wcb123
05-08-15, 11:08
I would really appreciate a professional opinion or someone with the same experience.
Does anyone else constantly worry about loved ones dying as well as yourself dying? I feel like a 90 year old reflecting on his life as if it's over (im 31).
My dad died at our home from Cancer over two years ago. 4 Months after diagnosis and I witnessed his last breath.
Since then i am obsessively thinking about my own last breath. I think about it so vivdly that it sends me into a full blown panic attack that i am about to die. I have ptsd style recollections of my dads last moment.
If i hear my mum (in the other room) coughing i panic that she's about to drop dead. I have an old dog and constantly think she is going to collapse dead.
My ears are so sensitive to noises. If i hear a plane outside i get anxious that its crashing into the house. If my dog barks i think there might be an intruder. I have to double check the Kitchen after cooking incase of a fire.
Two and a half years on and this is a daily occurence so i drink alcohol most nights to chill my mind out. I am also becoming less sociable and don't leave the house as often.
I never got my lucky break so still no career, but even if i did I haven't been able to work because it's so debilitating/fatiguing which makes me financially dependent on my mother. Which brings on more worry as well as a complete loss of self confidence.
I don't especially want to go back on anti depressants. I tried Citalopram and all it did was make me a zombie and all my creativity went. It did work for bereavement when i took it for a couple of months after dad died.
Do any of you relate? Im not sure if this is prolonged bereavement GAD PTSD OCD Depression or a mixture of everything. All i know is - everyone else (including my brother) have managed to lead a normal life after a couple months grieving but i haven't moved on. FWIW i still sleep in the room next door to where my dad died at home.
Not sure what to do. Had cbt in the past which was quite good. Booked for more cbt in 6 months time.
Anyone similar situ ?
Does anyone else constantly worry about loved ones dying as well as yourself dying? I feel like a 90 year old reflecting on his life as if it's over (im 31).
My dad died at our home from Cancer over two years ago. 4 Months after diagnosis and I witnessed his last breath.
Since then i am obsessively thinking about my own last breath. I think about it so vivdly that it sends me into a full blown panic attack that i am about to die. I have ptsd style recollections of my dads last moment.
If i hear my mum (in the other room) coughing i panic that she's about to drop dead. I have an old dog and constantly think she is going to collapse dead.
My ears are so sensitive to noises. If i hear a plane outside i get anxious that its crashing into the house. If my dog barks i think there might be an intruder. I have to double check the Kitchen after cooking incase of a fire.
Two and a half years on and this is a daily occurence so i drink alcohol most nights to chill my mind out. I am also becoming less sociable and don't leave the house as often.
I never got my lucky break so still no career, but even if i did I haven't been able to work because it's so debilitating/fatiguing which makes me financially dependent on my mother. Which brings on more worry as well as a complete loss of self confidence.
I don't especially want to go back on anti depressants. I tried Citalopram and all it did was make me a zombie and all my creativity went. It did work for bereavement when i took it for a couple of months after dad died.
Do any of you relate? Im not sure if this is prolonged bereavement GAD PTSD OCD Depression or a mixture of everything. All i know is - everyone else (including my brother) have managed to lead a normal life after a couple months grieving but i haven't moved on. FWIW i still sleep in the room next door to where my dad died at home.
Not sure what to do. Had cbt in the past which was quite good. Booked for more cbt in 6 months time.
Anyone similar situ ?