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StarrySkies
04-08-15, 23:09
Hello everyone.

I'm a 32 year old female from the UK. I honestly don't know if I should be here. I feel there is something wrong with me - there always has been - but I l don't know if it's anxiety or just me hating myself (and looking for excuses for why I'm a useless horrible person).

Do I have anxiety? Your help would be really really appreciated. I'll let you alittle bit about me...

- Worry, insecurity and doubt seem to be my lifelong companions. I feel like they're my own personal demons that have always sat on my shoulders, weighing me down. I feel like I live under a dark storm cloud. I never feel alive or truely happy. I hate myself for feeling this way as I know my live is wonderful.

- I swing from being happy to screaming rages in a heartbeat. I really can't control it. Then once the mist has subsided I hate myself for being so unless. I worry my husband will leave me. I pick and nag at tiny things he may have done wrong and can't seem to let them go.

- Something that happened days ago - even relatively small things - can plague me with worry for days. Scenarios play over and over in my head. I beat myself up for small things I said or did wrong. I want everyone to love me and I worry all the time about rejection. This is affecting my performance at work.

- I think I really want children but I'm terrified I'll be s bad mother. How could I possibly look after a child when I can't eve look after myself? I feel panicked at the thought that my chance is running away and life is ticking by without me.

- I'm in very good health and generally don't worry about my body (aside from the fact I'm fat) but I get tummy aches when I'm stressed. I also obsess over detail. I worry I'll accidentally hurt someone or leave the gas on. These are common worries for me and often impact my working day. I never have trouble sleeping my many days I struggle to get out of the house to face the day.

- After filling out a depression form online my GP has requested to see me. I have an appointment this Friday but I think I will cancel it. I'm worried he wil say I'm wasting their time.

- I feel like a failure. My sister are brilliant. Confident and outgoing. I've thought - though I don't think I'd honestly ever do it - about killing myself. I think 'oh look at that walkway guardrail. I could easily use that to climb over and jump off'. Only on very bad days though.

- I eat for comfort and then make myself sick because I hate how I look. This happens about 3 or 4 times a week.

Goodness sorry there's a lot there. I'm a real mess.

venusbluejeans
04-08-15, 23:14
Hiya StarrySkies and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

Pepperpot
04-08-15, 23:25
Hello and welcome.
I'm no expert but you sound like you are suffering from depression and anxiety. You need to see your doc and tell him what you've told us. You are NOT wasting his/her time. Thats what they are there for and you have the right to lead a happy and healthy life.
You clearly have no self confidence. You must be a nice person or you wouldn't have a husband that loves you. Don't worry about children; get yourself better & then work on that. You still have plenty of time.
Don't cancel that appointment. You NEED it xx


Oh and you will find this forum helpful; the people on here are lovely too x

Carnation
05-08-15, 02:23
Welcome StarrySkies. :)

I agree with what Pepperpot has just said.