Safe people has become an obsession

[Ditapage]

Safe people has become a big problem in my life. I become very anxious and/or have full-blown panic attacks around people I don't feel are "safe" and that usually means I feel they aren't wise, sensible, logical, etc. for example I wouldn't feel safe around drunk people. I feel safe around people who I feel can take charge, be sensible, look after me, have medical knowledge etc.

Part of this might come from the fact I was a Jehovah's Witness and believed I could only trust Jehovah's witnesses and they are "safe" people. When I left, I struggled to make friends because now I am super anxious about the world. If I feel someone isn't safe, I have a meltdown. It doesn't help my dad was a heroin addict when I was growing up and my mum is very hot-headed and emotional and a worrier that I don't feel safe with them either.

Is this just a matter of not feeling safe within myself and looking to others for that safety? I told my mum I don't feel safe with her and it offended her. I cut people out merely because they don't make me feel safe because something about their personality triggers my anxiety. For example I was once at somebody's house for a party and there was a bunch of people I knew there but I started panicking when my "safe friend" was late. People asked me "why is she safe but we're not?" , "what can she do that we can't?" I don't even know why this happens. I panic bad until "safe person" shows up.

Is this the case for anybody else? Is this just anxiety? everywhere I go I am looking for "safe" people. If I think a safe person won't be somewhere, I wot go or I panic when I am there. How does someone overcome this and who else experiences this?

[Zeldagirl]

I'm not sure how helpful this will be but I have safe people too. It's only my mom and husband tho. But I can totally relate that if either of them is drinking it sends me over the edge because I am afraid they won't be able to help me. If either of them has to leave the area it is extremely difficult and I need the other to be available. My husband recently had to go to work an hour away for a week and I was a total mess. This makes me feel like a child and I hate it :weep:

[Ditapage]

Hi Zeldagirl, thanks for your reply, i hate this too.. But it's comforting to know it's all part of the anxiety. I feel like a child as well. the thought that I can't drive to a shop by myself and browse freely without feeling incapable, lightheaded, weak depresses me so much. I do go out but it's not conquering anything. I tolerate going out, I don't enjoy it or take my time. If I go anywhere it's all plans- from where I park, what doors I enter and exit, what I need, nothing is just go with the flow. If there's a delay or queue, I panic. Waiting rooms of any kind are the worst. My panic attacks are now manifesting as exhaustion- "I won't get back to my car", "I will pass out and die right here." I hate this.

But my "safe person" thing is beyond a joke.

I also find my anxiety makes me crazy. Yesterday at the doctors office while waiting I started feeling lightheaded and shaky and convinced myself it was blood sugar and I will go into coma. There's a chemist attached to the doctor where i could've bought some jelly beans and I couldn't walk there myself, I nearly gave money to the person next to me to go buy
Me some jelly beans. It's ridiculous. Before that could happen, the doctor came out, I was shaky and faint, and she tested my blood sugar. They were perfect. Panic went away. It's not believing that it's "just panic" that's killing me.

[Zeldagirl]

I do the same thing. I too went to the doctors yesterday. For me this was a giant step because I don't ever go by myself that far away (which is only 10 mins but in the opposite direction of my comfort zone and safe people). I forced myself to go and I called my mom 4 different times and almost had her come there because I was feeling the panic. I pulled through and was able to speak with the doctor completely calm and remembered everything I wanted to say somehow. It was difficult but a huge step for me. It's been years since I went to that area myself. I Never thought I would be able to do that, so it does get better but it is so difficult :(