Back to work

[ADW]

So after a month of being signed off for anxiety my partner wanted me to try and go back so I took a phased return. (I'm a nurse on a busy ward) my first day back was yesterday and I worked a short shift (7 and a half hours) and to be honest I hated it. I didn't sleep a wink the night before and I've never felt so anxious I was wretching and gagging in the early morning before I started at 7, shaking and couldnt breathe (all the usual but much worse) in full blown tears all the way to work and when I got there I just worked like a zombie for the day and didn't feel like it was me. I found it really difficult to interact with patients and staff and that's a very important part of my job. My partner said I did really well but I know the work I did was not good, it took me too long to do things, I didn't get everything done and I was making mistakes and it was a relatively quiet day on the ward. Its just made my low self esteem and cinfidence issues worse just when i felt i was starting to make a bit of progress. Im in a state of panic this afternoon worrying about my shift tomorrow and I feel just as bad as when I first had to take time off work!

[Crystalhiggs]

Hi there, oh I'm so sorry for you that sounds really tough. It does sound like you're going back too soon, I'm all for pushing myself out of my comfort zone a bit but that sounds like a nightmare. You're also in a responsible job where people are depending on you to care for them and it could be detrimental to your career if you made a big mistake.
obviously no one can tell you what to do but maybe if you get a better sleep tonight and try a bit of CBT - ie try to change those negative thoughts into more rational ones it might help? But easier said than done, I know!
There is always the fact that you've done one day and it will probably never be as bad as that again, but only you know whether or not you are pushing yourself too hard and if do this could set you back.
I'm sure your husband hs very supportive but in my experience a lot of men don't really 'get it'. Not to offend any men on here obviously!!!
Try to relax and enjoy your day, keep us posted with whatever you decide to do. Xx

[sial72]

Hi ADW
You did very well in giving it a go but I think you might need a bit more time?
It is very different if you work in a non stressful job (like office work or something) but being a nurse must be a very stressful job.
Or is there any way you could start with shorter hours and build up gradually or maybe there is paper related work? Xxx

[ADW]

Thankyou for your responses, I am really struggling with all this and trying to work out where to go with my job and now career. I have worked so hard to qualify for this job, got a first class degree and that was just under a year ago now. All my confidence has gone and u never spotted the warning signs to this breakdown before it happened. I just don't need this extra worry about my job or where to go with my career when I'm already struggling with life as it is. I'm now scared if I call in sick will I get fired. I don't know what my rights are. Prior to all this I had only been off sick once before for a stomach bug but aren't they just going to get sick of me and fire me for poor attendance? I feel like I'm really letting myself down.

[Crystalhiggs]

You have lots of rights and can't be fired because of this.

I think you just need to let your manager/hr department know what's going on so they have a clear understanding of it.

They might also have in house counsellors and support systems in place - assuming it's the NHS you will definitely not be the first person to go through this!

Be kind to yourself, you went back because your partner thought you should - what do you really think? Xx

[.Poppy.]

I think at the end of the day, pushing yourself is great but you need to do what is best for you.

I don't know how it works where you are, but is there any other work environment you can use your degree for? Starting a new job is hard, but if you weren't in a busy place with such stress you may do better. I know here in the US nursing is stressful but it's easier to "cater" your job to different environments; instead of working in the ER, for example, you could get extra education and become an ultrasound tech, or work in a surgery recovery center, which is still important work but generally less stressful. Would that be a possibility for you?

[SarahH]

Too soon. 7 and a half hours does not sound like a phased return to me. Sometimes pushing yourself is a good thing but not if you felt that bad!!

That cannot sack you if you are signed off by your GP..it breaches your employment rights. See the Disability Discrimination Act.

Take a bit more time....YOU will know the right time to go back don't be pressured by anyone else:flowers:

Sarah