Can it happen to me?

[Richizzle]

Hello everyone, If any of you have read any of my other posts, you will know that I am here on behalf of my boyfriend who suffers greatly from anxiety/depression. So bad, in fact, he has left work and discontinued playing his favorite sport (hockey). He is only 20 and will not leave home because he feels sick every moment of the day and expresses to me that he would like to kill himself . My problem is .. that I have spent the past 6/7 months helping him to cope, the past two months being the worst they ever have been. We do not live together so i usually spend most of my day worrying about him. He calls me often and the topic of conversation is always about how horrible his day went and how terrible he feels, to which I reply that we can get through this, we will get some answers etc.... but his response is always very rash and hurtful. I dont say anything because I can't imagine what he is going through but I have put my life on hold for him... I frequent the emergency room with him and all his doctor's appointments, i spend my days online trying to find answers for him. Anytime spent together is spent in silence, as neither of us does anything anymore. And usually anything off topic of his illness just bothers him and he tells me he doesnt care to hear it. Well to put a long story short: I miss my friends and feel as if I have been neglecting my 4 year old daughter since all of my time has been consumed by supporting my boyfriend. My concentration at work has been affected by this as well. Am I being selfish? I just really miss the person he was when we first were together, I almost feel as if I am falling into my own depression. Is it possible for that to happen? Would it be wrong for me to take a night to myself to go to the movies with friends or something of the sort?[Sigh...] I could really use some help here.

[lilmommax]

hi
im new to this forum but i have a history with depression / suicide in my family. my father committed suicide 3 years ago and i have suffered depression / suicidal thoughts on and off throughout my life. its pretty clear that your boyfriends depression is rubbing off on you, it can be very heartwreching to see and hear someone you love seemingly giving up on life. afterall it appears you have changed your entire life in order to deal with your boyfriends illness. its very important for you to continue doing things that bring joy to your life, even if it means a few hours away from him, otherwise you will be sucked into this misery even further. do not think of your self as being selfish, afterall you need to take care of yourself and your daughter, not just your boyfriend. in fact, i would say you have been very selfless for a long time and you are at risk of losing your sense of self, possibly your job, and you may be alienating your daughter without even realizing it. his depression is not something you can fix no matter how much you want to be the one to make him "happy" again. no amount of research or being there for him is going to cure him. he needs professional help asap even if it is against his will. when someone says they want to kill themself it is very very very serious. i would recommend that you talk to a counselor also to help you reconcile your feelings about his illness. i hope this helps and good luck.

~ * Ash * ~

[suebroughton]

Hi. I would say it is vital for you to carry on with a little bit of what you want to do for yourself. It is very likely that you will end up with some sort of anxiety yourself, you cannot do everything.... I am speaking as the one who suffers, my hubby being the one who has to understand me, like you with him. I have found that the more sympathy I get, from hubby of friends, and family, my anxiety lasts longer. I have worked it out over the years, that if people are quiet, but firm with me, especially during an attack, I lift out of it much quicker. I know your falla must be suffering terribly, I dont doubt that for one minute, but he needs professional help. If he sees that you are doing a bit for yourself, and still the bit for him, he may reilize there is more to life for himself. Dont feel guilty either. You need time for you..