This is me....

[shelly1816]

Hi,

My name is Michelle and I have been having a very bad day! Currently sat here shivering and feeling sick.
Im 33 and I had my first panic attack 14 years ago , managed to recover and although have always had some anxiety have managed to ignore it for the most part for over 11 years.
In the last 11 years i have achieved so much I never thought i would, i have had 4 kids, got married and 2 years ago started what i felt was the perfect job for me, a teaching assistant. In June i became qualified and was excited at the prospect of training to be a teacher.
Then towards the end of june life as i knew it came crashing down when i had a panic attack out of the blue during a meeting.
I crashed and burned for a few days, shut myself at home, except for getting kids to school. I picked myself up and got on as best i could, have faced many big challenges over the last weeks.
Finally got a docs app on friday and have been worse since!
I have been doing lots of self help, feeling positive as much as poss, reminding myself to turn around the negative thoughts and apart from the odd moment have been doing ok, problem is i cant be positive 24/7 and today have inevitably crashed and burned. Feel like im slowly crawling it back sat here writing this message.
Want to enjoy the holidays but it leaves a huge amount of thinking time which is very dangrous for me as i suffer the type of anxiety where im anxious about being anxious! Seems completely daft to be sat in my comfy bed being anxious about anxiety!
Im terrified about what the next 5 weeks of thinking are going to do to me when im a wreck already and the inevitable return to work!
Anyhow thats me!
Thanks for taking the time to read xx

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya shelly1816 and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[sial72]

Hi Michelle and welcome
Did I understand correctly that you have 4 children and to much time to think??? Lol, just joking ;-)
I was thinking that maybe in the last 11 years you have achieved so much that you have not had any rest time and maybe just burnt out a bit.
As you know, if you don"t get scared about how you are and anticipating your return to work, etc it would all subside fairly quickly, it is by adding fear that it goes on forever...have you read Claire Weekes? X

[shelly1816]

Thank you, the gp also thought i had gotten a bit frazzled, especially after it began shortly after my son was taken to hospital with suspected meningitis, an ambulance ride, hospital stay and several visits to the hospital later I was back at work and then bang it all began!
No i havent read claire weekes, i will look it up.
Trying not to be afraid, very bad sleep last night, exhausted today but feeling suprisingly ok at the moment! Went out for a walk with the kids and now just getting jobs done at home.
Have a telephone appointment with a therapist tomorrow, looking forward to that.

[stk149]

Hi Shelly :)

Sorry to hear you seem to be having a really stressful time at the moment.

Definitely seems that your recent stressful situation with your little one has triggered something. I'm no psychologist, but I usually find that my anxiety gets worse when there's recently been a stressful situation!

As hard as it may seem, try to avoid sitting in your bed thinking about the anxiety, as your mind will soon begin to associate panic with your bed, and that won't be pleasant! Even if you're having a tough time sleeping when thinking about anxiety I find it's best to get up and sit somewhere else until I feel tired. Reading a book at my desk, or standing out in the back garden really helps me (god help my neighbours if they ever looked out their window at 3am and saw me wondering about the garden in my pyjamas!)

Good luck, I hope it all works out for you soon! :)

- Therese x

[Pepperpot]

Hey!
I feel your pain. I'm a mam of 2, training to be a TA, I seem to have lost the plot a bit since my son was taken to hospital in an ambulance also; well I was coping until last week!

[Danron]

Hi Michelle,

I had to reply to you as we are going through exactly the same thing. I'm a teacher and could have written that post myself. I'm having another episode the same as you at the moment. It's horrible and I understand what you are going through. One possitive I will say is that i truely believe we can feel better, it's hard takes time and we will need lot's of support, but if you want to chat feel free to get in touch with me on here, I really think it helps when someone understands.

Have a positive evening,
Dani

[helloworld]

Hi Michelle...

Sorry to hear you've been having a tough time. I had very severe problems with stress related anxiety around last xmas time.... I also had the fear of fear thing going on and became borderline agoraphobic. Since then I've made a bunch of changes that have really helped to calm things down. I have found it extremely helpful to talk to other people with similar issues, so would be very happy to chat on here if that would be helpful!

In any case - hope your therapy goes well and you feel a bit better soon...

All the best
Mark

[shelly1816]

Thank you all for your help and support. It's been a long week!
Am going to post an update under the general anxiety section.

:)