Jimbo
05-02-07, 13:50
Hi all, my first post here. [8D]
Thought I'd say hello and post a bit about me.
I came across this site after loads of browsing the net for a good forum for panic & anxiety sufferers. I'm a bit of a forum monkey and been feeling a bit lonely recently, trapped in my house for fearful of going out and panicking.
I got diagnosed with panic disorder and depression about 6 months ago. I always kinda knew I had been depressed for years but never had the guts to do anything about it. I've always had a fear of doctors, psychiatrists and the stigma of being mentally ill. I guess I probably should have done something about it a long time ago, but I kept ignoring it and pushing all the terrible feelings away. It all finally caught up with me 6 months ago and I've had an awful time, ever since then.
It all started with a series of terrible migraines and panic attacks at work. I felt anxious all the time and had been having thoughts of suicide, self harming and feeling like I just couldn't go on any more. I had a very stressful job working in the financial world and I just felt like I couldn't face getting up and going in to work any more.
At first I didn't know what the heck was going on, I was convinced I was going mad. Out of desperation I got the courage to go see the doctor and saw another GP as my normal doctor wasn't available. He asked me a few questions and said that he thought I was depressed and had been having panic attacks. I wasn't surprised to be honest, but just wanted it all to stop. He talked about counselling, anti-depressants and signed me off work for a week. I went back to see him a week later and he suggested I try Fluoxetine (Prozac) to see if that would help. I was initially a bit concerned about taking this sort of thing but agreed to give it a try...
Bad mistake, after a couple of days I started to feel worse, I was having terrible side effects. Sweating, feeling like my skin was on fire and in a constant state of absolute terror. I went back and saw my normal GP who said I was having a bad reaction to the Prozac and I stopped taking it immediately. She said she didn't think Prozac was the right thing and said I should wait till it was out of my system and try something else. I was a bit worried about trying anti-depressants again but I was prepared to do anything to stop the awful feelings I was having. So after a couple of weeks of not feeling much better I started on Citalopram, this didn't really seem to do much except make my headaches and general anxiety worse to begin with, but after the initial side effects wore off it was doing absolutely nothing.
After weeks off work and nothing changing I finally got an appointment to see the practise counsellor. She was great and so many things about my life and childhood came up that I hadn't even realised were causing me so much pain. It was good and bad talking about it all, brought back some awful feelings I had forgotten about, but at least allowed me to realise what was going on and some sort of idea as to why.
Eventually my counselling finished, I was on a fairly high dose of Citalopram, taking Amiltriptyline and sleeping tablets in the evenings as I was hardly sleeping but still wasn't feeling any better. I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere and one evening I drank a whole bottle of whiskey and took the entire packet of sleeping tablets. Obviously my attempt to end it didn’t work as I’m still here now.
At hat point, my GP referred me to the local mental health department to see a psychiatrist. I spent weeks worrying about the appointment and eventually it arrived. I turned up and the psychiatrist was an Indian guy who somehow talked me into having 2 students sit in on the consultation (god knows how he persuaded me!). It was possibly the most horrible experience of my life having to talk about all the nasty stuff that had gone on in my life and how I was feeling. I felt the guy was so uncaring and clinical in the way he talked to me, but I guess that’s what psychiatrists do. I managed to get through it somehow and he confirme
Thought I'd say hello and post a bit about me.
I came across this site after loads of browsing the net for a good forum for panic & anxiety sufferers. I'm a bit of a forum monkey and been feeling a bit lonely recently, trapped in my house for fearful of going out and panicking.
I got diagnosed with panic disorder and depression about 6 months ago. I always kinda knew I had been depressed for years but never had the guts to do anything about it. I've always had a fear of doctors, psychiatrists and the stigma of being mentally ill. I guess I probably should have done something about it a long time ago, but I kept ignoring it and pushing all the terrible feelings away. It all finally caught up with me 6 months ago and I've had an awful time, ever since then.
It all started with a series of terrible migraines and panic attacks at work. I felt anxious all the time and had been having thoughts of suicide, self harming and feeling like I just couldn't go on any more. I had a very stressful job working in the financial world and I just felt like I couldn't face getting up and going in to work any more.
At first I didn't know what the heck was going on, I was convinced I was going mad. Out of desperation I got the courage to go see the doctor and saw another GP as my normal doctor wasn't available. He asked me a few questions and said that he thought I was depressed and had been having panic attacks. I wasn't surprised to be honest, but just wanted it all to stop. He talked about counselling, anti-depressants and signed me off work for a week. I went back to see him a week later and he suggested I try Fluoxetine (Prozac) to see if that would help. I was initially a bit concerned about taking this sort of thing but agreed to give it a try...
Bad mistake, after a couple of days I started to feel worse, I was having terrible side effects. Sweating, feeling like my skin was on fire and in a constant state of absolute terror. I went back and saw my normal GP who said I was having a bad reaction to the Prozac and I stopped taking it immediately. She said she didn't think Prozac was the right thing and said I should wait till it was out of my system and try something else. I was a bit worried about trying anti-depressants again but I was prepared to do anything to stop the awful feelings I was having. So after a couple of weeks of not feeling much better I started on Citalopram, this didn't really seem to do much except make my headaches and general anxiety worse to begin with, but after the initial side effects wore off it was doing absolutely nothing.
After weeks off work and nothing changing I finally got an appointment to see the practise counsellor. She was great and so many things about my life and childhood came up that I hadn't even realised were causing me so much pain. It was good and bad talking about it all, brought back some awful feelings I had forgotten about, but at least allowed me to realise what was going on and some sort of idea as to why.
Eventually my counselling finished, I was on a fairly high dose of Citalopram, taking Amiltriptyline and sleeping tablets in the evenings as I was hardly sleeping but still wasn't feeling any better. I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere and one evening I drank a whole bottle of whiskey and took the entire packet of sleeping tablets. Obviously my attempt to end it didn’t work as I’m still here now.
At hat point, my GP referred me to the local mental health department to see a psychiatrist. I spent weeks worrying about the appointment and eventually it arrived. I turned up and the psychiatrist was an Indian guy who somehow talked me into having 2 students sit in on the consultation (god knows how he persuaded me!). It was possibly the most horrible experience of my life having to talk about all the nasty stuff that had gone on in my life and how I was feeling. I felt the guy was so uncaring and clinical in the way he talked to me, but I guess that’s what psychiatrists do. I managed to get through it somehow and he confirme