that people with HA are too scared to hear health problems. It just adds to their own concerns.
Health Anx is awful and debiltating at times.
I can understand why those with HA feel the need to stay away from a post with diagnosed issues, i for one, will always try and support the poster, its part of my job and what i deal with. But i totally understand when you just don't feel strong enough to support others when you are in a bad state yourself.
Great question/topic. I have been very wary not to talk in detail about my specific health condition. It's a heart condition which would be a trigger for many and I didn't want to make anyone take to google to check their own symptoms. It is a real concern I think, at least it has been for me.
In some ways I do think it is challenging for people with genuine diagnosed conditions to coexist with HA suffers... or at least, I think it requires a degree of awareness and sensitivity...
I think talking about a diagnosed health condition on an anxiety forum is totally justified, Frenchy as a little "exposure therapy" may not be a bad thing but I realise that this is a very contentious issue and is of course entirely down to you as to whether you choose to do so.
MyNameIsTerry
24-07-15, 23:08
If its on the HA board unless people constantly help to bump it, it's going to get ploughed under in days. Some of the other boards are also quiet by comparison so if it's one of them, is it getting seen? I know I've seen one person with a skin cancer that only received a few people's attention and it was on a quiet board. Another newly diagnosed with Parkinson's who never got many sadly.
I also really felt for her. I have HA but felt strong enough to read and support her (if we are thinking of the same person, which I think we are). I may not have years ago though. But it is a shame, I wish more people would have bene there for her. I have been wondering how she's doing lately.
nomorepanic
24-07-15, 23:22
When I had my heart attack and crohns flareup nearly 7 years ago, I did tell the admins but I asked that no-one posted on here about how serious it was because I nearly died and I didn't want to worry members!
I thought that by making it real then people would freak out so I kind of protected members from it.
I did eventually tell people when I was out of hospital and on the mend
Obviously, those that know me here know I openly post about my heart attacks and cancer. It's not to alarm anyone but to reassure as 99.9% of the time, the worries many have about these things are unfounded. Even not being a medical professional I can say with assurance it's not sinister just based on experience. I've yet to be wrong thankfully!
I know of only a very few who's fears became reality and oddly enough, when faced with that fear, their anxiety took a back seat. Upon healing physically, they found they also healed mentally as well. Their anxiety, while still present, was far less of a burden than it was before.
Positive thoughts
nomorepanic
25-07-15, 00:20
Apart from a few blips my anxiety took a back seat when I was dealing with real health issues.
I still have problems now but I don't face regular panic attacks etc cos I realised that life is too short to worry about things that aren't real as such.
worrywart29
25-07-15, 06:04
Personally if I was diagnosed with a sickness I wouldn't come here and share it. I know for me hearing about someone dying or being seriously ill is a major trigger and the same is true for most HA suffers. I would instead join a group that pertain to my illness for example if it's breast cancer a breast cancer forum is what I would seek out. I wouldn't want to cause panic in any one and would instead prefer to talk to individuals that is going thru or has been through the same as me.
I have said many times that I avoid certain threads as I am scared that they will trigger my anxiety. However, if someone has posted here about some worrying symptoms they might have and then those symptoms turn out to be a real illness then that person should be able to continue posting here. Mainly because they will have already developed a support network here albeit for a different reason. If you need support for your anxiety then you certainly need it for something that turns out to be a real illness. Yes you could go and find a cancer forum or a MS forum after your diagnosis and you would find support there. But the people on those forums would have missed part of your journey. The part that started here. Having said all that I will continue to be selective about the threads I read. Just because I know what types of threads will trigger my anxiety.
I have managed to get some control over my HA by offering my support to people in my life with serious, life-threatening illness. It gives me some perspective and for me is the only way to check the "head trash" that comes with HA. It's very significant I think that the members with HA who were unfortunate enough to develop major illness saw a reduction in their anxiety whilst they battled their physical issues-a very harsh way to undergo exposure therapy.
I very much hope that people who wish to talk about major physical issues will continue to post on the HA board. "Real" problems deserve as much if not more support than feared ones and HA doesn't disappear if your worst fears are realised. We can't all go into battle/positivity mode on receipt of a challenging medical diagnosis nor should we feel we have to.
It may seem strange but when I had a heart attack 6 months ago, I had no time to get anxious, in fact though I remember nearly everything in detail, there are void periods most probably caused by shock. I got lucky, the words of the cadiologist but rehab is really difficult as now I get flashbacks and depression, and my anxiety is sky high that exercising the heart is pretty difficult as I just can't go out on my own and I live in an apartment.I have other health issues as well but without wishing to scare anyone it is important to realise that heart attacks come in several forms and often the symptoms are similar to angina.
So what does one do.? Maybe it's best not to answer a poster who thinks they maybe having heart problems or offer an opinion as what to do.I suppose either way isn't a perfect solution to what could be a life threatening situation or just symptoms of over breathing and anxiety.
I think that you have made a very valid point. Illness can bring or increase anxiety or depression and these fears totally derserve our support.
There have been a number of members who have had life threatening illnesses and I the posts I saw got a lot of support and I would hope that this will continue.
I wonder through if these posts should be in the Health Anxiety part of the forum rather than in one of the other forums.
My understanding is that HA forum is for people obsessing over symptoms not those who have a diagnosed illness.
The HA board tends to be so busy that many threads are likely to disappear and not be seen by many, also people may be reluctant to contribute in the sensible worry that it may trigger them.
When logging in I always use the active topics feature rather than going to a specific board. Do others do this or do they just go to the board that interests them, I wonder?
I would hate to think that anyone comes here and does not receive support, though I am sure that it does happen.
YES I use active topics when I log in. I too avoid "trigger" threads and go to the ones I hope I can help with. Its because I believe that "anxiety" is in all those who come here and labelling each person (OCD,PTSD, depression, physical illnesses diagnosed) is not helpful to me. It does not matter that I was diagnosed its all under the "anxiety" umbrella. So those actually diagnosed with a condition that is "real" (I'm not saying mental health problems are NOT real) can come here but won't necessarily get the support that they could get on a more relevant forum, specific to their illness.
I am waffling:blush:
I think the particular worry I had about my own medical stuff is probably because the actual condition itself is statistically reasonably common - even though the particular complications I have had with it are rarer. And because it can in rarer cases cause heart rhythm disturbances (including dangerous arrhythmia and sudden cardiac arrest/death) I probably have tried to not talk about things in too much detail.
Heart problems and fears of palpitations being something sinister or peoples hearts stopping/going in to arrest are so common on this board I think giving it a name that people can then go and look up and start scaring themselves ( probably unnecessarily) is something I have tried to avoid.
Although my own experiences have probably enabled me to be fairly active in helping with some of the heart-related stuff... at least I hope I'm helping, lol.
---------- Post added at 10:21 ---------- Previous post was at 09:25 ----------
I have other health issues as well but without wishing to scare anyone it is important to realise that heart attacks come in several forms and often the symptoms are similar to angina.
This is one of my issues. Heart problems are so tricky to address on this board. Because anxiety and stress and panic attacks cause so many heart attack fears and sensations for so many people - but also because genuine heart problems are not that rare - many people may actually experience genuine problems in their lifetime, statistically speaking. So you do actually have to be a bit careful when providing someone with reassurance and advice.
I often see people replying to someone with chest pain worried they are having/ have had a heart attack saying something like "If you were having a heart attack.... you wouldn't be here posting about it" or "if you were having a heart attack you would know it". Because that is there experience or understanding of it or maybe they really want to just reassure that person and giving them that degree of certainty - whether it is factually true or not - is what they think is best for that person.
One part of my head is thinking "well, that's not true.... they COULD actually be posting whilst having a genuine heart attack" or "actually some people really DON'T know they are having a heart attack" because the symptoms of some heart attacks can actually be quite mild.
But the other side of me is thinking.... would it actually help to chime in and say that, when the poster in all probability isn't and it is likely to be anxiety? Or would leaving that information there unchallenged mean that someone who could be having a heart attack in future could read it and not get their symptoms checkout out? Its difficult sometimes to know what to say, or whether to steer clear.
Someone posted about HIV fears recently - they had had an encounter several years ago and were worried about recent symptoms indicating they might have got HIV. A few people replied saying they would certainly have died by now if that were the case.... or that they would certainly have full blown AIDS and be very ill by now. Now, my best friend has HIV. As a result of that I know a lot about it. For example, I know for a fact that the progression of HIV after initial infection can actually include a prolonged asymptomatic stage of several years for many people (in some cases up to 10 years, in fact) even with no medication at all, where the viral load is building up. In all the time the infected person may have no symptoms at all or only experience very occasional slight flu-like symptoms or even just mild fungal infections like localized thrush (one of the posters symptoms). Obviously it probably would not have helped to have pointed all this out and the situation probably was low risk. But again, I find myself asking; where is the line drawn in terms of presenting people real facts, statistics or information when sometimes those facts and figures are in fact possibly going to be quite scary for someone in reality. Or bringing things back to this topic - giving people detailed information on your own diagnosis/condition or conditions that you understand very well.... when it could actually cause more fears for someone. It's a tricky balance sometimes I think.
That said I would NEVER suggest that anyone else avoid posting on this site about an actual diagnosis they have had. They SHOULD come here to talk about it and get support if they need/want it. I'm only playing devils advocate here in some ways.
MyNameIsTerry
25-07-15, 10:58
Someone posted about HIV fears recently - they had had an encounter several years ago and were worried about recent symptoms indicating they might have got HIV. A few people replied saying they would certainly have died by now if that were the case.... or that they would certainly have full blown AIDS and be very ill by now. Now, my best friend has HIV. As a result of that I know a lot about it. For example, I know for a fact that the progression of HIV after initial infection can actually include a prolonged asymptomatic stage of several years for many people (in some cases up to 10 years, in fact) even with no medication at all, where the viral load is building up. In all the time the infected person may have no symptoms at all or only experience very occasional slight flu-like symptoms or even just mild fungal infections like localized thrush (one of the posters symptoms). Obviously it probably would not have helped to have pointed all this out and the situation probably was low risk. But again, I find myself asking; where is the line drawn in terms of presenting people real facts, statistics or information when sometimes those facts and figures are in fact possibly going to be quite scary for someone in reality. Or bringing things back to this topic - giving people detailed information on your own diagnosis/condition or conditions that you understand very well.... when it could actually cause more fears for someone. It's a tricky balance sometimes I think.
Yes, I remember that member as I was talking to her on another thread. To cover the situation though, she was seeking a test to be sure. But I agree with you and this is something I often see too and it takes me back to an issue that seems to never really get resolved, that of medical advice.
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=114732
What happens if someone tells someone that thier symptoms are just anxiety which a LOT of people do ..............which then 'reasures' the person but it then turns out the symptoms are 'real' and not just anx as they have been told.
It is those who ask directly if they have some sort of medical problem, or those who tell us thier test results and ask members what is wrong with them. So I am not talking about the people who seek reassurance but the people who directly ask for medical advice/diagnosis.
Venus was asked a similiar question and pointed out that it would be medical advice.
I think thats right because up until that point, all you can do if offer possibilities & suggestions. Some things are easier to deal with e.g. someone who swallows a tiny shard of glass as we can employ common sense but with a complicated medical issue, it's for a doctor to decide whether it is anxiety or a real issue. Some complex medical issues may have medical evidence that clearly shows that the person cannot possibly have X so it makes sense in those cases to present that to them.
Anxiety is always a tricky one considering some of it's symptoms overlap with so many other physical disorders. This is why NHS Choices states a GP should rule out certain issues when you first present as a patient with a potential anxiety issue, something my GP has never done in 9 years.
But of course once you have that "anxiety" diagnosis then every following symptom tends to get put down to anxiety by the GP.. but that's another huge issue!
---------- Post added at 11:24 ---------- Previous post was at 11:18 ----------
Just to clarify, I meant this thread to be about a member with an existing anxiety disorder continuing to post-or not- about a newly diagnosed condition. I'm talking about the whole range of anxiety disorders because like Sarah I'm not sure if you need to differentiate between them?
MyNameIsTerry
25-07-15, 11:37
But of course once you have that "anxiety" diagnosis then every following symptom tends to get put down to anxiety by the GP.. but that's another huge issue!
---------- Post added at 11:24 ---------- Previous post was at 11:18 ----------
Just to clarify, I meant this thread to be about a member with an existing anxiety disorder continuing to post-or not- about a newly diagnosed condition. I'm talking about the whole range of anxiety disorders because like Sarah I'm not sure if you need to differentiate between them?
Even harder for people with HA over someone like me since I won't have been seeing my GP about previous worries over my health so my GP is less likely to be tempted to the assumption...although, some just think of the symptom and right it off. That one probably depends on the GP, some seem to do all the tests, some assume.
I think you & Sarah are right about anxiety being anxiety in this case. The HA sufferer knows they have X just like the GAD sufferer so would there be a difference in how they catastrophize from there? Is the HA sufferer more likely to lean towards the worst possible outcome than a GAD sufferer? The only other things could be how the person copes with the treatment regime if they have fears around hospitals, needles, etc but then I think all of us would see our anxiety come into play (or maybe not as sometimes you find your inner strength as as has been said earlier)
Regardless of the answer to that, or if there even is an answer which I suspect would be very individual as severity comes into play as well as many character attributes, support is something we should all aim to give whether its to listen or support or maybe even distract with something interesting to just chat about or have a laugh?
Aside from that, I can see both points of view over whether you should use an anxiety forum. My own personal view is that you may need to take what you need from both because whilst the majority on here won't be able to help with the "real" illness, I doubt people on the other forum will have an understanding of the additional needs of the anxiety disorder sufferer. If your anxiety takes a back seat, then you may not need both but if you have all the issues with your thinking styles that prevent you from doing that then you always have a place in forums like this where you can aim to work on that or just bounce things off people. Having said that, anxiety is going to be part of the issue on some other forums so they will likely have empathy & show compassion but they may not always understand how an anxiety sufferer may catastrophize even more as if their diagnosis is worse than it is. Maybe?
If it is the lady I am thinking of I have been wondering how she is. I replied to a few of her posts although I know a couple of you were particularly supportive . I agree that she needs just as much support as the rest of us. However I do take the pint that she may have sopped posting to protect the rest of us or that she may find that the reality made the HA slightly less. I really hope she is okay.
The reality is regardless of what degree of mental illness we have, we all age, and as we age we invariably get health problems(as do younger people)so how do you separate the two.Accepting is very easy to say,but not always as practical as some would say.I know from my own experience it is extremely hard.
Would this thread be of any help to you, 23tana?
I've posted about anxiety sufferers going to the disease forums and posting their fears. This is something that hits a very negative nerve with me as I see it on the cancer forums I'm part of and find it disrespectful. That being said, if you're faced with the reality of a serious diagnosis, the disease forum is a good place to get accurate information and support. People with anxiety do get sick. I know that members on the cancer boards discuss their anxiety about it on the boards. Even those without a prior history of anxiety can and do develop it to a degree. I know I developed "scanxiety" after my cancer. I sought treatment and have a "chill pill". The subject of "scanxiety" is rather common on the boards with survivors. Also, there's a lot of comfort and information to those actually dealing with the illness, going through treatment, recovery etc.
On this forum, as has been stated, reading of a real diagnosis is rare and when it does come up, it tends to trigger people. Also, it's difficult at best to relate and offer sympathy and support and finding the right words to say. When you're diagnosed with a serious illness, you find out who your real friends are. I know personally that people I thought were friends vanished while others came out of the woodwork and only a handful stuck with me through thick and thin.
Positive thoughts
I think it's very sad when people who you believed were your friends fade away when you need them most but I know it happens all too often.
Why should people be ostracised because of an illness? Should fear be an excuse? I don't think so.
Having extreme anxiety and actually having had a heart attack is not a good mix ,and on a forum like this one has to be very careful what one writes.
Personally I find it very difficult to say the right thing that will be aceptable to everyone.
One definitely loses friends through having near constant anxiety symptoms which so often aren't visible and it can also have a huge affect on one's family.
I have said it many times that generally people don't understand our disabilities so invariably back off.
I think some sort of warning in the thread title would help. That way people could decide against reading the thread if they felt it might set off their anxiety.
Biscuitmuncher
28-07-15, 12:11
I read most days but am put off posting at the moment as I have just had an abnormal MRI brain scan and am awaiting further testing, maybe for MS so I don't want to scare people off with my symptoms. I also have other problems and awaiting tests for those but have suffered with health anxiety for most of my life. I am feeling very stressed and anxious at the moment and am trying not to read too much about health matters and do other things to take my mind off it all:unsure: but I could really use some support right now but am afraid of upsetting other posters.
You shouldn't be afraid to post, biscuitmuncher. As an anxiety sufferer you now have to deal with the prospect of physical illness and have to go through the awful process of having tests, waiting for results etc. You have every reason to post and shouldn't be afraid of triggering people as plenty of posts do that on here anyway which are not related to diagnosed physical illness.
You deserve to have support and I'm sure many people on here will feel the same
Justanutter
28-07-15, 20:19
I think as Swajj said earlier...maybe a good idea to warn people in the title first...my HA about my heart has gone through the roof from reading an earlier part of this post the other day, not helped by the fact that that I had to go to someone's funeral today who just dropped dead from a heart attack last week so I am in bits now with the fear it could be me because I am dr and hospital and test phobic and I can't get over it no matter how hard I try. Hundreds of pounds worth of therapy and a useless course of the obligatory CBT, relaxation and numerous self help books to no avail. My life is hell and I feel so guilty when I think of all those poor people suffering with cancer and coping better than this.
Would this thread be of any help to you, 23tana?
I suffer with PTSD, depression and anxiety. I never thought I'd be adding HA to the list, but here I am obsessing and catastrophising along with many of you (not to say HA isn't really debilitating)
My first reaction when I received my diagnosis was panic and fear. Two things all of us on this board know all too well. I posted after thinking whether I would upset others and purposely gave no symptoms of my problem. I put it under a specific heading and not on the open HA forum.
There's nothing I can do until the results are back except worry and have panic attacks! It seemed that here was the right place to come with those concerns. For specifics on the condition I will join a board relevant to the disease, but I'm months off knowing exactly what type I have and could end up catastrophising more if I go there now. The immediate help I needed was how to manage the anxiety until then and to be with people who understood the sheer level of anxiety I was feeling.
So long as we are considerate of other users and don't give florid details of our own individual case, I don't see why we can't support each other at crisis points whatever the cause, be it mental or physical.
Great discussion thread.
I agree 23tana. Keep posting on your thread, there are many of us here who have HA and still want to support you. You've been so brave and I can't imagine how this affects your anxiety!
MyNameIsTerry
29-07-15, 05:16
I've posted about anxiety sufferers going to the disease forums and posting their fears. This is something that hits a very negative nerve with me as I see it on the cancer forums I'm part of and find it disrespectful.
Something that springs to mind is this:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/articles/healthanxiety
If you are truly obsessively worried about some illness, research it properly – contact the support group – there is always one – and get the booklets and ask to be put in contact with a sufferer and make the effort to speak to them and discuss your issues.
There is clearly a very strong argument against that in the case of some forums. But how happy are people on even a back pain forum going to be in seeing the kind of repeat threads/posts that are seen on here? I suspect the response could be a sterner one than seen on an anxiety forum.
I certainly don't agree with asking a support group to put people in touch with a sufferer or for the sufferer to be asked at all.
I suffer with PTSD, depression and anxiety. I never thought I'd be adding HA to the list, but here I am obsessing and catastrophising along with many of you (not to say HA isn't really debilitating)
My first reaction when I received my diagnosis was panic and fear. Two things all of us on this board know all too well. I posted after thinking whether I would upset others and purposely gave no symptoms of my problem. I put it under a specific heading and not on the open HA forum.
There's nothing I can do until the results are back except worry and have panic attacks! It seemed that here was the right place to come with those concerns. For specifics on the condition I will join a board relevant to the disease, but I'm months off knowing exactly what type I have and could end up catastrophising more if I go there now. The immediate help I needed was how to manage the anxiety until then and to be with people who understood the sheer level of anxiety I was feeling.
So long as we are considerate of other users and don't give florid details of our own individual case, I don't see why we can't support each other at crisis points whatever the cause, be it mental or physical.
Great discussion thread.
I think any post can trigger another member's anxiety. Posts about intense fear of having a disease and utter helplessness- it certainly does me. Just the thought of it. Being faced with the reality of a diagnosis must be such a huge shock but at the same time you have such a long wait until you find out more details which is the cruel bit. I think you deserve every bit of support possible from all areas of your life and certainly on here. It's all very well to know the theory of anxiety management but putting it into practice can be challenging, to say the least.
I said a few days ago that there is no right or wrong way as to how people should express themselves in genuinely helping others whilst for others it is all too much to even read something which they then think they have the same symptoms.
research into an illness can be just as dangerous as helpful. I will give you a simple scenario,
Ask any doctor in your local practice something quite simple e.g. how much of a particular medicine you should take and then next time you go back and see a different doctor and ask the same question as it concerns you, invariably you will get an entirely different answer, which in turn confuses you and increases your anxiety.
This doesn't happen every time but in my case it has happened several times.
MyNameIsTerry
29-07-15, 09:28
I suffer with PTSD, depression and anxiety. I never thought I'd be adding HA to the list, but here I am obsessing and catastrophising along with many of you (not to say HA isn't really debilitating)
My first reaction when I received my diagnosis was panic and fear. Two things all of us on this board know all too well. I posted after thinking whether I would upset others and purposely gave no symptoms of my problem. I put it under a specific heading and not on the open HA forum.
There's nothing I can do until the results are back except worry and have panic attacks! It seemed that here was the right place to come with those concerns. For specifics on the condition I will join a board relevant to the disease, but I'm months off knowing exactly what type I have and could end up catastrophising more if I go there now. The immediate help I needed was how to manage the anxiety until then and to be with people who understood the sheer level of anxiety I was feeling.
So long as we are considerate of other users and don't give florid details of our own individual case, I don't see why we can't support each other at crisis points whatever the cause, be it mental or physical.
Great discussion thread.
When I used to attend the charity walk-in groups you could find yourself hearing anything. I can't recall coming across anyone with HA in there in attending about a years worth of weekly meetings but the groups were otherwise quite diverse. The charity never saw it as an issue to discuss concerns of real illness since the point was mental health and the person's worries over their illness or just the effects of the symptoms/meds were completely relevant.
A point that has been made before is to give a descriptive heading so people can make a choice. There are literally triggers everywhere on NMP, not just the HA board. I could easily read a thread on the GAD board and be reminded of issues I had at work or someone could read an issue about a relationship. So, a good title is a way to avoid it but beyond that no one should have too and no one should feel they can't post about their worries.
I hope between us all we can try to help you with your anxiety.
MyNameIsTerry
17-08-15, 05:06
I wanted to raise a concern regarding support given to members who have a diagnosed health issue.
A short while ago a member was diagnosed with breast cancer. Sadly she received very little support and has not been online for a while. She was very frightened but also very brave.
I thought it a shame that she couldn't have had the same support as people who fear a major illness. I think that with the sheer volume of posts on the HA board it is inevitable that cases like this lady's can be overlooked to a certain extent.
Bumping this for a guy on the Meds board who's father has been diagnosed with cancer and he seems to be contemplating oblivion through alcohol.
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=172236
I think the same could apply in some way to people going through it with others and he's getting no responses.
Thanks Terry. The poor man..I do hope that he's being supported through what must be a terrifying time.
It's such a shame when significant posts get overlooked due to the sheer volume of posting traffic on here
MyNameIsTerry
17-08-15, 08:48
I know, I think perhaps if we use your thread here it might prompt people to help out. I think its one of the problems with forums like this, those quiet places just don't get much response. Perhaps if we signpost on here it will help give people a bit more coverage?
What he is considering seems a bit of a life changer. I hope he hasn't picked up the bottle, it really won't help him but he seems lost.
It good to see that if something is getting raised, people are adding their support.
MyNameIsTerry
01-12-15, 05:37
I'm bumping this thread because of someone who is going through a very rough time right now who has asked for support but it's a quiet board mostly thesedays and I know some people are also put off by long posts:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=175798
I hope some people will join in helping him and anyone who has been through cancer (hint hint) would I'm sure be very much appreciated by the OP.
Interesting read, my thoughts are,
I agree, some exposure therapy can be good for a sufferer of Ha, but I also believe that it can be dependent on what stage they are at in their recovery.
FMP, your story for want of a better word, is inspiring and gives us hope that if we are diagnosed with the unthinkable, there can still be light at the end of the tunnel.
Everyone on here is looking for support, whether that be for a concern relating to their anxiety or a real diagnosis.
I have a minor condition and I use a specific forum for that condition for support and questions, but I've mentioned it on here a few times.
Thank you for drawing people's attention to ncfc's posts and really challenging situation, Terry. I really hope he's OK and that he will post soon to update us. He certainly needs support and good wishes from as many forum members as possible. It's no excuse to be frightened of the cancer scenario.
I have no experience of cancer but do have experience of the struggle of dealing with on going health problems.
Happy to show my support and to help in anyway I can
MyNameIsTerry
07-01-16, 08:04
Thank you for drawing people's attention to ncfc's posts and really challenging situation, Terry. I really hope he's OK and that he will post soon to update us. He certainly needs support and good wishes from as many forum members as possible. It's no excuse to be frightened of the cancer scenario.
Sadly, no one posted. I hope he is ok too. Not once but twice in his case. I just hope he has some support elsewhere or just a few people he talks to on PM on here.
---------- Post added at 08:04 ---------- Previous post was at 08:01 ----------
Bumping the thread for another member who is always kind & compassionate to others and is going through a tough time as her mother has been messed about by an arrogant GP to find out she has lung cancer. I know that's not popular on the HA board but it's reality for some and it shouldn't be ignored. Given the nature how this thread started straight off, I suspect people easily triggered won't be following it so that hopefully won't add to their concerns over medical professionals:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=178406
There is far too much hysteria on NMP in my opinion. I'm so sorry to hear about Pepperpot's Mum and really hope that she will receive as much support as possible from people on here-even those racked by HA. This is when support is most needed and we mustn't let fear of frightening diagnoses stand in the way
Absolutely horrible situation, I too can only hope that Pepperpot gets support from others.
MyNameIsTerry
11-01-16, 05:51
I agree, pulisa. I sat in over 52 weeks worth of walk-in sessions at the charity and it was far less common. Along with the fact I never actually met hardly anyone talking about what could be construed HA, I think it's about it being more NMHA. Just like the discussion recently on Debs thread, similar issues.
It's been good to see people rally around for Pepperpot. To be frank, I was a bit disappointed that ncfc had no responses and was debating whether to even bump this thread but decided to give it another go and it has restored my faith there. BUT please will people keep it up?
Pepperpot's situation is similar to one in my life and I really feel for her. I'm in a position supporting someone and I'm unsure how to do so. I'm good with the big things, I struggle with the small stuff, but it has given me some nights of insomnia when it first came to light.
To be honest most people on the HA board are focussed in on their problems and their problems only. This type of thread is going to get buried really quickly as it's the nature of the beast.
Supporting a loved one with a serious and life-threatening illness is so tough and mentally exhausting. Terry, you must get as much support as you can from NMP as well as from other sources?
I hope that ncfc is making some progress but it was such a shame that he couldn't receive more support from here. It doesn't take a lot of effort to write a few lines and maybe it might do some good for people stuck in the rut of their own perceived illnesses? Fear is no excuse.
MyNameIsTerry
11-01-16, 09:25
I know there are people I can talk to on here, I'm lucky. I'm not someone who tends to raise threads, like you, but with being much further forward than I see in many people I feel more secure in being able to tackle things with minimal support of the few people I know who will help, although I will gladly always accept support & advice off anyone.
So, I'll put it out there in this thread. A couple of days after Xmas Day my GF told me her mother had been diagnosed stage IV lung cancer. It's incurable. She had been ill for about a month and admitted to hospital for tests. There were other problems which I'll leave out but after several tests this is what came back. It's a rare one though as it's a smokers cancer and she has never smoked but the positive out of that is that if it genetic, there are newer treatments. The cancer support team seem good.
My GF is quite positive and just keeps going and has just said she needs me to be there to talk to & support her but I do worry about not doing enough here. It's only a matter if time with her mum now but they can live 5+ years so I'm trying to keep her focussing on things like that, talking to her about the positive sides like what she can do to help and just keep the talk normal. My parents have told me to keep the normality going and at their age they have seen people going as it's that time of life so I respect their advice obviously. My dad is the youngest of 13 and in his mid seventies, you can imagine he has lost a few now, some to cancer, and they have been through it with their parents years ago as old age caught up.
It's hard to know what to say or do though.
It is a very hard situation for your GF and you. I think older people do accept terminal diagnoses with more fortitude and matter of factness but that doesn't make it any easier for your GF who will bear the brunt of the illness and its inevitable effects. I think you should carry on as normal like you are but just let her talk about the diagnosis if she wants and about her feelings about coming to terms with it if she ever can? Just being there for her would be so invaluable but this does put a huge strain on you of course. And you know that you are also coping with a complex anxiety disorder. No wonder you are feeling so exhausted.
I hope you will be able to talk to people on here who would be only too happy to try to help if you need to get things off your chest...? Count me in amongst those people ? This is when support is most needed after all?
Terry sometimes I think being the support person is the hardest role of all. You are bound to question if you are doing enough, I think that is the nature of most of us.
As Pulisa says just being there for your GF is all you need to be doing. As you know no-one can fix the situation but having support is invaluable.
Also if there is anything I can do to help at all please do not be afraid to shout.
Thinking of you Elen
sometimes I think being the support person is the hardest role of all. You are bound to question if you are doing enough, I think that is the nature of most of us.
This is true. I don't know how my wife (then GF) did it. In Pepperpot's case and others, I've privately offered support and referred them to a cancer support site that was a lifeline for me and my wife during our journey. There are also specific caregiver support sub-forums and like it is here, knowing someone understands and is going through a similar ordeal, offers a sense of hope and comfort. There is also a heck of a lot of information and unlike Dr. Google, it doesn't always paint the worst case scenario.
Positive thoughts
This breaks my heart. I wish I could be more supportive of those going through diagnosed illnesses and I do hope that member has a strong support network offline and is doing as well as can be expected.
But probably like many others on here, one of my triggers is hearing stories about people being diagnosed, watching news programs about disease, etc. If anyone is yelling a story about someone they know who was diagnosed with cancer, I have to excuse myself because there's a very good chance I will have a panic attack or start to draw similarities between what that person suffered and imaginary symptoms I create sub consciously.
I wish this weren't the case.
Thank you for contributing to the thread though, artist12. Despite your fears you still read the posts and registered your support and that means a lot.
MyNameIsTerry
12-01-16, 05:18
EDIT: Sorry pulisa, Elen and Artist. I meant to copy out the bit about Dan's thread but must have clicked Edit instead of Quote and I didn't realise until I had posted it so I lost my response to your supportive posts above. I've tried to rewrite it but some will have been lost. It's a briefer response now.
Thanks pulisa and Elen. I really appreciate your kind words, advice and support.
She is quite positive and just working through everything to keep them all going. I just try to keep her focusing on the positives with her treatment options and pointing out where it is important to speak to the team about the success rates as the quoted online ones are based on older data not representative of the more recent treatments.
Pulisa, I count you in that group so I know I can always reach out.
Artist, I think sometimes just reaching out is enough because these people feel everything is hopeless and by not getting replies it only feels like they are more alone. It shows strength of character to do this and put your own worries aside, as you are doing.
Another member is having a really rough time right now as his mother is very ill in hospital. He's on the Panic board and that can be quiet but hopefully he will also get some support:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=178727
Hey Terry, I want to let you know that you are doing everything possible for your girlfriend. In horrible situations like that, we want to help fix it and make it easier but her mothers condition is something out of everybody's hands.
When my mom was dying, my boyfriend (now my husband) felt similarly to you. He didn't know what to say to help or what to do. In all honesty, there is nothing anybody can say or do to ease the pain. All I wanted was somebody to be there when I needed to cry, respect my space when I needed to be alone, and take care of little things around the house that I usually did so I could focus on being with my mom-things like laundry, cooking, etc.
The way you describe her sounds a bit like how I was with my mom. I went into "work" mode and was the one there helping heR and coordinating care, taking notes, etc. I did it because I knew the system due to work, but looking back it also was a way of avoiding my feelings at the time. It was my process. Then once she was gone, I was in shock followed by depression. Everybody handled it differently.
I guess my main point is to recognize that being supportive, letting her do what she needs to do, and helping with the little things are what is most helpful honestly. Nothing anybody can say can make it hurt less. Sometimes just having somebody acknowledge how unbelievably sh*tty it was was really what I wanted to hear instead of the other stuff. You are doing great for her.
Terry, so sorry to hear this v bad news.
You already seem to be giving your GF & family lots of support & kindness. Just continue to be there for them. Some small thoughtful gifts would be appreciated by your GF & perhaps simple flowers for Mum.
When the chemo starts, Mum may meet other patients in a similar situation. This can lead to support groups and potential friendships. I hope everything proceeds as well as it possibly can.:)
I respect and appreciate all of you guys here, thanks putting my post in another perspective, pulisa and Terry. I do hope when I'm not quite in the depths of HA that I can be more supportive, and I guess what I meant is often my friends and family will tell really in-depth stories about someones diagnosis and that is what really sets me off, when people go into so much detail.
To be honest most people on the HA board are focussed in on their problems and their problems only. This type of thread is going to get buried really quickly as it's the nature of the beast.
That is quite right I agree - being supportive of someone directly and offering consolation is quite different than listening to a third-party talk about it in detail (which is what really sets me off - and sometimes people are sadly drawn to "drama", hate to use that word but for lack of better...) I cannot let my fears hold me back from offering that kind of support, but on the flip side, I'm being honest about my current HA state as well.
But even though I am new and by no means in control of my HA at the moment, I do really try to post on other threads especially about similar issues as mine, because at least in my experience, often we are just looking for someone to reassure (not diagnose) and have someone know exactly how we feel. Even if it is a post that has been repeated 117 times here, the fact that a person takes the time to comment, relate and comfort can make all the difference to the poster. I'm tired of my friends and family making a big joke of my HA and often have no one else to talk to.
I digress. My heart goes out to all on this forum, regardless of whether they were brought here as HA sufferers, caretakers, or those who offer perspective and support (Fishmanpa, you are truly an asset to this place!).
MyNameIsTerry
13-01-16, 07:43
Thanks swgrl and Lucinda. Thanks for your kind words, advice and support. I really appreciate it.
Swgrl, yes my GF is a lot like that. She's not a "girly girl", she gets stuck into things, like her hobbies but not much for socialising. She's used to doing things more than thinking about them I guess although her work is analytical so it's very much the opposite. She has a busy job with a lot of travelling involved so her days are long. I suspect that will take over and fill in the gap and become her avoidance in some ways. As you say, it's hard to know whether to say have some time to process it or just keep busy, it's individual and eventually the grieving process will just come on it's own and take the course it has to. She's been through some tough times before I met her and beaten depression. I think I will have to keep an eye out for signs that could be raising it's head but then so much of that is going to just be part of the process, isn't it?
Thank you for explaining your experience. I know you have before but it does help to hear it here so I do appreciate you taking the time and I know you are dealing with your own feelings again at the moment (don't be afraid to ask for help too!).
Lucinda, she starts chemo in the next week. We have several major hospices around here so I expect they have support groups for patients and families but I'm sure the nurse will point them in the direction of some patient groups. They need it. She had bowel cancer many years ago so she's not new to some of this but so much will have changed since then and there will be a lot more support & awareness around. They have cats and they will be a great comfort too.
I was lost when my stepdaughter mum died, my stepdaughter was only 14 and I didn't know what to do for her. I bought memory books and boxes. It's been two years now and I realise that the best form of support is to just be there, make yourself available, let that person know they are important. It's not always about saying the right thing or cheering them up, emotions are natural, let them know it's OK to feel those emotions, we have every right to feel sad, anger, frustration, confusion.
Thinking of you Terry.
Xxx
MyNameIsTerry
13-01-16, 08:05
Thanks Tracey, I really appreciate your kind words, advice, support & insight.
I'm sorry to hear about your stepdaughters situation. I couldn't imagine going through that at her age.
It helps to hear peoples experience on here as you can't imagine being in this situation until you are. It's like anxiety that way.
It hits me still now, life can be cruel, I took her prom dress shopping and it hurts me that she'll hit so many milestones without her mum by her side. Her mum died because of her alcohol addiction just to reduce any triggers for anyone reading this.
Xxx
MyNameIsTerry
13-01-16, 08:13
There must be a lot of demons in there for her over that then? I hope she can come through that and have a happy life.
I don't have kids yet and I think that way with my folks getting old but at least I can say it's just life and how things go as you get older.
She's still got you though and I'm sure she has a lot of love & respect for you getting her through it all.
She amazes me, her resilience is inspiring, she's 16, doesn't drink, take substances or self harms. She's looking at all A's in her upcoming GCSES. I could certainly learn a lesson or two from her.
Xxx
MyNameIsTerry
13-01-16, 08:34
She's a credit to you, Tracey.
It shows how stable her life is, despite the trauma, and how mature she is too. She could have easily gone the other way. She sounds like the type of person who sees the trauma and learns from it as opposed to being consumed by it. That way she understands it's not the way to go.
Many people make "excuses" for taking the wrong road in life so it's refreshing when a young person thrives and does really well after such a major setback. She's a credit to you, Tracey x
Thanks, Terry. Today's the anniversary so been a rough couple days leading up. My sisters have been filling fb with pictures and memories. It's nice but also upsetting. I try to avoid Facebook this week. Been having some nightmares too. I'm just trying to take care of myself and ride it out.
Very sad. I have had my fair share of sadness of late.
I wish you all the very best to all of you. xxxx
My very best wishes to the both of you. Bereavement is awful. Anniversary dates can be unbearable. Puts everything in perspective xx
MyNameIsTerry
13-01-16, 22:55
Another member is having a really rough time right now as his mother is very ill in hospital. He's on the Panic board and that can be quiet but hopefully he will also get some support:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=178727
Very sad news for Dan tonight.
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=178822
More support needed at this very hard time for him.
Indeed it is, Terry. I really hope that people will face their fears and post in support of Dan at this very sad time. Take a break from their HA preoccupations and help a member who is in genuine need of human empathy and kindness?
MyNameIsTerry
15-01-16, 04:44
Another member is having a really rough time right now as his mother is very ill in hospital. He's on the Panic board and that can be quiet but hopefully he will also get some support:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=178727
Very sad news for Dan tonight.
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=178822
More support needed at this very hard time for him.
Dan is clearly needing support through this tough time so I'm bumping for his new thread hoping he will continue to get the excellent support he has been getting so far:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?p=1510940#post1510940
BUT also please note Margaret Hale's post in that thread as she has just lost a friend in a car accident last night. She deserves our support too.
MyNameIsTerry
16-01-16, 05:53
Very sad. I have had my fair share of sadness of late.
I wish you all the very best to all of you. xxxx
Thanks Magic. The same to you, you've had a really tough time and deserve support too :hugs::flowers:
---------- Post added at 05:53 ---------- Previous post was at 05:50 ----------
Thanks, Terry. Today's the anniversary so been a rough couple days leading up. My sisters have been filling fb with pictures and memories. It's nice but also upsetting. I try to avoid Facebook this week. Been having some nightmares too. I'm just trying to take care of myself and ride it out.
Yes, I remember this affecting you before and the whole FB wall tribute being triggering :hugs: I hope you are ok and make sure you ask for support if you need it too, you give others plenty.
I guess we all commemorate things in a different way. Some use plaques, some plant a tree and the FB tribute is a bit like walking down memory lane and remembering the good times. It's just what helps them. I guess we all have to find our own way. I like the idea of planting something to see something about life, something beautiful.
MyNameIsTerry
04-02-16, 05:02
Another person on here who could do with our support is Masonn, a HA sufferer, so will be struggling to work with the anxiety involved too:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?p=1518015&posted=1#post1518015
MyNameIsTerry
05-02-16, 05:03
Another person on here who could do with our support is Masonn, a HA sufferer, so will be struggling to work with the anxiety involved too:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?p=1518015&posted=1#post1518015
I'm bumping this for the same thread as another member, countrygirl, has posted about her friend having stage IV lung cancer like my GF's mum and Pepperpot's mum.
Masonn and countrygirl-horrible news and so hard to take in.
Life is so unfair. Warmest thoughts to you both
MyNameIsTerry
15-02-16, 05:17
Adding in Rennie who deserves our support too:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=180168
And cerridwen who has a terminally ill friend who she is struggling to see because of her HA:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=180207
For all those who face daily battles with their physical health or who care for loved ones with challenging illnesses-sending you warm wishes
I wanted to raise a concern regarding support given to members who have a diagnosed health issue.
A short while ago a member was diagnosed with breast cancer. Sadly she received very little support and has not been online for a while. She was very frightened but also very brave.
I thought it a shame that she couldn't have had the same support as people who fear a major illness. I think that with the sheer volume of posts on the HA board it is inevitable that cases like this lady's can be overlooked to a certain extent.
I think that people can back off from diagnosed illnesses because they are terrified of becoming ill themselves but maybe there are other reasons?
Are diagnosed and frightened members afraid of posting on the HA board in case they alarm those anticipating a diagnosis?
Excellent and very true post, pulisa.
I think that members who have a diagnosed illness should not feel at all reluctant about posting their fears. Why should they? It is not fair that they should have to be watchful about posting for the sake of HA members, as at the end of the day they are anxiety sufferers THEMSELVES, and it must affect their mental health state very badly to be actually diagnosed with a serious illness. Sorry, but I think that this is a time when HA members frankly need to have some understanding, suck it up and if they really don't want to hear/read about it, avoid the post and thread in question.
I just don't think it is a level playing field if some members have to cut themselves off from help and support in fear of upsetting others. The forum is very, very HA heavy at present, and I think that GAD/depression/OCD, etc. members sometimes get a little lost and overlooked amongst it all, but they also have a need for support and deserve it, especially at a time such at that. x
Excellent and very true post, pulisa.
I think that members who have a diagnosed illness should not feel at all reluctant about posting their fears. Why should they? It is not fair that they should have to be watchful about posting for the sake of HA members, as at the end of the day they are anxiety sufferers THEMSELVES, and it must affect their mental health state very badly to be actually diagnosed with a serious illness. Sorry, but I think that this is a time when HA members frankly need to have some understanding, suck it up and if they really don't want to hear/read about it, avoid the post and thread in question.
I just don't think it is a level playing field if some members have to cut themselves off from help and support in fear of upsetting others. The forum is very, very HA heavy at present, and I think that GAD/depression/OCD, etc. members sometimes get a little lost and overlooked amongst it all, but they also have a need for support and deserve it, especially at a time such at that. x
Amen to that.
countrygirl
06-08-16, 13:33
I too have noticed that diagnosed conditions don't get the replies and guessed this is because it scares people too much.
I think putting something in the header to alert people can help those who can't cope with reading about diagnosed health conditions.
Sometimes it is difficult to know whether to talk about a personal health condition, sometimes it can help someone realise that they do not have what you have but it can also worry others - no easy answer.
Update on my friend with the lung cancer - she underwent surgery and chemo and is now on targeted therapy because it had spread to her lymph nodes in chest BUT she is living her life and we are still having daily laughs over the phone or internet and with the targeted therapy could live for quite a few years yet. Seeing her dealing with this has been a great help as she has been very open about everything and not been afraid to talk about what most people won't mention.
Hoping for the best for your friend, CountryGirl. I'm glad she is able to be open about it and doesn't feel like she has to hide what she is dealing with. She's lucky to have you as her friend. :hugs:
Update on my friend with the lung cancer - she underwent surgery and chemo and is now on targeted therapy because it had spread to her lymph nodes in chest BUT she is living her life and we are still having daily laughs over the phone or internet and with the targeted therapy could live for quite a few years yet. Seeing her dealing with this has been a great help as she has been very open about everything and not been afraid to talk about what most people won't mention.
I wish your friend very well, countrygirl and you too.
My Uncle has just been diagnosed with lung cancer, and is due to undergo the removal of 3/4 of his right lung. The most fortunate thing is that it appears not to have spread to his lymph nodes, so we are hopeful.
My Uncle John has also been unbelievably strong whilst everyone else around him have been devastated. His strength and will to keep getting on with life has been inspirational and has really put me to shame.
Nothing puts things more into perspective than really horrible things like this. xx:hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
07-08-16, 06:19
I wish your friend very well, countrygirl and you too.
My Uncle has just been diagnosed with lung cancer, and is due to undergo the removal of 3/4 of his right lung. The most fortunate thing is that it appears not to have spread to his lymph nodes, so we are hopeful.
My Uncle John has also been unbelievably strong whilst everyone else around him have been devastated. His strength and will to keep getting on with life has been inspirational and has really put me to shame.
Nothing puts things more into perspective than really horrible things like this. xx:hugs:
Debs,
I'm really sorry to hear your uncle has been diagnosed with lung cancer. :hugs::flowers:
Hopefully removing with get rid of it all. I take it is perhaps Stage III? (I hope anyway, I hope he isn't Stage IV)
His attitude will be a great bonus to him. My GF's mum is like that, whereas her dad took it very hard.
---------- Post added at 06:19 ---------- Previous post was at 06:09 ----------
I too have noticed that diagnosed conditions don't get the replies and guessed this is because it scares people too much.
I think putting something in the header to alert people can help those who can't cope with reading about diagnosed health conditions.
Sometimes it is difficult to know whether to talk about a personal health condition, sometimes it can help someone realise that they do not have what you have but it can also worry others - no easy answer.
Update on my friend with the lung cancer - she underwent surgery and chemo and is now on targeted therapy because it had spread to her lymph nodes in chest BUT she is living her life and we are still having daily laughs over the phone or internet and with the targeted therapy could live for quite a few years yet. Seeing her dealing with this has been a great help as she has been very open about everything and not been afraid to talk about what most people won't mention.
What thread doesn't scare someone on this board? Just reading the titles most likely scare plenty of people. It's true though, people avoid those threads because they are worried about being "triggered" which I understand, it's part of HA, but I feel it's unfair to those with something physically real too.
I'm not a HAer but with my GAD & OCD, my triggers can be everywhere. I don't get the luxury of being able to avoid a lot of them, some I can. I feel that because this site is so HA orientated, people don't realise this. Talking about a social event, work, relationships, etc can all be triggers for other people around here yet I never hear that discussed. I'm not complaining, I guess I'm trying to say to people please make the effort to spend that time helping others. But I don't judge people for it, it's just something that I feel about NMP because of the member base.
Anyway, enough of my drivelling and onto something far more important! It's really great to hear that your friend is getting on with her life. If anything, I guess it wakes us up and makes us live life more?
I hope the surgery, chemo and now the targeted treatment get the spread under control.
My GF's mum had hers spread just into the other lung. The chemo was shrinking the cancer for her. So, hopefully they can do something about those localised lymph nodes in your friend to prevent or reduce further spread? I hope so.
She sounds like a great person. That attitude will keep her going. We can all learn from people like that. I know someone else terminal and she has that attitude to despite her prognosis being worse. She just lives life. I've felt pathetic when seeing that attitude but I try to stop that line of thinking because it's not about me, it's about her so I look up to her and choose to only think about the positives she has shown me.
I hope your friend lives for many years to come. You sound like you've got a really close friendship, and from seeing all you do to go out of your way on here for others despite all this, she has obvious got a great friend in you too. :hugs::flowers:
Debs, I'm really sorry to hear your uncle has been diagnosed with lung cancer. :hugs::flowers:
Hopefully removing with get rid of it all. I take it is perhaps Stage III? (I hope anyway, I hope he isn't Stage IV)
His attitude will be a great bonus to him. My GF's mum is like that, whereas her dad took it very hard...
Thanks so much, Terry. :flowers:
I don't know the full medical picture as yet. My Auntie (Mum's sister) has been letting her know things over the phone, so we have only been told the basics. My Uncle has a tumour in his right lung, his left is clear, but they want to be sure that they have gotten shot of all of it, so are planning to remove 3/4. It is a bit dodgy though as the tumour is very close to his windpipe, but having discussed it amongst themselves, the surgeons are confident it can be done.
My Uncle has always been the type of guy to just say 'oh sod it' to everything, and is a very strong, quiet man (except after a few drinks when he emerges from his shell and becomes hilarious :D) He is an old school Eastender and has a very, very pragmatic view on life. I just worry that he is more upset and worried than he is letting show, but we are all trying to give him a lot of support and love right now.
So sorry about your GF's Mum. Wishing her all of the best. x:hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
07-08-16, 13:18
Thanks so much, Terry. :flowers:
I don't know the full medical picture as yet. My Auntie (Mum's sister) has been letting her know things over the phone, so we have only been told the basics. My Uncle has a tumour in his right lung, his left is clear, but they want to be sure that they have gotten shot of all of it, so are planning to remove 3/4. It is a bit dodgy though as the tumour is very close to his windpipe, but having discussed it amongst themselves, the surgeons are confident it can be done.
My Uncle has always been the type of guy to just say 'oh sod it' to everything, and is a very strong, quiet man (except after a few drinks when he emerges from his shell and becomes hilarious :D) He is an old school Eastender and has a very, very pragmatic view on life. I just worry that he is more upset and worried than he is letting show, but we are all trying to give him a lot of support and love right now.
So sorry about your GF's Mum. Wishing her all of the best. x:hugs:
Well it he is keeping it in (most likely as not to worry you all, as people like that tend to think) it will come out at some point. He knows you are all there and if he needs a release, he will come around to it I'm sure.
What they tend my GF & her dad was to keep everything as normal as you can. When I told my parents, they said they same. My folks are mid seventies so they are at that time of their life where they are seeing this more often as they lose their friends & family so I put a lot of faith in their understanding and try to do this with my GF too. She knows I'm there if she needs it, but I don't ask much as to keep things normal for her.
Her mum is doing well. By the 4th chemo the scan showed a reduction so we're hoping she is going to be one of those that lives with this conditioned managed.
I'm glad to hear your uncle's hasn't spread, that's really good news because you can get full remission. My GF's mum's had spread to both lungs so it's sadly terminal for her. It still sounds like something for major for your uncle though but as you will know from your background, he will be getting the very best of care and there is so much support out there now.
Some of these cancers are so hard because they don't present until you are in the thick of it. It's horrible that people get terminal diagnoses when there is so short a time from when they start feeling ill.
Debs, Terry and CountryGirl, my greatest respect to you all for what you are having to deal with. You must find it very hard to read some of the posts on the HA board and I don't know why we have to "protect" some people from real life scenarios of serious illness-it's sadly part of life and the kindest most deserving people often get the rawest deal in terms of health and need all the support they can get.
I have HA but often think that the best thing for me would be to volunteer at my local hospice and see just how fortunate I am. If my carer duties were ever to lessen I hope I would have the guts to do this.
Debs, Terry and CountryGirl, my greatest respect to you all for what you are having to deal with. You must find it very hard to read some of the posts on the HA board and I don't know why we have to "protect" some people from real life scenarios of serious illness-it's sadly part of life and the kindest most deserving people often get the rawest deal in terms of health and need all the support they can get.
I have HA but often think that the best thing for me would be to volunteer at my local hospice and see just how fortunate I am. If my carer duties were ever to lessen I hope I would have the guts to do this.
Thanks so much, pulisa. xxx :hugs::bighug1:
I already know you are a lovely person, but the fact you are a carer too just solidifies that. Being a carer and having anxiety is no mean feat and takes a lot of strength and fortitude.
You're a real star, Trish. xx:flowers:
Thanks so much, Debs, but I'm not. Having my daughter to care for helps me to manage my own anxiety and gives me motivation to keep going. Seeing my anxiety mirrored in her isn't pleasant at all but at least I have insight, I hope.
You have a lot of insight, pulisa. That is why you are so valuable and appreciated on NMP.
I know how hard it must be seeing your anxiety in your daughter.
My Dad had two breakdowns when I was a child, and has suffered from phobias, GAD and panic attacks since a very young age...he is now 75, bless him. My Mum has told me that he finds it very hard to talk about my mental health issues as he feels guilty, as if he has passed them on to me, but from a personal standpoint, I don't believe this AT ALL, and I always try to reassure my Dad that this isn't so. My issues are born from my own life history and things that have happened to me, plus my own self-esteem and self-image. I would never look to blame him.
It is wonderful that you are able to look at your own experience with anxiety in such a positive way, plus care for your daughter so lovingly. xx:hugs:
Thank you so very much for your kindness, Debs. I do actually blame myself for passing on the anxiety gene but at least I can repair some of the damage by helping her as much as I can. My daughter doesn't blame me or hold a grudge but she has every reason to. Guilt of course is such a powerful and negative emotion and I don't blame my Father for passing on his anxiety to me....We like to give ourselves a hard time, don't we?! xx
MyNameIsTerry
12-08-16, 08:45
Debs, Terry and CountryGirl, my greatest respect to you all for what you are having to deal with. You must find it very hard to read some of the posts on the HA board and I don't know why we have to "protect" some people from real life scenarios of serious illness-it's sadly part of life and the kindest most deserving people often get the rawest deal in terms of health and need all the support they can get.
I have HA but often think that the best thing for me would be to volunteer at my local hospice and see just how fortunate I am. If my carer duties were ever to lessen I hope I would have the guts to do this.
Thanks pulisa. :flowers:
To be honest, it doesn't tend to affect me now. It did at first but then that first week was a bit up & down with not sleeping anyway. Big stuff like this I'm fine with, it's the damn small stuff that gets me!
My GF on the other hand, being much closer to this, would probably be pretty annoyed. I'm sure it would be much harder if it were my parents.
You are a lot stronger than you think. I know you keep saying you're not but no one goes through all the struggles you have if they aren't strong. Just because you aren't climbing mountains doesn't mean you haven't scaled some peaks in fighting for your daughter's care through her life. Dealing with all that and having anxiety too means even more struggle than those in the same situation without it. But you haven't crumbled, you keep going and doing what it best for your family. Strength isn't always measured by the ability to appear like nothing can affect you, and courage counts for more than bravery since it means knowing what you are facing and still fighting.
Thank you Terry-your support is very much appreciated and your kind words mean a lot. I too can deal with the Big Stuff but have found that it has made my eating rituals/OCD more rigid and this frustrates me but I suppose it's got to come out somewhere..
Whatever I have to deal with it cannot compare to those going through/supporting others with severe physical illness and coping with an anxiety disorder at the same time
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