Here Again, Anxiety back with Revenge!!

[daniel22]

I used to talk on here 6-7 years back, back then I had suffered depression/anxiety and with you help and support I kicked it where it hurt. My mother helped me greatly with dealing what is reality and what is not, and yet I am back to tell another story.

My mum died unexpectedly to cancer in November 23rd 2013 @ 1753 and my depression and anxiety is back with a vengeance, this time with no mother (mops the floor of tears), I've been diagnosed suffering with Complicated Grief, GAD and Depression, everyone treat's me like it never happened, I'm full of anger and guilt, I really want to see my mum again, it's not like we departed on good terms. She lived with me for a while because she lost her house due to unforeseen circumstances and we argued, she left and 3 months later I got that call everyone dreads, the feeling's are so intense it's like a pinball, up and down, I feel like a burden to the people around me, I tried killing myself last year because I just can't cope with the guilt, What if I could of done more? to improve her life? after the funeral my brother blamed me because she died, my whole family has been and will always be divided, I have no family, my dad disowned me when i was 14 and I thought when my mum passed he would mend things with me but nothing came of it, he didn't even attend my mums funeral. My mum was cremated and with so much guilt and anger, I can't even go sit with her to find some sort of comfort. I'm so lost. These feeling are becoming so intense I am now resulting to drinking.

[Oosh]

Well you couldn't have cured your mum of cancer. And all families argue and fall out.

I imagine it's not nice when that happens and you weren't on talking terms. But if she was around still fall outs like that would naturally pass in time. I'd just remember her before the fall out when you got along and picture what it would have been like for you two when you would have inevitably made up in the future. She's your mum and sounds liked she cared about you a lot. I'm sure you would have made up eventually. So just see that.

Family members can be rubbish. What can anyone do about that ?
Don't let them make you feel bad.

I would stay as far as you can away from alcohol unless you want your mental health to really deteriorate.

Do well and make your mum proud. Go forward and build your own loving family around yourself and be something positive in their lives.

[Bluebll]

So sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time and dealing with all these emotions. I think it's only natural to feel like this but you have nothing to feel guilty about and, even if you did, you need to forgive yourself. You clearly cared so much for your mother, families so often fall out, and she would hate to see you suffering like this. Have you tried CBT or mindfulness? If you can't get private therapy can you maybe try some online videos or books? I know the thoughts you are having are rational but it's about how to let go of them.

Stop drinking, as tempting as it is and force yourself to do some positives things, go for a walk, read a book, etc.

I hope you feel better soon :)

[Pepperpot]

Hi - I'm sorry you're feeling like this - hopefully this forum will help you on the road to recovery. I have just joined and I find it really helpful.
Don't let the drink take hold of you - it is a depressant and may make you feel better initially but it will come down on you like a ton of bricks. Are there any support groups you can join to help you overcome your grief?x