im crying and scared

[fruity]

I,ve broke down realy bad just. im on my own everyones gone out. my kids are here who are 7 and 9. there playing upstairs. sometimes I don,t mind being on my own but 9timesoutof10 I get edgy,scared ect... I also had some horrible feelings before I cryed. like strange eyes and feelings in arms like weak and that scared me. like it normaly does. I have my own house and im just scared to be alone majority of time. so at night my mum or brother sleeps. but recently I,ve been at my mums because usualy everybodys here. and now I can,t face going home. im stuck in a rut through it. the best thing about it I only live round the corner. I,ve had post-natal dep twice. anx/panic for 7yrs the panic attacks went in 2011 but when returned in 2012 when my dad passed. but then went again late 2012 and haven,t returned since. my anxiety has got better. but at times like today comes back to haunt me. im 31 next Tuesday. and to be honest don,t feel like I,ve lived my life.....sometimes I feel like im going mad/insane. I have many thoughts/symptoms. :yahoo::unsure::scared15::noangel::shades::weep::m ad:

[Munchlet]

So sorry you are feeling like this, I do know how you feel. I'm currently off on 5 weeks holiday with my son but I feel so alone and hate it. I love spending time with him but part of me wishes I was at work as I'm more occupied and have less time to think about things!

I think the only thing you can do is try and keep busy, it's hard but if the weather's ok try and get out for a walk or something, I know I'm a lot worse indoors than out and I'm consciously trying to organise things for most days so I haven't got much time on my hands.

The symptoms are just anxiety nothing else, hope you feel better soon x

[Danron]

Hi Fruity,
Really sorry you are feeling like this. I'm having a similar time my self. Just so you know your not going mad or insane, you have a disorder and it is not your fault. Keeping busy really does help (i know that's not always possible when you feel so bad) reaching out for support on here is good too. Have you been to the doctors or had any therapy? Hugs x

[fruity]

thank you both for great replies. DANRON. I haven,t been to dr,s for years now because im afraid and yet when it all first started It was like my second home. weird isn,t it.

---------- Post added at 14:36 ---------- Previous post was at 14:35 ----------

I mght do that MUNCHLET organise things to do.

[SarahH]

Hi Fruity are you an any medication for this?. If not maybe it is time to go back to the GP and discuss your options. Those feelings/physical sensations sound like panic attacks to me. I know its really hard but try some relaxation techniques and keep saying to your self " this is JUST anxiety and it will pass". That mantra helps me during attacks.

Sarah

[Danron]

Aw fruity that's really hard. What about contacting a different service, I live in manchester and there are a variety of NHS therapy services that I can self refer to. That way you could get some help without having to go to the docs til you feel able to. You shouldn't have to go through this on your own. x

[Fishmanpa]

I agree with the above. When one is mired in the depths, it's difficult to find a way out. There's only so much one can do on their own. Words on a screen, while comforting at times, can only do so much. Seeking professional help or services would be a much more productive way to find the road to healing.

Positive thoughts

[fruity]

SARAH H. im not on any meds haven,t been for 5yrs. I went to a counciler who refered me to a physcotherapist. and when he said that I thought right its time for me to do this myself it was hard but found my self growing stronger. but recently I know I,ve been going downhill again.

---------- Post added at 13:07 ---------- Previous post was at 13:05 ----------

DANRON. I have thought about ringing helplines. and I remember a few months ago coming close to ringing one.

---------- Post added at 13:09 ---------- Previous post was at 13:07 ----------

FISHMANPA. I will have to figure something out because I realy don,t want to go down this road again.

---------- Post added at 13:11 ---------- Previous post was at 13:09 ----------

Thanks all for your replies.

[Danron]

Hope today is a better day fruity. Here's the information about how you could get some therapy without having to go to the doctors. :hugs:

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/free-therapy-or-counselling.aspx

[fruity]

DANRON thank you.