CleoD
03-08-15, 22:44
hi there
I wanted to start a thread which describes the journey from antidepressants to natural remedies as this is the journey I am on at the moment and it's tough going but I am determined to make it.
Life hasn't been the kindest to me in lots of shapes and forms.. overall I think I have done a pretty good job of making my life a success but there have been a few horrible knocks a long the way and like many on this site, some of them were much tougher than others. I'm not going to go into the horror stories here but suffice to say enough baggage to fill a 747 is a pretty good descriptor.
In 2013, having been on fluoxetine since August 2009, I had started looking into natural remedies and inspired by Stephen Fry, tried pure EPA fish oils with the Prozac (as opposed to upping my dose which is what the GP advised I do when I went through a very rough phase) The fish oils really helped me, I noticed a difference and my aim began there.. I remember thinking to myself "lets try and wean myself off the Prozac and go natural when I feel a bit stronger than I do now!" it will happen and slowly it did.. my determination to kick the Prozac also grew..
At the start of 2015 I just looked in the mirror one day and said I am not taking these tablets anymore.. I am heavier than I have ever been in my whole life and just feel really reliant on a substance that totally controls my body.. I was in a sense lucky re timing as I was medically very ill at the time (so was off work anyway ) so this took the pressure off in terms of not having the usual pressures on me day to day.. and not having to go into the office. I could start to decrease my dose in a safe environment.
Well bit by bit from March onwards 2015, I slowly came off Prozac and took my last one around the middle of June. I want to start keeping a diary of what its like - as I have good days and bad days but I am determined to do this. I want to understand how I really feel about everything that has happened in the last number of years.. and find the real me again.. whatever that looks like. I also want to change my life so that I feel better in myself. How/ what will that life look like - no idea yet but its time for change that I know.. I want to figure out if my life is making me feel like this or if I am just like this.. which is it??
late June and most of July 2015
I am taking fish oils twice a day so 1000mg a day... to be honest most of the time I felt like I had permanent PMT, in particular in July I felt like I could kill somebody most of the time... this intense feeling of rage in side me, disproportionate feelings of anger about basic things.. and hard to deal with at work... So I started playing tennis again (as had got lazy) and I just hit the ball so hard when I play that I get this aggression out with every shot. It is helping.. it is a kind of release.
towards the end of July
really started to feel down - just wanted to cry a lot and again like I had PMT (which I did) so we booked a holiday and am going in a few weeks - something in the diary to look forward to - sunshine here I come.
Sunday August 3
Got a period from H*ll last week which has been making me feel so wiped out and low. I woke up yesterday and felt really low and fed up, I hate living away from the seaside and when the weather is good in the SE of England, I find it hard to deal with.. just feel like the air is so heavy and polluted.. When I get like this my thoughts get really down.. like maybe things would be easier if I wasn't around - I have been thinking about how I would do it if I was going to do it .. I can go into this spiral when I feel like this.
I then had an overdue conversation with my partner about how everything was getting on top of me.. and if I think our relationship is going to make it or not in the long term .. which was pretty intense.. I felt very low but I keep taking my fish oils, go for a walk and clean the house for about 2 hours. I felt better once I had exerted a bit of energy and felt i had achieved something!! who would have thought a sparkling kitchen would be rewarding.
Monday August 4
Today I woke up and thought *crew this I am not going into work today and told a white lie. My job is pretty people focussed and my fear is that If I go in when I feel like this - I will burst into tears if somebody says the wrong thing to me. My mistake this morning was not getting into the shower when I got up the first time, instead I got back into bed.. I took the day off, read, slept, did some jobs and actually right now I feel pretty good. I also have ordered some serotonin tablets to take with my fish oils and I hope they will help me get over the low days a bit better when they strike. My kids its like they sense I am on this journey.. they give me lots of hugs and keep telling me I am beautiful, that the love me very much..
I was put on Prozac to combat anxiety in the early days.. but since then due to various life events I get more down not so much anxious.. which I find easier in a way to deal with. When I get anxious I feel like I am going to burst which is an awful feeling to have.. everything becomes a huge deal. Being down is easier in that sense. So 1 more day down. I am proud of myself to be off Fluoxetine after about 6 years.. I can do this. If anyone else is on this journey please get in touch. I need to exercise, I need to take my natural remedies and I need to tell myself everyday you can do this... I am a proud struggler
August 4th
Good day - slept right through last night and woke up to the alarm.
Decided to jump up, hit the shower. I did feel a bit anxious driving into work but once I got in and got into meetings.. the distraction was good.
As the day went out I felt better... although I did have a bit of a rant to a colleague - as the company I work for is getting on my nerves at the moment. Still waiting on my serotonin to arrive .. watching a comedy show now.. onwards and upwards on my herbal journey................. Keeping the faith
August 5th.
slelpt like a log. when I woke up this am I felt really anxious... mind racing, head full of what I need to do.. then the phone rings at 7.30 its the boss.. and phoning over something which to be honest can wait... once I'm in work Im ok.. realising that afternoons are better/ calmer but then again if I schedule meetings in the morning I just have to get on with things.. so in a way it's distracting.. One project at work is driving me crazy.. just lots of political crap to deal with.. I keep singing to myself " You can only do your best, you can only do your best" which is helping. holiday is on the horizon so that is helping but I have so much to do before I go slightly worried!!! I can do this I will do this... I am determined.
I wanted to start a thread which describes the journey from antidepressants to natural remedies as this is the journey I am on at the moment and it's tough going but I am determined to make it.
Life hasn't been the kindest to me in lots of shapes and forms.. overall I think I have done a pretty good job of making my life a success but there have been a few horrible knocks a long the way and like many on this site, some of them were much tougher than others. I'm not going to go into the horror stories here but suffice to say enough baggage to fill a 747 is a pretty good descriptor.
In 2013, having been on fluoxetine since August 2009, I had started looking into natural remedies and inspired by Stephen Fry, tried pure EPA fish oils with the Prozac (as opposed to upping my dose which is what the GP advised I do when I went through a very rough phase) The fish oils really helped me, I noticed a difference and my aim began there.. I remember thinking to myself "lets try and wean myself off the Prozac and go natural when I feel a bit stronger than I do now!" it will happen and slowly it did.. my determination to kick the Prozac also grew..
At the start of 2015 I just looked in the mirror one day and said I am not taking these tablets anymore.. I am heavier than I have ever been in my whole life and just feel really reliant on a substance that totally controls my body.. I was in a sense lucky re timing as I was medically very ill at the time (so was off work anyway ) so this took the pressure off in terms of not having the usual pressures on me day to day.. and not having to go into the office. I could start to decrease my dose in a safe environment.
Well bit by bit from March onwards 2015, I slowly came off Prozac and took my last one around the middle of June. I want to start keeping a diary of what its like - as I have good days and bad days but I am determined to do this. I want to understand how I really feel about everything that has happened in the last number of years.. and find the real me again.. whatever that looks like. I also want to change my life so that I feel better in myself. How/ what will that life look like - no idea yet but its time for change that I know.. I want to figure out if my life is making me feel like this or if I am just like this.. which is it??
late June and most of July 2015
I am taking fish oils twice a day so 1000mg a day... to be honest most of the time I felt like I had permanent PMT, in particular in July I felt like I could kill somebody most of the time... this intense feeling of rage in side me, disproportionate feelings of anger about basic things.. and hard to deal with at work... So I started playing tennis again (as had got lazy) and I just hit the ball so hard when I play that I get this aggression out with every shot. It is helping.. it is a kind of release.
towards the end of July
really started to feel down - just wanted to cry a lot and again like I had PMT (which I did) so we booked a holiday and am going in a few weeks - something in the diary to look forward to - sunshine here I come.
Sunday August 3
Got a period from H*ll last week which has been making me feel so wiped out and low. I woke up yesterday and felt really low and fed up, I hate living away from the seaside and when the weather is good in the SE of England, I find it hard to deal with.. just feel like the air is so heavy and polluted.. When I get like this my thoughts get really down.. like maybe things would be easier if I wasn't around - I have been thinking about how I would do it if I was going to do it .. I can go into this spiral when I feel like this.
I then had an overdue conversation with my partner about how everything was getting on top of me.. and if I think our relationship is going to make it or not in the long term .. which was pretty intense.. I felt very low but I keep taking my fish oils, go for a walk and clean the house for about 2 hours. I felt better once I had exerted a bit of energy and felt i had achieved something!! who would have thought a sparkling kitchen would be rewarding.
Monday August 4
Today I woke up and thought *crew this I am not going into work today and told a white lie. My job is pretty people focussed and my fear is that If I go in when I feel like this - I will burst into tears if somebody says the wrong thing to me. My mistake this morning was not getting into the shower when I got up the first time, instead I got back into bed.. I took the day off, read, slept, did some jobs and actually right now I feel pretty good. I also have ordered some serotonin tablets to take with my fish oils and I hope they will help me get over the low days a bit better when they strike. My kids its like they sense I am on this journey.. they give me lots of hugs and keep telling me I am beautiful, that the love me very much..
I was put on Prozac to combat anxiety in the early days.. but since then due to various life events I get more down not so much anxious.. which I find easier in a way to deal with. When I get anxious I feel like I am going to burst which is an awful feeling to have.. everything becomes a huge deal. Being down is easier in that sense. So 1 more day down. I am proud of myself to be off Fluoxetine after about 6 years.. I can do this. If anyone else is on this journey please get in touch. I need to exercise, I need to take my natural remedies and I need to tell myself everyday you can do this... I am a proud struggler
August 4th
Good day - slept right through last night and woke up to the alarm.
Decided to jump up, hit the shower. I did feel a bit anxious driving into work but once I got in and got into meetings.. the distraction was good.
As the day went out I felt better... although I did have a bit of a rant to a colleague - as the company I work for is getting on my nerves at the moment. Still waiting on my serotonin to arrive .. watching a comedy show now.. onwards and upwards on my herbal journey................. Keeping the faith
August 5th.
slelpt like a log. when I woke up this am I felt really anxious... mind racing, head full of what I need to do.. then the phone rings at 7.30 its the boss.. and phoning over something which to be honest can wait... once I'm in work Im ok.. realising that afternoons are better/ calmer but then again if I schedule meetings in the morning I just have to get on with things.. so in a way it's distracting.. One project at work is driving me crazy.. just lots of political crap to deal with.. I keep singing to myself " You can only do your best, you can only do your best" which is helping. holiday is on the horizon so that is helping but I have so much to do before I go slightly worried!!! I can do this I will do this... I am determined.