snowflake293
01-08-15, 18:25
Hi everyone
I haven't posted for some months. I was doing much better with my health anxiety. Over the last few weeks I have had a relapse. I am finding I don't have melt downs/panic attacks over my fears like I used to though so I think the medication and CBT is definitely helping. I thought I was better so a few months ago I tapered off my medication but I am back on my full dose now and do feel better for it. I wasn't ready to come off it and was stupid to do it without talking to the dr first. I have accepted I will be on it for some time, even after I feel better. I don't like the side effects but the benefits far, far outweigh that.
I am symptom hopping every day, once day its skin cancer, the next its bowel cancer. One good thing though is I am managing to delay myself before going to see the dr for reassurance and sometimes to worry goes away completely. I have managed to reduce some bad habits thanks to the CBT. distraction techniques work really well too.
I am getting married next year and planning my wedding (again this is good distraction and nice happy stuff to focus on!) but in the back of my head I am thinking I won't get to do it cause I'll be ill with cancer or will have died. It is driving me mad, I can't get rid of this thought and it is actually making me feel depressed. I feel sorry for my poor fiancé, he is so kind and understanding and bless him he has been through this himself but when I am freaking out over a bloody mole or something I feel sometimes I am just wasting my time and his :(
I honestly feel like I will never shake my anxiety. I am so sick of it and get so frustrated with myself when I find myself Googling and checking my body. I feel terrible cause my uncle is dying at the moment and here I am just going mad imaging all these things are gonna happen to me. I feel like I am being really self obsessed and it makes me feel guilty.
I have been pulling my hair our and picking my arms too when I have been feeling anxious. I know this is bad, but I can't stop myself. I just feel like a ball of nervousness and anxiousness and worry. My one arm is really scarred and blotchy/scabby where I have picked and scrapped at it over the last few weeks. I am putting sudacrem on it and I know I need to stop this. I have been peeling the skin off my fingers too, to the point of them becoming swollen and infected. this is not normal and it is driving me mad that I am so fearful of illness and death yet I continue to harm my body!
I am seeing the dr next week as I don't feel right at all. I want her to check a few things out... mainly a patch on my head that feels funny (it is where I have pulled hair our and picked at for years though) and a lump on my bottom which I think is an old pile, it hasn't changed in years and years and doesn't look dodgy and its tiny. I showed it my fiancé (lucky guy eh) and he agreed it doesn't look dodgy but I would rather check cause I know a lady with lower rectal cancer. Its like if I know someone else has got something I am paranoid I will be next. I am so tired of this.
Also I have acid reflux which has been horrendous lately so now I am thinking about oesophageal cancer. I am so obsessed with the c word it is ruining my life :(
sorry this isn't a happy post.
I haven't posted for some months. I was doing much better with my health anxiety. Over the last few weeks I have had a relapse. I am finding I don't have melt downs/panic attacks over my fears like I used to though so I think the medication and CBT is definitely helping. I thought I was better so a few months ago I tapered off my medication but I am back on my full dose now and do feel better for it. I wasn't ready to come off it and was stupid to do it without talking to the dr first. I have accepted I will be on it for some time, even after I feel better. I don't like the side effects but the benefits far, far outweigh that.
I am symptom hopping every day, once day its skin cancer, the next its bowel cancer. One good thing though is I am managing to delay myself before going to see the dr for reassurance and sometimes to worry goes away completely. I have managed to reduce some bad habits thanks to the CBT. distraction techniques work really well too.
I am getting married next year and planning my wedding (again this is good distraction and nice happy stuff to focus on!) but in the back of my head I am thinking I won't get to do it cause I'll be ill with cancer or will have died. It is driving me mad, I can't get rid of this thought and it is actually making me feel depressed. I feel sorry for my poor fiancé, he is so kind and understanding and bless him he has been through this himself but when I am freaking out over a bloody mole or something I feel sometimes I am just wasting my time and his :(
I honestly feel like I will never shake my anxiety. I am so sick of it and get so frustrated with myself when I find myself Googling and checking my body. I feel terrible cause my uncle is dying at the moment and here I am just going mad imaging all these things are gonna happen to me. I feel like I am being really self obsessed and it makes me feel guilty.
I have been pulling my hair our and picking my arms too when I have been feeling anxious. I know this is bad, but I can't stop myself. I just feel like a ball of nervousness and anxiousness and worry. My one arm is really scarred and blotchy/scabby where I have picked and scrapped at it over the last few weeks. I am putting sudacrem on it and I know I need to stop this. I have been peeling the skin off my fingers too, to the point of them becoming swollen and infected. this is not normal and it is driving me mad that I am so fearful of illness and death yet I continue to harm my body!
I am seeing the dr next week as I don't feel right at all. I want her to check a few things out... mainly a patch on my head that feels funny (it is where I have pulled hair our and picked at for years though) and a lump on my bottom which I think is an old pile, it hasn't changed in years and years and doesn't look dodgy and its tiny. I showed it my fiancé (lucky guy eh) and he agreed it doesn't look dodgy but I would rather check cause I know a lady with lower rectal cancer. Its like if I know someone else has got something I am paranoid I will be next. I am so tired of this.
Also I have acid reflux which has been horrendous lately so now I am thinking about oesophageal cancer. I am so obsessed with the c word it is ruining my life :(
sorry this isn't a happy post.