Don't think I've ever felt so low can't stop crying

[Munchlet]

So I started my fluoxetine on Friday and I just don't even know how I'm functioning.

I can't sleep, not eating, reaching where I feel so sick, feel shaky and just can't stop crying.

I know it's early days but don't ever feel like this black cloud is going to lift.

On top of that I've developed an obsession with checking my urine for blood and yesterday had a complete melt down as I thought my urine had a slight tinge to it which I thought could have been blood. It was first thing in the morning and I know it's always darker but I just had a complete panic attack, crying, hyperventilating. I went to my mum's and proceeded to pee in a bottle for the rest of the day and she said that my urine looked completely healthy, normal coloured and could see absolutely nothing abnormal about it, but obviously in my head I have Kidney Cancer.

I have the doctor ringing me soon as I honestly don't think I can go on like this I feel like I'm completely crazy, I know I probably imagined it with my urine and my lighting in my bathroom isn't great but in my head I keep thinking what if it was and I'm ignoring it.

My husband said I need to stop giving into my HA so much and try and ignore some of these symptoms but it's easier said that done. When I told him about my urine his response was "there is no way you would have had blood in it". I asked how he could be so sure and he said your HA is making you see and think thing that aren't there.

Sorry for the rant I just needed to get it out as I just feel like I'm completely insane and I honestly can't see how or when this is going to get any better. :weep:

[swajj]

Well. You could have had blood in it. Every time I get a urinary tract infection I have blood in my urine. A simple dip stick test will tell you if you have blood in your urine. You don't have kidney cancer and you don't have lung cancer. You do have a morbid belief that you are going to die from some kind of cancer. I have it too. You need therapy.

[Beckie4567]

I feel for you it's hard hope u feel better soon

[SarahH]

The start up side effects of SSRI's can be horrendous. My suggestion would be to call your Dr and discuss taking a lower dose for the first couple of weeks.

Your HA is being exacerbated by the SE's of Fluoxetine. You can ride it out for a couple of weeks or lower the dose.

Sarah

[Munchlet]

Hi

Well spoke to the doctor and she said to try and bear with the Fluoxetine and the heightened anxiety should start to drop off from about day 10-14. She has also booked me in to see her next week as she thinks by then the meds will have started to work and she can do a urine test. She did say that there are 101 causes of blood in urine so even if the found it, it's highly unlikely it would be caused by kidney cancer.

Swajj you are absolutely right I do have a morbid belief that I've always got some form of cancer.

I did try therapy I started CBT last year and the therapist discharged me because she said I wasn't ready to tackle my HA. At the time I had a massive fear of blood tests and she wanted me to make an appt to have one done. Because I couldn't do this (as I didn't feel she'd given me any kind of coping stratergies) she said I wasn't ready to deal with it and to go back when I was so that kind of got me down about the whole therapy thing, she was telling me to buy books off the internet, ones I'd already bought and read.

[swajj]

Go back and request CBT. Tell your doctor that you need to see a different therapist because you don't feel that the other one was compatible. I know exactly how you feel. You will get over your lung cancer and kidney cancer fear and you'll move on to other areas of your body. It will just go on and on. You don't have cancer.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I remember what your therapist told you and it was clearly a case of a bad therapist. Your GP can try to arrange a different one and if you are in England, Public Health England introduced new rules late last year about having a say in which provider will provide your therapy.

[Munchlet]

Thanks Swajj and MyNameIsTerry I think I will discuss this with the doctor at the appointment next week she is really good so hopefully she will be able to point me in the right direction.

[tmckenzie-orr]

And make sure u drink lots of water and your never see any other colour in your wee apart from clear lol it will pass and things will get better

[GoWhiteSox]

sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time :-(...adjusting to new meds can be very rough..i will hazard a guess you dont have kidney cancer..so dont dwell in that..stay in contact with your doc re how you are feeling on your meds...and with us...you will get thru this

[Alamie]

:( the start up effects to the tablets are hideous! But I PROMISE even though it doesn't feel like it now that black cloud WILL lift and you will feel so much better. You defimiy aren't going insane the tablets can make u feel that way at first.

[Munchlet]

Thanks guys, it is good to hear that I'm not going completely insane and this is a normal reaction to the start up.

I think I'm finding it so hard because I've been on Fluoxetine a few times before and don't think I've had start up effects as bad as this. I do recall feeling a bit shaky, less appetite, bit of weight loss and difficulty sleeping but this time it's horrific.

Today I have forced myself to eat some weetabix, a banana, and some toast and as much as I didn't want any of it, I think I feel slightly less shaky and sick for eating.

It's horrible I just want to wake up with no anxiety, I'm also finding mornings are definitely worse than the afternoons and evenings but I do recall reading on here that a lot of people tend to find their anxiety is worse in the mornings, so guess that's par for the course too.

[cattia]

I think the worse your anxiety is, the worse the start up affects can be, perhaps because you are in such a heightened state in the first place. I've been on fluoxetine twice and one time was a little worse than the other, but both were pretty bad. I thought I couldn't feel any worse when I started taking them and I felt 100 times worse for the first two weeks. I honestly don't know how I got through every day. It wasn't until I hot the 4 week mark on them that I felt any improvement but when they kicked in, they helped me a lot.

[snowflake293]

*hugs* totally understand this. when I stared on Sertraline my HA got loads worse and I had the feeling sick/heaving thing too. It was terrible. But it only lasted a week or so then eased off. My doctor prescribed me some diazepam to help too. It does get better once your body gets used to it. Stay strong xxx

[MyNameIsTerry]

I agree completely with cattia. My experience had been the same both times on two different meds.

[Munchlet]

Thank you so much for the replies, it really does help to know that others have experienced this awful side effects and that they do eventually ease off.

This morning I was awake at 5 again which seems to be my waking up time at the moment and then it's like the minute I open my eyes that knot appears in my stomach and I can feel my eyes welling up. I just want to curl up in a little ball and hide which I know isn't possible.

To top it all my little boy saw me crying and because I've still got a cough from the virus I had a few weeks ago which is slowly getting better, he got really upset because he says he's really worried about me and why am I still coughing.

I tried to explain I'd seen a doctor twice and he didn't need to worry as sometimes coughs take a while to go but now I'm worried because he's upset and my HA is impacting on him.

[MyNameIsTerry]

But right now you are having your anxiety increased by this med and it won't stay like that so whilst you don't want to be seen this way I think you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. I understand that thinking, the first time I was in tears in front of my parents at 30! To me back then that was a weakness as I'm a grown man but you have to learn to let yourself off over things like this as there is only so much we can take and these meds are notorious for weakening defences.

Think about how things can be better when past the side effect window. It's always upsetting to see your parents upset but you will soon be back to feeling better and he will see you happier and he won't think about times like this.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

[swajj]

You did the right thing when he saw you crying. You reassured him that the cough wasn't something to be concerned about. You are to be commended for not letting your anxiety to impact on your little boy's mental health. Please don't let that happen. Also please make sure you do something about the counselling. Health Anxiety is basically caused by a fear of dying. There are no meds which can treat that. A therapist will help you get your thoughts straight and help you to gain perspective. Do it for your kids sake.:)

---------- Post added at 18:48 ---------- Previous post was at 18:37 ----------

Munchlet therapy doesn't work straight away. I remember when I first started seeing a psych that I would come away from each session thinking "what a waste of time it isn't making me any better at all" and I was seeing the psych twice a week at that stage. After about 6 weeks I realised that I was starting to think differently. And I knew that was what the psych had spent all that time trying to get me to do. Please don't give up on therapy. It takes about 6 weeks to really notice a difference.

[Munchlet]

Thank you so much MyNameIsTerry and Swajj you two always manage to put things into perspective so well.

I will speak to the doctor about CBT when I see her next week.

Swajj you have hit the nail on the head it is definitely a fear of dying that causes all these worries and I do often think if I could get my head around that then I wouldn't have such a problem with HA.

The other thing I thought about looking into was hypnotherapy, don't know if anyone knows whether it is any good at treating HA? I'll have a look on the board I'm sure there's a section about alternative therapies.

Thanks again.

[swajj]

I haven't tried it. I think you would benefit from CBT. I sometimes wonder if HA is permanently curable. I hope it is but I'm not sure. I do know that you can learn to manage it and when you can do that you can live a more or less normal life. A psych will teach you how to manage it. You don't have cancer munchlet. If you did and it had advanced to the point where it was causing symptoms then you would be losing a lot of weight and you would be sick. Can I ask you - are there times when the cough goes away? I had a worrisome cough a few weeks ago. I found that it wasn't there when I slept and it wasn't there if I went grocery shopping. It also wasn't there when I went to the doctor. Eventually I was able to tell myself that if it went away during those times then it must be my anxiety causing it. In thw words of my wise old doctor "bad things don't come and go they just get worse".

[Munchlet]

To be honest I've calmed down a bit over the cough, probably because I'm now obsessing over the colour of my urine, it's amazing how quick the focus can change with HA!

But with the cough I'm sure it's post nasal drip causing it as I can feel it in my throat.

I've been using lots of nasal washes and using a Xylitol spray and it seems to be loosening up because I can now get the mucus out easier, so I'm hoping that it is slowly clearing.

But in answer to your question no the cough doesn't happen when I'm asleep, it also doesn't start first thing in the morning, it's normally after I've been up and moving around a while. It also seems to be better in the afternoon which is another reason why I'm thinking it's post nasal drip as it sees to lessen as the day goes on. But the doctors weren't concerned I've been twice and both times they've said chest is completely clear and that it could take about three weeks to clear so I'm just trying to keep that in mind at the moment.