i need help and advice please

[robertina]

Hi, It's robi, i wrote here sometimes...i dont know if u remember me...i dont know what my problem is , ive never been to a doc...im 25 now. My problem started at the age of 13 with depression, me wanting to leave school, big arguments with my parents after a " perfect childood" as they always remind me i had, me self harming, wanting to die, them taking the key off the bathroom door for fear of me doing " something stupid", started to smoke fags at 13, cannabis at 14, lsd at 16, xtc at 17, cocaine at 18 . Always made feel guilty by my parents ( but they dont know about the hard drugs) about what a bad girl i was, with no respect for them who have always been perfect parents. Gone through all this without any professional help, now i keep on feeling lost , i wanna starve myself andi sometimes do but i sometimes binge as well and feel so bad. Id like to see a doc just for one consultation, just to know if im " normal" and i can solve everything alone as my family always thought i could, or if i really need help. Just to know what my problem is .I moved from italy 2 years ago, now im in south wales. I dont have a gp and i dont know how to get one. Most of all i dont have that much money...i cant afford no provate doc...i could spend not more then 30 pounds a month for therapy and i have no idea how much it costs or where to go to ask for it or anything. Pls, can anyone tell me how it works?
My life is a daily struggle....i dont wanna go to work and see no one, but i have to couse i need money to survive, i keep so much to myself, im always scared people talk behind my back or wanna hurt my feelings....i wanna die but i cant couse my parents and boyfriend's lives would be destroyed by it...i dont cry much no more..i just dont have tears no more. And ive gone over any trust in human beings....if u ask me what i think of the world id tell u i want human beings to disappear from the face of the earth forever. Sometimes im so very ashamed of being part of this curropted evil thing that is humans.
Ok this just to ask if u can pls tell me where to go and the costs for some professional help....and what do u think i could be suffering from ...if i am. thanks ever so much....love u all

[tara]

Hi Robi, i'm sorry your feeling so low, it sound like classic depression to me but there are other on here who could advise you much better. I always feel its best to get the advice of a doctor and theres loads around i'm sure there a surgery where you live just go in and tell them that you don't have a gp and i'm sure they will be glad to help. I also live in south wales, which part do you live ??? When your feeling so low the world does look like a ****ty place but your young and have so much life ahead of you to enjoy, but you must take the first step and get some professional help to get you through this bad for you. Take care Tara xxxx

[robertina]

thx for answering tara....im in newport...and i have no friends ...it makes me lough almost....
where are u ?

[tara]

Hi robi, i'm in Port Talbot, i don't have friends either LOL

[Karen]

Hi Robi

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so low. It also sounds like depression to me. If you can find a GP to register with I am sure a doctor would be able to help you with treatment and counselling.

I too have had depression since I was about 12 and I'm now 35 so I know what it is like to struggle to cope for so long. I have felt suicidal many times, and even attempted it a few times although that was many years ago now, but don't want to hurt anyone else by actually going through with it. I went through my teenage years wishing the world would end because I didn't want to live anymore but now I know this is my problem, even though I still feel like that sometimes. I also self harm. I know it is a coping mechanism for emotions that I am unable to deal with and also because I feel so bad about myself I feel the need to punish myself.

I know you can feel so alone when suffering like this but I hope you will find being here as helpful as I have. You will receive a lot of helpful advice and support.

Take care.

Briary

[seh1980]

hello there Robertina,

Sorry to hear you have been feeling so low!! Yes, I do agree that it would be a good idea for you to see a GP. Just walk into a doctor's surgery that is near you and tell them that you need to sign up and make an appointment. Everything here in the UK is done on the NHS, so you won't actually have to pay anything - it's absolutely free. If you need to be referred to a specialist, then you might have to wait a little while for an appointment but that will also be free.
I hope you manage to get something sorted out. Let us know how it goes, ok? Take care.

Sarah :D

[robertina]

briary and sara, thank u so much. it helps to know im not alone.....thank u again. briary is a name for girl or boy? sorry to ask:) and where are u guys from and what do u do. im a cleaner even though im good at the pc and i actually have a junior teacher training done in high school in italy. i do cleaning couse i can work alone and have few contacts with people....mad isn it. xxx

[Karen]

Hi Robi

I'm female and I'm in Sussex.

I am not working at the moment. I used to work as a secretary but lost my job because I developed repetitive strain injury.

I don't think it is made doing a job because you can work alone. I can completely identify with that. If I worked I would much prefer to work alone too. I have problems talking to and being around people.

I am glad you are finding it helpful talking to us here. We will do what we can to offer support.

Take care.

Briary

[sal]

Hi Robi

sorry to hear you are having such a hard time at the moment. It sounds very much like you are struggling alone and need some professional help and support.

Find out where your nearest doctors surgery and go and register with them and make an appointment to see a doctor as soon as you can, as i am sure you cant carry on drifting day to day like you are. It doesnt cost anything to register with a doctor and there will be one near by you.

Therapy does cost money unless when you find a doctor they have a cousellor etc linked to their surgery but there always tends to be a waiting list.

Take the first step and go to a doctor and see what they feels is best for you.

You probably know that the drugs you have taken will have made a great impact on your health, the depression, anxiety, feeling paranoid.

Are you completely of them now?



Love Sal xxxxx

[seh1980]

hello again Robertina,

I'm originally American but I live in Durham. I'm doing a masters in history at the university here. It can be difficult sometimes with panic attacks but I manage with the help of my boyfriend.
I hope that you manage to find some help and that things work out for you. Let us know. Take care.

Sarah :D

[jill]

Hi Robertina

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. Going to a GP to get professional help is the best thing to do.

Look forward to reading how you get on.

TAKE CARE

Jill :D